Nurse Bert

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“A nurse will always give us hope,
an angel with a stethoscope.”
~Terri Guillemets

 

Nurse Bert is very busy right now.  As well as looking after me as I travel through extensive and arduous Lyme disease treatment, he is now caring for young Harry as well.

Harry had surgery for his bottom jaw yesterday.  If you’re not caught up with my blog you can read about Harry’s problems here:

Will you still love me broken?

Here’s brave young Harry at the University of Queensland Vet Clinic, about to embark on his operation.

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Bert has always been a caring dog by nature.  He picks up the slack as my Business Assistant whenever the work is getting on top of me…

PA Bert

and he has been the Protector of his younger brother since Harry was a tiny pup.

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We’re so lucky that Bert found his way to us.  His own story is quite remarkable as well:

Treasure in a Cardboard Box

Well, Nurse Bert has my cup of tea and morning meds ready, so I must go. Wishing you all a fabulous weekend, filled with self-care, lots of rest, and a little bit of magic.  Bless ♥ xx

What happened to the Sisterhood?

Image from www.demotix.com

Image from www.demotix.com

“Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer or sculptor or geneticist if at the same time she manages to be a good wife, a good mother, good-looking, good-tempered, well-dressed, well-groomed, and unaggressive.”  ~ Marya Mannes

I briefly thought about titling this post ‘Sisters, don’t be Bitches!’…

It is somewhat surprising to me – as a child of the eighties, growing up with the work of the suffragettes and feminists behind me, and my future status as an equal citizen in the world presumed – that now in 2013 I am writing, not about men, but to other women.

Sisters!  Wake up!

Feminism and the Women’s Movement was about giving us choices. We can vote or choose to become an elected representative of government ourselves. We have access to education and we can choose a path of study.  We can choose to marry. We can choose to have children or not.  We can choose to go to work or stay at home with a family. Or we can do both. We can choose to be a florist, a pole-dancer, a bio-physicist. We can choose high heels or sensible flats. Cosmetic surgery or au naturale. That’s the whole point. We get to choose.

Duh, I hear you say.  I know that, Nicole.

Well, that’s good.  But there’s another part to this equation. We get to choose but the flipside of this is that feminism won’t work if we then judge each other’s choices.

We need to stick together here. There’s no right or wrong, only choices. We need to support each other, and our right to make choices, to be individuals, and to forge our own paths.

A woman is not a better woman because she stays home with her children. She is not a better woman because she works. She is not worse for having no children, or for having six. She is not lesser for being a bad cook, a poor housekeeper, or ambitious in the workplace. She is not more because she has a trim figure, sex appeal or fashion sense. A woman is just who she is – an individual making choices.

The media is full of judgments and statements about women, and what a ‘good’ woman, an ‘ideal’ woman, a ‘healthy’ woman, a ‘sexy’ woman should be like. That’s a dangerous thing to buy into. When we start saying this is ‘good’ and this is ‘bad’ we erode each other, and we undo all the work that was done to enable us to have these choices in the first place.

Stepford Wives image from www.blogs.tribune.com.pk

Stepford Wives image from www.blogs.tribune.com.pk

The truth is that women still do the lion’s share of child-raising, housework, care-giving and looking after elderly parents. On top of careers. On top of personal interests, relationships and friendship maintenance.

We all take different paths and there are many more paths available to us now, but one thing needn’t change. Traditionally, women have supported each other. Grandmothers, elders, aunties, mothers, sisters, friends – they’ve come together to help each other with child raising, families, relationships, nursing the sick, cooking, creating, connecting and grieving. They have shared their wisdom and skills with one another, and enabled those with particular interests or skills to shine, while holding up those who are walking a difficult path. That is one of the magnificent things about being female – this long tradition of support, emotional connection and caring.

It costs nothing to give encouragement or kindness. Respecting each other and our individual choices makes the journey easier and more satisfying for all of us. And it sets an important example for future generations.

We’re living in extraordinary times. And so much of what we enjoy and take for granted has come about from the efforts of strong and determined women who wanted more for themselves, their sisters, their friends and their children.

Our society is made beautiful through this amazing tapestry of diversity. And that diversity is created from the right to choose.

Choice is important to all of us. It’s a basic human right.

Men make choices all the time and are not greatly judged or examined by their peers for their actions.

So why should women treat each other so differently?

Sisters, I’m asking you – support each other and our right to choose.  Celebrate that diversity and the many options we can take in our lives. And if what another woman chooses is different from you, that’s okay.  In fact, it’s wonderful. We are not just women – we are people.  Individuals. No two the same.

Most of us wish for more support and connection in our lives. It starts by suspending judgement and extending kindness and respect, especially to other women. Imagine the world we can co-create founded on that energy!

Chocolate Covered Coconut Slice Recipe

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“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” 
~ Charles M. Schulz

Chocolate and coconut is a heavenly combination, and this particular slice recipe delivers! It is quite light in texture, so it’s not rich and it’s not too sweet – a crisp biscuit base, a fluffy coconut centre and a succulent layer of real chocolate to top it off. This slice is a perfect accompaniment to a floral or fruity tea, or a good coffee.

It can also easily be modified to become gluten-free and diabetic friendly. Vegans – please use your favourite butter and egg substitute – I quite like replacing the egg with a 1/4 cup of applesauce or a 1/2 a banana, both of which compliment the other flavours.

Today’s recipe is another offering from the Family Recipe Book, our treasured ‘passed down’ and hostess-acquired recipes from three generations of women who love to cook.

INGREDIENTS

Biscuit Base: 95 grams of butter (3.35 ounces or 0.85 of a stick of butter), 2 tablespoons of caster sugar (superfine sugar) or equivalent sugar substitute, 3/4 cup plain flour, 1/4 cup self raising flour (self-rising for my USA friends or 1 cup of all purpose flour, 1 and 1/2 x teaspoons baking powder and a pinch of salt, sifted together),  1 tablespoon of cornflour, pinch of salt, 1 teaspoon of vanilla.

*Note: if using gluten-free flour use 1/2 cup of plain and 1/2 cup of self raising flour for a better result.

Coconut Filling: 2 cups of unsweetened desiccated coconut, 1 egg, 3 tablespoons of sugar (increase to 4 if you prefer a sweeter slice) or equivalent sugar substitute, 1 teaspoon of vanilla, 2 tablespoons of self raising flour, 3/4 cup of milk or your favourite milk equivalent.

Chocolate Topping: 200 grams (7 ounces) of your choice of milk or dark chocolate ( I like a combination of both!) broken into pieces, 25 grams (0.9 ounces) copha or vegetable shortening. If you’re diabetic please use a diabetic chocolate or a dark chocolate that is low in sugar. 

choc mix

METHOD

Base:

Preheat oven to moderate (160 degree celcius fan-forced or 180 degree oven – 350 degrees fahrenheit).

Line a 28cm x 18cm (7 inch by 11 inch) slice tin with some baking paper.

Cream the butter and sugar together (using electric or hand beaters) until light and smooth. Add in the vanilla and dry ingredients and mix until combined.  Mixture should be a crumbly paste.

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Press firmly into the tin, taking care to push mixture right into the corners. Bake for 20 minutes or until lightly golden all over. Remove from oven and rest for ten minutes.

Coconut Filling:

Prepare this while the base is in the oven. Mix all ingredients together and leave sit for five minutes for coconut to swell and absorb any fluid. Spoon over the biscuit base, spreading evenly.  Return to oven and bake another twenty five minutes or until set and lightly browned on top.  Cool in tin.

Chocolate Topping:

Melt broken chocolate and copha in a saucepan together over low heat, stirring frequently until mixture is smooth and lump free. (You could also use your microwave – but we’re a microwave-free household so you’re on your own for instructions here!) Pour over Slice and spread carefully to the edges.  Leave to set in tin, and then cut into small squares.

Store in an airtight container, and refrigerate if you live in a hot climate or like your chocolate layer crisp..

*Warning – this Slice is prone to evaporation and other mysterious disappearances. 

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Variations:

* Evenly space walnut halves in lines before the chocolate sets so that when you cut the slice each square will have a walnut half decorating the centre.

* Add a tablespoon of Malibu (coconut flavoured white rum) to the coconut filling before baking.

* Spread a thin layer of Nutella on the biscuit base before adding the coconut layer. (This is especially good, and also goes well with the Malibu layer for a special treat.)

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Healing Old Hurts


“We are often haunted by important relationships from the past that influence us unconsciously in the present. As we work them through, they go from haunting us to becoming simply part of our history.” 
~ Norman Doidge, The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science

 

Why is it that some things are so hard to let go? I’m not talking about that happy reminiscing we all indulge in from time to time, where we look back on relationships or incidents from our past with a fondness or a good humour. I’m referring instead to those things that we can’t seem to move on from – where remembering them and recounting them re-opens old wounds, and causes pain almost as fresh as the day we were first hurt.

One of the precious privileges I have as a psychic is bearing witness to the pain many people suffer around their relationships. Even people who seem to have the most ‘together’ lives often open up and reveal how much they still hurt over relationships with family and others that they love or have loved deeply.

Old ladies in their nineties still worrying about fallings-out with their sisters when they were mere teenagers, old men are still bowed and shamed by incidents with their fathers or grandfathers.  People yearn and ache for lost loves and relationships that ended badly. We grieve mistakes and bad choices, and crucify ourselves for past decisions. We carry these hurts with us though life.  Why? They are all unresolved issues.

If you fight and then make up, or discuss things and decide to part ways, that’s a resolution. When we have resolution and closure – even if it’s painful – something inside us lets go and we find ourselves able to eventually move on.

An unresolved issue is any situation where we didn’t feel heard or loved or supported or understood. Where we never got to a conclusion or a resolution.

Sometimes we are fortunate enough to be able to find resolution years after a situation has occurred. A friend’s father had a difficult upbringing.  His own father had been extremely hard on his children, and in some cases that hardness had actually been cruel. My friend’s dad had been dogged by this his whole adult life. As his father became ill and required care, my friend’s Dad, by now a man in his fifties, finally decided to speak to his father.  The older man had no idea that his actions had so hurt his son and other children. He thought he’d been being a good father by ‘toughening up his children’ so that they wouldn’t suffer in life the way that he had. The old man apologised unreservedly.  It led to a great healing and a new closeness in the relationship between father and son, and my friend’s dad felt as if a weight had finally been lifted from his shoulders.

Occasionally, after time has passed, we are lucky enough to be able to have that conversation, and finally feel heard and acknowledged.

Another friend found the courage to speak to an older sibling about something that had divided their relationship as teenagers and stopped them speaking with one another.  They are now in their sixties.  It didn’t go as my friend had hoped.  They talked, but there was no apology, no new closeness, no opportunity for a mended relationship.  Still, it gave my friend closure. She has stopped wondering if the relationship can be salvaged.  She has mourned it and let it go.

It is worth attempting resolution, or seeking closure. Even when the outcome is not what you may have hoped, it can allow you to let go of the thing you have carried around inside you for so long.

Sometimes we’re able to have that conversation.

But when we can’t, there are still options.

If the person is alive but unwilling, if they are no longer able to be found, or if they have passed over, we can hold the conversation in our head instead.  We can write them a letter we never send.  We can still get it all off our chest.

Sometimes WE are the person we have the issue with. Well, we’ll still need to have that dialogue, even if it’s with ourselves.

Good therapists can help here. Hanging onto this painful stuff buried deep within is never good for us, and can lead to anxiety issues, depression and even post-traumatic stress.

Sometimes what is most needed is simply to accept the other person and their behaviour; to understand that they are who they are, that they won’t change, and that expecting them to be different will always cause disappointment and hurt for you.

Finding resolution and letting go of old hurts is about energetically releasing ourselves from the past. Sure, we may end up with a scar, but a scar can’t be reopened like a wound can. We may have a reminder, but we can find ways to accept, to forgive, to put it behind us, to move on.

Most importantly, when we heal old hurts, we gather all of the emotion and energy that we were placing on that person or situation and it becomes available for us to use in new ways.  We can put it towards creative projects, new love, business, health and well-being. Tremendous energy can be wasted by being caught up in the past. So much so that it prevents us from living in the present or moving into the future in any satisfying way.

Healing old hurts is possible, and is one of the most worthwhile things you’ll ever do. 

* Other posts you may find helpful around this topic are:

Emotions and their impact on your health

Knowing when to let go

Parents are also people

Closing the door on abusive relationships

Working with the energy of forgiveness (this one also has a guided meditation)

 

The Magic of a Cup of Tea

cuppa

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” 
~ Mother Teresa

There are a few things that have helped me to feel human again in the past twenty-four hours after days of being wretchedly ill. Such simple things, but they nurtured me, body and soul:

  • a long hot shower, with neem oil soap made by a friend to soothe my burning, itchy skin
  • clean sheets; fresh and soft and smelling still of sunshine
  • clean pyjamas; old favourites – warm and comfortable
  • a cup of milky tea – after a few days of no food it was bliss to sip and savour
  • vegemite on toast – just a few bites, buttery and the vegemite not too thick
  • an open window, and a gentle breeze
  • lots and lots of sleep

The clean sheets and pyjamas were waiting for me after my shower.  The tea and toast followed after I was tucked up in bed again.

It’s the simple things, always the simple things, that bring comfort, a sense of safety, and the knowledge you are loved.

What simple things can you do for yourself, or a loved one today?  Everyone benefits from care and comfort.

Thanks for all your lovely well-wishes and messages of support. Am off to see my Lyme Doctor today. I’ll be back to normal blogging tomorrow.  Much love to you ♥ xx

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Lyme Schlyme!

“I keep sailing on in this middle passage. I am sailing into the wind and the dark. But I am doing my best to keep my boat steady and my sails full.”  ~ Arthur Ashe

The past few days have not been among my best.

Physically I’ve struggled.

It started earlier this week, of course, with feeling good. I should have seen it for a warning…  but at the time I thought it was fabulous. I had a welcome burst of energy.  My mind felt clear. I was optimistic, even as I was getting bad news from my doctors.  Even as I rearranged the deck chairs on my sinking ship.

I felt okay for three beautiful days. On the third day I became brittle. A crankiness pushed its way to the surface, and as fast as I stuffed it back down it seeped up through the cracks in me. A rash stippled my cheeks, shoulders and back. People mistook it for health and told me I looked well.

By nightfall I felt wired.  But then I couldn’t sleep.

All night I lay in my bed, tossing and turning. Beyond exhaustion I greeted the day bleary eyed and empty-headed.  Then I began to flush, and my skin shimmered and shivered as though it was lit up with white phophorus – burning with a bright cold fire.

Next came the sweats and the chills. The throbbing pain in my head. The familiar and awful pressure in my ears, and in my eye, which twitched and clouded until I could no longer see from it except through a fog.

The agony of herxing from my lyme meds, my lyme herbs, my lyme diet.

I’ve had seizures, gut cramps, profuse vomiting and diahrroea.  My left hand has trembled so badly that I have been unable to write for two days.

Bright light has been unbearable.

And mentally, I’ve been down the darkest of holes. It’s been all I can do to keep my head above water.  And sometimes I didn’t, and felt the burn in my lungs of a drowning woman, so broken she was almost out of fight.

Last night, finally, I slept.

This morning my hands are steady and my skin is cool. I’m empty and wrung out, but I can tell there’s been a shift. It’s as if a storm has passed and I have been washed up on the shore; firm ground underneath me, clear and benevolent skies above.

The light still bugs me. But I can wear dark glasses and a hat. (I am wearing them as I lie in bed to type this, my screen dimmed and the small bedside light angled away.) I’m still exhausted, but I’ll crawl back under the covers soon and surrender to sleep. The world seems kinder this morning and my heart has found a way to feel good about life again.

I’m three months in and counting. Only twenty-seven to go.  I can do this.  Two and a half years of treatment is a small price for the chance of reclaiming my health.

But don’t call me brave.  Don’t say I am inspiring. You didn’t see me snivelling and sobbing over the toilet bowl.  You didn’t see me broken and despairing and fearful. I am where I am, and I am doing what I have to do. I suffered many of these problems before my lyme treatment. And worse. I was on a rapid downhill slide. At least now my suffering has purpose.  I am so sick because so many bacteria inside me are dying. War is always messy, and there will be collateral damage. I’m okay with that. It’s a relief to finally be fighting instead of gracefully accepting a fate I wasn’t ready for.

I value my life, and it is no longer enough to live so small, fitting my existence into that ever-diminishing box that is chronic and degenerative illness.

I want to know freedom, I want to know energy, I want to hold wellness in my hands, and to greet the day with a sense of possibility, instead of mustering gratitude for having survived another day.

After the storm, a rainbow.

After the storm, my life…

Alice’s Lifelong Invisible Friend

Image from Meltys

Image from Meltys

“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.” ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery The Little Prince

Alice is the oldest person to have ever sought out my services as a psychic.  She came to see me late last year, at age 98, driven to my house by her grand-daughter Donna.

After she was settled, and her family had gone off for a drive to give her some privacy, Alice gravely informed me that she needed some spiritual advice before she died. Could I work with someone who had already lived their life and was right at the end of their time here?

“Don’t worry,” I reassured her. “Let’s just do what I would ordinarily do in one of my sessions, and we’ll see what comes up.”

We sat at the table where I work, and I held Alice’s frail hands in mine, closed my eyes, bowed my head, and offered up a prayer for the Highest Good. Then I sat quietly for a moment

It is wonderful to work with the elderly, and anyone drawing close to the end of their time here on earth.  Their lives stretch out richly before them, and the connection to the spiritual world is always strong and immediate.

Immediately I got a name, ‘Agnes’, and sensed that she was one of Alice’s guides. It was the most powerful and immediate connection, as if Agnes was right here beside us.

When I opened my eyes and looked up at Alice, so that we could begin our session, her soft grey eyes held mine. There was a bright curiosity there.

I explained how I start my session, with the prayer and the connection, and that I then opened myself up to any first impressions.  I told her about Agnes, and how strong her presence was.

Then we sat for over an hour, as I shared information about Alice’s aura, and why she had chosen to come to this life.  We discussed love and family, and I was able to give her clarity about some of the incidents and relationships that she was still trying to come to terms with after nearly a century of life.

Finally, as the session was coming to an end, Alice became quite teary, and told me she had a terrible confession. I couldn’t imagine what it could be – Alice has led a good life, filled with caring for others, kindness and love.

“I have an imaginary friend,” she whispered through her tears. “She’s been my friend since I was little. I’m always talking to her, and sometimes at night in my room, after everyone else is asleep, she comes to visit me, and she sits on my bed.”

oh baby3clearlyvintage

I didn’t say anything, just reached across so I could hold her hand.

She laughed. “I must be a bit funny in the head,” she said. “And there’s one other thing… My whole life I have felt lonely on the inside, like something precious is missing. I have no right to feel like this.  My parents were very loving, and I had tremendous brothers. I had a happy marriage and my own two girls and their families have been very good to me. And I had plenty of friends, although, of course, they are all gone now.”

“And your sister,” I prompted. “You must have been very close to your sister.”

Alice looked at me strangely, and the energy between us suddenly became very uncomfortable. “I never had a sister,” she said crankily. “You’re very much mistaken.”

We moved back to safer ground, and I answered the last of her questions, and then her grand-daughter arrived back at my house and Alice and I said goodbye.

Alice’s grand-daughter knocked on my door last night, to let me know that the old lady had died peacefully in her sleep on the weekend. Donna had sat with her grandmother for the last few days of her life, and Alice had been conscious and lucid til the last.  Alice was insistent that Donna contact me after her death.

Donna had a large envelope with her, and she took out the contents to show me. In it were photocopies of some old documents. One was the death certificate of Alice’s mother.  It clearly showed that she had given birth to three sons and then after a gap of six years, two twin girls, Alice and Agnes.

My skin prickled with recognition. Agnes… The presence I had felt so strongly in the room with us that day.

There was also a death certificate for Agnes, who had died at age four from scarlet fever.  The family had lived in a small town in Outback Queensland. Donna had discovered that her great grandmother and Agnes were buried in a family plot in that small town.  She was now planning to go out there to find their graves.

longreach, food, harry etc 107

Alice had told Donna all about her session with me on the drive back to her nursing home, and Donna had then diligently visited the State Archives to see what she could learn of her family history.

She had found the information weeks before her grandmother passed away, and Donna told me it had given her grandmother much peace.

Alice’s family had never spoken of Agnes, and Alice had grown up believing that Agnes truly was imaginary. She had learned from a very early age not to speak of Agnes, but had maintained that love and connection with her twin sister for her whole life.

We both cried, and hugged, and as she left, Donna withdrew another small envelope from her bag. “This is for you, from Gran,” she said.

I opened it after she left. In a spidery hand, Alice had written me a short note. In part, it said Thank you for restoring the missing part of my heart.

Last night I lay in bed and thought of my own beautiful grandparents who have now all passed away, and some dear friends whose lives ended too early.  I felt the weight of all their love. And it made me smile to think of Alice and Agnes, together again, and catching up on a lifetime’s worth of being apart.

Love truly is a force powerful beyond all we can imagine.