Category Archives: Health and Wellbeing

Lyme Schlyme!

Posted on by
29

“I keep sailing on in this middle passage. I am sailing into the wind and the dark. But I am doing my best to keep my boat steady and my sails full.”  ~ Arthur Ashe

The past few days have not been among my best.

Physically I’ve struggled.

It started earlier this week, of course, with feeling good. I should have seen it for a warning…  but at the time I thought it was fabulous. I had a welcome burst of energy.  My mind felt clear. I was optimistic, even as I was getting bad news from my doctors.  Even as I rearranged the deck chairs on my sinking ship.

I felt okay for three beautiful days. On the third day I became brittle. A crankiness pushed its way to the surface, and as fast as I stuffed it back down it seeped up through the cracks in me. A rash stippled my cheeks, shoulders and back. People mistook it for health and told me I looked well.

By nightfall I felt wired.  But then I couldn’t sleep.

All night I lay in my bed, tossing and turning. Beyond exhaustion I greeted the day bleary eyed and empty-headed.  Then I began to flush, and my skin shimmered and shivered as though it was lit up with white phophorus – burning with a bright cold fire.

Next came the sweats and the chills. The throbbing pain in my head. The familiar and awful pressure in my ears, and in my eye, which twitched and clouded until I could no longer see from it except through a fog.

The agony of herxing from my lyme meds, my lyme herbs, my lyme diet.

I’ve had seizures, gut cramps, profuse vomiting and diahrroea.  My left hand has trembled so badly that I have been unable to write for two days.

Bright light has been unbearable.

And mentally, I’ve been down the darkest of holes. It’s been all I can do to keep my head above water.  And sometimes I didn’t, and felt the burn in my lungs of a drowning woman, so broken she was almost out of fight.

Last night, finally, I slept.

This morning my hands are steady and my skin is cool. I’m empty and wrung out, but I can tell there’s been a shift. It’s as if a storm has passed and I have been washed up on the shore; firm ground underneath me, clear and benevolent skies above.

The light still bugs me. But I can wear dark glasses and a hat. (I am wearing them as I lie in bed to type this, my screen dimmed and the small bedside light angled away.) I’m still exhausted, but I’ll crawl back under the covers soon and surrender to sleep. The world seems kinder this morning and my heart has found a way to feel good about life again.

I’m three months in and counting. Only twenty-seven to go.  I can do this.  Two and a half years of treatment is a small price for the chance of reclaiming my health.

But don’t call me brave.  Don’t say I am inspiring. You didn’t see me snivelling and sobbing over the toilet bowl.  You didn’t see me broken and despairing and fearful. I am where I am, and I am doing what I have to do. I suffered many of these problems before my lyme treatment. And worse. I was on a rapid downhill slide. At least now my suffering has purpose.  I am so sick because so many bacteria inside me are dying. War is always messy, and there will be collateral damage. I’m okay with that. It’s a relief to finally be fighting instead of gracefully accepting a fate I wasn’t ready for.

I value my life, and it is no longer enough to live so small, fitting my existence into that ever-diminishing box that is chronic and degenerative illness.

I want to know freedom, I want to know energy, I want to hold wellness in my hands, and to greet the day with a sense of possibility, instead of mustering gratitude for having survived another day.

After the storm, a rainbow.

After the storm, my life…

On illness and being unreliable…

Posted on by
22


“I’m a very loyal and unreliable friend.” ~ Bono

One of the issues you need to deal with when you or a family member lives with chronic illness is your unreliability factor.

When I speak of chronic illness, I am talking about any condition that lasts for more than a few weeks, that doesn’t conform to a normal healing arc, or a condition that cycles into more active or less active phases.  The condition could be a physical affliction, a mental illness or a combination of these.  For whatever reason the presence of this thing in your life means that there is always a possibility that your plans, no matter what your intentions, may go awry.

Depression makes it impossible for you to get out the front door, irritable bowel means you don’t dare go to that intimate dinner party with the people you don’t know very well, a sudden infection or a flare up for you, your partner or your child and you’re back at the doctors, back on medication, back in bed…

Sick child - image from www.bloggingdad.com

Sick child – image from www.bloggingdad.com

Too often over the years, mine has been the empty chair at the dining table, the empty bed at the retreat, the face missing from the ‘family event’ photograph.

I don’t enjoy letting people down, or being unreliable, so over time I have accepted fewer invitations and my world has shrunk small.  Talk to anyone with a long term health issue and as much as they may seize the day, they often don’t know until they wake up whether the day will be a good one or not – so they become champions of winging it and making the best of those times when they feel strong, positive and with some charge in their battery.

One thing I have come to understand is that you need to have a few friends or family who know what’s going on, who are on your side, and who can cope with last minute invitations or cancellations.

Yesterday I was running on not much sleep, and it was in fact not the greatest of days.  But I had promised to meet a friend for breakfast. She has her health issues too. She understands.  We often text each other at the very last minute to cancel a meet-up, but we do everything we can to get there. We’ve also connected at very short notice, because both of us feel up to it, and why waste a moment?

I’ve caught up with Carly when she’s had an IV line hanging out of her neck, when I’ve been on my way to or home from hospital, and when both of us have felt very much less than glamorous.

Illness has taught me something important.  Friendship is more important that looking fantastic as you head out the front door. Connection is worth more than self doubt. And laughing and being with people you care about, and who care about you, is the very best of medicine.

2013-05-05 09.19.05

Today, both of us are heading back to doctors to have scans and more medical appointments.  Both of us have heads full of wondering what’s going on ‘inside’.

And both of us are unreliable. Not because we want to be.  Not because we are casual about commitment, or how much we care about you.

We are unreliable because our bodies run their own agendas, and we really have no idea how things might look from day to day.

We’ve learned that the cost of ‘making the effort’ to engage can sometimes be too high, and we’ll keep paying for days…

If you’re in the Unreliable Club, I’m sending you lots of love, and I want to remind you that it’s worth trying to make that connection, but that the bottom line is you ALWAYS need to honour your body, and your intuition around situations and relationships.

If you are friends or family of someone with a chronic health issue, I ask that you keep loving them, keep reaching out, and do your best to make sure they don’t end up alone and socially isolated.

One of the greatest tragedies of chronic illness is that so many people end up alone, with no support network. And when we have no one to care about us, and life is so hard, some people give up altogether.

Life is fragile, and we are all vulnerable. Let’s do our best to look after each other, to stay connected, and to live life the best we can with every breath.

friendship-quotes-The-sincere-friends-quotes

Midnight Visits

Posted on by
15
Image from www.mota.ru

Image from www.mota.ru

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
~ Lao Tzu

 

I’ve been herxing badly the past few days. Herxing is a strong physical reaction to the die-off of pathogens, which release toxins into the body. It’s a good thing – or so I tell myself.  It proves to me that the antibiotics and herbs I am taking for my Lyme disease are working…

But it also means I wake up after a few hours of sleep, bathed in sweat and wracked with pain. I haunt the house at midnight, trying not to wake anyone as I roam around looking for relief from my discomfort. If I am lucky, I find sleep again as the sun is rising.

Last night I found myself crying downstairs in the darkened lounge room. My skin was on fire, the pressure behind my right ear made me believe my head might actually explode, my troublesome left eye felt once again as if someone was stabbing it with a fork and roasting it over hot coals.

My legs ached with a pain deep in the bones. I spasmed and twitched. I ran hot and cold by turn. I was not having fun.

I tried to meditate. I tried prayer.  Nothing much was working. It was hard to keep a lid on my distress. In my exhaustion and discomfort I felt quite alone.

I lay down on the lounge and focused on my breath. As I consciously drew each breath in and then slowly exhaled I began, finally, to relax. The pain was still there, the skin on fire, the eye, the ear – but the tight sense of panic let go.

After an hour or so the deep perfume of flowers filled the room; roses, gardenias, jasmine, lavender and soft floral notes. A sense of presence and love seeped into my soul. I was no longer alone.  I felt a tangible connection to my grandmothers, my great aunts, and women from my family lines I’ve never known. I felt the divine energy supporting and underpinning this experience. I understood how much I am loved, and how that love reaches its hands across time and space to bring comfort.

This morning I am still wretched; fatigued, nauseous and herxing badly. But oh how my soul sings.  How uplifted I feel. If this is the gift of my disease – to realise the foreverness of family and that enduring heart connection – well I can honestly say that this suffering is worth it.

No matter what happens in this lifetime, I know with every cell of my body that I am okay, that you are okay, that love surrounds us and holds us, and that we too will one day stand on the other side and send that same love and comfort to others.

Soundtrack to Pain

Posted on by
41
Image by LietingaDiena

Image by LietingaDiena

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.”~ Bob Marley

Music saved my life earlier this week. Music and drugs.

Those of you who follow my blog will know that I am suffering from end-stage Lyme disease. I’ve recently embarked on a protocol of high dose antibiotics, antibacterials, herbs and other healing tools. It’s been tough, but already I have begun to see progress, so I’ve stuck with it. I’m in here for the long haul – a minimum of two years…

I woke just over a week ago, thinking I’d been bitten by a mosquito. The back of my hand itched and burned.  I hauled myself out of bed, sprayed my room with bug spray, and went in search of some lotion for the bite. By the time I found the lotion I had two more bites – one further up the same arm, and one on the other wrist.  Finally I got back into bed, but the burning continued and I kept getting bitten. That was the end of sleep for me, and it was only a little after midnight.

By morning I was in agony. It felt like someone pouring acid on various parts of my skin including the tear duct of my already painful eye, my inner right nostril, and my gum. Nothing was biting me. I was having a severe reaction to Bactrim – one of my antibiotics. I stopped the drug straight away, and expected things would get better. A rash broke out.

Things got worse.

I phoned my doctor, who lives hours from my farm, and they warned me not to take steroids, and to treat with antihistamines. I consulted a local doctor.  They told me that if the pain got too much I was to go to hospital.  At the time, that advice seemed a little extreme.

I tried my best to tough it out. At home I played loud music, and I yelled along to the lyrics.  It helped a little, but I was in agony. I meditated. I took the antihistamines. Along with epsom salts baths. I drank gallons of water with Vitamin C powder, clay and baking soda. Nothing much worked.  The pain intensified.  My ears felt like they would explode in my head.  My eyes became bloodshot and dry, and every blink felt like rubbing sand paper on my eyeballs.

Inside, I raged. My pain was maddening.

Image form www.dezinfo.net

Image from www.dezinfo.net

Music pounded through my house.  Suddenly I understood the benefits of heavy metal. It made sense to me why angry people listen to music with savage base lines and thumping beats. Soothing music irritated the crap out of me. I needed loud, brutal and relentless – something to match my pain levels.

After two sleepless nights we went to the ER.  They wanted to give me steroids.  I couldn’t have steroids. It’s contra-indicated with Lyme, and with my Lyme-induced cardiomyopathy. So we pushed saline, antihistamines and pain killers. It helped marginally.  They offered sedation as a last resort.

I went home and waited for the effects of the Bactrim reaction to wear off.  I never knew you could endure so much pain and still be alive.  All I wanted to do was scream, and I actually did try that but it didn’t help, and to make things worse, my neighbours came over to check I wasn’t being murdered. *peak embarrassment*

I tried distraction therapy – washing dishes, cleaning things – but all that happened was that I became more and more tired, and more and more distressed.  Music was the only thing that helped a little.  I emailed my beautiful Sisters – the writing group who have come to mean so much to me. I let it all hang out; the pain, the frustration, the helplessness. I swore.  A lot. They all advised me to go the sedation route if it helped.

Finally, when I was reduced to a whimpering mess, I decided on sedation.

The drugs knocked me to the edge of oblivion but the pain was still there. And then a kind nurse lent me her ipod.  I can’t tell you what I listened to. Most of the artists were unknown to me.  But I found something extraordinary.  I could ride that music like a wave, and surf over the top of my pain.  The music got right inside me, and it saved my life.

When I finally came home, the burning was down to a dull roar and a maddening itch.  A week later it’s almost gone.  My eyes are still scratchy, and I feel like I have a bad case of sunburn, but that’s manageable.

I’m grateful for modern medicine, kind doctors, caring nurses with awesome music selections and a stoic and endlessly good-tempered and strong husband who has nursed me through one of my worst weeks yet.

I’ve had two reasonably good days (hey, what am I saying – yesterday I got Freshly Pressed!), and fingers crossed today I’ll make it three in a row.

Here’s to the healing power of music.  Music and drugs.  Wow – I never in a million years thought I’d say that and mean it with my whole heart.

Finding moments for yourself

Posted on by
13

A1.17JUN.COFFE.C.EL

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” ~ Buddha

 

Life can be hectic. Sometimes we just have too much on our plates; life can thrust responsibilities and duties upon us that eat up our day, deadlines get suddenly crazy, or sometimes we’re the one driving ourselves.

I want to remind you that even on the busiest of days, that especially on the busiest of days, it’s important to find moments for yourself.

Even the smallest moments can be restorative.

But Nicole, I hear you say, you don’t understand! I’m just too busy…

My friend, if you’re too busy for even a few snatched moments you’re in real trouble! And the fact is, this frantic pace you’ve set yourself is an illusion – it pumps you full of stress and adrenalin, it fills you full of resentment, it pulls you out of the flow of life, and it leaves you broken in body and spirit.

If you want to be able to cope, even on the busiest of days, you need to find small moments just for you.

Here are some restorative moments to include in your life:

  • Take a moment to feel the sun on your skin.  Close your eyes and drink up the warmth and energy. Pull the sun’s blessings and power right into your body.
  • Take a short time out and really enjoy a refreshing cold drink, or a nurturing warm one.  No thoughts of work, no to-do lists.  Just a few quite minutes of genuine respite.
  • Go for a short walk.  Walking gets us back in rhythm.  It soothes the jagged edges, gets rid of some of the adrenalin, and clears our minds.
  • A quick phone call or skype call to a friend or loved one. When I got stressed back in my corporate life I used to call one of my grandmothers, just to hear their caring voice, just to remind myself that I had a life outside all of the madness. Now I ring my sister.  She’s always encouraging.  She makes me laugh.  She reminds me I can do this. *Note – it can be an equally restorative act to phone and support a friend.
  • Eat lunch away from your desk.  Go to a park, or the little cafe around the corner. Sneak into a booth somewhere and hide from the world for a while.
  • Soak up the view. In the bus on the way to work, from your office window, from the kitchen sink, in the park outside the hospital – look for the beauty, feel the wind in your hair, hear the twitter of birds, see the dance of sunlight on water, or the kick of leaves with the gentle breeze.  Anchor yourself in the now. Be aware of your surroundings and drink them in.
  • Lose yourself in a book for a while.  Books take us places that help us escape from the grind, drudgery and pressure of our everyday lives.
  • Put your headphones on and give yourself the gift of a favourite song.  Listen to every beat, every lyric, and every message.  Let the music get right inside you.
  • Find a few minutes each day to work on a craft, hobby or project.  Carve out a little space in your life just for you and your interests. A little time often works better than a lot. A friend of mine is finally finishing a quilt she started for her son when he was born.  He’s married now and expecting his first child! My friend started out allowing an hour, and found that in that hour she’d make tea, thumb through a magazine, let her mind wander.  Now she gives herself ten minutes a day, right after breakfast. Ten minutes and all she does is quilt one small piece, by hand. In a short time she’s made huge progress because she’s applied energy consistently. And she deeply looks forward to her quilting time each morning, even thinking about how she will best use that time, in odd moments throughout her day.

You need to treat yourself well, especially when life stretches you. Don’t wait for a reason to be kind to yourself, don’t promise yourself a break as a reward for getting the job done.  I know you, you’ll have your next mission booked in and the break will be forgotten, or you’ll cut corners on yourself to give your time to others, or other priorities.

Start with small moments. And build from there. Those small moments are life-saving, sanity-making, and best of all, they’ll help restore something magical in your soul.

“I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. “ ~ Lucille Ball

tumblr_lgcju8O8kw1qacp9jo1_500

Are you setting yourself up for failure this week?

Posted on by
31

“Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?” 
~ L.M. Montgomery

I’m all for change.  That’s part of our power – the ability to move in a new direction, to make ourselves over, to become something new or different to where and how we were.

But how do you achieve that change?

Are you one of those ‘all or nothing’ people?

You know, the ones who declare (publicly, or to themselves with deep conviction), “Right, I’m starting this tomorrow.  No excuses.  Full on.”

‘This’ could be a diet, an exercise plan, some epic project, or for good measure ‘a complete life overhaul’ with everything thrown in.  Whatever it is, it looks vastly different from the place where you are right now.

These sorts of commitments are usually entered into on a Monday, leaving Sunday as a last day for cramming in all of the things you won’t be having/doing/not doing.

Goodness, some people spend a week or more ‘saying goodbye’ to all of the things they are leaving behind.  I’ve just watched a friend defiantly posting pics on facebook of all of the last beer, chips, pizzas, cocktails, desserts, chocolates, wine, burgers etc etc that they are giving up when they start an intense detox.  They’ve binged on more junk food in this last week than they probably ate since the beginning of the year.

I have a girlfriend who asked me to be her ‘commitment buddy’ and emailed me a list of what she was planning to stick to each week, starting on Monday. With her permission, here’s her list:

  • Give up all forms of sugar
  • Drink 3 litres of water a day
  • No alcohol
  • No more junk food or take-aways
  • Take full range of supplements and get back on my herbs and juicing each day
  • Give up all caffeine
  • Grain free diet
  • 30 minutes yoga and write in my journal each morning
  • Pelvic floor exercises – five minutes morning and night
  • Protein breakfast, morning and afternoon protein snack, salad and protein lunch, vegetable and protein dinner – no carbs
  • No more meals in front of tv – family dinners at table
  • Walk at lunch time
  • Prepare healthy home-made lunches and after school snacks for the girls
  • Reading – 30 minutes each night of a self-development book
  • Writing – 3 x 2 hour stints each week to have my book finished by Christmas
  • Husband – 2 intimate sessions a week to rekindle romance
  • Walk girls to library each week and take dog – train dog while on walk
  • Clean house including washing on and clean kitchen each night so we have a fresh start each day
  • 3 weights and resistance sessions at gym down the road each week. Perhaps before pick up girls from after-school care.
  • Gardening – 2 hours each weekend to bring yard back up to standard
  • Renovation – 3 hours each weekend on one project until all projects on attached list are ticked off (attached is a BIG list)
  • Join and attend a weekly dance class or cooking class to extend my circle of friends and put energy into my own interests.

I am tired just reading that list. These are massive changes, and there are so many of them. My girlfriend’s a mum who works full-time as a nurse in a stressful environment, and she’s married with four little kids. Her life is already a whirlwind.  She’s time poor and always exhausted. This list is a radical departure from her current life.

And that’s why I’m asking you if you’re setting yourself up for failure this week…

My friend doing the detox is going to a retreat that specialises in colonics, raw food and ‘clean living’. The entire experience is regimented, controlled and locked in.  No chance of failure there, unless you leave. But that epic binge before they went?  Did that really do their body any good, and will one week of virtuous detoxing erase years of self neglect?  What changes will they make when they come back to the real world?

And my girlfriend – the nurse with the major life overhaul plan? I rang her and we talked about it. There was laughter, there were tears and in the end we made a new list.  Here it is:

  • Buy a water bottle and take it with me.  Aim to drink two refills by the end of each day.
  • Cut back coffee to two on weekends with husband, and one a day.  Review in a month. (She loves coffee, but is drinking up to 4 lattes a day.)
  • Cut down from two sugars in each coffee to none, or swap to stevia/natvia.
  • Make a conscious effort to increase salad and vegetable intake each day.
  • No midweek alcohol.
  • Have a date night with hubby, and let the girls have a weekend sleepover at gran’s house once a fortnight. (This is a win for everyone in the family – girls happy, grandparents happy, and friend and her husband happy)
  • Yoga class each Thursday night and husband will look after the girls.  They can have whatever they want for dinner – husband to organise.
  • Arrange for a house cleaner once a fortnight.

I’m still going to be my friend’s commitment buddy, and we’ll still check in.  I have faith that these are the kind of changes she can succeed at, because she’s not overwhelming herself, and as these new lifestyle changes become habits, she can gradually bring more changes in if she wants to.  There’s no major stress, and no massive expectation.

Unless we have a massive motivator (eg terminal illness or some other equally pressing life event) most of us won’t keep up a regime that is completely different to where we are now. But when we make small changes and adjustments over time, we have a much greater chance of lasting success.

What small thing could you include or remove from your life this week that will improve the quality of your life over time?

Start small. Finish what you begin or let it become a part of your daily routine. Form habits of completion. This builds lasting change, self belief and confidence. And when you’re ready pick another thing, start small… *rinse and repeat*.

It’s okay to feel Sad sometimes!

Posted on by
60
Sad Eyes - Image from www.bbs.chinadaily.com.cn

Sad Eyes – Image from www.bbs.chinadaily.com.cn

“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.”

~ Carl Jung

Yesterday someone well known in American ‘New Age’ circles told me something that I found quite preposterous.  In fact, I found it a little dangerous…

They said that if I was ‘truly enlightened’ and ‘living from my heart’ I would be 100% positive and happy all the time. From that place of 100% positivity I would heal, but if I still had even one ‘negative’ thought, felt one shred of sadness, or doubt, or depression, then I was destined to remain sick, miserable and ‘enmeshed in my pain body’.

Really? I’m sorry, that just doesn’t wash with me.  With my thinking I am 100% responsible for my life and everything in it, and how it intersects with everything and everyone else? No room for fate? No room for God? No room for nature or circumstance? No room for life and humanity’s magnificent complexity and diversity? According to this person, if I am suffering or have a problem, it’s simple.  My situation is all my fault. I caused it with my thinking or my ‘lower vibration’.

As to being ‘truly enlightened’ I’m sure that if I were, I wouldn’t be down here, going through all of this. And neither would the self-professed guru.

My truth is that I’m human, journeying through life, and doing the best that I can.  Where I am able, I reach out and help others.  Some days it’s all I can do to help myself. To sit in a place where I felt compelled to dishonour my truth by being 100% positive and without ever having a single ‘negative’ thought would make me neurotic, and erode any sense of self-worth I had: oh the guilt (another negative thought!) that would come with any less-than-happy emotion. What catastrophe might I cause in my life with that? What suffering might I cause for others?

But this person got me thinking, searching that big fat heart of mine. And what I know in my own heart is this:

It’s okay to feel down sometimes. Or to have a thought or feeling that is not 100% positive. In fact, it’s normal.

Take, for example, sadness.

Girl Crying - Image from www.lovewayz.com

Girl Crying – Image from www.lovewayz.com

Sadness is an appropriate human emotion for many of the situations we find ourselves in.

When a relationship ends.

When a loved one dies.

When someone hurts our feelings, or we hurt someone with something we said or did.

When we miss someone.

When something that’s important to us goes missing or gets broken.

When there is suffering, disaster or catastrophe in the world, even when it happens far from our own shores.

When we suffer a setback or a disappointment.

When we’re exhausted or overwhelmed.

When we have problems in our lives.

Sad Snowman - Image from www.pickthebrain.com

Sad Snowman – Image from http://www.pickthebrain.com

Life is wonderful, but it’s also messy, painful and sometimes just plain hard.  We’ve become so caught up in that cult of personality – looking good, white teeth, perfect hair, charisma, being outgoing and outspoken, being judged well by others, having it all and being bright, shiny, and successful – that we’ve forgotten about character.

Character is the strength within us. Character is the backbone of a person – our internal moral compass, our ethics and behaviours.  Character is with us when no-one is watching. It’s all those old-fashioned things that no-one seems to talk about much anymore.  Honesty, loyalty, decency, work ethic, bravery, humility, compassion.

Life’s struggles and pain help to forge our character.  We will never know the strength within us until we have been tested by life’s trials.  Strength isn’t something you need when the world is flowing nicely and everything’s going your way.

Wiping away tears - Image from www.ibtimes.com

Wiping away tears – Image from http://www.ibtimes.com

Today I’m acknowledging you. I’m bearing witness to your struggles. I’m telling you that it’s okay to feel sad sometimes. It’s okay to sit in your vulnerability or pain, and wonder how you’ll get through.

You are an amazing and complex human being. Emotions just are, and the spectrum of emotion is what gives meaning and connection to our world. Live honestly. Live from your heart. Feel your feelings, and know that everything passes.  Joy, sadness, they all have their moment or their season.

I’d rather stand shoulder to shoulder with you in the real world, then live in that plastic space of artificial ‘feel good’.

To find a smile for another and the courage to keep going when life’s not flowing easily, when you’re not at your best, that’s what I admire.  That’s what I acknowledge in you.

You’re beautiful just as you are. Worthy and real.  So have a cry if you need to on those days when you feel sad.  Then wipe your eyes, and keep going…

Cream of Celery Soup Recipe

Posted on by
9

2013-04-13 17.29.25

“The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me.” 
~ George Bernard Shaw

Poor George! It’s quite the visual, isn’t it.  Perhaps even worse than zombies…

Still, I digress.  Today it’s all about soup.  Soup is my go-to when I’m feeling poorly.  Easy to make, easy to eat, and you get leftovers, which keep you going when you’re in that place of needing to eat and having no energy for cooking.

This is my current twist on that good old standard, Cream of Celery Soup. I’ve tweaked the recipe slightly to get some extra good stuff in there, namely coconut oil and tumeric. These two simple ingredients lift the humble celery soup into a powerhouse of anti-inflammatory and anti-bacterial goodness – perfect for warding off colds and flu bugs, and for boosting your energy and immune system. And it’s super for Lyme sufferers to help kick those borrelia bacteria suckers to the kerb!

Here’s what you’ll need:

Ingredients to serve 6 (can easily be halved for a smaller portion)

1 large bunch of celery, 4 cloves of garlic, one large or two small brown onions, 2 to 3 potatoes, 6 cups of chicken stock or vegan friendly vegetable stock, 1 tablespoon of tumeric, 1 tablespoon of coconut oil and one tablespoon of butter or ghee (vegans just use extra coconut oil!), 3/4 cup of milk, cream or soy milk (your vegan option).  To serve: plain yogurt (vegans – try coconut yogurt for a heavenly flavour combo!), cracked black pepper, chopped fresh herbs such as garlic chives, parsley, or coriander (cilantro).

2013-04-13 12.59.04

Method

Cut the base from the celery and wash the stalks well.  Remove any bruised or damaged leaves.  Then cut the celery stalks, leaves and heart into small pieces. Peel the potatoes and chop into small segments.

Chop your garlic and onion, and add them to the base of a very large saucepan with the coconut oil and ghee. Cook over a low heat for a few minutes until they are softened but not coloured.  Now add in the potato, stirring to coat well with the oil, and then add the celery. Cook the vegetables over medium heat for five to ten minutes until they begin to soften, stirring every so often so they don’t catch on the bottom.

2013-04-13 14.19.08

Pour in your stock, bring to the boil and then reduce heat to a simmer and cook for twenty minutes.

Cool and then use a stick blender or a food processor to blend until smooth or to your liking.

2013-04-13 16.30.26

Return soup to pot. At this point, taste your soup. If you’re looking for a more traditional Cream of Celery Soup then omit the tumeric.  If you’re looking for extra complexity of flavour and a health kick, add in the tumeric, stirring well, and gently reheat. Add the milk or cream and adjust seasoning.

2013-04-13 17.27.36

To serve, ladle into bowls, add a spoonful of yogurt, a sprinkle of fresh herbs and a dusting of cracked pepper.  Can be enjoyed on its own, or with a good bread.

This soup is filling, warming and nourishing without being too heavy.  It’s medicine in a bowl, and I can attest to it tasting good as it does you good.  Enjoy!

2013-04-13 17.29.13

Sometimes you get there faster by going slow

Posted on by
19
Image by Jakob E

Image by Jakob E

“If you’re having difficulty coming up with new ideas, then slow down. For me, slowing down has been a tremendous source of creativity. It has allowed me to open up — to know that there’s life under the earth and that I have to let it come through me in a new way. Creativity exists in the present moment. You can’t find it anywhere else.” ~ Natalie Goldberg

One of the worst diseases I suffer from is impatience. Especially in regard to my health. I’ve had so many years of being sub-optimal that any time I have the smallest amount of extra energy I want to race around like a mad thing so I don’t miss out on making the most of feeling good. But experience has taught me something very valuable. You get there faster by going slow. Not only that, but you arrive with more juice left in the tank.

Image from tumblr

Image from tumblr

Slow is good for ideas.  Slow is all about stopping, unwinding, relaxing, getting back into flow. All of these make more sense for connecting into inspiration and inner wisdom than that rush-rush energy we tell ourselves will get things done.

Slow is good for health.  When we go slow we de-stress, we can catch up on sleep, sunshine and seasons. Slow makes better sense for weight loss, for healing, for any kind of transformation. Yes it takes longer, but the results are usually much more lasting.

Slow is good for relationships too.  Slow allows us to have time together, to create depth in relationships. Slow helps us to be ok with the spaces as we lose the need to fill every moment with busy-ness. It’s in the spaces that the magic often happens.

Slow is good for the soul; for spiritual connection, reflection, for listening and receiving. We finally get to hear our own heartbeat, and the heartbeat of the earth. We get to hear the stardust and the windsong of the heavens.

Image from

Image from ePi Longo

Slow can be a choice. Slow can be forced upon us. However we arrive at it, once we stop fighting it, slowness is a gift that allows us to live in the moment.

There’s nothing wrong with speed. Who doesn’t love the wind in their hair, that sudden rush of adrenalin, the crazy thrill of momentum?

But we weren’t built to go that fast all the time. When we convince ourselves that this furious never-have-enough-time, squeeze something productive into every last moment, lifestyle is sustainable, we always end up as Broken Robots.

 

How can you make a pocket of slow in your current bubble of craziness? I know slow won’t feel natural if you’ve been racing through life like some sort of human targeted-missile. And sometimes we need to respond to life with speed. But if all you’re doing is busy, you know it’s going to catch up with you in the end, and then the Universe might just tip you into slow by a mechanism not of your own choosing.

When you first allow the energy of slow into your life, a couple of things can happen.  You might panic. The weight of overwhelm that we avoided by running to stay ahead of things might come crashing down. Yes, that sucks.  But ultimately its also good to recognise how insane life has become and how much you need to simplify and let go of this level of complexity and constant demand.

tired

You might grind to a halt altogether.  So many of my students, when I take them away on retreats to learn to meditate or channel, fall asleep, or zone out and can’t remember what I was talking about when we go into those quiet, reflective or meditative spaces. Their bodies need rest first – before anything else can happen.  Rest and sleep are critical functions that we’ve somehow told ourselves are okay to short-cut. When we slow down, usually one of the first things we need to do is top the sleep tank back up.

Something else kind of weird happens when we give ourselves permission to slow down.  As our batteries charge back up, as we get to a place of equilibrium, we find we have MORE energy, and we get more done, better, in less time.  Going slow actually restores productivity – in a lasting and sustainable way.

So, if going fast isn’t working for you, try slow. It’ll get you there in the end. In one piece and able to enjoy the journey as well as the destination. Bless xx

Life, blurred.

Posted on by
34

Typewriter as metaphor for Lyme by Nicole Cody

“I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.” ~ Jack Kerouac

Sometimes, life gets smudged around the edges and my crisp lines fuzzle into fluffy lumps of something but I haven’t got the word for it.

No words is hard for a writer. Or when you forget the shape of things or what her name was. When you cry in your breakfast toast for longing. Wishing the words were perfect in your mouth and your mind was like a railway track, clicketty-clack, that knew where it was going.

Yesterday, or some other time, I wrote and I wrote. Because it all came back.

But now the drugs have bitten hard, and my Lyme is sending poison tendrils out that muddle my brain and leave me stranded.

Image from tumblr

Image from tumblr

It’s like dementia sneaks up and steals your soul, who watches you through a clouded glass, trying to call loud enough for you to hear the magic code which will unlock the words trapped in that other part.

So I will dream awake, and hope the tide leaves me on a better shore, one where words and ideas hang from the trees sweet as fruit and just as luscious.

Here it’s all bitter and lonely-making.  Here I am someone less, and I can’t remember what more tastes like.

Image from tumblr

Image from tumblr