Sometimes You Need to Be The Lighthouse

Lighthouse on the High Sea by Jean GuicHRD

Lighthouse on the High Sea by Jean Guichard

“There are times when the ocean is not the ocean – not blue, not even water, but some violent explosion of energy and danger: ferocity on a scale only gods can summon. It hurls itself at the island, sending spray right over the top of the lighthouse, biting pieces off the cliff. And the sound is a roaring of a beast whose anger knows no limits.” 
~ M. L. Stedman – The Light Between Oceans

Perhaps you know of the following exchange, which may or may not be urban myth:

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a British Naval Ship and the Irish, off the coast of Kerry, Oct 95. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-03-02:

Irish: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.

British: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.

Irish: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

British: This is the captain of a British navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

Irish: Negative. I say again, You will have to divert your course.

British: This is the aircraft carrier HMS Invincible. The second largest ship in the British Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, two missile cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course, 15 degrees north, I say again, that is 15 degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure that safety of this ship.

Irish: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

This is a post for those of you going through difficult times, or difficult relationships. (Actually they can often be the same thing.)

Even though this is a post about Lighthouses I am NOT going to advocate all that New Age feel-good stuff about shining your Light and being a radiant example of unconditional love, peace and incredible oneness in the face of hardship.

Sorry about that.

Not that those things aren’t wonderful and admirable. But sometimes it’s simply not possible to hold that space.

I have a friend going through a very difficult divorce right now, after years of being married to a man who is one part Prince Charming and one part emotionally manipulative bully. Her husband has a fearsome temper. He’s a narcissist. And right now, now that she’s really left him for good (and yes, she’s somewhere safe), the charm is gone – he is battering her verbally and emotionally to get his way.

She knows that is what he does. And usually he wins because other people eventually give in, worn down by his behaviour. She has always given in, worn down by his behaviour.

In the midst of all of this (when her own lawyer began to realise what this woman had been enduring and took her to a Domestic Violence Support Group) my friend wanted to know how to best hold her husband in love and come from that place of Love and Light. Should she pray for him? How should she help him?

Meanwhile this man is raging around her like the foulest of tempests. And she thinks she needs to stay ‘open’ to him, to engage with him, to support him…

“Be the Lighthouse,” I said. “You know, the one you see in the famous picture where there’s a storm and the ocean is smashing down upon that Lighthouse, and the Lighthouse just stands, immovable?”

She nodded.

“Stand your ground. Be well prepared. Let him rage as much as you like, and know that eventually, like any storm, he’ll blow himself out. Don’t engage him. Don’t try to help or fix him. A Lighthouse does not engage with a storm, it simply endures, and goes on honouring its true nature.”

That’s what we need to do with some people and situations in our lives. It’s not our place to be the healer or the fixer. In fact, it might be what is needed is for us to walk away.

Sometimes we can’t walk away – from a job, an illness, a relationship. Instead we need to stay and find a way to make the situation work, or find a way to better cope with that situation. We have to find a way to endure because something in the equation is important to us; important enough for us to need to find a way to deal with this less-than-ideal space.  Like a good friend of mine who puts up with his sister’s rude spouse in order to maintain a relationship with his sibling. Or my friend suffering through chemotherapy and radiation to prolong her life long enough to give her a little more time with her precious partner and children. Each of them ‘enters the Lighthouse’ when they deal with these issues. They batten down the hatches, and let the waves crash around them until the storm is passed. The Lighthouse is their coping strategy.

Or maybe we can’t walk away just yet – although that might be our end game. Instead we need to reach a settlement, have our day in court, finish the job, get to the end of the treatment, submit the final paper. Then we can pack our bags and get on our way!

When we can’t retreat, we can choose to be the Lighthouse, standing firm in the storm.

We make preparations, or follow our emergency plan. When bad weather approaches we put up the storm shutters. We lock down the doors and windows to make them watertight. We make sure we have candles and matches, a warm jumper, supplies and a good book. Where necessary we use a support crew. We do all we can to keep ourselves safe and give ourselves the best chance for a bright future.

As to shining your Light? Why not do that for YOU? Turn your Light inwards for a while. Put your own needs first right now, attend to your wounds, conserve your energy, nourish yourself.

When the storm has passed and the weather is clear and fine – then we can have that New Age chat about Love, Light, Rainbows, Puppies and Unicorns. Okay?

But for now, if you’re weathering that storm because there’s no way to chart another course then my advice is to look after you. Be the Lighthouse.

Plenty of time for other things once the storm has passed.

You might also find these posts useful:

How to get through the hard stuff

How to deal with toxic people

The Baby Who Knew Me!

Image by Aimee at Lily Pad Designs

Image by Aimee at Lily Pad Designs – Note: This is NOT the baby who knew me :)

“Hope is the thing with feathers 
That perches in the soul 
And sings the tune without the words 
And never stops at all.”
~ Emily Dickinson

“Really important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other. 

Generally speaking, these meetings occur when we reach a limit, when we need to die and be reborn emotionally. These meetings are waiting for us, but more often than not, we avoid them happening. If we are desperate, though, if we have nothing to lose, or if we are full of enthusiasm for life, then the unknown reveals itself, and our universe changes direction.” 
~ Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes


It takes a lot to freak me out. But last week, in the middle of Woolworths in Byron Bay I consider that I was freaked. Let me explain…

I was feeling ill, miserably exhausted on my lyme drugs, depressed and in pain. It wasn’t the best of headspaces. I hadn’t slept much for days.

As I whizzed through the aisles, throwing a few things in my basket, I saw a little girl sitting unattended in a shopping trolley. When she saw me she gasped, and her big brown eyes widened. Her face went bright red. I thought she was about to cry. I grabbed what I needed, hoped her mother was near, shot her a smile and raced into the next aisle.

A few more aisles over we met again. There was more stuff in the trolley behind her, but again she was unattended. Her face lit up as I walked past her.

“Hello,” I smiled as I grabbed some milk.

She reached out her arms to me, cute as a button. I waved goodbye and hurried towards the checkout. So she launched her super power. This little girl let out a blood-curdling scream. A scream loud enough to shatter windows and perforate ear drums.

 Image by © Ale Ventura/PhotoAlto/Corbis

Image by © Ale Ventura/PhotoAlto/Corbis

As soon as I looked back at her she stopped.

When I turned away, she screamed.

“Do something,” a woman beside me said angrily. “Don’t just leave her sitting there.”

What could I do? I was already so disoriented from pain and fatigue, and that scream was splitting my head open. I hurried back over, put down my basket and put my hand on her chubby little leg.

She stopped screaming immediately and beamed up at me. She held out her arms to me.

‘God, where’s her mother?’ I kept thinking. The little girl stretched so far I was frightened she would fall out of her seat. I stepped up close and to my surprise she grabbed my face and started smothering me in kisses. At least she wasn’t screaming.

“Nicole?” an embarrassed voice said from behind me.

I half-turned, my hair caught up in fistfuls by the little girl. It was a client of mine, Susan, whom I haven’t seen for a few years, although I have spoken to her on the phone a few times last year.

“This is Melody.” She came and stood beside me, and started crying as she detangled my curls from her baby’s hands.

And then I understood. I hugged her and we both cried, right there in the dairy aisle. Bless Byron Bay – it’s a perfectly natural occurrence in our shire for people to hug and cry. Everyone walked right past without batting an eyelid.

Melody (I’ve changed the names here for privacy purposes) is a soul I first saw as a bubble of light in her mum’s aura, many years ago. She was all ready to come through, given any opportunity to be born. But her Mum was in a turbulent relationship, and uncertain if she was ready for children. For her, career was what took all her energy.

In mid 2012 Susan rang me, feeling very unwell, and I asked if she could be pregnant. “Impossible,” she’d answered. “I’m on the pill. And anyway, I’ve separated from Max months ago. I’m on my own.”

Months after that she sent me an urgent message via facebook late one night. More a confession that anything else. She was pregnant after all, most likely from a one-night stand, and with no way of tracking down the father. Her life was falling apart. Susan was contemplating a late-stage abortion, and she wanted to discuss the implications of that for the soul she might not bring through, and for herself.

This little soul, Melody, spoke to me, and said that she didn’t mind what her mother chose, because she loved her so much, and if it wasn’t the right timing she would wait and come through at another time. It was all okay.

Melody was so calm and loving. I trusted that too.

But I was deeply upset by the emotional state that Susan was in, and how very unsupported she was. I stayed up that night praying and doing a healing meditation for her and the little soul with her, asking for the best possible outcome and highest good for both of them. I called in all of the spiritual support for her that I could muster.

Susan rang me the next morning to say that she had found a doctor and booked the procedure. She sounded much calmer. I didn’t hear from her again.

So here we were, in the middle of Woolies, with the baby daughter she decided at the last minute that she had to keep after all.

Susan was up here in Byron on holidays with her daughter and her new partner. She’s happy, and in a great relationship. She loves being a mum. It has all worked out okay.

I got more hugs and kisses from both of them, and then I took my shopping, paid for it and headed back to my patient husband and cafe dog out at the ute – who were wondering what had happened to me to make me take so long.

Synchronicity – that’s what took me so long. I love the mystical magical nature of our Universe. It never ceases to fill me up, and give me hope and peace.

Image from Espaco Yoga

Image from Espaco Yoga

What to do if you’re on your own at Christmas

Image from DTSL

Image from DTSL

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” 
~ Mother Teresa


Christmas isn’t always an easy time. In fact it can be one of the hardest holidays of the year. Not every family is close, you might be a long way from home, some families are small – there might be only the two of you, or just you and your pets. Perhaps there has been loss or hardship during the year, a relationship breakdown, or the kids are spending Christmas with your ex.

download (12)

I thought I’d blog today about how I cope with Christmas, and how some of my friends do. We’ve all been able to turn a difficult day into something that works for us. Here’s how each of us will spend our Christmas Day:

Nicole: Orphan’s Christmas

My parents are divorced, my siblings scattered, and I’ve not had any kind of Christmas with my own family since 2000. I’ve also lived away from home in some very remote areas before that, and been too far away to come home over the holidays.

My Christmas now is an Orphan’s Christmas. I invite friends and neighbours who have nowhere to go, and we share a meal, play some music, talk and laugh and celebrate friendship and kindness. It might be 4 people, it might be 40. It might be someone we know well, or a backpacker or traveller who’s just passing through. What matters is that we each feel included and loved. These have turned out to be some of the best Christmas Celebrations of my life.

Since moving to the farm we start our day at sunrise with a champagne breakfast barbeque with the neighbours from across the river. We all drive down through the paddocks to the water with our eskies and chairs, they bring their barbeque on the back of a ute, Ben and I wade across the river at the shallow part and we cook up a storm.

Later we’ll call loved ones, and maybe go to the beach for a swim. I might lie around and read a book while eating tasty snacks.

This year we have a drinks and dinner drop-by, starting at 4pm. I’m sure I’ll keep you posted on how it all turned out and what was on the menu. (It’s a week away I keep telling myself – I’ll think about it in a few days time when I’ve finished work for the year.)


Alice – Swank Hotel Retreat

Three years ago Alice lost her mum to breast cancer, and then her aunt, all in six months. Then her marriage failed. Most of her family live overseas. She works like crazy all year, and was wracked by sorrow and loneliness at the very thought of Christmas. The first Christmas she stayed at home and cried. It was miserable, but she needed to grieve and it didn’t feel right to be happy or to celebrate so she honoured that. She also turned down invitations to parties and other families’ Christmas dinners. Attending would have made her feel worse, rather than better.

The next year she knew she couldn’t face another Christmas alone in her apartment, so she booked into a luxurious suite at an inner-city hotel for a few days. On Christmas Eve she shopped in town, buying books, new silk pyjamas, bubble bath and fragrant lotions, treats from the patisserie, decadent boxes of chocolates. Then she went back to her hotel suite and bunkered down. Christmas Eve was a cable TV marathon with pizza and red wine. Christmas Day she went for a walk in the Botanical Gardens, drank coffee and read her book, and then retreated to her room for more book reading, baths, naps and room service. Boxing Day was more of the same. It was such a restful and enjoyable break that she’s done it each year since and looks forward to this gift she gives herself.


Damien – Volunteer Christmas

Damien lost his young daughter to cancer and then his marriage broke up. That was twenty years ago. He’s been alone ever since. He works in Emergency Services and is always happy to volunteer to work on Christmas Day so that others can have time with their families. He’ll also do a stint volunteering at the local surf club. He doesn’t put up a tree, or do anything special for himself. But he feels that by working he is giving a gift to others. It’s low-key, and he’s happy with that.


Michael and Louise – Puzzle madness

Louise suffers from severe chronic fatigue. She has multiple food allergies and intolerances to many chemicals and things like perfumes and deoderants. Going out at Christmas is a nightmare, and she’s usually too ill to enjoy herself anyway. Michael is Louise’s partner. His family live interstate, so he will talk with them on the phone. Since he became Louise’s full-time carer money is tight. Travelling to family is not an option.

Michael and Louise have made Christmas their own personal event. It’s not about the food, it’s about the fun. Michael will buy a few second-hand games for his x-box that they can start playing on Christmas morning. He also finds a monster jigsaw puzzle, which they set up on the kitchen table. They will not eat again at their table until the puzzle is done, which might take weeks. It’s something they look forward to all year.


Marta – A Day of Reflection

Marta’s family are big drinkers. And it’s a family with a lot of tension, competition and unhealthy relationships. Christmas usually starts okay but then degenerates into fights and tears as the day wears on.  A few years ago Marta decided not to put herself through that anymore. Instead she spends her day at home, with a few carefully selected treats, a new journal and pen, and some music. She starts her day with yoga in her lounge room, followed by fresh fruit, good coffee and an almond croissant. Then she attends church quietly on her own. Later she meditates and writes in her journal. She does a year spread using her tarot cards and reflects on each card and what that might mean for her. She reads from a spiritual or self-help book she’s chosen and then spends the rest of the day thinking and planning for her year ahead. Dinner is a beautiful meal for one, where she takes the time to cook something special for herself – usually seafood, followed by a little pudding or chocolate something. Christmas has become a sacred time for Marta, and a day that has gone from being painful to nourishing.


Christmas is what YOU make it. And if you choose to step away from the idea of how it ‘should’ be celebrated and instead look after yourself and your own needs, maybe it can be a time for nourishing yourself and honouring where you are at in your life.

Not everyone has a perfect family. Not everyone even has a family. Sometimes life is hard, and we need to get through the best we can.

This Christmas I’m thinking of you, sending love, and holding the intent that the day brings you healing, rest and connection – whether you are on your own or in a crowd.

Bless ♥ xx


A Starting Point For Change

Running Away from Home - Photo by Laura Corebello

Running Away from Home – Photo by Laura Corebello

“She had discovered early that what we want out of life can change; that the important thing is to learn to recognize or even simply just to admit what we really want, and then to have the courage to reach for it.” 
~ Candice Proctor, Whispers of Heaven

“The question is: how bad do things have to get before you will do something about it? Where is your line in the sand?”
~ Michael Badnarik


Today, under this Traveller’s Moon, is a good time to get clear on our starting place for change.

Understand this. You don’t need to know yet where you are headed. You just need to know what it is you really need to leave behind.

You need to get clear about what you DON’T WANT.

This isn’t a list of dislikes. It’s not an agenda of complaints.

Today I want you to spend some time and be totally honest with yourself. Based on all of your life experiences so far, and on a foundation of your values and integrity, what is it that you just can’t do, won’t do, don’t ever want?

Your starting place for change is to simply recognise the energies and styles of relationships that you are no longer prepared to accept in your life.

Think of it as drawing a line in the sand so that the Universe knows where you are at, and so that you can use this as a measuring stick for future situations, choices and relationships.

Image from Papa's Job

Image from Papa’s Job

It might not be a very long list. That’s okay. What’s most important is that you feel it in your heart and know it to be true for you.


Here are some examples:

I will never accept a cheating partner again.

I can’t work in a place where I am bullied.

Working twelve hour days for someone else – that’s over!

Never spending time in nature? I can’t do that anymore.

Image by Alegri

Image by Alegri

Once you have that list, turn your back and put those things behind you.

With what you don’t want behind you, you’ll have a starting place and a clear direction forward, even if you don’t know exactly where you’re headed next.

Knowing what we don’t want is ALWAYS the starting point of working out what we DO want.

Bless ♥ Nicole xx

Image from bohemiabowmans

Image from bohemiabowmans


A little Solitude is good for the Soul


“Language… has created the word “loneliness” to express the pain of being alone.  And it has created the word “solitude” to express the glory of being alone.”  ~ Paul Johannes Tillich, The Eternal Now


If you’re energetically sensitive like me, then you might already understand the importance of time on your own.

Interacting with others draws energy from us. When we are speaking to others, emotionally supporting others, teaching others, healing, helping or even simply thinking about the needs of others, energy flows from us to them.

That’s okay. In fact, it can feel wonderful to give. For many of us, it’s a prime driver. We want to help, we enjoy reaching out and being here for others.

And of course we so often get energy back as we are giving. Especially with the ones we love it becomes a two-way flow.

Image from Transcendia

Image from Transcendia

Some people can actively draw energy from us too. Haven’t you ever come home from a social event, or ended a phone call feeling totally drained, and knowing that the other person went away feeling stronger and more uplifted?

Energy Vampires need to be treated with caution, or avoided, especially on the days when you feel weak, tired or unwell. You know who I mean – the people caught in their own dramas who constantly clutch at you as if they were drowning and you were their only support, people who undermine and criticise you, people who gaslight you, people who are totally self-interested, people who are always takers and never givers. Some of them may be co-workers, friends or the spouses of friends, but some of them may also be your own family members. Sometimes you may even need to end the relationship, or at least put some distance between you.

Energy-VampiresThat’s why a little regular solitude can be so refreshing.

Solitude – time happily spent on our own – recharges us, strengthens our aura and allows us time for creative and spiritual connection.

You don’t need large amounts of time if you make solitude a regular part of your day. But then again, I also recommend a big chunk of solitude every so often to help top you up and bring you back into balance when your coping mechanisms are becoming thin and worn from too much connection with others.

For many years now I have found my solitude by getting up early, while the rest of the house sleeps. When people and animals are sleeping they are disengaged from us, leaving us free to concentrate on ourselves completely.

Try this for yourself. If someone else is home, but awake (whether they are in the same room or at the opposite end of the house), the energy will feel quite different to that of them being tucked up in bed, sound asleep.

I wake at four each morning, meditate, do healing work, spend time in spiritual communion, and then I go to my desk and write. It’s my quiet time, and it anchors my entire day. Far from tiring me out to rise so early, I feel that it recharges me, and leaves me free to focus on whatever I like, without the need to be thinking of others unless I deliberately choose to do so.

As soon as one of my family wakes, I feel it, and the spell of my solitude is broken

I may then put my boots on and go for a walk around the farm. Even if the dogs come they usually race ahead, and are caught up in their own busy-ness, and by then I am ready for their company anyway.

2013-07-26 14.20.32

There are many ways to find a little solitude for yourself:

  • Stay up a little later or get up early, so that the house is yours and you can have some quiet time.
  • Take a journal or your ipad and go to a park, cafe or a library. Strangers won’t have the same energetic pull as people who know you, so you’ll still be able to enjoy some solitude even if the world around you is busy and full of life.
  • Go for a swim, a bike-ride, a run or a walk.
  • Get out into nature.

If you’re in need of a bigger break, take a day off and don’t fill it with friends and family. Let yourself be refreshed by time in your own company.

Take a holiday on your own, or check into a motel for the night. Not to feel lonely, but to feel spaciousness and that luxurious sensation of being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want. Note: this can be challenging for people who are used to making the happiness of others their constant priority but who aren’t in touch with their own needs. When faced with too much time on your own you may end up suddenly feeling lost, lonely and small, which is not the point of the exercise!

When we make time for ourselves, healing happens. Ideas occur. Creative inspiration visits. We remember what’s important and find clearer direction for ourselves, and answers for our problems.

A little solitude is a good thing. It restores you to yourself.

Wishing you some time for yourself today! Much love, ♥ Nicole xx

Image from freepeople

Image from freepeople

PS – You might also find these posts helpful:

How to deal with toxic people

Finding moments for yourself

Writing yourself into a brighter future


The Unworthiness Issue OR Why am I freaking out when things are finally going so well?

Image from Klopp

Image from Klopp

“It seemed so natural, receiving it, watching others receive it, assuming that the approval of others determined our worth. Then one day we found we couldn’t feel any worth without it. We’d forgotten that we were gifted in ways unimaginable, created with a unique purpose like no other, that people are hurting, that we beat that same hurt and we can help them. There is no one as valuable as you. Unlearn that old lie.” 
~ Lee Goff

A client rang me in tears recently. She’s in the entertainment industry, and in the past few years her life has changed radically. In a good way. She has an agent, contracts, a tour. After years of obscurity she is doing so well.

So why the tears? She found herself in a luxury foreign hotel, hoarding the soaps, tiny bottles of shampoo and shower caps. Her suitcase was stuffed full with them. She confessed that deep down she’s expecting the ride to end at any second. Right as she’s in production of another album. Right as her sales are going through the roof. Right as she’s finally got a team of people who believe in her and who are carefully and wisely managing her and her career.

Image from Elliot

Image from Elliot

And then there’s the woman who has turned her life around. She’s kicked the loser boyfriends to the kerb, ended years of battles with various addictions and co-dependency and her life is wonderfully on track. Now she’s manifested this great new man. A really fabulous new man. He has his life together, he adores her, he wants her in his life and he doesn’t mind how long she takes to get used to that idea. She wants it too, with all her heart. But she’s terrified, and she told me she doesn’t know what to do…

What do both of these women, and countless of my other clients and friends, have in common?

Deep-seated unworthiness issues.

Those issues might have been patently apparent at one time in their lives. Back when things really WERE bad. When they were in abusive relationships, caught in addiction, broke, starving, homeless, going nowhere or any of the other very visible outward signs of things not being right.

They will even put their hands up now and own how bad it was. “Yes, that was me, Nicole. I was a mess. I was broken. I was making bad choices. Nothing was going right…”

Or maybe they lived with broken and messed up. Or were parented by broken and messed up.

Then they pulled themselves up by their boot straps. They got help or wised up and sorted things out. They started making better choices, and got rid of or distanced themselves from the broken and the messed-up.

They could look themselves and the world in the eye and say “I’ve changed.” Or they could look the world in the eye and say “that other shame/person/situation does not  or no longer defines me”. Which is the same thing.

But is it true?

The litmus test for anyone’s self-worth isn’t how we cope with the hard stuff. Both of these women, and most of the other people I know in similar situations, KNOW how to cope with the hard stuff. Another ratbag boyfriend comes along, they recognise the signs and boot him to the kerb. Begin to get addicted to some new thing. See the pattern. Break the pattern and come back to a place of healthy managing again.

It might not look like it once your life gets to a better place, but it’s still shades of the same thing. I used to be broken and messed up. I lived with broken and messed up. Now I know how to recognise and deal with broken and messed up. And there’s the problem.

I still only know how to work and live along the spectrum of broken and messed up. I have the skill set to thrive in attracting and then avoiding or managing various degrees of some aspect of my life always being out of balance. How will I cope and succeed if the rules change and everything starts going my way? I don’t trust myself in that unfamiliar environment, even though it’s what I want for myself.

Why? Part of me is still very uncomfortable with the whole concept of worthiness. I don’t know HOW to sit in the allowing of life becoming better and better, with my personal and professional relationships actually being functional and healthy. I don’t know how to be in flow. Flow is terrifying. Everything going right for me is terrifying. Because I only know broken and messed up, and that territory is safe and familiar and I can shine there. If I’m fighting broken and messed up, and I’m beating it, then I must be worthy, right? I’m earning that worthiness.

I don’t know how to shine when it’s all going my way. It makes me uneasy. I don’t know the rules. I can’t control this new space. Therefore I keep looking over my shoulder waiting for something to go wrong. I’m much more at ease in dealing with things going wrong and then pulling myself up by my bootstraps. It’s what I do. It’s what other people know and respect/admire/value/ me for too. Being a fighter and a hard worker and a survivor has shaped who I am.

In fact, I can get SO panicked and uncomfortable with this feeling of ease and flow that I will find a way to sabotage myself back into a little of that broken-ness because that’s where I feel safe.

Image from kulfoto

Image from kulfoto

When we have a self-worth issue, we put the speed brake on ourselves. We do anything we can to slow down our acceleration into that better place, and often we don’t even realise that we’re doing it.

We limit ourselves. We talk ourselves down from that scary high place. We come back to a level that feels more manageable.

What I want to encourage you about today is expansion. I want you to embrace standing in that place where the view is unfamiliar, and to be brave enough not to turn around and run.

When we’re growing and moving forward it will always feel uncomfortable to start with. And you’ve already been here when you’ve made smaller positive changes in the past. What you’re starting to get now is momentum. With momentum everything happens faster. We attract more synchronicities, opportunities, good relationships, sound ideas.

The speed of the positive change can feel a little or a lot overwhelming. We will always grow out of our comfort zone, adjust, get cosy, and then expand and start the process over again.

Give your self-worth time to catch up. Trust that you were born worthy, and that better and better can happen for you if you are open to allowing that energy into your life.

Stop worrying about fear of failure, fear of success, letting others down, letting yourself down, being ready or whatever other story you keep telling yourself.

Instead, practice awareness. Be present. Stay in the moment rather than clinging to the past or projecting too far into the future.

In the moment, our situation is always manageable. One breath at a time. One positive moment at a time. One bright new possibility at a time.

I have so much faith in you. You can do this!

Much love to you,  ♥ Nicole xx


“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”
~ Buddha

Understanding Soul Groups

Family Tree by Normal Rockwell

Family Tree by Norman Rockwell

“Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star…” ~ E.E. Cummings

I have not seen the Orchard Man for months, but I was not surprised when he walked out of the rain and gloom the night before last.

There had been a thunderstorm after midnight, which woke me right towards its end. Apparently I had slept solidly through the storm’s worst. As the rest of our little family snuggled down to go back to sleep I crept out onto the back veranda, where I sat in my rocking chair, looking out over the gardens and the citrus orchard which span the hill behind our farmhouse.

I had sat there in the dark perhaps ten minutes when the Orchard Man came. He was dressed in long heavy pants and a thick checked shirt. In one hand he carried a lantern. He stopped just by the magnolia tree, less than ten feet away from me, seemingly unaffected by the downpour.

“Good Evening,” he said unexpectedly. His voice was warm and his accent vaguely Irish.

I was so surprised that I stopped rocking. The Orchard Man had never interacted with me before.

“My name is John,” he continued. “And this time here, I see you are Nicole.”

“Yes,” I said. “Yes, I am.” I was so bound up with excitement and curiosity I could barely get the words out.

“You’ve scant rememberings,” John smiled. “‘Tis how it should be. But you’re of the line. You know you carry the gifts.”

I nodded. A barn owl swooped down and landed nearby.

Barn Owl 016b

We both looked over to it. He cleared his throat.

“We’re known to each other, you see. Alice, who came to visit you and your sister; me, who came to follow Alice. We’re all soul kin. You’d be wanting to call us a Soul Group. We are each connected and we come through the line, together, or connected between this space and yours over and over through time and space.”

I felt it. I felt his words deep within me. I knew them to be true. And I felt something else, so sharp, so painful that my eyes pricked with tears. “I have no children, ” I said. “The line stops with me.”

“Aye. In the tree of this family the line stops with you. And it is as was planned, although you no longer remember. But that is not how a soul group works. We are threaded through the bloodlines of this wider family, and we will continue to reappear through the line as oft suits us. Younger souls, older souls – all helping each other, all growing and learning and becoming. Over and over again. Having no children in this life does not conclude the line, only this small branch of the tree.”

I couldn’t stop the tears that ran down my cheeks. I’d always thought that one day I would be a mother, and though I am resigned to it, part of me still aches that it will never be.

“You and I, we are gardeners tending the family line. We prune a branch here and there so that the tree may grow strong and true. There isn’t only this. We are eternal. You are eternal. We all endure. We all go on. And love, love binds us all. There’s no harm done in this line stopping here. It shall go on somewhere else in this vast old tree. We are always connected, and you are never, ever alone.”

Little Gardener - Image from CQMagOnline

Little Gardener – Image from CQMagOnline

I sniffled, and tried a smile. “Are you waiting for Alice?”

“Yes,” he smiled too, “but I was also waiting for you. It’s nearly your time, you see.”

I knew he didn’t mean dying. I can feel it too. This idea that something big is about to happen. I can feel it swelling within me, but I can’t put voice or shape to that thing yet.

I looked up and he was gone.

Another owl flew over and perched above me.

I will wait. And I will be patient. Because it’s coming, and that’s why I signed up for this life…

All is well.

We are never alone. And we are much loved. I know that with my whole heart.

Image by Erin Leigh

Image by Erin Leigh