Problems are not the problem; coping is the problem. ~ Virginia Satir
I have a friend going through a tough time right now. For her everything seems to be going wrong. There are substance abuse issues, and she thought by cleaning up and getting that out of the picture, somehow everything would be fixed. But the addictions only masked pain, hidden traumas, and a deep inability to cope with problems from the past.
We all have our strengths, and we all have our breaking points. What cripples me might be a walk in the park for you. Still, comparing ourselves to others never helps.
When you have gotten to a place in your life where something isn’t working, where nothing is working, where you feel backed into a corner, helpless, weak, angry, resentful, disempowered or worse – when your self esteem is through the floor and you just can’t think straight anymore…
YOUR ONLY JOB IS TO ASK FOR HELP
IF you could have fixed it, if you’d known what to do, you would have done it. The pain you’re in is because you DON’T know how to help yourself.
That’s okay.
YOUR ONLY JOB IS TO ASK FOR HELP
There are so many wonderful people in the world who have trained specifically to help you with your problem. They may have even been in your shoes.
When you’re this far down, and you are just not coping, there is someone out there who will know what to do. Reach out you hand. Ask.
Whether it will be a quick fix, or something that takes time to sort out, you don’t need to know what the answer is, you only need to know that someone else will. Whatever you are going through, someone else has walked that road before you. And one of them will have a map to get you out of there. In fact, it’s probably their calling.
One day, it might be yours.
How true, Nicole. I will always be grateful for the two wonderful therapists, who were both women, who helped me to find my way back to myself. Therapy saved my life,and what I have learned is that finding the right help is as important as asking for help. I know others, who have gone looking for help, and have not found it through the avenues they used. Perhaps, the key is not only knowing we need help but being ready and willing to put our foot on the path to healing. But then, if we’re at the point of asking for help, chances are pretty high that we’re ready to begin a healing process. What do you think?
Very good post. Thank you.
Just as the saying goes that when you are ready the right teacher appears, I think that when in your heart you are ready to change and grow the right healer/teacher/angel in human skin appears to guide you back to yourself. Honouring your gut is important too. I remember going to see a counsellor who I disliked from the instant we shook hands. I didn’t go back. Not long after I found someone who gave me an immediate sense of engagement and I trusted that feeling, with great results.
Thank you Nicole…these are wise words indeed…as always <3 Xx
Glad you found them useful, Michelle. Much love to you xx
The title of your post resonated for me so closely, just last night a friend said she would send me some reiki and that I need to ask others to send healing.
Today have just been told I have a crush fracture in my spine- seems like the universe is giving me more time just to be
Now to reach out and ask for help
thanks for your post- yet again so timely
Namaste
Suzie
I’ll keep you in my daily healing meditations, Suzie. Keep asking – there are always so many happy to give. Sending all good healing vibes, and all my love your way xxooxx
Thanks Nicole, I know I have to keep asking 🙂 love and light xxooxx
What a great post! I love it. Good thing you’re here.
I try my best, Ana. Much love to you xoxo
Great post, Nic. I sometimes think that even verbalising the problem to another person, getting that rolling echoing demon out of your head and into another space with some light, often flips the lid off and lets the universe in to do its best work. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of courage and of self respect and love.
“Whatever you are going through, someone else has walked that road before you. And one of them will have have a map to get you out of there. In fact, it’s probably their calling.” I want this to stay with me forever. xx
{{{HUGS}}} I think that being able to talk to someone who can just hold that space and listen to us is one of the most healing acts in the world. Everybody needs to feel heard. Love to you and your gorgeous furry angels xx
I think that while we remain alive, we progress towards healing of our trauma. And those moments when what we were doing does not work any more can be great moments for growth and progress.
Well said, Clare!!! ♥
Awesome. Why is it so hard for us to ask for help??
I have often asked myself the same question. So many possible reasons as to why, but in the end I think it comes down to finding the courage to move past our objections and obstacles and reach out. ♥
I love this post!
Aw! Thanks!!! ♥ ♥ ♥
Great post! Timely, too. There’s no telling how many people you’ve helped today.
I hope I did help someone… ♥
It is very difficult, and when I do ask for help, I tried it, It is really rewarding. The person helping us, does not necessarily have the answers, but sometimes showing love, being present and listen is very important.
when we get this kind of help, we do feel better, but life itself is still the same, so its very probable we’d fall again into that same despair. At this point, things become harder, because saying you slipped back is like betraying that person who first helped you. a person who believes in the progress i have done would be so deceived by me if I say how i feel. The conclusion is to always keep that mask. Putting that smiling mask is not like lying, but just hiding the truth.
I had a conversation about this very thing with the friend who inspired this post. She thought becauses he still wasn’t coping that she was somehow failing, and betraying me and the help I’d given and the trust I’d put in her. She thought it was better to wear that mask.
I told her that dishonours her and me. If she came to me for help, and if she was in a place where she still wasn’t helped, or hadn’t yet been helped enough to get back to that place of safety and being in the flow of life again, then she still needed to keep asking.
It’s only by asking, and honestly letting people know how we are doing, that we can break the cycles and patterns that led to us being in that place to begin with. You might need more help, or different help. Not everything works quickly, not everything works. But something will work. And we will never know what that is if we stop trying.
Much love to you, Nikky xoxo
That’s the thing, there’s always someone somewhere who’s gone through what you’re going through and it can be such an enormous relief to share you problems with someone who understands. This is such an important point you’ve made Nicole, that none of us has to cope with everything on our own. We all need help sometimes and it’s not a sign of failure if you ask for help, but rather a sign of failure might be not asking for help when you need it.
Your last sentence is the clincher…
Hope you and your wrist are feeling brighter. Much love to you xx