Over the years I have come to recognise a certain set of feelings, to which I have given the name ‘Psychic Anxiety’. It’s a very unpleasant sensation that can last from an hour to a couple of days, and it is one of the least fantastic aspects of being spiritually and energetically sensitive.
Oh, don’t get me wrong. It’s not unbearable, and in fact I have worse feelings related to psychic work at times, especially if it involves violent crimes and dead people.
The biggest problem with psychic anxiety is this unshakable feeling of dread and unease, that sensation of icy chills and ‘something crawling over your grave’ as my Nana calls it.
People who are psychic, or sensitive, generally feel the highs and lows of life more acutely. I like this diagram below, because for me it represents the differences between me and someone who is less sensitive.
Most people live in the middle of the red and green lines, and can go to the high or low of those fields, but may seldom do so. They also usually have a greater physical resilience, a robustness to them.
Energetically sensitive people are represented by the blue line. We feel and react to energies both above and below those regular red and green bands, although we may also live somewhere in the middle of our band of felt frequencies most of the time. Sensitive people are just that – sensitive – and without the robustness of some other folk. We may act with great robustness for a while, while we are needed or need to get things done, but that sort of energetic output is always at a price. And sometimes that price is high.
The blessing of sensitivity is that we can feel, see, connect with and know some wonderful and amazing things. It is easy for us to tap into creative flow, to feel love and gratitude, to notice things around us and with the emotions of people around us, and to get high on life…
The difficulty is that sometimes it connects us into those low energies, and this is a painful experience on a soul level, tough emotionally and sometimes physically hard as well.
Usually if I get a psychic message or connection out of the blue (in other words I’m not consciously inviting or controlling it) it feels like this – a big bang on an otherwise normal day:
I get a sudden flood of images, sounds, sensations, feelings, knowledge – all flooding me with a great intensity. It’s momentary, it passes; although the information will remain, the emotions and energetic kick dissipate quickly.
Psychic anxiety is different. It’s like an unseen hand rachets up the control knob. I can’t turn the emotions and energetic kick down or off, but I am also given no information. All I have is the feeling, sometimes so strong that it wipes me out in the same way a severe migraine might. Like an old TV with no image on the screen, cranking out a discordant sound that makes you want to cover your ears or run away screaming.
I know that certain things affect me. When there are polar shifts I end up flat and exhausted, a little depressed, and often with big hormonal swings. When there are solar flares I feel restless, unable to sleep, irritable and wound up tight.
But this, this is different. And I’m grateful it doesn’t happen too often. It’s always tied into great disaster, injustice, cruelty, suffering, death. It’s either building up to happen, or happening as I feel it.
In the days to come the news may let me know what it was all about. That’s how it was for September 11, the Bali bombing, the tsanamis in 2004 and again last year in Japan.
Sometimes I find out years later – a massacre in Kosovo, in Iraq, in Rwanda…
Sometimes I never find out at all.
So I ride it out. I keep myself away from crowds. I swim in the ocean. I sit under trees, walk in the rain, spend time in the gracious and calming company of my cows.
When I feel stronger I meditate. I pray. I light candles. I flood the world with love. It’s all that I can do. A tiny flicker of light in what can seem like a sea of darkness. But I do it anyway and hope that somehow it helps.