Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ~ Edgar Allan Poe
Occasionally I have been shown things, and I do not know why. Dark things. Terrible things. A single vivid fragment, or perhaps some sharp-edged pieces that cut my hands as I try to puzzle them together into a picture that makes sense.
I always tell my clients there are two things I don’t do – past lives and dead people.
But that isn’t strictly true.
While I do my best to make my work the work of Light – of helping people to find that Light within themselves, of illuminating the path so others can walk without stumbling – sometimes… sometimes… my work is the work of darkness.
When I was younger I didn’t understood why the dead would contact me, or what they wanted me to do. I am no medium and it was never that conscious clear connection from a loved one who had passed peacefully over to the other side. It was always this mishmash and jumble of emotions, images and body-slamming horror. I usually didn’t know who I was seeing, or what I was seeing. It was just fragments.
Awareness and understanding can be painfully slow when you don’t have much to go on.
It is rare that I experience this process as a vision – like one might watch a movie. No. I live it. As if whatever happened is happening to me. I feel it in my body. I feel their emotions as my own. I live it over. And over. And the whole while, strangely, as part of me experiences this terrible thing, another part of me bears witness.
Often this barrage has happened unbidden while I’ve been asleep; intruding on my usual dreams like a news flash on television might bring your attention to a recent disaster. Once or twice it’s come during a meditation, or in the midst of the most banal of activities, such as pegging out the washing, or buying groceries.
It’s also been triggered when I’ve been shown photographs of people, places, and crime scenes.
Sometimes I can do nothing to turn it off. The experience follows me through my waking and sleeping moments, as I try to go about my normal life.
At first I thought I was shown these things because the person’s soul didn’t understand that they were dead, and that they needed to be guided back towards the Light. You know, the sort of thing that Jennifer Love Hewitt does in Ghost Whisperer.
But it’s not that at all.
It isn’t for the soul who has passed. It’s always for the people left behind. The ones who love them – the ones who will grieve the dead. The ones who still need to know what happened.
For them, no matter how terrible, knowing is always better than not knowing.
It’s only ever fragments I receive. Shards of a shattered life. But they pierce the veil of darkness with the great Light of their love. It is love that reaches forth from the darkness, that stops the dead from moving on until their loved ones know what happened, until they know what the truth is.
Sometimes a fragment is all you need to complete a puzzle, unlock a riddle, solve a mystery… And if I can help with that, then it’s all worth while.
this was a powerful post. That you have chosen to allow these messages through says something very powerful about you as well. I began receiving messages for other people from departed souls some years ago, but tried ignoring them…not wanting to be part of it…basically, afraid. BUt in a couple of instances I was pretty much not given a choice and no matter how hard I tried avoiding the people the messages were meant for (people I did not know), these people found their way to me. In the end, I did deliver the messages, and the response from these people was well worth it. It was quite amazing to realize that I had been privileged to pass on long awaited messages (one woman told me she had been praying for an answer for 4 months and I finally brought her relief). However, I still prefer “not to know” and “not to hear”, and so I have extreme respect and appreciation for what you are doing. I am humbled by this post, and by you. May you always be blessed by God for your sacred work.
with much love light and JOY
Don’t know why but I’m Teary?? I was however wondering about all you have just clarified!! I sorta call it a psychic hangover. I don’t know if there is even this term but I have one today.. Ive been told your my light lovely lady, finally Ive seen the way. <3 thanking you with from my heart, I'm sending you much, much loving light Nicole. Hearts n Hugs Kel xxx
Love the post! Never been highly evolved enough to see anything like you do – it’s a great gift!
Thank you for sharing you experience, I too am blessed with this gift of fragments of people/souls visiting during my waking hours and usually when I am in the busiest of places so no idea of what to do with the messages I receive, the feelings-full body experience- as you explain. I am hoping that a time is coming that more people begin to talk of their experiences so it is not such an alone place to be and I might recognize what to do with the information I am receiving. So thank you for sharing your experiences hoping this will encourage more people to do the same and connections to start being made.
-mary
Thank you for being here for all of those who need your love, guidance and support. Thank you for the people who support, nourish and love you as well. Big hugs sweet Nicole…big hugs..X
Thank you for those hugs. Hugs are always good! ;D xoxo
I understand this very well. Fragments, symbols, words, feelings….while awake…while asleep…while getting a massage!!! I once had a massage person’s mother who had passed on contact me while getting a massage. She wouldn’t stop until I explained what I was seeing….. I think many of us carry this ability, not all are aware, though. Thanks for sharing. 🙂 Sam
I agree, Sam. SO many sensitive souls out there, getting all sorts of connections. I hope that by sharing my own experiences it encourages others to honour their own, to be less afraid of them, ashamed of them, embarrassed by them, and instead to begin to see how gloriously interconnected we all are. Bless xx
My exact thoughts after reading your post. 🙂 You mind reader. 🙂
😉 xx
So when the dead contact me in my dreams, is that contact for me or their loved ones? I always assumed it was just for me.
Sit with it. It might be just for you. Or just for for them. If it needs to be more, the path will open up for that too. Thinking of you, and sending Love xx
When I read this all I thought about was balance… where there is light there is dark and summer /winter kind of stuff. So, it kind of makes sense that if you see the good you will also at some point see the “not so good”. Thats a heavy burden to bear. I can’t imagine what you go thru. I am so fragile… I can barely watch horror moives without totally messing up my psyche!! I bet the ability to give some closure to people makes it somewhat worthwhile though. ((hugs)) to you for being so very strong!!
Hugs gratefully accepted and returned. I agree with you whole-heartedly, Linnae. There has to be balance. There is a cycle to all things, life and death, night and day… I don’t think of myself as particularly strong. I can’t watch horror, or any sort of violence even when intended as entertainment. I much prefer to keep my focus on what uplifts me and fills my heart with love and peace. But I also believe we are only ever given in life what we can handle. And I am well loved and supported, which makes the hard stuff so much easier to endure. Much love to you, and thank you for you kind thoughts and shared wisdoms xx
Is this what you’ve been working on Nicole… there is such contrast in your work isn’t there!! I hope you managed to get that day off, and a few more to come. I am thinking about starting to do some coaching outside of my usual day job and see where it leads. And I’m super excited for August and September 🙂
I have wisely given up scheduling days off – as they always end up being just another kind of work day that doesn’t interfere with prior commitments.
Love that Universal Timing thing. 😀
Holidays are coming, one in November, one in February, and so I look forward to them as this glorious window of peace (this may also be wishful thinking http://cauldronsandcupcakes.com/2012/05/14/the-power-of-a-fathers-love/) – and for now I steal moments, enjoy small breaks, relish life’s glorious contrasts and dream about beaches and boats.
PS I’m super excited about August and September too!!! xx
I always feel like you are giving me a heads up with these blogs lol
Cos I do! 😉 xx
I can imagine that this is an aspect of knowing more that one learns how to accept into their lives because it will always be jarring and unsettling. For some people, they always need to know in order to move on.
I do think that there are some people who would really prefer to not know. I just finished reading a book about Lucie Blackman, the British Air hostess who was drugged and killed by a client from a Tokyo nightclub. The book follows what happens during the trial (they caught the killer) and the aftermath that her family had to endure (the trial stretched for more than 6 years). For the mother, she wanted to know every detail and couldn’t move forward until she knew it all, nomatter how grisly. The father on the other hand, would have preferred to have not known because he said that when he closed his eyes, he could only see the terrible end and he only wanted to remember his daughter happy and alive.
I totally understand where Lucie Blackman’s father is coming from, Daisy. But if a Soul contacts me it is because they KNOW someone they love won’t be able to move on until they know the truth, or at least enough of what happened that they can have some sort of closure.
It’s also why I spend so much time in prayer and meditation, and working to share positive energy in the world. Healing for all of us. Much love to you ♥ xx
I agree. That is a bit of a different circumstance since the source of the information is coming from a different place. It’s one thing to contact loved ones on the behalf of a soul who knows what their loved ones need to have closure, another to be given explicit details by the police or, worse, read about them in the paper.
I was just kind of thinking out loud about what your post made me think of.
Much love to you too!
{{{HUGS}}} 😀 xx
🙂
I would love to talk with you at length about my “secret”. Seems to me we have similar (yet different) “gifts”….. http://lifeinthedashlane.wordpress.com/2012/04/28/our-little-secret-shhhhhhh/
Yes, what you’ve written reminds me of myself about twenty years ago, when I couldn’t work out the why, and didn’t know what to do. I really feel for you. You know, you can choose to shut it off, but I don’t think you will, and I don’t personally think that’s the best of plans. Just keep coming from love. No-one needs to go through trauma and those final moments alone. You’re one of the ones open-hearted enough to be be able to cradle someone else in love, just like an earth-bound angel. I know it’s hard, but take comfort in the comfort you give others. I know it’s a double-edged sword, but truly, it’s worth it. It’s all worth it. Much love to you, Sister Lightworker xx
I’ve copied and pasted your response and this blog post to my original blog post. What you’ve said has brought much comfort. For that I am truly grateful.
Bless,
Lee