Loving my dinged up life-battered Self – Part 1

We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us. ~ Joseph Campbell

Don’t you love how Life gives you those aha moments? I’m in the middle of one right now.  It’s going to be that kind of week, I think. For you too, maybe.

This is one of the most intense weeks, energetically speaking, for clearing old family stuff: family-inherited or programmed patterns and beliefs; healing or letting go of old family wounds and pains; clearing grief around family, fertility and children or your own childhood; resolving communication issues or misunderstandings; leaving relationships or distancing yourself from what no longer works; endings and beginnings in your own family or the one you’ve created for yourself; coming to grips with your inheritance – whatever that may be.

I’m helping support others on this journey, but of course it’s also affecting me!

If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ll know that life has been fairly full on around here the past few months.  (Examples here, here and here) Yesterday was no exception. It was a gazetted ‘rest day’ for me. Let me give you  a brief peak into exactly what I’m talking about…

2.50 am  Eyes fly open and I am awake. 10 minutes to 3? Why am I awake an hour early? That extra sleep would have been so good. Oh, daylight savings. Mentally I adjust to the weird fact that I have just woken myself up with enough time to get my usual healing work done with these new time zones. It’s 3.50am, (even though it still feels an hour earlier!). I sit up, get ready and meditate for my students. Some of them need a lot of tuning up, so I do what’s needed. Then I do a healing meditation for family, friends, and clients. Finally I tune in to my ‘Elders Group’ (real people – I’m the youngest by many years, but that’s a whole other blog post), and put a little more energy into a big project we’ve been working on.

5.10am  I write my blog. (In my mind it’s still four-ish, and it feels like the middle of the night still.) I sneak back to bed, hoping to get a little sleep.

5.44am  A dear friend from America sees from my facebook status that I am awake and calls me. I have barely put the phone down when a high-profile client calls, also from the States – she’s one of a handful of clients I’ve given my private number to. Her life is in turmoil. She is desperate, and I have time, so I end up giving her a reading, sitting in bed in my pyjamas.  My work day has begun in earnest and the sun’s barely over the horizon.

6.30am  I make a healing necklace for a friend I am meeting for breakfast. She’s been going through a lot of shift.  I know she needs a little extra support.

7.00am  I answer emails. The backlog is massive, and more keep showing up in all my various in-boxes.  I choose the ones that are most urgent.  The rest will have to wait. I field a few more calls from overseas. If no-one’s dying, thinking about dying, or dealing with a life-critical or life-path critical decision I bless you and put you in my ‘pending file’.

8.00am  I am in Bangalow, laughing with girlfriends and discussing the Shamanic Meditation Retreat they all recently came to.  We also talk about cake, rural living and other important affairs, spliced in with conversation about meditation, Tibetan Singing Bowls and crystals.

10.00am  I am sitting on my front veranda with a pot of tea, a bowl of coconut ice (I must post that recipe for you!), giving a reading to someone I’ve recently met. They need the guidance. And it’s a day off, so I have time.

12.00pm  I drive to Byron to drop off a girlfriend who is staying with me, so she can meet up with some friends. I can’t find a park.  Byron Bay is like that sometimes.  I drive around and around.

12.10pm  Suddenly I feel ill.  My forehead breaks out in a cold sweat. I realise I am about to vomit.  I drive to the bus station, park and race to the public toilets, where I am violently sick.  I have no idea why, but I know that it’s not a physical issue.  Sometimes psychic work or shift affects me like this. What’s going on, I think to myself.

12.20pm  Back in the car, head out to find a park so I can sit and do some work.

12.25pm My stomach is gripped with cramps, my body is sweaty and cold, and I know I need to get back to that toilet. Yep.  Vomiting and diarrhea.  I’m clearing something big, and it’s not food related. There is big shift going on in those I love.  When I’m done in the toilet I go sit in the park and energetically send healing and light to them. The shift for them is so massive that I am wrung out.

1.30pm  I am sitting in a bookshop cafe, about to start catching up on my work backlog. The books call to me.  I end up crying, and the lady beside me ends up crying. It’s all okay.  I get what I need to from the situation.  My heart connects into the story I have been neglecting so badly while life got in the way.

2.30pm  Big stuff going down.  A hail of phone calls from family and friends.  Big decisions, big big life-changing decisions, and so I go sit at the beach and talk to them and hold space for them as they shift.

3.45pm  I head home to the farm. I make a pot of tea and do a healing for a friend. I do a healing for the world.

4.30pm  I talk to plumbers, builders and other people who are helping me get my flood-wrecked house ready for market, early 2 years after the event…  Share some information with my writing Sisters that will later trigger my own aha moment.

5.00pm  Making healing necklaces and discussing business (my kind of business – crystals, spiritual workshops, retreats, my new website etc)

7.30pm  Watch Totoro, a sweet animae DVD, that helps me remember this is actually a day off.

9.30pm  Meditation for my students, healing meditation, meditation for the world.  Tumble into sleep.

2.00am  Wake up and do a healing on a friend.  Send healing to my family.

3.00am  Snatch a bit more sleep

4.00am Meditation

5.30am  Blog…

6.10am  Finally get that this IS my life.  My life is a full-on, crazy and demanding ride, interspersed with moments of peace and complete calm so that I can recharge before the next onslaught. Oh. My. Goodness. You have no idea what a lightbulb moment that was for me. It’s not changing.  This IS it…

What was I thinking when I signed up for this?

LOL  It’s okay.  I wouldn’t have it any other way. ♥ xx