“We need to find the courage to say ‘NO’ to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.” ~ Barbara De Angelis
We’ve all been there. The place that ticks all the boxes. The partner our friends and parents love. The dream job. The thing we thought we really wanted. The place we always figured we’d be happy to be…
But what happens when you meet that dream lover, or find yourself in that perfect place, or finally achieve the big thing, only to find that something’s missing?
You scratch your head, and check the boxes.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
It all looks good. It all adds up.
So why do you feel like you’re dead inside?
Life isn’t always about finding a partner/job/solution that ticks all your boxes. After all, wasn’t it your HEAD that made the list up in the first place? Or, maybe even worse, it’s your Mother’s list, or your teacher’s, or something you found in a self-help book or some corner of the internet.
If it’s not feeling right, it’s because your HEART isn’t engaged. And that’s where the magic happens!
Think back over your life, and you’ll soon know what I mean. Remember the outfit you loved so much because it transformed you somehow. The one you never would have chosen for yourself, because you didn’t think that colour suited you. But once you tried it on, you knew…
What about your unlikely best friend, back at school? The one so opposite to you, and when you got together all you did was laugh and laugh. You came from different backgrounds, you looked completely different to one another, but you both were crazy about that one thing that brought you together in the first place.
Remember the weird combination of flavours that had you totally hooked at that little Thai street cafe on the last night of your overseas holiday – your whole life up until that point had been about the plain sort of food your grandma cooked. Since then you’ve sought out food like that back home. You even COOK food like that at home.
Life is a glorious adventure, and it was never meant to fit so neatly into a plan, or a list or a flow chart. Certainly not one that is safe, sensible and completely without risk. All the best stuff in life is the stuff you never could have made up for yourself.
Hearts have a wisdom all their own. And the wisdom they share with you might not make any sense at all to your brain. Or to anyone else’s brain. (But whose life is this anyway?)
Heart wisdom isn’t logical and yet it usually shows you the best path to happiness in life.
When your heart says NO, pay attention. When all the boxes are ticked, and there’s no gleam in your eye, no enthusiasm in your step, your heart is trying very hard to tell you something.
Haven’t you ever heard the expression ‘my heart’s just not in it’? That’s your heart saying NO.
When your heart says no, it’s asking you to stretch, it’s encouraging you to grow. That might feel a little strange at first. It might even feel a little wrong. Don’t confuse fear with intuition… What we come to love often looks or feels different to what we had expected in our mind.
When your heart says NO it’s because it understands that there is a YES just round the next corner, and if you say wrongly say YES to a NO, you close yourself off to the magic and miracles that give us the best and most memorable parts of life.
Tune in today. Ask your heart. Is it a YES? Is it a NO?
When your heart says NO, be brave. Move on…
This is so timely and so helpful. Sometimes, it’s fear of change/the unknown that keeps us still. Great post!
Thank you for your wise words.<3 🙂
What a beathtakingly beautiful post. This year has been the worst and the best of my life because I’ve finally found the courage to follow my heart and make some very hard decisions. I hope all of your readers find the courage to do the same. It is so worth it. xx
great and wise post
♥ Thank you xx
Love this post sooooo’ much and have been experiencing this big question for a few weeks now. I think your post is such an important message, I’ve reblogged, facebooked and tweeted 🙂
Thanks, gorgeous Michele xoxo
I’ve had this struggle many times and the heart is an amazing predictor. I love how this post is super encouraging. My heart says thank you. 🙂
My heart says you’re welcome! 😀 xx
I can never figure out which voice or feeling to follow and always end up with inner conflict how do you let go? How do you know which voice to trust? I desperately need to let go of needing to be in control but I really struggle…. I’m off to search your archives for answers. Arohanui
I thought about this ‘moving on’ earlier today 🙂 I saw a beautiful little woodsy driveway that went straight, then altered sharply to the left! And the steep jutting to the left was so lovely and screamed to me “Adventure!” I began to believe I can embrace the adventure of change, because I’m going where it leads me. I feel the yes pulling me around the corner. 🙂 Thank you, once again.
Love the clarity of your message, especially the phrase “when your heart’s not in it” … and the miracle that’s waiting just around the corner!
Spoken from experience! Life is always more wonderful in the unfolding, than anything we could have ever planned for ourselves. Much love to you xx
it’s one of my mantras “get out of your head and into your heart”. You’ve expressed this so beautifully here. I’m going to redirect my blog followers here. They’ll so resonate to this.
Than you for another inspiring post!Love it!xx
This is a great reminder to follow our hearts. When my heart says “Yes”, I feel like I can dance and I’m confident. When my heart says “No”, I need to follow regardless of what others think. It is our life, so why do so many condemn when we choose from our hearts? I’d rather have others belittle, then go against my intuition … I’ve done plenty in my past to please, but now it’s all heart.
My marriage of 30 years has ended because a brain injury I have had since birth has activated and is advancing……too much for hubs to cope with but I cant let him go even as though it has been 6 months.
Oh Sue! {{{HUGS}}} Sending you lots of love, healing and positive intentions. I have an acquired brain injury, and I know how much my husband has had to deal with during my illness, and still deals with today as my brain slowly recovers. Wishing you Guiding Angels, Love and a sense of peace. ♥ xx
I’ve done a lot of learning (not listening) in my life til now. Now I’m doing a lot of listening and trusting in that and life is so much better. Thank you for reminding me Nicole and helping me see it so well Bless <3<3
Love this Nicole thank you. I’m in the process of changing a major no into a yes, so much loving the yes version it feels so much better!
Love
Annette
OMG Nicole…unbelievable. I had just finished sending a long mail off to my partner (remember, I am now in India for 6 weeks and he is back home), and I checked my mail and found this post! And found THIS in the post
“Life is a glorious adventure, and it was never meant to fit so neatly into a plan, or a list or a flow chart. Certainly not one that is safe, sensible and completely without risk. All the best stuff in life is the stuff you never could have made up for yourself.
Hearts have a wisdom all their own. And the wisdom they share with you might not make any sense at all to your brain. Or to anyone else’s brain. (But whose life is this anyway?)
Heart wisdom isn’t logical and yet it usually shows you the best path to happiness in life.”
It is exactly the place we are in at the moment, and we have to learn to say YES to our hearts (mine and my partners) even though everything seems not to “fit in the boxes”. And this is what we are working on, and have forwarded the above to him as well.
Will let you know how things go ….
Once again, you have spoken directly from MY heart here on your blog. Much gratitude for putting this all into such beautiful words for me.
with love light and JOY
In the age of science and reason we check the lists but forget to check “in”. Sometimes I read these things and feel like I truly agree and yet I don’t always know HOW TO listen. Do you have any advice on how to know if its fear or heart wisdom. How to really listen to your heart?
Hi Alice, I’ve written quite a lot about working with your heart’s wisdom and intuition. Just go for a surf and my blog and you’ll be sure to find some articles and guided meditations that can help with this. And to get you started, try these:
http://cauldronsandcupcakes.com/2012/01/23/understanding-intuition-and-gut-instinct/
http://cauldronsandcupcakes.com/2011/12/29/managing-your-vibration-simple-techniques-for-increasing-intuition-and-awareness/
http://cauldronsandcupcakes.com/2012/04/18/how-to-become-more-intuitive/
http://cauldronsandcupcakes.com/2012/01/28/a-heart-centred-week/
Thank you!
Thanks Nicole, I’m a little topsy turvy this weekend for the first time in ages, so I’ll try to let me heart guide me through it xxx
my heart rather….