“She had discovered early that what we want out of life can change; that the important thing is to learn to recognize or even simply just to admit what we really want, and then to have the courage to reach for it.”
~ Candice Proctor, Whispers of Heaven“The question is: how bad do things have to get before you will do something about it? Where is your line in the sand?”
~ Michael Badnarik
Today, under this Traveller’s Moon, is a good time to get clear on our starting place for change.
Understand this. You don’t need to know yet where you are headed. You just need to know what it is you really need to leave behind.
You need to get clear about what you DON’T WANT.
This isn’t a list of dislikes. It’s not an agenda of complaints.
Today I want you to spend some time and be totally honest with yourself. Based on all of your life experiences so far, and on a foundation of your values and integrity, what is it that you just can’t do, won’t do, don’t ever want?
Your starting place for change is to simply recognise the energies and styles of relationships that you are no longer prepared to accept in your life.
Think of it as drawing a line in the sand so that the Universe knows where you are at, and so that you can use this as a measuring stick for future situations, choices and relationships.
It might not be a very long list. That’s okay. What’s most important is that you feel it in your heart and know it to be true for you.
Here are some examples:
I will never accept a cheating partner again.
I can’t work in a place where I am bullied.
Working twelve hour days for someone else – that’s over!
Never spending time in nature? I can’t do that anymore.
Once you have that list, turn your back and put those things behind you.
With what you don’t want behind you, you’ll have a starting place and a clear direction forward, even if you don’t know exactly where you’re headed next.
Knowing what we don’t want is ALWAYS the starting point of working out what we DO want.
Bless ♥ Nicole xx
Well said Alice…that was very inspiring and insightful. You go girl!!!!! 🙂
Nicole it seems you know me,every blog means something to me and the help for me has been extraordinary.
Thank you so much.
Wendy xx
Oh Wendy! You are so very, very welcome. Hugs and love, Nicole xxxx
I am loving your wonderful and inspiring blogs, I recently subscribed. Today’s message came at exactly the right time of course, when I am trying to decide about letting go of an e-mail friendship where we have been in contact just about every day for over three years. Something has shifted in my brain in the last week where I realized that my worrying about this person’s depression issues and difficult life is taking over my day and causing me a lot of stress and is outweighing anything positive that I might receive out of the friendship. I realize I am staying in touch more because of her loneliness and her needs and not mine. A casual, light, once on a while e-mail will not satisfy her needs when she wants to express her fears and despair about whatever went wrong in her day. But this intensive and sometimes emotional daily communication is draining all my energy. I have been neglecting friendships in my real life for a virtual friendship on the internet. I was spending hours a day on this with my slow dyslexic typing and careful editing so as not to offend her because otherwise she will tell me off and then I feel bad. In some ways she is a wonderful person and I have learned a lot through this and I know there are ups and downs in a friendship and it can be a lot of work to sustain it but at this point in my life why must I keep on with something that is not making me feel happy and actually taking a toll on my health? Is this supposed to be my purpose in life, to try to help this other person? Well, I don’t seem to be doing a good job of it.
I retired about the same time I started this friendship and now at 65 I am realizing this is not how it was supposed to be. I do not what to spend my remaining years inside sitting at the computer writing e-mails or worrying about my relationship with this friend even when I am off the computer. My goal in retirement was to have a calm and peaceful life, to find joy in the every day little things, to enjoy activities I love like my photography and my painting class, to gather positive people around me, to get out walking and lose weight which will help my arthritis and heart, and especially spend time in nature, even on a bench in my local city park where there are trees, birds, and beautiful flowers. Still, this is so hard as I know it will hurt my friend for me to say goodbye but after 3 years I see no good outcome here, only more stress for me in future e-mailing. So I am using your “respect yourself” poster as my new screensaver and hope it empowers me to make the changes I need. Yes, my own happiness has value too.
Sorry this comment is so long. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and I am wishing you the best of health and happiness.
Hugs
Alice
Hi Alice,
Please don’t ever apologise for needing to express yourself. Your comment will be useful and insightful to many who have found themselves in similar situations.
Of course your happiness has value too, and if we don’t attend to our own needs, how can we possibly be sustainable in our caring for others?
Wishing you much soul nurture, nature, comfort and love.
{{{HUGS}}}
Nicole
xx
Nicole, I would like to visit you one day, if that is possible, I just find meeting inspiring people such as yourself is always so worthwhile. Micheal Gray 0421655336
This is so perfect for today! Thank you, Nicole! xo
😀 You’re welcome! xx