“Women are never so strong as after their defeat.”
~ Alexandre Dumas
I admit it. Yesterday, for a moment (or perhaps a little longer) I wondered how I would pick myself up and keep going.
I cried.
A lot.
My doctor wants me to continue with another full course of the horror drugs which had me counting the days and hours til I was done with them.
Six more weeks.
And this shall then be followed by more drugs which I’d previously not got on well with, in different combination.
Oh. My. Goodness.
So – drugs. I needed to buy more drugs. Yesterday, after my doctor’s appointment, Ben dropped me out the front of a shopping mall because it was crowded and he needed to park the car a great distance away. I am not up to walking far right now, and my progress is a snail’s pace. I wasn’t even half way to my destination – the pharmacy – when he had caught me up. I cried a little when he did. He had already been to the pharmacy and was doubling back to look for me. “God, you worry me,” he said, his face so sad and filled with compassion. He took my arm and steered me on my way.
After we’d dropped in my fistful of scripts and bought some supplies for our few days in Brisbane we headed back outside, where Ben left me in the shade of the front entrance while he went to fetch the car.
I felt fragile; so tired and weak, as I wondered how I was going to do this thing.
And then, out of nowhere I was enveloped in the biggest of hugs. A client, who is also a dear friend, had spied me as she sat in a cafe. Behind her other friends and her partner followed, all of them with hugs and kind words.
Their love lifted me up.
At home I changed into my pyjamas, ready to lie down and rest. As I took off a bracelet and placed it in a bag, something fell out at my feet. A little medallion.
I picked it up and turned it over in my hands. And began to laugh.
A few days ago I was talking to my sister about our family tree. ‘Did you know we have a Saint in the family?’ she asked. Of course, I didn’t. As we talked I googled her: Saint Margaret, the Patron Saint of Scotland. ‘You can get her prayer card,’ Simone said. ‘But I don’t know if she has a medal…’
Not being Catholic neither of us knew much about this whole Saint thing at all.
We both then agreed that it would be handy to have a Patron Saint. I googled Patron Saints for the rest of that afternoon, quickly becoming overwhelmed, and finding no-one that really jumped out at me.
The medallion that fell out at my feet?
I found it on the ground outside a pie shop in a little town called Childers about four years ago. It was worn and grubby, and I had no idea what it was, but I slipped it in my pocket and brought it home, where it’s lain forgotten ever since.
It’s actually a Saint Peregrine Medal. Saint Peregrine is the Patron Saint of serious illness, cancer, AIDS and so on.
I said a little prayer, and I’ve placed that battered medal on a chain around my neck. It seemed like the right thing to do. It makes me feel that somehow, everything will turn out just fine.
So, out of a difficult day I received more Blessings than I’d ever expected. Isn’t life the most wonderful adventure?
St Peregrine helped me a great deal with my cancer. The saints love to intercede for us! Sending love and healing to you xxoo
Sending every ounce of love and healing to you my lovely, Nicole. Such a beautiful, raw and honest post. Thanks for sharing <3
Sending every ounce of love and healing to you my lovely, Nicole. Such a beautiful, raw and honest post. Thanks for sharing <3
I want you to know that I think about you each day with love like you are my good friend even though I have not met you. I did love the family pictures and memories as I felt like I did get to know you just a little more. Thank you for sharing yourself with me Nicole . Love Love Love to you
Sending you lots of LOVE, healing light & strength…and to Ben too…XO
There are times when there is nothing better in life than a hug …even from a stranger .
I have never met you , Nicole , but I feel i know you … so here is a big hug from me and a wet sloppy kiss from Oscar my King Charles .
Cherry x
Loved hearing your Saint made their presence known right when you needed it and that your friends were able to offer comfort just when you needed it most. I have a saying stuck on my computer that reads always believe that something wonderful is about to happen. I do and it does much love to you xxxx
Oh how I would love to give you a hug and tell you that all one can do is take life one day at a time and if today is rotten remember tomorrow will be a new day with new possibilities. How amazing that the medal turned out to be the Patron Saint of serious illness, cancer, AIDS and so on.
That quote about the broken pieces of yesterday really got to me. I want to be able to use this quote but not sure who wrote it – you?
Just wow!
The Archangel Raphael works with all doctors and healers; !!!Their presence is very sweet and loving. His energy heals any area in which we ask for help.
You inspire me everyday whether it be sayings or recipes, antidotes…just everything.So everyday my thoughts and blessings are with you. Big hugs 🙂
Wendy…..
Now that’s a sign!
Bless you Nicole
Cannot think of anything even remotely witty or fun to say that might elicit a smile or even a wry half smile..just wishing you smiles Nicole…wishing you some fun and laughter to dispel and disipate the weight of the load you must continue to carry (the horror drugs)…you know the giggles that burst out when you were little and warned that this was a time for sincere silent seriousness…some austere occasion when someone burps or trips and you end up grabbing your sister whilst you guffaw as you try to stuff your head into the curtains and become invisable… …. I wish you those giggles Nicole and comfort and warmth and much love for the next few weeks.
Interesting quotes, strikingl statue, a family Saint, the Childers medallion and,love and hugs from family and friends. Couple this with the prayers, best wishes and healing light and love from your online family. YOU WILL GET THERE NICOLE but there may be more than few days when your wonderful husband has to double back, and days when you need to ask your immediate and global family for the extra support everyone is only too happy to give to someone as special as yourself. You have given so much to so many others and everyone who knows of you are more than happy to plug into whatever celestial connection they’ve been blessed with to call for support, strength and healing love to be channeled your way. Remember the Persian rugs of your dreams ……. you will soar high again. Take care. xox
Dammit. I was hoping for the very best outcome and was also preparing for this not-so-great outcome of moar heavy duty drug rounds. Remember, you are surrounded by a world of support in so many forms and we’ll all be here sending healing light, support and love as you endure and conquer this war. You will do it. <3 xo
aahhh. Although I had hoped for a reprieve for you, in my heart of hearts I also thought that you would have to go on more of the big guns to get rid of the little buggers who have been busily multiplying for quite some time. So I’ve dusted off the brass band, called the cheerleaders and done some stretches in readiness for some major support….. so much healing light and love to you Nicole. You will beat this xxx
such blessings after the druggy bad news. love the medallion. here’s a virtual hug for you ( x )
Amazing attitude and quote. You are so inspiring 🙂
lots of love to you, big warm hugs (*(*Nicole*)*) xo
Bless – so glad you have so much support around you. You are so loved. Hugs and healing xx
Aaaaaaaarhhgggggg!!!!! I have just had a strong chat to Archangel Raphael about this situation – his performance review was dismal; he is now on terms! Sending huge love Nicole – huge XXXX
Ohhhhh Nicole…. what can I say…..except lots and lots and lotsa luv to you.
And…. I believe in Healing, I do…..whole heartedly.
As you already do, I’m sure…..call out with all your Heart and Soul….to all your guides, ancestors, healers past and present….invite them in to the great Healing Circle…..and let the Healing begin…. use all your gifts.
So much love to you………xxxxxxxxxxxx
love this as St. Peregrine has been my patron saint since I got sick thirty years ago. Hang tough hon….you will make it through this too. We are not led to it if the creator will not lead is through it. HUGS