“Part of doing something is listening. We are listening. To the sun. To the stars. To the wind.”
~ Madeleine L’Engle, Swiftly Tilting Planet
I came home to our little farm tonight. As we drove down the dirt road that leads to our front gate a great weight fell from my shoulders, and I realised that I had been holding my breath for the past five years, since my serious heart problems first began, and my prognosis became grim.
I am safe now, was all that I could think. Tears streamed down my face and I clutched my husband’s hand. He understood completely, because he tells me he has been holding his breath too.
We unpacked the ute and came inside, and I set up my laptop computer. It would not let me log on. Would not recognise my password. Would not work at all. It sat on my desk and defied my every attempt to let me in, even following the instructions over the phone of a techy friend who was sure he knew what the problem is. Without my computer I cannot access my blog, my emails, facebook, any of my work, the internet, nothing at all.
I rang the computer rescue technician. He can get to my house Friday, or I can take my computer and leave it at their shop and it should be ready by the weekend.
Three days without my computer? No work? No connection?
And then relief dawned. I had my little Macbook. I never use it for anything except writing books, but at least I could still blog, and connect and do some things.
It had 8% charge left in its battery. When I plugged in the power cord just now the light won’t come on and it’s not charging. I have wiggled the cord and tried seven different power outlets. Now there’s only 7% charge.
You’re kidding me, I say in frustration.
Maybe the Universe is telling you to take some time out, my wise husband said. You’ve had a big couple of days. Big news. Maybe you need a quiet space to digest everything and just be for a while.
I realised he was right.
Thank you, Universe. I get it. I am exhausted to my marrow. It can’t just be business as usual. I need some time to think, to cry, to sleep, to dance, to laugh, to cry some more, and to process all that has just happened.
I don’t need to hold my breath anymore. I am no longer dying, I am healing. That changes EVERYTHING.
I look at my little Macbook. 6% battery. Just enough to write this blog and upload it into the scheduler for you to read tomorrow.
I’m taking a few days off. I hope you understand.
I really need it.
I shall come back to you refreshed, and with a sparkle in my eye.
I’m blowing you a kiss and waving to your sweet face. See you soon.
I love you!
Here’s to deep rest and new beginnings…
PS – As I finish my post, with 3% battery charge left, an owl lands on my clothesline and my husband calls me to come talk to it. I hope I have enough time to upload and add this picture I just took, before my battery dies completely. Isn’t she beautiful? I’m sure we will have much to say to each other. I’ll let you know when I return xx