“Part of doing something is listening. We are listening. To the sun. To the stars. To the wind.”
~ Madeleine L’Engle, Swiftly Tilting Planet
I came home to our little farm tonight. As we drove down the dirt road that leads to our front gate a great weight fell from my shoulders, and I realised that I had been holding my breath for the past five years, since my serious heart problems first began, and my prognosis became grim.
I am safe now, was all that I could think. Tears streamed down my face and I clutched my husband’s hand. He understood completely, because he tells me he has been holding his breath too.
We unpacked the ute and came inside, and I set up my laptop computer. It would not let me log on. Would not recognise my password. Would not work at all. It sat on my desk and defied my every attempt to let me in, even following the instructions over the phone of a techy friend who was sure he knew what the problem is. Without my computer I cannot access my blog, my emails, facebook, any of my work, the internet, nothing at all.
I rang the computer rescue technician. He can get to my house Friday, or I can take my computer and leave it at their shop and it should be ready by the weekend.
Three days without my computer? No work? No connection?
And then relief dawned. I had my little Macbook. I never use it for anything except writing books, but at least I could still blog, and connect and do some things.
It had 8% charge left in its battery. When I plugged in the power cord just now the light won’t come on and it’s not charging. I have wiggled the cord and tried seven different power outlets. Now there’s only 7% charge.
You’re kidding me, I say in frustration.
Maybe the Universe is telling you to take some time out, my wise husband said. You’ve had a big couple of days. Big news. Maybe you need a quiet space to digest everything and just be for a while.
I realised he was right.
Thank you, Universe. I get it. I am exhausted to my marrow. It can’t just be business as usual. I need some time to think, to cry, to sleep, to dance, to laugh, to cry some more, and to process all that has just happened.
I don’t need to hold my breath anymore. I am no longer dying, I am healing. That changes EVERYTHING.
I look at my little Macbook. 6% battery. Just enough to write this blog and upload it into the scheduler for you to read tomorrow.
I’m taking a few days off. I hope you understand.
I really need it.
I shall come back to you refreshed, and with a sparkle in my eye.
I’m blowing you a kiss and waving to your sweet face. See you soon.
I love you!
Here’s to deep rest and new beginnings…
PS – As I finish my post, with 3% battery charge left, an owl lands on my clothesline and my husband calls me to come talk to it. I hope I have enough time to upload and add this picture I just took, before my battery dies completely. Isn’t she beautiful? I’m sure we will have much to say to each other. I’ll let you know when I return xx
lots of love xo
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Amazing! I needed to read that. I need to just be okay with my new beginning. Thanks
Hi Nicole!! It’s Nicole. What an amazing post. I have been following your health journey and it has gone some very dark and difficult places. I am so grateful that it is emerging into the light and you can exhale. I am exhaling too. xoxo nicole
I’m sitting right out there with the owl . Have the best of rests and look forward to your return sweet Nicole .
Cherryx
Hope you do all the things you wanted and more. You sure deserve it:-)
Felt a bit teary reading this. It goes without saying or asking that we 1000% you need a break to take stock and just rest. Much love to you xxx
Congratulations Nicole, it sounds as if you are being reborn a stronger person with a new perspective of life. Now go out and live it to the fullest with a profound appreciation of what you have. Hugs xx.
It is wonderful news and you well deserve it . We will be here knowing that you are resting and having time out. And that is wonderful too.
So a happy post with such great news I am happy for you
A mutual friend recommended your post. Our last two posts are quite similar in a different way: http://thebelongingblog.weebly.com/2/post/2014/05/listening-the-roar-of-cicadas-in-my-head.html
I think your husband was right about the universe telling you to take a break. I also think it’s important — as you do — to strive after the things we love, the things that bring passion and joy to our lives and those around us. That’s why I’m writing a collection of short essays about belonging rather than working and making more money as a journalist.
Enjoy your time listening to the universe and your heart!
So glad to hear your wonderful news. Someone or something is watching over you to make sure you take care of yourself properly. We will wait patiently for your return.
marvellous, wonderful, fabulous!
stoked to hear. wise ol’ universe.
🙂
So glad your treatments are working. I hope you feel the healing energy sent your way by those who read and love your blog like me. I stayed up late last night listening to the owls in our city neighborhood half way across the world in Raleigh, NC, USA. Wishing you love, peace and rest and looking forward to your next post when you are ready.
I am sure you are taking some deep breaths right now 🙂 So delighted you managed to attach the owl! More hugs X
Ahhh yes….exhale Nicole! Let the universe embrace you and rejuvenate you and fill you up with an abundance of “sparkle” ! ……. ” Hang on World” here comes Nicole….! Sending a sack full of giggles your way Nicole! I hope you can hear them!
Take all the time you need for yourself and we are not going anywhere. I’m glad you are healing and so happy you decided to take some needed time with yourself and family. With love and Aloha
Wow, that’s just beautiful. listen to the owl.🌄🚜🐎💪💕
Your posts always hit the right nerve in me. I’m so glad that you are healing and even more glad that you are listening to the Universe and her sweet whispers.
I’m setting up a small business… the business of my Heart. It’s slow. It’s laborious. It’s all new to me… but it’s my Heart talking! I’ve gone into overwhelm and let it slip a little and gone off ‘doing’ other things so that I can ‘survive’ while it finds it’s wings. Last night I found myself applying for senseless jobs that I don’t want in a senseless system to gain some government support and then I dreamed last night….
The key figure was a gorgeous very dark skinned friend who played the key role as a model. Her tough boss was also my boss and I was instructed to put fake tan on her wrists while she was fully dressed in her gorgeous modelling outfit… so that her skin colour would blend correctly. (a stupid thing to do considering her beautiful dark brown skin colour!) Well I made such a mess of it and had fake tan everywhere and was getting into trouble. I sort of fuddled my way through and then my friend fell asleep on the bed while the colour dried and I had to push and rush her to get her head together to be able to catch a flight to the photo shoot in time. As she was reassembling herself and her head, we noticed her gorgeous pale blue lacy undies had fake tan stains on them and I promised to buy her a new pair. (loss of income)
Then…. my dog came in and woke me up with a pair of my pale blue undies in her mouth as a tease to get me out of bed!
I think the Universe is talking to me too…. I just have to de-encrypt it.
Thank you for inspiring me to listen!
So Happy for you Nicole! Enjoy your rest and keep Listening.xo Sending you much love light and Healing.
Oh thankyou for the beautiful reminder to breathe you amazing lady! I had tears streaming down my face when I read your blog yesterday with your healing progress. Shine bright & thankyou for being a beacon for all of us! It never ceases to amaze how much you have to give & share with us with what you go through Nicole. You’re always in my prayers. Love to you x
Jodi Donovan | TV Line Producer Mbl – +61 415 306 409
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Wonderful news – you are healing. So good. And good that you’ve been forced to rest, to dance, to wiggle your toes in the mud…. Much love, Kat
Big love n hugs to you !!
Best news EVer you are healing !!
My heart is singing 😍💓
You rest up beautiful Nicole🌷xxxx
Have a wonderful break! Sooo glad for you! Sx
Enjoy your rest beautiful warrior princess xx
There’s so much Magesty & Mystery in listening to the Universe. The trick is knowing how to respond — some times we need a little help in translation. Looks like you found it. Wrap yourself in healing love….
Your post made my day… I am in such a positive mood today, and to read this… I am so happy for you, sending a huuuuge <3 over to your farm. Rest… rest. 🙂
Is that picture from the Little Prince?
Hey Nicole
Beautiful message.
So happy for you.
Lotsa love and light
Roshini
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom – let your email find you!
Rest well Nicole, the universe definitely spoke to you! Best wishes, Nesrin