“I do believe in an everyday sort of magic — the inexplicable connectedness we sometimes experience with places, people, works of art and the like; the eerie appropriateness of moments of synchronicity; the whispered voice, the hidden presence, when we think we’re alone.”
~ Charles de Lint
Divine Guidance. Signs. Help. Answers to prayers. Last-minute reprieves. Dramatic turn-arounds. Miracles. Most of us have asked for them at one time or another, but are we actually heard? Can we really reach out like that and expect things to change?
I believe that the answer is yes. But it is useful to understand the process. Our job is not only to ask. (I’ve written about that process here: Asking for a Sign) Our job is also to be receptive to answers, no matter what they look like, or how they come to us. Our job is to ACT on those answers and synchronicities. Our job is to know that we need to trust in Divine Timing. Especially when what’s happening in our lives is not going to OUR timing – the timing we want for ourselves and our plans and dreams.
Let me explain…
Back in November 2012,I stood on a moonlit beach in Thailand thinking of a particular set of circumstances in my life. My beloved Nana had just died, and I would not make it home for her funeral. And earlier that day, when I still suffered from congestive heart failure, I’d been crippled with severe chest pain. The pain had gone, but it had left me frightened and bemused. Once again I’d hit a wall with my health, and no matter what I’d tried (and the list was exhaustive) nothing was working. I realised I had reached my limit. No matter what I did, I was dragging myself through life, not enjoying it at all, but trying my best. For my husband. For my friends. For my clients. Every day was a struggle. And every day I was getting worse. Again.
I missed my Nana. I felt like more of my cheer squad was now in heaven than down here on earth.
My deteriorating health was impacting my marriage, my work, my very ability to draw breath. I knew in my heart I couldn’t go on like this. I didn’t have it in me any more. I’d found the end of the line. I stood there on that beach, oblivious to the beauty, with tears streaming down my face and I said, “Do you know what, God? I just can’t do this anymore. I’m done.”
I was ready to go home.
I meant it. I said what was in my heart. There was no neediness. No wanting or hoping. So it wasn’t really a prayer, or even a request for help. I just said it how it was. A definitive statement without expectation. I was squared away with dying. In fact, I fully expected that death was where I was heading. I was okay with that, sad as I would be to leave my husband. I was so very tired. I had no fight left in the tank. I really was done. I turned on my heel, went back to our room, and then forgot all about this seemingly one-sided conversation in the days ahead.
Less than a week later, I bumped into a friend in Bangkok who told me that she’d been having thyroid problems. She mentioned that it could sometimes cause chest pain.
We talked some more…
Oh, she said. You need desiccated pig thyroid, not that other stuff you’re on. There aren’t too many doctors back in Australia who prescribe it, but there’s one in Brisbane. And she gave me his name.
A few days later I was back in Brisbane, and I called that number. By some miracle I ended up with an immediate appointment with a doctor who usually took a year to see. In fact, I’d tried to see him three times during the past ten years and been unable to get an appointment at all. But he was in his office, it was a Friday afternoon, his secretary had gone home with the flu, and he’d just had his last appointment of the day cancel. Could I come in straight away?
I could, and I did.
Before I saw him I had to fill in a very long and exacting health history. Standard procedure for doctors who think outside the square.
I wrote it all down. All thirty years of it. Something I hadn’t bothered to do for a long time.
He called my name and I went into his office.
I looked around at the pictures and the box of toys on the floor while he read my history. It took a very long time.
Finally, he looked up.
“This is textbook Lyme Disease,” he said. “Ever been tested for it?”
I’d never even heard of it.
He gave me forms so I could send off some blood samples, and that was the day I began to get my life back.
He was right. I did have Lyme Disease. I told my sister. She stumbled upon some information concerning another doctor who was about to open a new clinic, specifically treating this illness. I was one of the first patients to be seen.
These two physicians changed the course of my trajectory forever.
Now I am healing.
One day I fully expect to be well, whatever that may look like.
Why am I telling you this?
Because I know that somewhere, right now, someone is reading this who needs to know that they are not alone. That our thoughts and prayers are heard. That answers sometimes come from left field, and in manners that we could never have imagined.
Sometimes we need to ask for help. Sometimes we need to surrender.
And it usually doesn’t happen in the timing we’d hoped for.
But…
…wherever you are at, know that miracles are possible.
Change is possible.
Help is possible.
Healing is possible.
And you are worthy of all these things.
Sending you much love, and holding a candle for you in my heart, Nicole xx
Oh lovely, I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes. I’m tired of holding the steering wheel. I’m tired of questioning my motives for the changes that my manifestation abilities brought about – they were asked with pure intent of better things for us all …… and yet I’m tired of waiting to find the way to have the last pieces of this crazy puzzle fall into place. Your post answered my heartache – just let go. Let some else with a less clouded, desperate view put it together for me. I’ve asked the question, I’ve cried out for help now I just have to trust that I’ve been heard (I now I have they keep reminding me I’m a control freak!) Much love to you Nicole – it makes my heart sing to know that you are on the road to recovery – the positive energy from your posts is breathtaking. I’m saving like crazy to talk to you again this year sometime to gain clarity on the next chapter of my life – till then I’m going to trust that I’ll be in safe hands with someone else taking the wheel for a while. 🙂
Thank you for these words! You are truly a gift!
For many it is extremely difficult to ask for or receive help. Thank you for bringing attention to this.
Great timing Nicole – I liked this one !!!
The concept of Divine Timing has been both challenging for me to grasp as well as immensely freeing and a great relief. A wise woman said that if we can transmute our most fervent desires into preferences, offer them to the Divine and then carry on living as if everything is perfect (because it is, or it will be), this is a much better way of doing things than manifesting, which is basically us demanding stuff we want (or think we want). I love your story and think it is a beautiful illustration of how we are supported in this life – if we only pay attention.
I love your point about manifesting – the concept doesn’t sit easy with me. It makes me think of all those people at reality TV auditions – they all want ‘it’ so badly they expect it will happen (really expect it to go their way!) You helped make my gut feeling into words! Nicole, eloquent as always. Thank you.
Yes, exactly – it’s kind of like going up to God with a shopping list 🙂 The thing is, we only have such a small understanding and the picture is so big, large beyond our comprehension.
“Sometimes we need to ask for help. Sometimes we need to surrender.” So incredibly true Nicole, and obvious, yet I took me a very long time to be able to do grasp these ideas. Nothing like a debilitating illness to help you gain these skills. Pride and fear of being a burden used to stop me from letting others help me. Now I see that letting others assist me helps not just me but them too. Have a great weekend. 🙂
I am you and you are me, we are all one. But sometimes it’s sure easier to see that reflection in certain people more than others, ha ha!!!! I adore everything you wrote. I would have adored it even if I didn’t suffer from chronic Lyme disease and fully recover! I’m so proud of you! We can all heal and you are such an inspiration. Whatever you do, keep writing! I just have to ask, how are you not scared of that python? (I guess people might wonder the same of me when I’m on top of a mountain in Montana not worried about bears. But snakes freak me out, what an I say?)
Thanks for writing this. I have actually said the exact same thing every day all this week. I am so debilitated by my health and anxiety at the moment that I am throwing in the towel. Everything you wrote is on par. I know in the past that at times like these help has come – I was lost over 2 years ago and then I found the man who helped me get my life back on track. Now I am literally stuck again, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Everyone says that it’ll get better but it’s wearing me out.
Guess I just have to be patient.
<3
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. We all need to hear what you say. xo
And not fall into ‘what if’ mind games with yourself while it all unfolds 🙂 <3
timing perfect indeed…trying to be gentle with myself…and counting down for my holiday! Big hugs to you my sweet dear friend…XO
This is what I need to listen to right now, and act upon, just as you remind us. Thank you, for reminding me of divine timing, and of the need for patience, enjoyment and love meantime. Bless you.
XXX 😀
Thanks Fran! Big hugs and love to you 🙂 xoxo
I’m so highly frustrated right now! I feel like I’m doing everything to ask, to listen, to act and nothing is happening… but my issues are non issues and i’m so happy for you nic – not so long to go now! xx rm
Oh honey, I know that feeling… Drives you crazy, doesn’t it? Like I said, it’s about hanging in there and trusting in a bigger picture and a timing we can’t understand, except in hindsight. Holding you in my thoughts and prayers xoxo