“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.”
~ C. JoyBell C.
After yesterday’s post about using the good china (and all those other good things we put away for special occasions) I received two messages that broke my heart. Here they are:
I cannot tell you how many times I have thrown away expensive chocolates that were ” too good” to eat. Or expensive perfumes and lotions that have turned bad because I was saving them. I have come to realize that I have such low self-esteem, I do not feel worthy. It is something I must work on.
and this…
I don’t feel like I deserve anything nice, Nicole. I don’t even know how loving myself would look. I’m not sure how to be nice to myself. How do you treat yourself well? I’m not even sure what that is.
So, for them, and as a reminder to you, I’ve put together a few ideas.
When I loved myself enough, I used the expensive lotions and perfumes that other people gave me. I’d even use them before I went to bed, so that I slept enveloped in a fragrant and beautiful cloud. How heavenly!
When I loved myself enough I was delighted when anyone gave me a delicious gift of food. I’d eat it slowly, or fast, or anyway I wanted, because every mouthful was an affirmation of love from the giver. And even better – yum!
When I loved myself enough I wore my good jewellery, even if it was to the school play, or afternoon tea on my own somewhere. I delighted in playing dress-ups, even though I was now grown up. Who doesn’t enjoy looking pretty? I enjoyed feeling the link with the place or person or memory connected with those jewels. And if the memory was rotten I made up a fantabulous story that made me feel much better, and let me be the hero of my own life.
When I loved myself enough I occasionally allowed myself to eat chocolate or cake or ice-cream for dinner. Or cheese and biscuits. Sometimes you just need that kind of a dinner after a rough day. And I’d fill myself up with romance novels or excellent old movies or endless youtube funny kitten clips. Most importantly I’d not allow myself a smidgeon of guilt. Who needs guilt if you already feel bad!
When I loved myself enough I chose to nourish my body with good nutritious foods. I cooked myself healthy meals, packed healthy lunches and went to yoga classes or for a walk with my dog. It’s my body and I have to live in it. I may as well keep the joint clean, tidy and in good working order. Anyway, it just feels better. And it’s never too late to start.
When I loved myself enough I realised that life was confusing, crazy and a little bit wild. Of course I’d occasionally look and feel dishevelled, brutalised or downright lost. I was patient with myself and kind. I made sure I got some early nights. I phoned a friend. I hugged my cat/dog/Significant Other/llama/Hello Kitty Pillow and spoke gentle words to myself until I felt better again.
When I loved myself enough I understood that I am a soul living in a skin suit. I have to wear that suit every day, and sometimes it stretches, shrinks, changes colour, gets worn-looking or bits break or even fall off. That’s okay. It happens to everyone, and I’ll have to give this suit back one day anyway. They’ll expect it back in used condition. I’ll be one of the lucky ones if I get to keep my skin suit for a long, long time. In the meantime I can nurture it with good food, pretty jewellery and dress-ups, yoga and lotions and perfumes and hugs.
Life is a gift. It’s short, precious, crazy and no-one is getting out of it alive. You might as well treat yourself well and make the best of it!
I loved the part wherein you wrote about wearing a skin suit while I also cried about the part about wearing a skin suit.
I cried so hard that I could not see, and it took me a bit longer than usual to finish reading this post…but I will be OK.
I suppose that I am similar to a lot of people, because I have hated my own body at times, and hardly ever loved myself enough often enough to realize a lot of the truth of so much of what you have said here.
But I am working on reminding myself every day. It is a never-ending process.
Thank you for this post.
Hello Nicole! Lovely post, as usual.
I nominated you for a Liebster award on my blog so feel free to participate 🙂
“I’ll have to give this suit back one day anyway. They’ll expect it back in used condition.” – This is so true and we should act according to it. Thank you for these words.
Loved every line…beautiful
Nicole just love love love this post…pithy and funny and oh so true x
love it!…I’ve used my favorite dishes until they were no more…I open up those gifts and use them until they are no more…Yes…this is the way!
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Oh my goodness I really need this today. It is my birthday and I am feeling so alone. My children that live away have phoned and wished me good wishes. My children that live very close have sent me a quick txt message. 🙁 Not even a quick early visit over the weekend, a quick hug or five minutes shared over a cup of tea. My hubby has been very busy at work and so I have been left to sit and contemplate as he is too tired. It is hard not to bash myself up with thoughts of giving up my pleasures to help them and see the look of happiness on their faces.
I am about to go and have a long warm shower and then give my body a good smothering of yummy body cream I have been keeping for good. Maybe a spray of my favourite perfume and a cup of hot cocoa. Fluff up the pillows and continue reading my favourite blogs on my iPad. I will struggle with not wanting to care about my family but to care about me doing what I want and need. Oh gosh I hope I can do this, it is so badly needed.
Happy birthday! Sending you birthday love!
My Mum was shocked when she saw me spray expensive perfume around the house, on the sheets etc. How could I waste it like that. I said they are still making it and it smells great and uplifts me.
Working in the nursing home, lots of ladies (and gents) have lovely perfumes they are keeping for good. I spray their sheets before retiring and their pyjamas and nighties and suggest they ask their family to buy some more, gift suggestions! Adds to the home feel in their space and a bit of dashing decadence (to them). Obviously I do ask if it is ok with them to use their good perfume in such a way (ok admittedly after I have already sprayed).
“I’d eat it slowly, or fast, or anyway I wanted”
I think it is the words ‘anyway I wanted’ that struck a chord, how much of my life I was trained to look for approval in everything. Was I doing it right?
Beautifully written. 🙂
I love this article! Beautiful and meaningful, and a great message for all of us to love and respect ourselves now, yesterday, and tomorrow.
I love myself most of the time except when I look at myself if the mirror then not so much as I am short and fat
Reblogged this on Queenie and commented:
I just love this post! Thanks Nicole x
I loved what you wrote about the skin suit! Today, I am nurturing myself by…doing nothing. By nothing, I mean reading, journaling, watching the new series of Downton Abbey and maybe planting some herbs in my herb garden. I f I feel like it. For too long I have been driving myself relentlessly; productivity, achievement, justifying my existence. Not today xo
It’s sad but true. I feel that a lot of the time we are taught the wrong messages to live by. As a child of 11 my Mother told me to grow up when I was wanting to make her smile. I was taught that I had to put others first and myself last because that would make me a good person. It took 50 years for me to realize that she was imprinting onto me all of her own messed up thinking and that I had to look at my life and be my own hero and be kind to myself without any negative inner commentary. To have time just for me to read, be creative enjoy sitting on the balcony with our cats and just enjoying the bird song and watching the cats do cat things. I still love my family and they get looked after but I now know that if I don’t love myself and look after myself first how can I be loving towards them and look after them with out feeling resentful towards them. And most of all when my daughter was young and wanted to grow up, I told her to enjoy being a kid for as long as she could, that you grow up all too fast in time anyway.