“Did you really want to die?”
“No one commits suicide because they want to die.”
“Then why do they do it?”
“Because they want to stop the pain.”
~ Tiffanie DeBartolo
The morning I am blogging about suicide comes directly after the night where I have been awake for most of it, messaging and then skyping with a suicidal client.
It comes directly after the news that another person in one of my Lyme support groups has taken their own life.
It comes two days after a very ill friend died, in a way that could technically be viewed as assisted suicide. She had been in great pain, and was in palliative care. The morphine given to her in increased doses relieved her pain but depressed her respiration and slowed her heart rate, speeding her death. All of us were relieved that there was no pain or suffering in her final hours.
Suicide, and thoughts of suicide, are common in our society. I’m grateful that we are starting to have more of an open dialogue around this. As a psychic I have been witness to perspectives on suicide that most people don’t have. I’d like to share these perspectives with you, in the hope that you will begin to see suicide differently.
Suicide is defined as the voluntary and intentional taking of one’s own life. I have seen four circumstances that I define as suicide (*note that this classification is my own):
- Being in a situation where help is (or is perceived to be) unavailable and the escalating pain, illness (mental or physical) and lack of control make ending a life seem to be the only viable option. This situation, arising out of desperation, exhaustion, disconnection or other intense negative emotional states is the most common form of suicide that I have encountered. It is also the one most regretted by those who take action to end their lives.
- The deliberate sacrificing of one’s life for a greater purpose or higher ideal. The primary motivation behind this type of rare act is love, and it is usually a spur-of-moment choice. I do not include martyrdoms for ideological causes (such as suicide bombings) in this category. Instead think of the parent who risks and loses their life to save their child. The spouse whose last act in a car accident is to position the car so that their partner is spared the worst of the impact.
- The assisted and hastened death of someone who is already dying and whose life has run its course.
- The deliberate ending of a life where that life’s parameters are non-negotiable, non-changeable and no longer acceptable to the person living that life. That person is not in the same situation as the first circumstance I discussed. The decisions made here come from a place of clarity and peace, rather than from heightened emotional distress or disturbed thinking.
Suicide is, in so many ways, a complex issue.
There is much to say about this topic, and it has raised so many questions from you, my dear readers, that I am going to break this subject down into more posts over the coming Wednesdays. I’ll examine each type of suicide, and I’ll also look at accidental and sudden deaths, and how these impact the soul, as well as those left behind.
Be aware that in the overwhelming majority of suicides there is a realisation of deep regret at their actions in the moments before and after death – when they understand that it was truly not what they wanted to do, that they have made a terrible mistake but that it is now too late to change this sudden ending of their precious life.
And of course the fallout for loved ones left behind after suicide is often immense, life-altering and devastating.
No matter what the circumstance of the suicide I can render the truth of it down to this. After death, ultimately, a soul returns to love.
Wherever you are this week, and whatever head space you are in, know that you matter to me, and that you are in my thoughts, meditations and prayers.
Be kind to yourself. Reach out to others. Live from compassion. Life is messy and sometimes hard, but we’re all in it together.
All my love, Nicole xx
Need Help To Cope?
The following links provide support for those who are suicidal or bereaved by suicide:
Australia – List of links and contact numbers here
International Support
Wikipedia has a great list of international support services here
Suicide.org also lists support services for all corners of the globe here
This is the best I have read on the reasoning for suicide. I admit I have struggled recently with the urge to give up and yesterday was even asked what and how I keep myself going by someone aware of part of my situation.
I’m a walk in soul, a worn down healer with only nearly three years of life accountable for. I also am an orphan with no living family and have no local friends. My beloved struggles with alcoholism and a bad past that eats his sanity away along with his toxic family causing distress. My support consists of my sweet fur babies and him when he’s sober and not being energetically tormented by local cultists whom have admitted to wanting us both dead. I’m stuck living with physical miseries and PTSD which makes me have small spazms to mini seizures if I don’t stay under low stress and keep up on my diet with a terrifying metabolism. I barely survive financially, I’m stuck on ssi and can’t work due to PTSD, sensitivities, back pain, needing to eat very often plus no knowledge the previous inhabitant of my body’s so no clue on society living. I have no way to interpret math or any sense of physical direction due to damages the body took before my time. I tire of worrying about going hungry, my own safety and if my beloved will fall prey to the demon alcoholic and turn into something downright scary. I’m dealing with a medically unprovable pregnancy due to hormonal issues. I miscarried and live in constant fear of my baby being killed and it being covered up once again by my fiancé’s cult-loving awful family. I pray I can face a better day without giving my life to return to a higher realm where I can help my beloved far better.. I came here only to test his love and see if anything can be salvaged come the day of the great universal judgement. I fear I am unable to sustain myself in this dense world if the pain cannot subside and healing fully begins as it has been prayed for and I now pray I can see what I love so dearly be repaired instead of being stolen away by darkness. I know I could push myself further but it has gotten far too exhuasting. Support and resources both are next to none.. I admit I fear everything I have came here for falling void and survival itself failing me in a dense, physical world filled with pain.
This is a subject I would like to know more about. Some with chronic illness never contemplate suicide, many other do. It crosses my mind on occasion. But I always viewed suicide a permanent solution to a temporary problem. My illness is not temporary at this time but something could change it in the future. So I plod on. But when my life is threatened by something physical, that will to survives raises it head and runs things. Funny how that is. Thanks for some enlightenment on this.
People who come back after suicide always regret their actions, they take their pain with them in actual fact …
Suicide is often in the family hologram a planted thought down the generations, but not always .
It’s tough working with people who have got so low .
Warm wishes to you for you and your work
Dear Nicole. I am truly sorry for you one of your “lymies” could not take it any more and took their life. I know you feel these things deeply and hope all of this death and dying and afterlife is not wearing you down too much.
Thinking of you and sending love and healing your way so you can recharge ready for your next challenge.
Love you. Mxxxx
Thank you Nicole this is so important. Looking forward to your writings.
Reblogged this on unity2013.
Thank you!
Thank you Nicole for this post. I know maybe sharing what I am going through now makes no sense but I need to talk about it. I have felt suicidal quite often in my life but I am still here and I am still trying and doing whatever might make me feel better. I need to live for my kids but nowadays it seems so difficult for me. Few months ago and as my depression was getting bad, I admitted (by writing as it is very difficult for me to talk about it)to my colleague/friend that I feel suicidal and scared and I need help. She didn’t answer or discuss it with me but started to spend more time with me and that is ALL I needed, someone’s presence. One month after I told her, the doctor made me stop working and I have been home since July. The first 3 months, my friend stayed in touch with me and then suddenly have stopped talking to me. My messages are left unanswered. Last week I learned that she informed my boss about me being suicidal and that this is the reason why she doesn’t want me around anymore. It broke my heart. She is the only friend I have. I blame myself for telling her and at the same time I’m hurting so bad for losing her. I just an’t stop crying, missing her. I don’t know why I am saying all that but the fact you started by saying you stayed with a suicidal person all night made me feel better in a way. Thank God for you Nicole. Thank God there are people like you in the world. I don’t necessary want her back. I just wish I could have an explanation about why am I the enemy now? why admitting the truth about how I feel makes me end up rejected like that?
Dear Nikky44
I can’t imagine what you are going through although I certainly thought a lot about suicide as a teen. ( I forgave the evil ba***rd, which allowed me a great deal of healing). That’s not advice just my story. However I have been the supportive friend and it was exhausting. Your friend may have felt burned out and helpless to help you. Be gentle on your friend, no one’s life is perfect and nor any person. She may have struck her own troubles or had to step back from giving her time and energy.
All the best. Get out into nature and feed yourself well.
Love to all
Kate
Thank you so much Kate for your reply. I know exactly what you mean about forgiving those who hurt us. I know because I forgave the person who sexually abused me as a kid. I forgave my very abusive husband who beat me to death so many times during 17 years. What you said about my friend is the absolute truth. She told me exactly what you said. She said she needs some time for herself to get back her energies as she feels drained. I don’t need to forgive her because I am not blaming her at all. I love her so very much and whether we are still friends or not, I am and will be forever grateful for her support in times of need. I am hurting because I feel I am grieving this friendship and blaming myself for this loss. There is absolutely no resentment towards her. I love her and understand what she might be going through.
I read your message as soon as it came and it helped me feel calmer. Thank you again.
Much love
Nikky
Nikky, what would you choose to feel about this friendship if you knew that this woman, just like you, was in a space of overwhelm and feeling the burden of too little support and too many responsibilities?
Can you find it in your heart to hold her in compassion and send her love?
All of us fight battles that are invisible to others.
When I was at my most ill and could not leave the house I found friendships online that supported me through some of my darkest days. Know that there is a community right here for you and that we care. You matter. To me. To others. Take my hand and let’s do what we can to spread love and light and kindness in the world, starting always with ourselves.
Don’t blame yourself. You reached out at a time when you needed to. Keep doing that. Know that we are here for you.
Biggest hugs and love to you, Nicole ❤️
Thank you so much Nicole. I’m sorry if it sounded as if I was upset or blaming her for stepping back but it’s not the case at all. I only have love and compassion for her. I have a lot of understanding too and not for one moment did I think that what she did was mean or done with bad intentions. I certainly know she has her struggles too and has her limitations to how much she can help. I love and miss her so much. I’m crying not because I’m hurt, it is missing her that hurts as I said in one comment before I feel like I’m grieving someone I love.
You have always been a great support to me Nicole. I first came to your blog by coincidence and at that time I was still living with my abusive husband. Your words of encouragement were so important to me and they still mean so much to me. Thank you for everything. Yes, I’d love to take your hand and walk with you spreading love and peace <3 <3
Dear Nikky44
You are a very strong soul to have been through all of that and be able to articulate some of it here. Sharing that pain truly has a deep healing. You are more resilient than you recognise and it’s the transformation that you and all of us are going through which is exhausting and leaves the feeling of utter depletion. Feel the love and the brightening energies around these days of change. Glad my first reply gave you some sense of calm. In a storm any respite is welcome 😉
And to Nicole- huge thankyou for your wonderful blog! I only found you last week.
Love to All
Kate
Thank you Kate. Much love <3
Hello Nicole
Thank you so much for posting this topic!
Both my dad and aunt (mum sister) committed suicide… I’ve had my own struggles where that is concerned, so you know how it goes.
I’ve read of your battle with Lyme disease and your courage is awe inspiring, it makes me wonder what gives me the right to what to choose the quick way out , I don’t imagine suicide as an “easy” way out… but I surely believe it’s to ease the pain that goes with living.
I wish you peace in your journey, stay strong Trudy
Sent from my iPhone
>
Yes suicide is complicated for all affected by it and such, not something I have any personal experience with thankfully but far too many people have had to deal with this terrible experience.
I was not consciously aware that there were these different types of suicide. I think this will be a very thought provoking post. Thanks Nicole – this is important work that will bring some peace and understanding to many. All too often it a taboo subject, your post will help break down the barriers.