Disturbing Dreams and Strange Comforts

“Use the wings of the flying Universe, 
Dream with open eyes; 
See in darkness.” 
~  Dejan Stojanovic

One of the things my Aboriginal Aunties taught me when I lived in the Kimberley was that night flying would become a very important part of my healing business. During the night while I was asleep my soul became untethered they said, and in the dreaming place it could travel wherever it was needed.

Since my twenties every night after my meditation I pray that my soul can be useful during the dream state. I ask that I can be of service. I trust that it can be so.

I use my nights to fly.

Many of my students and clients have reported me visiting them during the night, or appearing in their dreams. Their recollections always tally with my own. It’s something I can’t explain, but it is also something I have grown accustomed to – a new kind of normal, I guess.

Mostly it’s a positive experience. But occasionally it really throws me. Like the time I cradled a dying stranger in my arms. A man I later found out was real, and who had died on the other side of the globe in just the way it had happened in my dream.

Then there was the dream I had on Thursday night. The one that kept me from blogging yesterday.

In my dream all I know is that I found myself suddenly pulled from the quiet sky and into a streetscape. Everything around me was blurred except for this small bubble of space and time that I inhabited. I was on my knees on the ground, and beside me was a woman. Her confused face was tilted toward me, and I was holding her hand.

I know you are afraid, I said to her, but I am here with you. I am holding your hand and I am here with you.

Outside the bubble of peace we inhabited there was chaos. People were running. Screaming. I heard a series of bangs and the air smelled of metal and dust and something vaguely like a car’s overheated engine. Beneath my knees were pavers covered in lines. The pavers were warmed from the sun.

As I held this woman’s hand I felt a deep love for her. She was all that I could see. All that mattered to me in that moment. I felt her relax and then felt a sensation like a sigh escaping from her body.

Am I dying? she said calmly. Her mouth didn’t move. Her eyes no longer moved. I heard her voice in my head.

Yes, I answered. I knew it with all of my being. You’re gone already.

Oh, she said. I wasn’t expecting that.

I poured all of my love into her and connected her to the peace and love that was all around us.

At the edge of our bubble two women and a man appeared. I knew they were her family. There was so much love for her there in that moment.

Your people are here for you, I told her. It’s okay to go with them now.

She stood up, they embraced and then walked away without looking back. I stayed kneeling beside her body, holding her hand in mine. The bubble of peace dissolved and I was overwhelmed with emotion at the scene around me. So many more people hurt, so much emotional and physical devastation.

But before I could look around or do more I was awake, lying in my own bed.

Rufous, our young red pup, was standing over me licking my face furiously and nudging me with his body. When he saw that he had woken me he pressed his little body against me and kept licking me to reassure me. I wrapped my arms around him and he licked away my tears.

I couldn’t go back to sleep, shaken by my dream, so we went downstairs together and Rufous stayed pressed against me as I made a hot drink and then sat down to meditate and pray.

A little after dawn my husband found me. You okay? he asked, knowing that I wasn’t.

I shared my dream, and the vivid memory of the pavers on which I’d knelt.

When he showed me footage of what had transpired in Barcelona overnight I recognised the images straight away. Those same patterns on the ground matched exactly what I had just told him.

I don’t know what my night was all about. Or what really happened. But I hope that in my own way I was able to make a difference.

Whatever you do today, be kind. Live from love. Towards yourself and all people you meet. Holding you all in my meditations, prayers and with my whole heart,

Nicole ❤ xoxo