“There is great change to be experienced once you learn the power of letting go. Stop allowing anyone or anything to control, limit, repress, or discourage you from being your true self! Today is YOURS to shape – own it – break free from people and things that poison or dilute your spirit.”
~ Steve Maraboli
The energies of this week support forgiveness, and that was what I blogged about yesterday. After which was I inundated with people messaging me to tell me they could NEVER forgive…
So today’s post is about defining forgiveness, so that perhaps you might reconsider that position.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines forgiveness below:
Definition of forgive
- forgive a debt
In the middle of a discussion on my facebook page my wise friend Amy Williams wrote
‘I looked up the definition of forgiveness a few months ago because I couldn’t get my head around it. Hearing “can you forgive me?” always made it seem to me that forgiveness was letting the other person off the emotional hook and I was amazed to read that it’s defined as being the act of not feeling bad feelings in yourself any more. It’s for you, not them.’
Forgiving doesn’t mean you approve of or condone a behaviour. Forgive doesn’t mean forget. Forgive means you take the sting out of it. You can’t change it so you stop putting energy into it. For your sake!
You let go of anger and pain and resentment and disappointment. It means that you will no longer give effort to events or people around the areas where you are now hurting. Forgiveness helps you move to a neutral place emotionally and from there you can heal and move forward. It’s not about other people, it’s about you being able to close that door and move on. And yes, sometimes that means forgiving yourself too.
If thinking about a person, situation or event still brings up rage, resentment, anger, pain, hurt, humiliation, worthlessness or any of those other lower vibration emotions, or if you still get triggered unexpectedy into those emotions it might be worth a rethink on your position on forgiveness just so you can set yourself free.
Think of it like cutting energetic cords with the past. You don’t deny or condone the events, but you disconnect yourself from that endless feedback loop of pain. The events of the past lose their power over you. Which gifts you emotional release and a new sense of freedom.
Need a Ritual to Invoke Forgiveness?
Sometimes we benefit from ritual to make the act of forgiveness more meaningful to us. Try this and see if it helps you.
- Gather together a candle and matches, a ceramic, metal or glass bowl, a photo or symbolic image of the person or event you wish to forgive, or the name of the event or situation written on a piece of paper.
- Light the candle, and stand before it for a moment with your hands in prayer pose, which activates your heart chakra.
- Say a small prayer or words of intention that everything you do be for the highest good of all.
- Take some deep, slow calming breaths.
- Hold the image of the person/event/named-piece-of-paper in your hands.
- Hold it out in front of you, muster your sincerity and say “I release you now. This no longer has energetic claim upon me. I release you with Love and Light. I forgive you. I wish you and all things well. And it is done.”
- Burn the paper in your fireproof bowl. As this is done visualise or imagine many tiny silver cords easily releasing from your body. Feel yourself come back into a place where the energy is yours alone.
- Breathe in white light until your entire body is filled with white light.Then finish by saying “I reclaim my sovereign power. It is so.”
- When you are ready, extinguish the candle. Feel that final link disconnect as you put out that flame. Feel the finality of your ritual.
- Gift yourself some quiet time for re-integration.
I hope that helps.
Thinking of you and sending much love, Nicole ❤ xx
You are quite an amazing person! Thank you for all your wisdom.
Nicole, THANK YOU so much for your help with ‘how-to’ forgive! It’s one thing to want to forgive, but actually quelling and rising above those triggers and automatic emotions, and not ruminating on the bad stuff, is something I have always had difficulty with. I will use your suggested ritual and claim my sovereign power back! xxxx
Hi Nicole. I must admit I haven’t read your blog from yesterday but I have just finished reading this post and felt the need to write a comment about it. As someone who has been working on past issues for quite some time now I can understand why people have such a hard time forgiving others for the awful things that previously transpired. However I have also been told before that forgiving is not about forgetting or condoning their actions and behaviors but rather of letting go (of the reactions and emotions that I have developed in relation to the person or event). I don’t remember where I read it but recently I read a piece on forgiveness (perhaps it was even written by yourself) and a couple of words have really stuck with me from it, they were something like this ‘you know you have truly achieved the act of forgiveness when you can actually remember the situation or person and look back at it, examine it and say “thank your for that lesson”‘ I believe that the writer was alluding to the fact that every event, person and situation in our life has been bought to us in order for us to learn from it/them. It is the way we actually evolve as beings and without them we would stagnate in our development. It is through our trials that our true inner strengths are discovered and harnessed and new skills can be learnt. As you said, forgives is for your sake (not theirs). Bless you for the work that you do Nicole and I shall have a go at the ritual that you have included, thank you. Janine
Tim thinks forgiving someone means you are saying that the other persons actions are ok to me it isn’t about their actions it is about how I feel, I forgive to give me peace