A Nicole Update and A Little Lesson In Surrender

“After all, the true seeing is within.” 
George Eliot, Middlemarch

 

Did you know that the energies of November are great for all forms of metaphysical work, for clarifying our Life Path and for honouring a life-calling by owning our capacity to share knowledge? It’s also a month for honouring our connection to the natural world, and to the nature spirits of the Earth. And I had intended to do all of that, in my spare time, after doing all the other things on my very big and busy November To-Do List.

But the Universe had other plans.

It started with a scratchy throat at the end of October. I’d just come back from holidays, I was well rested and feeling fabulous, and I didn’t think anything of it.

The sore throat lasted a few days, my voice got a little raspy, and then a high fever kicked in. From there it was all dramatically downhill. I was in and out of doctors’ offices and hospital. A virus, a severe chest infection, a raft of drugs, and then a bucketload of extra complications. Such is the reality of being immuno-compromised and having Late Stage Lyme Disease.

I might have coped if it was just the infection. But it was the other things that happened which really threw me. My bladder became irritated and painful. Then neurological urinary incontinence kicked in. Inflammation and infection in my body meant that my bladder would suddenly empty with no warning and no ability on my part to control it. I went back to plastic backed bed-sheets and adult diapers. 🙁

My heart raced and thumped with arrhythmia bad enough to wake me up at night.

Feeling less than fab, and with almost no functional vision.

I lost vision in my ‘good’ eye. After suffering Bells Palsy some years ago the right side of my face has never been the same again and the muscle control has never quite come back. My right eye often experiences blurred vision or becomes lazy, especially when I am tired. My left eye is my strong eye but it is also the one that is affected by Lyme. When my optic nerve becomes inflamed I lose vision in that eye. After a few days of high-dose antibiotics for my chest infection, I woke up one morning to almost total loss of vision in my good eye and reduced vision in my weak one. Suddenly I couldn’t see well enough to read or watch television. I started tripping and bumping into things. So I couldn’t read your messages or answer them.

 

Then I lost my voice.

My fatigue was off the scale. All I could do was lie in bed. Right when I’d had a million things planned and so much work on my plate.

To top it all off just as I was beginning to improve I had an extreme reaction to one of my drugs which caused bloody urine and off-the-chart bladder pain.

This was not how I had expected to spend November!

I’ll admit it – when I lost my eyesight I came very close to sinking into deep despair. I had a few very messy days. (Yep, I howled like a baby.) But then I got home to the farm and as I lay in bed each day listening to the birds and the wind in the trees I realised that I could still see auras and that my eye with almost no functional vision could see energy in great detail. Ben picked flowers from the garden and put them beside my bed so I could smell roses and gardenias and heliotrope.

I made a decision earlier this month. I could sit in an ongoing pity-party or I could surrender to the moment and use my time to refocus on my inward journey. I couldn’t read or write or talk, but I could meditate. I could pray my mala. And the inner world and the Quantum Field had plenty of magic to keep me engaged.

There have been complications since then, and other problems. But it’s been okay. Because I just shifted out of my body and back into the Zero Pont Field and the All-That-Is for a while.

So, that’s where I’ve been these past few weeks. I’ve been interdimensional – a traveller through space and time. I haven’t had such an intense spiritual journey for many years.

And out of it has come clarity about my own direction, so much new material to share with you, new courses and many, many messages.

I’m finally on the mend. My eyesight is still limited. My bladder is still raw and agonisingly painful. My voice is still raspy. And my battery is still flat. My hair is full of knots and I can’t see to fix it. But my soul is shiny-bright, and I am optimistic and grateful and loved-up right down to my bones.

Life doesn’t always give you what you want, but sometimes it gives you what you need.

This week’s energies support thinking about your dreams and goals and giving yourself space to ask and seek answers for the big questions in life. I sincerely hope you make some time to get off life’s hamster wheel and feel into your heart and your own soul wisdom to help you see what the next move can be for you so that your life becomes more satisfying and meaningful.

Sending the biggest hugs and love your way, Nicole  xx

PS: Looking for some extra help and support for your spiritual journey in the year ahead? These are the very last day to pre-order our gorgeous 2019 Planner, Meditation Mala and membership packages at the special rates. They’ll be officially launched and on sale after Thursday but the prices and packages will change, so get in quick if you’re looking for extra savings! You can find everything you need here.

Home treatment for dodgy airways – thank goodness for my awesome doctor who manages me so well!

Victory in the shape of an outing to the local shopping centre yesterday. My first in weeks! I didn’t walk far or do much, but it was thrilling.

 

27 thoughts on “A Nicole Update and A Little Lesson In Surrender

  1. Ah precious. You look great considering all you’ve been through and continue to go through but I can tell how tired you are. I can’t aait to hear your new moves but I think we all hope you take it easy. We’d rather a world with you in it. So much love xxx

  2. One can never ever have enough oodles and oodles of LOVE & I’m sending you those gigantic tiptrucks up in Weipa in a convoy…tipping healing love and light to you each and every moment…XOXO oh! that ‘Rolling Stones’ song is one of my all time favs…You don’t always get what you want, but if you try and you try, you’ll get what you need…XXXXXX

  3. Thank you for the update Nicole, I’ve been thinking of you every day and hoping you were improving. Such a tough journey you are on, and you are so brave and wise. Thank you for sharing your challenges with us, you give me strength every time I face my own. xxxxxx

  4. You are amazing. You get given lemons and make spiritual margaritas (lemonade is just too bland and easy)… I wish we could all take your pain away. You are so generous with your knowledge and yourself… you are unstoppable – even when you’re hospitalised and bedridden. My mind boggles at how resilient and caring you are. Please know you’re in my thoughts always. Sending you lots of love and healing. xoxoxox

  5. Nicole I’m very sorry to hear of your recent health struggles. You are right though about life usually giving us what we need. I’ve always felt the universe is in our side, even when it feels like everything is stacked us.

  6. I have really missed you. So sorry to hear you have been so unwell again. You are amazingly courageous to get through such a tough time with meditation and positivity 💖✨💫

  7. “Ground control to Major Tom……. heeeeeer am I sitting in my tin can, faaar above the world. ”

    Extremely pleased you have recovered somewhat. I hope you will make major changes – no going to back to what was. ie declutter your to do list and weed out the superfluous stuff. You are the most important thing, not anything else.

    big hugs to you xxxx

  8. So sorry you’ve had such a tough time with your health. Delighted though to hear you managed to journey within and find the light and love shining there. Onward and upward 🙂

  9. Hello Nicole ~ I’m so hugely sorry to hear of all the horrible health problems you’ve had during November. I will be praying for you. You are the most wonderful inspiration & spiritual teacher. I live in South Africa but would so dearly love to meet you one day if the Universe granted me that gift. Thank you so much for the beauty that you bring to my world thru your emails & posts. You are a true Earth Angel. We’ve never met but I love you anyway for your inner beauty but having said that, I’ve always thought that you are so pretty on the outside too. You reach so many people with your inspiration, wonderful examples of dealing with bad hair days & personal crisis. Wishing that bright blessings surround you with rainbow sparkles of improved health. Lots of love across the miles xx

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  11. You give give and give more Nicole. Even in the truly hard times. I feel blessed to be in your energy space and wish nothing more than you being well for you.
    We all love you and deeply respect how you live this incarnation.
    Sincerely and gratefully
    Pete

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