“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful. “ ~ Buddha
This week’s energies support leaning
Let’s be clear about this before we start. I am not saying that every terrible situation in your
The one thing that is non-negotiable in this exercise is that you MUST look for a positive – that silver lining on the thundercloud in your life.
One of the things that still stands out for me is the day I heard that a dear friend of Ben’s and mine had been badly injured in a parachuting accident (from which he later died). It marked the beginning of a series of terrible and unforeseen events in our life. But it also gave me an insight that left me better able to cope with what lay ahead.
What happened on that day remains one of my most precious memories. Ben and I were in shock, but I had organised for my grandmothers to come for lunch, and I needed to pick one of them up from across town. Life still went on, and the lunch had been planned and looked forward to for months. It was the middle of an Australian summer, a heatwave no less, and the weekend before Christmas. I pulled into the madness of a suburban shopping centre to buy cream before I collected Nana.
As I stepped out of the car I was almost bowled over by two things, the heat and my grief. The world slowed right down. I remember thinking that John must be dying. I stood beside my car as if I was suspended in time. Around me shoppers rushed on in the Christmas chaos, ignorant of the fact that this dear man was taking his last breaths. How could the world keep turning, I wondered. Why didn’t it look any different?
I felt suddenly connected to an unseen group of people around Brisbane, around the world, who were similarly out of the flow of time, locked into grief or despair or helplessness or loss. I became acutely aware of the heat, the smell of the melting tar beneath my feet and the gum-leaves on the nearby trees. Green parrots squawked and fought above my head, and tiny clusters of blossom fell at my feet, like some strange sort of summer snow. I was struck by the intense beauty of the moment, and of how everyone around me was oblivious to it. I heard my own heart beating in my chest, was aware of every breath, and felt as if I was seeing the world with new eyes. I became overwhelmed with a sense of how precious and fragile and miraculous our existence is, and my despair was replaced with an avalanche of gratitude.
The intensity and gratitude of that moment has never left me. It became the silver lining to an awful time on my life.
Here are my journal starters. Use one, any or all of them to get you into writing flow, and to help you focus on the silver lining rather than the cloud.
On relationships that failed:
- One good thing about (insert person’s name) that I am still grateful for is…
- If I hadn’t met (insert person’s name) I never would have…
- One positive thing I learned about myself from that relationship is…
- One thing I won’t ever do again is…
- The best thing about this relationship ending is that…
On death, loss and sorrow:
- One of the happiest memories of (insert person’s name) that I cherish is…
- (Insert person’s name) taught me…
- Because of (insert person’s name) I have learned…
- One thing I will always carry with me in my heart is…
- We always laughed about…
- One crazy thing that always reminds me of (insert person’s name) is…
- One way I can honour their memory is to…
- One way I can make the most of my own life is…
On making mistakes:
- The thing I learned from all of this is…
- If I hadn’t stuffed up I never would have been able to…
- The one thing this has clarified for me is…
- One person who’s been really great in all of this is…
- The thing I’ll do differently next time is…
- At least I’ve realised…
On diminishment (you being somehow made smaller or less able) and disappointment:
- I may not be able to (insert the diminishment) but I can still…
- I still have the power to…
- For now I can focus my energies on…
- This gives me more time to…
- For now this door is closed to me. Other doors that are open include…
- If I’m being made to stop, or slow down, at least I can use this change of pace to…
On people who’ve treated you badly:
- Because of you, I’ve decided to never…
- You’ve made me realise that I am better than that because…
- You’ve shown me how NOT to be in the world. I’ve learned that…
- Because you couldn’t give me (love, respect, attention, guidance, honesty, kindness – insert whatever was missing in your relationship) I’ve discovered and grown this great strength in me. I learned to be the thing you could not do for me. I have become…
- The good thing to come out of all of this is…
- I deserve more because…
- I believe that the right way to treat people is to…
Summaries:
- From the hard times in my life I’ve learned that…
- My greatest personal strengths are…
- I’m proud of myself that…
- I’m amazed that I have been able to…
- One of the best things to come from all of this is…
- The way I can now help others is…
I hope you can find some comfort too, in these simple activities that can help you reframe suffering on your terms. Holding you, as ever, in my prayers and meditations,
Nicole ❤ xx
What a beautiful article. It touched a deep place, threw me wide open. I so dearly appreciate your wonderful gifts. Thank you Nicole, you are jsut the person I need to talk with…not possible, but reading your words are the next best thing.
I am going to print out this post! It is so full of useful information 💛. Thank you Nicole, much love, Pamela
This was absolutely awesome a must read I think
thank you for that phrase of feeling “out of the flow of time” — I know that feeling intimately….