“We feel most alive when we are closest to death.”
~ Nenia Campbell
I’m in Adelaide right now, staying on my own while I write and work and attend a conference. After dining with friends last night I went back to my hotel and, on a whim, decided to go and check out the outside pool and spa area even though the night was cool and not much good for swimming.
The area was in darkness, but the buildings around us were lit up and pretty and the night sky’s stars twinkled above me. It was so peaceful, there on the roof, and so I sat down in the closest chair to enjoy a few moments of solitude and connection.
‘It makes you feel small and big all at once, doesn’t it?’ said a voice quietly beside me.
I looked around to see an older man sitting in the shadows a small distance away.
‘Yes,’ I answered. Then I apologised for interrupting his peace, for I was sure that I had. I stood up and excused myself, wishing him a good night and was almost back at the door which led to the lifts when I found myself returning to the pool, my legs walking me there all by themselves so it felt.
‘I’m sorry to interrupt again,’ I said, ‘but I just wanted to check that you’re okay. Are you okay?’
‘No, not really,’ he said. ‘Actually…’ and then he paused for a long time before clearing his throat, ‘I’m not really sure how I feel.’
I sat in the seat beside him, both of us looking out at the night sky and the pretty lights. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ I asked.
He sat there for a long time, the silence thick between us.
‘I went to the doctor today,’ he said, finally. ‘I’m from the country, about six hours drive from here and I came down to town to get my results. They’re not good.’
The silence between us changed, linking us somehow in that quiet space.
‘I knew they wouldn’t be good,’ he said. ‘But I didn’t think they’d be as bad as they are. He said I had maybe two good months left. Maybe less, and then everything would turn to shit and then I’d be gone within another month, tops. If I was lucky. He was a nice young bloke, that doctor. Kind, and I could tell he was talking straight with me, and sort of cushioning the blow a bit…’ He breathed out, a long heavy sigh. ‘But it’s a lot to take in, and sitting in my room I felt suddenly like I couldn’t breathe unless I could see the sky. So I came out here to sit and think about it a bit and try to take it in. And then you turned up.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘It must have been a shock.’ We sat there a while longer and then I reached across and took his hand. He clung to mine tightly, his hand warm and dry in mine, and suddenly we didn’t need words at all.
We sat there for an hour, just holding hands and then he said to me, ‘You’re shaking with cold. Come on, let’s go to the bar and I’ll buy you something to warm you up.’
So we sat downstairs in the almost empty bar until midnight, him nursing a fine cognac and me sipping peppermint tea, and I talked to him about dying, and about getting his affairs in order and how he could best manage what was ahead of him, given that he was an older man estranged from his only son, and with his wife passed on from a car accident nearly twenty years ago.
We talked honestly and openly and I shared all I could and on the back of a bar napkin we made him a plan. Then I gave him my phone number, hugged him and went to say goodbye.
He hugged me again, fiercely, and then he pulled me closer and whispered, ‘I was praying tonight to a God I haven’t believed in since Maggie died, and then you turned up. Thank you. I swear you were sent by the Angels, love. Bless you.’
We parted with tears in our eyes and then I went back upstairs to my lonely hotel room, threw the curtains wide so I could see that pretty night sky and I sat in the dark with a full and aching heart from the beauty and savagery and majestic synchronicity of life, and I cried.
Thanks for sharing your experiences Reaffirming the presence of bigger power ,grace & god…amen 🙏
Beautiful 🙏🏼💕Thank you so much for sharing
Wonderful.. you were meant to be there.
And you did good in what can be tough world.
It is a great reminder that strangers can and should support one another x
You are a living Angel that’s for sure. Makes one believe in asking for help from ‘above & beyond’. Biggest of love filled hugs to you Sweetheart XO
Sitting here with my spirit is so full of empathy for a man whose name I will never know. Thank you for the compassion you shared with him. It is my hope he calls your number. My heart feels lifted by the thought that last night he felt love, compassion, faith and friendship and if he passes without calling he will pass knowing that there is one person who cares about him. I hope your ok Nicole ♥
WOW, you story touched my heart. So beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I will pray for that lovely man, his son and you.
Marian
Dear Nicole,
you are indeed a big, bright, beautiful, loving soul with wings.
Your story should be an inspiration to all your readers, for surely we must know we also have little wings and loving hearts for those people that don’t find the original Nicole seated next to them. Kindness and care are vital in our depersonalised world and so many people are having a tough time of it.
Love to All,
Kate
I believe God sent you there in answer to his prayers
I am sitting with the poignant beauty of your post dear Nicole. And the underlying oneness and connectivity that links us all. The tendrils of which flow through you with such depth and love.
You are an angel, one with a wingspan that covers a world. As I read, I, too, wept. Thank you for being available for others. Xoxo
Not a dry eye here. You are truly a wonderful person to have reached out to him the way you did. As busy as you are, you always make the time for those in need. I’m so glad you crossed paths with the him and I pray that this man gets to reconcile with his son. Nicole, you are such a beautiful person inside and out.
Much love to you and thank you for being you.xox💖
Totally Beautiful Nicole, Thank you so much for sharing xx
If anyone could show up for this man – it’s you. How wonderful for him that his angel (yes, you) turned up just when he needed her. Thinking of you both. Sending lots of love xoxoxo
Oh this made me teary too. You’re a beautiful soul Nic xx
Right where you were meant to be. The poor guy, I hope he gets a bit longer of ‘good’ time than was predicted. This is happening so many times around me right now. This is the fourth of fifth I’ve heard of. I don’t know what’s going on in the world, but things, just seem…frightening. Sending him and you all the blessings in the world.
Tears in my eyes – the Universe truly does send what we need at the right time. Love and blessing to you and that lovely man. I hope he can reconcile with his son.
My heart is just overflowing with love right now. Love for you and for this dear man who needed the words and touch of an Angel. Thank you for all you do Nicole xx
Wow, I’m crying, Nicole. You were meant to be this man’s guiding light, a definite blessing from above, and more than likely sent by Maggie. As a result of your time together he can probably move through these next weeks with a sense of peace, dignity and grace he may not have been able to find otherwise. Sending you lots of love ❤️ 🌹❤️ xxxx
Thank you Nicole for your kindness, beauty and love. ❤️❤️
Right place, right time. Love was in the air. Thank you for sharing.
Oh Nicole.I am weeping for this man alone in the world and facing his death.Then you entered his world.Bless you,Nicole..
You ARE an angel. How beautiful you were to be sent to be with him.
Synchronicity