It’s Okay To Choose For Yourself


“Look to your heart and soul first, rather than looking to your head first, when choosing. Rather than what you think, consider instead how you feel. Look to the nature of things. Feel your choices and decisions. It just might change everything.” 
~ Jeffrey R. Anderson

Hello, Lovelies.

Today I have a favour to ask of you. Today I’d like you to choose for yourself.

You might think that’s an odd request. You might also think it doesn’t apply to you. But if you are in love, empathic, sensitive, a parent, a partner, a people-pleaser or a soother of others I think it does.

You see, so many of us (myself included), will make choices in life with another person in mind. Your sweetheart loves the apple pastry so you take the lemon one. Your friends love sci-fi so you go see the latest movie with them even though it’s a genre you’re not fussed about. Your partner doesn’t eat seafood so you just don’t cook that anymore. When a family member offers to make dinner for you, you ask for spaghetti because that’s the kids’ favourite. You make choices that make others happy. And it’s not a drag for you, honestly. You don’t mind the lemon pastry. It’s good just to hang with your friends. Chicken’s as tasty as fish. It’s just nice to have someone else cook. No biggie, right?

Still. what if you constantly make small choices – ones that don’t really matter to you – that suit the preferences of other people over your own?

It might seem inconsequential but it soon stacks up. How many decisions and choices will you make in a day that completely negate what you might want? What message does that send to the Universe?

Each time you put the well-being and happiness of someone else over your own you are asserting to the Universe that they matter more than you, that their happiness and positive life experience matters more than your own. And even though you may start out being happy to have made someone else happy that joy will eventually wear off if your own needs never get any airplay. What’s worse, you train the people around you that these decisions you make are okay for you, or even great for you. So how will they ever know what you really want? How will they ever know you’d have preferred an apple pastry too? Trust me, this is the kind of behaviour that eventually breeds simmering resentment and misery where the only person who’ll be suffering is you.

So, just for today, I’m asking you to choose for yourself. Choose the cooking show over the football. Choose to hang out at the art gallery while everyone else goes to the museum. Eat pasta when the gang has burgers. Choose what you really wanted to say yes to, even if that means you go on your own or eat on your own.

That’s okay. Your life is valuable too. Your choices and happiness matter too. This is your one shot at this precious life. Don’t waste it by never giving yourself the chance to experience all the longings of your heart.

Much love, Nicole ❤ xx

Hi! I'm Nicole Cody. I am a writer, psychic, metaphysical teacher and organic farmer. I love to read, cook, walk on the beach, dance in the rain and grow things. Sometimes, to entertain my cows, I dance in my gumboots. Gumboot dancing is very under-rated.
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17 thoughts on “It’s Okay To Choose For Yourself

  1. This is a very good reminder to so many of us.
    Yesterday, I finally started a creative project I had wanted to do for at least a year. My creative time is NOW, given this encouragement.
    Thankyou Nicole!
    Xxx

  2. Wow, thanks Nicole…………….I really will try. It’s bedtime here in Scotland as I read this so too late for today and we are having grandchildren to stay for the next 3 days so in reality I cannot try to put my self and my wants first until they are away home. On Sunday though and for the rest of the week I will truly try to eat, say, watch and do what I want rather than always trying to please others. Hopefully I will enjoy it and do it more often ongoing. lots of love to you x x

  3. When mum was so sick and after she died, I determined I was going to experience and live instead of wait and constantly do for others. I came back to Oregon after two plus years and did this, but here I was back in the place I’d been before I left. It was easier to let my wants go because they were not exactly needs. Putting myself last has always been the norm, it’s difficult to escape the rut. Which is why I read so much. Fiction is my escape from everything. And the characters live quite nicely without their clothes needing washed by mom, the dishes are used and not cleaned by me, and they don’t mind being stopped in the middle of a sentence! 🙂

  4. This is a hard one for me because growing up in the 50’s and 60’s girls especially girls were told/taught to put everyone else’s needs before their own needs. If I do try to put myself first I feel guilty (I know it’s a wasted emotion) and then I get angry with myself.
    Hard to break a 60 year old habit but I am persevering 🙂

    1. I picked up the book The Feminine Mystique and was startled. Those first chapters were me! And I was born in the mid 60s. Im absolutely with you on working on breaking this rusty chain. 💕

    2. I’m cheering you on too. It’s a difficult habit to break with all the guilt that gets piled on over the years but, like the airlines tell us, look after yourself first because that’s the only way you can help anyone else.
      One day at a time; one step at a time!

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