“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”
~ Rumi
It’s too late to back away from this memoir now. I’ve started this final rewrite.
I’ve peeled apart my old drafts and stuck sticky notes all over them. I’ve crossed out whole sections, entire chapters. On some pages I’ve simply drawn a big red question mark with a Sharpie pen to indicate that I had only given you the facts, not the truth. They are the pages I despise the most because of what they are waiting for me to say.
I have boldy written a list of all the things I am TERRIFIED to share out loud. None of which were in any of the previous eight drafts.
I tacked it above my writing desk where it challenges me to keep writing whenever I falter and look for an easier path.
F*ck. I hate this.
(I’ve actually screamed that out loud on more than one occasion so far and I’m only mere pages into this new draft. It’s not that I hate the writing, or even the story. I hate that I am making myself so uncomfortable, so exposed, so… ugh, it makes me sick to write this truth and to let it stand there all alone on the page.)
Anyway, I have no more time to devote to the blog this morning. I must write.
I must.
I know you understand.
All my love, Nicole ❤ xx
PS. I still hate this…
Dear Nicole,
I’m so pleased (selfishly, I confess) that you are getting right into the version of the book that will not shy from the hard to believe but true occurrences. I wonder if you will feel a sense great relief when it’s done.
All the best to you for doing this.
Much love,
Kate
LMFAO! Ohhhhh Nicole….. so sorry for laughing! But I feel your pain, your vulnerability, your discomfort, your human-ness! You’re doing great! Feel those feelings and emotions without judgement….. and yell some more! Oh and don’t forget to laugh, hysterically if need be. Lol.Then let the authentic Nicole write some more. Do it for her, not for us. The un-edited version will always be yours & only yours, to share or not to share. This is ‘your’ journey & the most difficult journeys often take us where we were meant to go. Sending you lots of love, courage, & strength, Nicole.
It’s got to really be important if you hate it! The truth can be a deliciously frightening, enlightening, brilliant thing. You are doing this. You are committed to telling a story and a truth that must be told. It needs to be told. It’s time. You know it. Ben knows it. Your Aunties know it. We know it. You are awesome. We believe in you. Cannot wait to buy a copy and read it! Love your work, Nicole. The world needs this truth. Sending love and writing vibes. xoxoxo
I´m sending a ray of light to you right now, can you fell it?
Don´t press yourself too hard. That won´t help.
Caroline
Well done in taking the next step. You know your inner truth.
You are always telling us to believe in ourselves, so……. Believe in yourself
You know we have all got you and holding you in a safe place and if you need to keep venting, We will listen and support you
Benny and your
fur boys ar at your side
Love
Maryxxxx
Reminds me of a book by Brene Brown. She was so surprised by what she found, she couldn’t deal with it. When she finally did, her thoughts streaked into the world like a comet! Waiting for your shining streak to illuminate the world. (OK, that doesn’t sound exactly right….)
Good luck Nicole. I KNOW you can do this. Your post from the other day about the book just keeps popping into my thoughts and I really wanted to come back and tell you this…
Your blog, your authenticity and the truth that you speak have been like medicine to me. I found your blog somehow at a time when I really needed guidance and you have taught me so very much just through reading your words.
I hope that for every time you doubt yourself on this that you also remember how many people you have helped through your words and by just being you xo
Meditate to get in the zone – and let it flow!!! Write your truth girl!! Xx
Don’t stop 🛑
Don’t give up. You’ve got this! I am a writer too so I completely understand where you’re coming from. You’re clearly a natural born writer. I adore reading your blogs ~ you write so well that I’m right there with you drinking your morning tea & seeing the mist rise from the ground & hearing the cows moo. This will be a magical book, and no, you won’t be letting yourself or anyone else down. You’re greatly loved by your followers & such an inspiration because of your authenticity. You’re a soul teller, not just a story teller. Weave the beautiful tapestry of words that will create this story. Bright Blessings, Dear Nicole xx
Bless you….keep going!!