Managing The Negativity of Others

Some people are in such utter darkness that they will burn you just to see a light. Try not to take it personally.

Kamand Kojouri

Hello, Lovelies!

Today I’d like to respond to a comment from Jem on yesterday’s post:

Thank you Nicole for another great message! It sounds so true and have been working on focusing on that myself lately. Just one question, how can I support my family on this path? I see a lot of insecurity and negativity in them and it’s so hard to counter all the negative talk. I don’t want to brush their feelings aside, but by continuing to focus on negative emotions life is not going to get better. Just thinking back to your live Facebook session last week on the laws of attraction/how to get unstuck and back into flow. I have introduced gratitude sharing, so that is a start…. But how to break the negative cycle?

Hi, Jem. It can be hard, I know, when we find ourselves shifting back into flow, when our futures are looking brighter, we have a dream and passion and positivity and…

… our loved one is our polar opposite. It could be our husband, our wife, our lover, our child, our friend, our parent, our sibling. While we are moving, they are stuck. While we are in light, they are in shadow.

There are so many reasons why they are in shadow. It could be illness, unemployment, depression. It might be family dramas, money problems, low self-esteem, addiction, anger, or a raft of other things.

It’s hard for them – that place where they are. It’s hard for us, when we see our beloved hurting. Sometimes it’s hard to even be in their space.

But we love them.

So, what do we do?

Most Lightworkers are helpers and healers. That’s our first impulse. But, first and foremost, don’t try to be your loved one’s therapist. Help them find one, if that’s what they need. It is not your job to ‘fix’ them. Loving and supporting is what we’ve signed up for. Listening. Caring. Carrying the load for a while if we must.

I know, you still want to do something! Even after I have told you not to rush in.

That’s okay. There is something you can do. A lot you can do, actually.

Here’s my advice. It’s tried and tested. It works.

Work on you

Work on you. Lift your own vibration. Work on your own shit. Do this without the need for validation or approval or praise. Do it because it’s what your soul needs. Find your own therapist, if that is what it takes. Get support. Get help. Spend time getting to know and understand yourself. Get happy in your own skin, as much as anyone can. Recognise that life is peaks and troughs and it will never be all happiness. It will never be everything going right for everyone all the time. That’s okay. Work on you. Do it because self-work is important, and we come to it in our own time. When we are ready. Some people aren’t interested in self work. Some people are not ready. That’s okay. Work on you.

When you work on you, and heal things in your own life, your vibration lifts. Healing and change ripple out in mysterious and wonderful ways, provoking healing and shift in others. As your vibration lifts it positively affects the people around you. That’s how vibration works. But don’t do it for them. Do it for you!

Get excited about your own life

Get excited about your own life.  Find friends within the areas that interest you – spiritual stuff, business, writing, gardening, chainsaw ice-carving, whatever is your thing – and hang out with them. Talk with them about your amazing breakthroughs, your hopes and dreams for your interests.

Don’t limit your dreams or your life because your loved one is stuck and miserable. Don’t put your own happiness on hold. Talk about your life with your loved one when it’s appropriate but don’t be boastful, don’t hold yourself up as some shining example. Don’t make it worse for them. They are already in the hole. Treat them normally. Have the conversation if it’s right for both of you.

If your loved one is cynical, angry, defensive or caustic – if they put you or your dreams down, and leave you feeling worse for having shared – don’t share. Protect your own hopes and dreams. Leave a little space that is sacred and light-filled and that can be a refuge for you against the darkness, pain and negativity of other areas of your life. Doing what you love fills you up, and allows you to keep giving. Getting excited about your own life helps you cope better with the space your beloved finds themselves in.

Hold Space for Your Loved One

What does holding space even mean? Simply this – we choose to stop each day, in our prayers or meditations or quiet spaces, and we see our loved one’s life unfolding in positive ways. We dwell for a moment on their best qualities, on happy memories from the past, and on potential positive outcomes in the future. We think and see the best for them, and our intention helps pave the way.

Live From Kindness

Choose words and actions that are loving and kind. For yourself. For your loved ones. Treat yourself well. Look after your body. Get enough sleep. Drink water and eat nourishing foods. Clean your house. Do what you can to pay the bills. Set clear boundaries at home and work. Respect yourself. Fill yourself up with what makes you happy. Know that we each have our own journeys and our own lessons.

When we look after ourselves and live from a place of calm centre – when we work on ourselves and lift our own vibrations – we become like the lighthouse. We beam light, love and positive vibration out into the world, and others are affected. I have seen loved ones go through enormous shift after I have worked on my own life. I have seen all kinds of magic that has been invoked through the simple act of self-responsibility and self-love.

When we work on ourselves the whole world changes.

This may mean that your loved ones will shift to a better place. That they will find their way out of the space they are in and you will find a deepening and a healing within your own relationship with each other. When this happens it is a beautiful and precious thing. And it happens a lot when we do self-work!

This may mean that you shift so far that you find you can no longer be in the same circle, the same space, the same relationship as the one you love or loved. The relationship may fall away. That will be okay too. It will be what it needs to be.

Most importantly, stay true to you. Don’t be afraid to shine your light. Be like the moon. Rise in your own way, and live from your own inner magic and beauty. Even in the darkness. Through every storm and tempest. Your life is yours to live, and your loved ones have their own path too. Don’t dim your light to make them more comfortable. Accept the place they find themselves on their journey, but don’t let that stop you living yours.

All my love, Nicole xx