“I think everybody’s weird. We should all celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it.”
Johnny Depp
So, this happened to me yesterday.
I live in an old farmhouse on an organic farm in the hinterland of Byron Bay. Our farm is at the end of a quiet and trafficless road only used by the people who live on the road and their families or friends. Most locals don’t even know our road is there, even though they have lived here their whole lives. It’s private. A sanctuary. We like it that way.
Yesterday morning Ben was still in Brisbane so I did some work at my desk, ate breakfast then took a shower so I could dress and get ready for a day of client readings by Skype or Zoom.
Our bathroom is an enclosed section of the veranda (did I say our house is old?) so you have to go outside to take a bath or use the toilet. The bathroom mirrors get fogged if you have a hot shower, so we put a mirror outside on the veranda and I often use that when I put makeup on or do my hair.
So, I’d taken a shower, dropped my used towel in the hamper, and then I stopped for a minute, buck naked at the outside veranda mirror to drag a brush through my hair and tie it back off my face.
As I am snaking the hair elastic around the ponytail bunch in my hand I hear a voice go ‘Excuse me, I hear you have some awesome crystals for sale. Do you mind if we take a look?’
Standing just off the veranda is a young scruffy couple I’ve never seen before, all tattoos and dreadlocks and layered natural clothes and multiple crystal necklaces and dirty bare feet. A baby in the arms of the girl. Hippies. I’m not hippy averse. I’m just giving you the visual.
‘Your gate is closed, so we walked up from the road,’ she adds helpfully.
I am still standing there, naked. I have no idea what to even say to them.
Until finally I do.
‘I’m sorry. I don’t know where you heard that, but I don’t have crystals for sale, and our gate was closed to keep people out. I’m in self-isolation and we don’t allow people on our property. You shouldn’t be travelling or visiting people either right now. We’re all supposed to be staying at home. You need to leave, right now, and please don’t come back.’
‘Oh, okay,’ the young man says. ‘Cool. So you aren’t sick with the Vid? You’re just like super-cautious? That’s great. Could we maybe park our van here then? We live in our van. It looks like a big enough place. We could, like, pool resources.’
They smile at each other and introduce their baby, Petunia, to me. ‘Petunia would love to live on a nice farm.’
By this stage I have forgotten I am naked.
‘Please, you need to leave. I’m immuno-compromised and you are trespassing and violating my isolation.’
‘We’re young,’ the guy says. ‘You’re safe with us. Anyway, it’s a conspiracy so the world government can force-vaccinate us and get our DNA for mind-control.’
Oh my.
This is SO Byron Bay.
‘Lady, it’s all just fear. So, can we look at your crystals now?’
I stride to the top of my steps. ‘I won’t say this again. I am in self-isolation. You are trespassing. I don’t give you permission to be here and I am asking you to leave. Start walking. If you don’t leave immediately I’ll call the police. Or I can bring out my dog and he can ask you to leave. Your choice.’
The young guy says, ‘But who will protect you when people start fighting for food? You’re an old lady.’ He smiles victoriously.
‘I’m sure it won’t come to that. And anyway my husband, our dogs and my neighbours would. We all look out for each other.’
I reach for my mobile phone. ‘I’m calling my neighbour first. I’ll have him bring his sons and his dogs. He’s also a bit of a redneck, so I don’t know what else he might bring with him. Then I’m calling the police.’
They are still standing where they are. ‘Lady, we can work this out. Chill, okay?’
I pick up a giant quartz crystal laser off a nearby table and point it at them like a Kadaicha Man would point the bone. ‘You know I’m a witch too, right? That’s my form of protection, and you seriously don’t want to mess with that!’
They whisper among themselves and then start walking away.
‘Sorry, lady’, the young man yells. ‘We’re really sorry. Just forget we were ever here and we promise we won’t come back. Every Blessing to you, Sacred Sistah! Namaste!’
I watch them walk back down to the gate, and then drive off in their fluoro-coloured mini-van.
I go back inside, dress, make a cup of tea and start my work day.
Sending weird Byron Bay love vibes to you, wherever you are! Nicole xx
Dearest Nicole,
Please stay safe and I m glad you handled that so beautifully. Valour and grace. 😊
Lots of love and hugs and prayers
Prathibha
Dearest Nicole,
Stay safe my dear. But is it okay to have chuckled whilst reading your weirdly weirdest experience. I would have seriously been frightened ; you were mighty brave.
Lots of love and hugs and prayers
Prathibha
So scary, but so well written and weird that it was really funny to read. Funny scary…… Take care Nicole and be well over there in your lovely home..what you said yesterday about feeling the gravity of this time and its losses like other losses and then getting on with things is so wise, thank you for that ..a lot of people are being shaken to the core at the moment but mostly they have clothes on…xxx…thank you for this it was awful but very funny altogether…be safe..
I loved that story, it could have easily taken place in my hometown of Glastonbury, Somerset, UK. I have long been aware that Byron Bay and Glastonbury are twin towns. I’d love you to check out my blog Nicole, I think we have some stuff in common! http://www.normalforglastonbury.uk
Whoever said life in the country was boring?! Great story, wonderfully told. I feel for young Petunia, growing up in Weird World.
I dream of a world where people have such a sense of purpose that they don’t have to resort to incredible tales of fiction to stir some gossip & excitement in their lives. Where we see beyond the fear fuelled stereotypes & find that it is only our engorged egos that need this constant supply of lies & deception. Dig a little deeper & you’ll see that you are better than this Nicole. But if this is an intended work of fiction, hats off to you. It’s quite funny.
Hey Mark, thanks for your comment. I’m glad you found this funny. I didn’t. I found it unsettling. Frightening actually. It is not a good feeling when you cannot feel safe in your own home. I wrote this account lightheartedly, but what I got from the man who trespassed on my property was menace. His manner was threatening. He did not leave when I asked him to. He had no respect for my space, or for me. I have no need to write ‘incredible takes of fiction to stir gossip and excitement’ and if you knew me better you’d know that. Something compelled me to use that crystal and say those words, and it worked. It wouldn’t have mattered if this man was a hippy or a tradie or some flash-dressing hipster. My business is working with energy, reading people’s energy and having a sense of them. What mattered was his intent. And his intent was not a good one. I’m no witch, and I’d never knowingly say anything to bring harm to another. But I felt protected in that moment, and so grateful when they left. And shaken. I was still shaken. I felt anxious until my husband returned home. I know you’re someone who’ll stand up for others, and who believes in equality and caring. I appreciate your sentiment, and that you feel I have created a story around a ‘stereotype’. Stereotypes are a useful device for creating an immediate superficial orientation, but all humans are complex and cannot be pigeonholed. I’m sorry my words triggered such a deep negative reaction in you. Much love, Nicole
How is this different from Chris Hemsworth, Byron resident, comming to lismore, into our shops, and posing for group photos with staff, Thursday. Same complet lack of respect to the rest, in addition to his own family. At least Thor could have paid the fine, don’t know if the store he was in could afford 5,000 fine, maybe Thor could pay that too. He was not garbed in ‘natural clothing nd crystal, and admitted shoes and not muddy feet, don’t see any difference with lack of respect or social boundaries tho.
Hey Nic, that experience was weird but it was not random, someone you know has given them your address(!) WTF!!! – the guy is a thief and most probably is seeking something very specific in your collection….
Hi Paul, yes I spoke with the police (I knew who had given them my address because they told me!) and they tracked the guy down. He had broken into a property and was squatting in that house with a cache of stolen property. He’s been arrested. Yay for that!
Thanks for the feedback
Perhaps they popped in from a higher dimension to test your fear response? They’re human family. You may be seeing them again, isolation or not.
Talk about weird and funny with you being naked whille this happened
That is most bizarre, Nicole! And kind of funny–that is since it happened to you and not any of us! Also, since you resolved it effectively. But, honestly, can you imagine people being so brazen?? I guess you don’t have to–right? Ha, ha. So glad you handled it so efficiently. Those are the kinds of experiences that make good stories later but aren’t so funny at the time. I have a few of those myself after living 76 years!
Thanks for all the good things you share on your blog, though. I am immune-compromised myself and I appreciate the health and wellness aspects of your writings.
Blessings and health to you dear heart!
Oh Gosh Nicole! Very well done! 👍👍 Please stay safe! We all can learn alot from this bizzare event. Much thanks for sharing. Lots hugs to you ❤️❤️Evelyn
Oh for F’s sake! Seriously. “We can work this out…. Petunia would like to live on a nice farm.” Not free loving at all, just disrespecful.
Besides the audacity of these two, I must say I’m so impressed with your composure and assertiveness. How do you remain so calm (and whilst naked mind you) in front of unwelcome strangers? It’s so intrusive. I’m an assertive person usually but in a crisis or a scary situation I often lose my confidence and voice. I’m so proud of how well you handled this situation.
You would surely be burnt at the stake, you wonderful, fabulous brave witch.
I hope Ben and the dogs weren’t long before they were home to comfort you.
Dr. Rollo would have been so proud of you.
Thompnik’s comment about Mother Nature is very insightful. Unfortunately now I have an image of you standing there in all your glory putting a hex on them. 😷😷😈
You certainly have a way with getting rid of unwanted visitors, (J.W)
Nicole, that is one of the weirdest things I have ever heard! Well done you for keeping cool and getting shot of them. Love and blessings from Scotland x
OM gosh, Nicole. There are lots of lessons in this story. We just need to take what resonates with each of us!
Dear Nicole I’m in the office early to log into a Q and A from Paul Stamets Fantastic Fungi movie and the Zoom room is full. Reading your blog – wow. I had such a powerful metaphor come to me with you standing buck naked pointing the Kadaicha man at them. It feels like this virus is like Mother Nature sending us to our rooms to learn to awaken when we have failed to listen to other warnings. Your interaction, as a wise immunocompromised women felt like an embodied action of that. Naked, vulnerable and empowered. Blessings and gratitude for your youness. Stay well. Much love Nikki XX
Oh my gosh…..this is super weird…but that wand definitely protected you !! Deficit things are so weird these days that weird has become new norm ! Stay safe Nicole …namaste 🙏
This made my day ! I wish more people had your common sense! Stay staunch! Stay safe! Stay sanitised 😜😍