Answering your questions about my wellbeing

 

I always forget how important the empty days are, how important it may be sometimes not to expect to produce anything, even a few lines in a journal. A day when one has not pushed oneself to the limit seems a damaged, damaging day, a sinful day. Not so! The most valuable thing one can do for the psyche, occasionally, is to let it rest, wander, live in the changing light of a room.

~ May Sarton

Hello, Lovelies.

I had two messages yesterday – one here as a comment on my blog, and one to my inbox.

Caroline wrote:

I find the current energies so challenging. Wars, crises, climate change, inflation, scarcity of things – so many things to worry about on top of my personal problems. What will become of us? How can I be positive and faithful, that all will turn out okay? I don’t know. How about you Nicole, are you okay?

And Susan wrote:

You almost never talk about your health anymore Nicole, so I assumed you were better. Then I read about your medical diet and I guess that means you’re still unwell? If it’s okay, I’m sure your readers would love an update.

Here’s my answer to you both. Thanks for asking.

The world is hard right now, especially for empaths, intuitives and sensitive souls. So many things to worry about. For humanity, for biodiversity, for the planet. I agree, Caroline. It’s challenging. And all of that on top of our personal problems.

What will become of us?

Well, one thing is for certain. We’re all going to die. That’s going to happen anyway, at some stage – no matter whether we have a war, a pandemic, a mass shooting, climate crisis or any other number of major problems.

I don’t say that to be depressing, or to freak anyone out. Death is a fact of life, but one which most of us choose to ignore. Death is a dark bird who sits on my shoulder, and has done now for many years. While I resented her presence at first, I have come to appreciate the gifts she brings because she reminds me to live life, and to enjoy life, one precious hour at a time. This doesn’t mean that I will die tomorrow, but I am certainly aware of my mortality, and I am making decisions that focus my time and limited energy on the things that matter most to me.

Instead of being consumed by dread or anxiety about the future, choose to channel that energy into loving the life you have right now, and filling it with meaning. Choose to take action over things that matter to you. Be present. Step away from the endless stream of bad news, and give yourself a pause. Do that often. The world will still keep turning but you will feel better being unplugged from that avalanche of information. It will help you go from being in survival mode back to a more natural state of flow.

Will it all turn out okay?

For you? For me? For the planet? I don’t know. Often lately it feels like I am witnessing the end of the world as we knew it. But I’m an eternal optimist. I have faith in the human spirit and human ingenuity. I have faith in the earth’s capacity to heal, given the right conditions. I believe that all over the world, people are working to find solutions and bring about positive change. The old ways have to crumble in order for new and better to take their place.

I believe that when we die our Soul continues to exist. That we are born from a place of love and we return to love. I believe in reincarnation. All of that gives me some measure of comfort- even if this life goes to hell in a handbasket. Also, the world is full of small wonders and everyday miracles, if only we can slow down enough to appreciate them. I hope everyone keeps trying. This life and this planet is worth fighting for. There are so many good people doing good things in the world. We just don’t always hear about them.

Am I okay? Mostly. It depends on the day. I have needed more downtime lately to cope with the mental and emotional burden of supporting people in crisis. I have a therapist to help me process trauma and grief. I still struggle as an empath when so many of my community are going through difficult times, no matter how much I meditate, journal or process. I can’t bear witness to peoples’ tragedies and deep dramas and remain unmoved.

I don’t talk about my health often but it is always a theme in my daily life. I live with chronic ill-health, low immunity and low energy. I live with daily pain, poor sleep, and a litany of misery-making issues within my physical body. Late -stage lyme disease, heart issues, bladder issues, auto-immune issues, a recent diagnosis of a new degenerative neurological condition. These can’t be cured, Susan, but most of them can be managed. That’s how it is for many people with chronic illnesses. We will live with these conditions for the rest of our lives. I try not to let them define me. Not focusing on them endlessly but remaining committed to overall health also helps me manage them better.

Life gets me down sometimes, and it is easy to feel overwhelmed by the weight of the problems in our world. I remind myself often that suffering is a part of life, and that so many people through the ages have faced threat and hardship. Even in times of war and peril people have found love, written poetry, made art, or been moved to awe and wonder by a beautiful sunrise. It’s amazing how much stuff you can live with and still be happy to be alive, and still have dreams that keep you going. I choose to be happy because to be in a state of constant despair serves no one, least of all me.

I’m tired but less tired than I was. I’m remedying that deep fatigue by slowing down, and working week on, week off in my business so that I can have more time to rest, to work on my own projects, and to just live life. But I love my work, and helping people – and it’s pretty intense right now for many people, so I am happy to be of service. I am simply doing that in a more sustainable way, because these current hardships we all face are a long haul event.

I’m writing more. It has taken years for my brain to be functional enough to create words on the page that I can feel satisfied about. Cognitive dysfunction and brain fog from Lyme and post-viral syndrome made that impossible for years, so to finally be able to write well (I think it’s much better than it was, but it’s hard to be objective!) gives me great joy. I hope I live long enough to punch out at least a few completed, published and worthwhile books. Ben asked me yesterday what I would do if I lived forever, and I said ‘write more stories!’ so I know I’m on the right track.

I get to the beach often, and I’ve started playing around with paints, and all of that feels good.

I also make sure that my days are underpinned by mindfulness, meditation, love and laughter. I remind myself often to be here now, because the present moment is the only one we are ever guaranteed.

I know life is filled with challenges, and it can be distressing, depressing or downright scary at times. But gee, it’s still beautiful. I urge you to seek out that beauty, in yourself and in the world, and to find things for which to be grateful every day. It helps. I know it has helped me.

I think of you all often, and send you love and positive energy in my daily meditations. I’m glad to have you here to share the journey. Big hugs, Nicole xx