Celebrating Our Anniversary ♥

Image from pinterest

Image from pinterest

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
~ Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

 

Today is the anniversary of our wedding, Ben’s and mine.

Fifteen years of togetherness.

Fifteen years in which we’ve experienced the highs, and the lows.

Fifteen years which have only served to strengthen our love, and to show us how much more there is to know about that deepening place where both our hearts dwell.

I just want to put on record how grateful I am to my husband. He has given up so much for me. He gives so much to me. Throughout the hardest years of my illness, when everyone else had turned away, he was there. He is still here.

Without him, I doubt I would even exist in this body anymore.

How can you ever thank someone for that kind of gift? That kind of sacrifice.

Everything I am able to do is because my darling husband is right behind me, or beside me, or cheering me on, or lifting me up.

I love you, Ben Phillips, and I always will. ♥♥♥

Soul Mates – How to Recognise One

A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle

You might wonder what a Soul Mate relationship feels like, what it looks like, and how you’ll know…

Let’s start by looking at what a Soul Mate relationship is not.

Image from perpetualkid.com

A Soul Mate will not share every view, feel as you do about everything in the Universe, or be your clone.

A Soul Mate relationship will not be about never arguing.

It will not be about perfection.

Image from geekologie.com

A Soul Mate is not some strange sort of parasitic or unhealthy dependency where you simply can’t survive without them in your life, or where they love you all up and suck you dry, before discarding you to move onto someone fresh.

A Soul Mate relationship won’t be categorised by fear, relentless pain, uncertainty, a feeling of being trapped, or a sense of impending doom.

It won’t be an abusive relationship.

It won’t be a relationship that belittles you, puts you down, discredits or dishonours you. It won’t be a relationship that puts doubts in your head until you begin to question your own judgement, and where your confidence and esteem erode, little by little, until you are weak and frail – a shell of who you were before. You won’t need to keep earning the other person’s love, or proving yourself.

Image from contentinacottage.blogspot

So what does a Soul Mate relationship look like?

First and foremost, it is always categorised by love.  Not vain love or showy love – but the sort of enduring and deepening love that allows you to grow, together, into something stronger, better and wiser than you were before.

Soul Mate relationships endure – they allow us to suffer the pain, and find a way, together, to move forward. In the presence of love we learn forgiveness, acceptance, compassion.

They bring out the best in us.  They give us comfort, friendship, support, and (often at the most unexpected times) fireworks in our bellies. They help us know laughter, and tears, they help us find the strength in ourselves and in each other.

With a Soul Mate we feel safe, and that safety gives us courage to wander far from home, creating and exploring and enacting our dreams.

Soul Mates believe in us, they’ll fight for us, and they’ll call us on it when we’re mistaken, or heading in the wrong direction. They love us when we have done nothing to deserve it, and when we feel totally unworthy of love, and they remind us to take care of ourselves, while caring for us when we can’t.

And at times, they’ll annoy us or frustrate us so much that we’ll wonder why we didn’t choose the other person. We’ll wish they’d just take a hike and leave us well alone. But in the next breathe we’ll know how miserable we’d be without them in our lives.

The relationship, like yourself, will always be a work in progress, ever changing, ever evolving, at times difficult, sometimes even strained to the point where you momentarily  find it hard to recognise yourself or each other. But it will also have the familiarity and comfort of home. And in the arms of this relationship you’ll know two things – love and safety. More importantly, you’ll get to know your true self.

A Soul Mate will spilt your heart open and you won’t even mind the pain because of all the love and joy you find there.

Can they really be your Soul Mate if you argue?

I grew up in a house where I never heard my parents fight. Sadly, their marriage didn’t last, but it made me certain that arguing was not a part of anything to do with love.

After I had my very first major and quite vocal disagreement (yep, some people would call that a fight…) with my husband, just weeks after we’d been married, I sat on the internal staircase of our house and cried, while my husband went outside to wash the car.

My beautiful Guide, Rollo, spoke to me, and asked, ‘Do you know what a Soul Mate relationship is?’

‘Obviously not!’ I snivelled, feeling totally pathetic and like I’d just made the biggest mistake of my life in getting married. I was sure Rollo was going to confirm that for me too.

Instead he showed me a picture of an oyster. ‘Do you know what happens when a tiny grain of sand gets into that oyster?’ he asked.

‘No,’ I sniffed.

‘It irritates the hell out of the oyster’ my Guide boomed, laughter in his voice.

Exactly, I thought. Irritates the hell out of it.

‘And in the presence of love, the oyster wraps that irritation in a special substance and after a while the pain goes away.’

I felt my Guide smiling at me. ‘Then the tide turns, and that annoying grain of sand moves somewhere else in the oyster, and do you know what happens?’

‘No,’ I replied, slow on the uptake.

‘That grain of sand causes more irritation in a different spot. But if love is present, love keeps wrapping itself around the irritation. The oyster grows, and over time the oyster transforms that grain of sand, in the presence of love, into something of great value and lasting beauty.  That oyster grows a pearl.  Without the irritation and the need to grow, nothing extraordinary would have ever happened.  But when love is present, magical transformation is possible.’

Image from freewallpaper4me.com

I could have hugged Rollo. My wise Guide was absolutely right.  I stopped crying and went into the kitchen to make my husband a cup of tea.

It’s true.  Love transforms.  It helps us weather many storms.  It grows us.  It improves us. It comforts us and delights us. And at some stage it causes us pain (usually BECAUSE we love), and love helps us bear that pain. The pain doesn’t weaken us – it strengthens us.  And from that pain we grow into something beautiful.

Rumi, the great poet says it best:

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” 

Double love hearts at sunset by Pink Sherbet Photography

Attracting Love – Part 2 *Soul Mates and Life Partners

There is something wonderful about sharing life’s journey with someone you love.  I can say that from experience, having happily celebrated my twelfth wedding anniversary yesterday. A life partner, a soul mate, a companion, lover, friend – for many of us it is one of life’s greatest gifts and pleasures.

But what do you do when you haven’t found them yet?  When you are lonely and looking and wondering if there’s anyone out there who can truly  love you for who you are, and whom you can love deeply in return…

The following formula has worked for me, and many of my friends and clients.  I trust that it can also work for you.  So read on!

Knowing what you want

The Universe works like a giant restaurant.  It will only deliver you what you order.  If you keep changing your mind, it makes it hard for those hard-working kitchen angels to create the right ‘dish’ and deliver it speedily to you.  Mixed messages are confusing for everyone, and will ultimately frustrate you in your attempts to find true love.

Most people spend more time choosing a car than they do choosing a life partner.  How often do people fall into a relationship and then try and make it over into the one they want?  We throw so much time and energy and money into trying to make square pegs fit into round holes.  Often years of our lives are spent fighting battles we were never meant to win.  Sound familiar?

Discernment is the key to successful relationships, and discernment must ALWAYS start with awareness.  Are you aware of what you want in a relationship?  For many people, their clearest opinions and decisions start out being based around what they DON’T want.  This is as good a place to start as any, as long as you are able to then turn each negative into a positive.  “I don’t want a partner who will cheat on me” becomes, “I deserve a partner who will be faithful and loyal to our relationship.”  Look to the good and unsuccessful relationships around you to guide you in making your love choices.

Journalling:  Take time to really think about the sort of partner and the type of relationship you are looking for.  As you become clearer about what you want, begin by writing the qualities and characteristics of this relationship down.  Create a “Love Shopping List”, and add to it as your awareness increases.  Take your time with this.  Do you rush into buying a house, or choosing an expensive once-in-a-lifetime holiday?  Make your list comfortable, accurate and reflective of your innermost desires.

If you meet someone who clearly does not fit what you ordered, then wait!  Maybe the Universal Chef is still cooking your meal.  (And of course they may wonderfully surpass all of your expectations!)

Activity:

I have used this method myself, and so have many of my friends and clients.  This activity involves letting the Universe know exactly what you are wanting in a love relationship so that it can deliver this to you.  In every single case that I am aware of it has been successful!  I also know of people who have refreshed and revived existing relationships using the same technique.

When you have compiled your list of characteristics and qualities for your desired partner (from the journalling activity before this one), review them until you are satisfied with your choices.

Take a clean white sheet of paper and then write the following:

“I, (Insert your name), now chose the following in my life partner:”

Now write down your list.  Finish the work by writing, “I now accept this or better in my life”.  Sign the work and set it to one side.

Take a second piece of paper.  On this piece write down all of the qualities and characteristics within YOU that you can offer a loving partner.  Be honest and humble.  Sign it with, “I offer this and better to my life partner”.  This part is important because the Universe is governed by laws of energetic exchange – you don’t get anything for nothing!

Now fold both pieces of paper and seal them in an envelope.  In your mind’s eye, imagine these pieces of paper and surround them with a pink bubble of Light.  Send them to Spirit, and whenever you think to in the future, send more pink Light to them.

Put the envelope somewhere safe, and place your expectations to one side.  Be open to what comes to you.  Spirit always surprises us with more good than we could ever imagine for ourselves.

Meditation: 

This five minute meditation will help you to consciously connect into the energy of your Soul Mate.  It works on opening your heart chakra, allowing you to radiate love into the world.

Nicole Cody’s Guided Meditation for Attracting your Soul Mate

This is lovely, and describes this process perfectly.  It will also help YOU get into that wonderful ‘attracting’ vibration of joy and anticipation…

PS – Remember to leave a comment, so you can be in the running to win my beautiful Heart Chakra healing necklace.  Details and picture here Competition closed.

Attracting Love – Part 1

There is only one happiness in life—to love and be loved. ~ George Sands

(Image by Idea Go)

Love is one of the essential things that all humans need to sustain us, and to make life worthwhile. What is the heart chakra for, if not to give and receive love? We need to make ourselves magnetic to love.

Did you know that we attract what we energetically put out to the Universe, and we also receive love in direct correlation to the amount we feel that we deserve?

Today’s blog post is about getting ready to love – outlining the practical steps that you can take to attract or improve and keep real love within your life. Love for yourself, love for and from others.  Tomorrow we will look at how to attract new love relationships, soul mates and life partners.

Start with yourself

The World mirrors back to us what we energetically put out.  It is impossible for people to love you, help you or nurture you more than you will allow them to.  As you treat yourself, so will others treat you.  The most fundamental action that you can take to improve your love life is to love yourself first.

 (Image by Stuart Miles)

Self care.

Take time to really take care of yourself.  Look after your health, your fitness and your appearance.   This sends a message to the Universe, and all those within it, that you value yourself, and that you are worth taking care of, and pride in.  Self care also sends a strong message to others about how to treat you.  Self care is not about the ‘Cult of Youth’ portrayed by the media – all artificial appearances, cosmetic surgery and being something or someone you are not.  Self care is all about maintaining and caretaking your physical and emotional body, in the way that a good tenant takes care of their home and land.

Self nurture.

To nurture something is to shower it with love and care, to protect it from negative influences, and to give it the things that will help it to grow strong and healthy.  In some cases, self nurture is also about allowing yourself the time, space and resources to heal.  Self nurture keeps us interesting to ourselves and others, and is what makes our lives rich and fulfilled.  Following and developing our interests forges a strong sense of self, and that then acts like an internal compass which guides our direction and decisions.  Some tips on self nurture here.

(image by graur razvan ionut)

Self worth.

What you believe you are worth is what you will attract into your life.  If you constantly attract relationships that are not fulfilling, you need to go further in examining your own beliefs and motivations.  If you are in a relationship that started off well, but has since deteriorated in the quality of loving, look to how you behave – your input into the relationship, your level of self nurture and care, and your beliefs and actions.  Have you ended up putting yourself last, or settling for second best?  To improve your sense of self worth, practice self care and self nurture!

Sometimes when we move into a new relationship we move our own needs aside to focus our attention on the other person.  This sets a dangerous precedent for future action, where you are in a trap of constantly putting yourself last.  Even when you’re in a great relationship, maintaining self care and self nurture are what will help the great relationship remain great, without paying the ultimate price of sacrificing yourself and your identity in the process.

By practicing a higher level of self care and self nurture you can often rejuvenate an existing relationship and put it back on track.  As you change and raise your own vibration, you will also raise the vibrational level of those around you.

Remember that you cannot look to one relationship to satisfy every need in your life.  You need to take responsibility for choosing work, interests and friends that fulfill you too.  As your life broadens and you become more actively involved in pursuing joy, you may find that your relationship is the one you wanted all along!

Meditation:

Journalling:

Today, create a list of positive words and phrases that describe you.  Start with the words “I am”  and finish with the words “I am love, loving, and lovable.  All is well.” 

When things are going wrong….

When you’re at the bottom of the relationship barrel of life, the only way is up!

Remove yourself from harm:  If you’re in a dangerous or damaging relationship emotionally or physically, then find a safe space where you can regroup.  This does not mean having to leave the relationship, (although it ultimately may), but it does mean being adult in your thinking, and honestly examining where you are at.  If this is too hard to do at home, then take yourself off on your own for a walk or a coffee, or go away a few days.  You need to be truthful with yourself.  Parent yourself and ask, “If I were my child, would I be satisfied with this relationship for them?”  If not, think carefully about what to do next.  Perhaps it is something that is broken beyond repair, or that you have outgrown, but quite possibly it may be something you can work at.  Seek help if you find you cannot cope, don’t have the tools to fix the problems yourself, or are not in a space for making sound and safe decisions for yourself.  If the person you are with is involved in activities such as drug and alcohol abuse, or is violent, you must look realistically at the fact that no matter how much you try or how much you love that person, only THEY can change, and only if they want to.  Always put your personal safety and the safety of any children first.

Limit exposure to negative influences:  Clean up your act.  Let go of damaging friendships and demanding situations for which there is no positive trade-off.  Feel your pain rather than numbing it with food, sex, alcohol, drugs or negative company.  It is better to be lonely and with a loving attitude to yourself, than with people who say or do things that have a negative impact upon you and those around you.  Look at your past relationship patterns – do you use language such as “I always choose x,y,z” or “I’m just like my (mother, father, etc) I can never (keep a relationship, pick a good one etc).”  Do you subconsciously choose people who will fail to love or respect you in the way that you deserve, or that mirror damaging relationships from your past, such as other family, friends or parents?

Find positive support:  Seek out the company of positive and supportive relatives or friends.  Try new social circles and activities.  Use tools that uplift you, such as reading positive magazines and books, meditating, working with your Guides, and communicating often with Spirit, Angels and your Guides.  Find or make a spiritual space that is a refuge for you, even if it is a corner of a room or garden.  Bring beauty into your life so that the space around you reflects the changes you want to make within you.

Practice extreme self care:  You know what to do.  Look after yourself and treat yourself kindly and with patience.

♥  Sending YOU Love and Light, from my heart to yours, Nicole xx

PS – Remember to leave a comment, so you can be in the running to win my beautiful Heart Chakra healing necklace.  Details and picture here