A ‘Renovator’s Delight’ Is Rarely A Good Relationship Choice!

“There is only one real sin, and that is to persuade oneself that the second-best is anything but the second-best.” 
~  Doris Lessing

 

In Australia we have a term for houses that need a stupid amount of work to make them habitable. We call them Renovator’s Delights, and you can be sure that anything that is advertised as such is sure to be a money pit, no matter how much a Real Estate Agent might tell you otherwise in their eagerness to get you to commit to a sale. These houses have much more than cosmetic flaws that could be easily fixed with a coat of paint or some new handles or light fittings. A Renovator’s Delight hides serious structural flaws that are often not apparent to the rookie buyer. This kind of work is expensive to repair, if it can be repaired at all. A smart buyer would be better off looking for a different investment opportunity.

Sometimes a seller will disguise a Renovator’s Delight with a quick paint job and some landscaping so that it looks visually appealling – they can sell you on ‘the dream’ as long as you don’t dig too deep. This is an even worse situation for a buyer who hasn’t done their homework and organised a complete building inspection because they won’t be prepared for the devastating structural issues they will one day find below that pretty surface.

So what does that have to do with relationships? A lot, actually.

In all my time of guiding, advising and counselling others, especially sensitive and empathic souls and those who identify as ‘spiritual’ or ‘healers’ I’ve seen many good men and women choosing the human equivalent of a Renovator’s Delight in love relationships.

Very few people lead with their faults and flaws in a new relationship. That’s normal. We all want to be thought well of, and to be successful in making a relationship last. And what’s perfect anyway? All of us have idiosyncrasies and quirks. Much of that is also what makes us appealing to others. This truth is evident when you see people buy a home. Oh my goodness, one person will say. I can’t stand all those funny little stained-glass windows. That alone will be enough for them to choose not to buy. Oh my goodness, the next person will say. Look at all those funny little stained-glass windows. I totally love that! After which they will buy the house because those funny little windows really spoke to something in their soul.

Image from Alamy at www.architecturaldigest.com

Sometimes after we’ve lived in a home, loved it and been happy there, disaster strikes. A pipe bursts. There is a fire in the kitchen. Termites eat out a pillar or a roof support. But it’s our home. We love it. So we fix it, or try to. We do the work together with our partner, friends or family, we bring experts in, or in some cases we decide to just accommodate the problem and we learn to live with it. In human terms this can be a sudden illness, a bad decision, a stupid action, a transgression, loss of a job or some other calamity. Our commitment to what has been a good and happy relationship and the love involved allows us to stay together, despite a structural flaw. Importantly, everyone acknowledges that flaw. No-one covers it up or suggests that it isn’t real.

Human Renovator’s Delights in new relationships often know that they have serious flaws but they are not invested in fixing them, and they go to great lengths to hide them. Some trade on these flaws or backstory in order to get or keep attention and to excuse behaviours and beliefs. Some will be honest and tell you they are not good relationship material. They mean it, and they say it to give you an out, but a Lightworker or empath will then feel it is their responsibility to stay, help, and fix things.

Inside all of us is a compass that helps us to see if the person in front of us has quirks that will endear them to us or that we can learn to live with, or if there are serious structural flaws that make this relationship not worth our investment. What’s always needed for sound relationship decisions is time and the ability to tune in to that inner compass.

I have friends and clients going through hard times in relationships right now, and they’re wondering how they ended up where they are – with a lover who cheats or gambles, with a husband who suddenly wants out, with a boss who keeps lying.

They’re hurt, distressed and devastated at what has happened and they’ve asked me the questions: Why did this happen? How did this happen? Why did I not see this coming?

Truly, a wise part of them did see it coming. A wise part of them already knew. All of us have intuition, and instinct. This force within us operates with a vast amount of information – not just our conscious awareness.

When pressed, all of these people eventually admitted that there had been things in their relationship from early on that made them uncomfortable. Or there was a point where things began to change, and that point was a long way from where they are now.

In each situation my clients and friends had intuitively picked up on an energy or behaviour that was out of flow, out of truth – either with the way the other person was presenting themselves within the relationship, or with how their partner’s actions and behaviours conflicted with their own values and beliefs. In each case their intuition  red-flagged something, using those feelings of discomfort and that instinctive knowledge to bring the situation to their conscious attention.

So why didn’t they allow themselves to be guided by that intuition? Quite simply, their mind got in the way. They discounted, excused, second-guessed or validated that discomfort away. They saw what they wanted to see, or needed to see, rather than what was. They gave second chances, chose to believe what they were told, and shoved that discomfort back down where it no longer bothered them. In many instances they convinced themselves that the person could change, or that they could help them heal or find ways to help them overcome the issue. Or, they thought that they’d already invested too much to walk away, or that any relationship was better than being on their own.

In many situations this person’s life then became completely consumed by the relationship and their worries over how to fix it, or whether to stay or go. All of the energy that they could have spent enjoying life, being creative, practicing self-care, building or maintaining other relationships was instead diverted into somehow trying to transform their relationship Renovator’s Delight into something more safe and habitable.

Just like a property that is a Renovator’s Delight sucks all your money, a relationship with a Renovator’s Delight sucks all your time and energy until there’s nothing left for anything or anyone else. (Narcissists and Sociopaths – the kind of Renovator’s Delight that can NEVER be fixed – will actually feed off your energy and then discard you once you’re broken or no longer of value to them.)

 

Tune in for a moment. What’s your intuition been telling you? How much of your time is wrapped up in this relationship? Are you both emotionally invested in solving problems and making things work? Is there any action or is it all talk and broken promises? Is it worth it?

A friend of mine recently sold a Renovator’s Delight after finally accepting (ten years and hundreds of thousands of dollars later) that she was never going to make it what she needed it to be. A new couple bought the house and then promptly demolished it to leave a clean canvas for their dream home. After my friend got over the shock she bought herself a brand new apartment with everything she needs – all in full working order. She couldn’t be happier.

The energies this week, and this month, support big decisions and coming into alignment with your values and inner core. Maybe it’s time for you to make a change.

You might also find these resources useful:

Using Your Internal Compass to Navigate Life

Understanding Intuition and Gut Instinct

or this program of eight free exercises designed to help you connect to and work with intuition, energy and the metaphysical:

Strengthening Your Intuition – A program of Exercises

Biggest hugs and love to you, Nicole  xx

 

 

It’s Not Your Job To Understand The How

“The Universe is under no obligation to make sense to you.” 
Neil deGrasse Tyson

 

Right now we’re in a great energy for making decisions, crafting plans and dreaming up visions of how we would like our lives and our future selves to be.

I hope you take advantage of this energy to remodel your life or your life direction.

I’d also like to offer some advice;

All you need to work out is what you want. It’s not your job to work out the how.

I see so many people come up with a fantastic vision for their lives, or an incredible business idea. The thoughts they have give them energy and motivation. They are inspired. They are lit up from within.

And then…

And then their brain kicks in.

‘But it’s impossible’, their brain tells them. ‘We don’t know how to do that.’ ‘It’s unrealistic.’ ‘That will never work.’ ‘It will take forever and you’re already too old to be starting something like that.’ ‘We don’t have any money.’

Suddenly goals and dreams that were inspiring and potentially life-changing get whittled down to ‘sensible, practical and achievable’. With that smaller goal comes a total loss of passion and enthusiasm. The spark goes out of it. What was inspired becomes more grind. It breaks my heart!

Here’s the thing. It’s not your job to work out the how. It’s only your job to say YES to this big idea. All you need to do is commit to that vision or goal and start putting energy into it as best you can. As soon as you commit the Universe kicks in support and all kinds of magical synchronicities and help begin to flow your way. As you walk the path you’ll work out what direction to take, or what step needs to come next. Or someone else will show you or assist you.

It doesn’t mean there won’t be setbacks or obstacles. We all experience those, no matter what we do.

So, if an idea comes to you and lights you up, say yes to it. Even if you have no idea how to make it happen. The how comes later. And if you don’t say YES to that idea it will leave you, and go find someone who is willing to invest energy into it to make it move from thoughtform into reality. Think about it – I’m sure you’ve had a good idea before and not acted on it. At some later date you’ve walked down the street or turned on the TV and there’s your idea, brought to life by someone else and making them happy or making them money! Hey, you think. That’s my idea. But it isn’t. Because you didn’t commit. You got stuck in your head and let the HOW question overwhelm you.

So, Lovelies, dream big. Dare to think about your future and what that might look like. Be open to ideas. Invite them in. And don’t worry about the HOW. The universe is an ever-unfolding, ever-expanding miracle, looking for opportunities to express and explore. That means that those inspirations need a home. Be that home. Say YES. The HOW will take care of itself. That’s the way it’s always been done. Commit and you will find a way.

Biggest hugs and love to you, Nicole  xx

Poached Pears with Honey and Turmeric

“Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best,” and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.” 
~  A.A. Milne

 

Here at the farm it’s been unseasonably cold and rainy as we head towards summer. That’s okay. It’s the perfect weather for poached pears.

This is a very simple dish to make, but the results are fancy enough to grace your table at a dinner party or special luncheon. Or you can eat them anytime! They are super when served warm but are also delicious cold. They are sweetly spiced and they turn golden from the turmeric.

Make extra. You’ll be glad you did.

 

Ingredients:

4 to 6 large firm ripe pears (Bartlett or Bosc are good varieties), 3 cups of water, 1/2 cup of honey, 1 large cinnamon stick, 6 to 12 cardamom pods crushed with the back of a knife or a mortar and pestle, a 2 inch piece of ginger cut into slices, 5 cloves, a 2 inch piece of turmeric cut into slices, pinch of salt

(If you’re sugar-free use natvia or stevia instead of the honey, or just cook the pears in unsweetened apple juice instead of the water and honey mixture. No fresh ginger or turmeric? Just use a 1/2 teaspoon of each as dried powder)

Method:

  1. Peel the pears and find a saucepan that fits them snugly.
  2. Add the water, honey and spices to the pan and bring the liquid to the boil.
  3. Reduce heat and add pears.
  4. Poach the pears in the liquid for 20 minutes or until soft all the way through when pierced by a fork or skewer.
  5. Remove pears from liquid to serve.
  6. If you want a thicker syrup return the pan to the stove and boil the liquid until it is reduced by half. This syrup can then be drizzled over the pears.
  7. Serve with a spoonful of poaching liquid or reduced syrup. Excellent with yogurt, ice-cream or creamed rice pudding.

Living from Self Awareness – Monday Oracle, 20 November 2017

We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.
~ Malcolm X

Hello, Lovelies!

November is a month for knowing ourselves deeply, for healing old hurts and for prioritising and redesigning our lives so that they better represent the person we are and the person we want to become.

Keep that in mind as we look at the gifts which the oracle card Self Worth brings us.

So, what awareness does Self-Worth bring us this week?

This week we are invited to step into self-sovereignty. When we are sovereign in our lives we live from the truth that is in our hearts. We care for ourselves and we make choices that are good for us and which are aligned to our values and interests.

If you’re out of alignment somewhere this week you’ll know it. Suddenly you’ll feel it as a deep truth within your body: you’ll know without a flicker or a doubt that you have to lose the weight, change jobs, end the marriage, start speaking up at work, make a debt-management plan, go travelling, get more down time, stop drinking Red Bull, offer your gifts to the world, write that book, stop going to family Christmas, or you’ll know you need to change your appearance, move to another city, go swimming with the dolphins, become an activitist… So many possibilities, and one of them will be true for you. Maybe more.

When we know something in our body as truth it’s a strong conviction. We don’t need to talk ourselves into it. It just is. This knowledge about ourselves sits within us burning bright. It demands to be acted upon. And we want to, even if it puts us outside our comfort zone. We won’t need to discuss it or canvas opinions or advice. We’ll just know. We’ll just decide. Self-sovereignty is a quiet power. But don’t underestimate its life-changing force.

Self-sovereignty can be uncomfortable at first if we have lived our lives putting other people’s needs, expectations and happiness ahead of our own. For many sensitive people who are highly attuned to the energies of others it can be hard to start feeling into who we really are and what is true for us because of the external influences that have always shaped our actions and decisions. You may feel a little (or a lot) lost before you find your way. Your strongest feelings this week may be ‘I can’t do this anymore’, without knowing what to do next. Don’t see feeling lost as a bad thing. Understand that it is a sign that you have moved away from the shore of your old way of being. You are in awareness now. You can’t keep living in denial of your truth. You can’t do that old thing anymore. Knowing this creates separation. It opens up possibilities. Soon the wind will catch your sails and send you in a new direction, one you may not have even contemplated before.

Self-Sovereignty is also a position that reminds that what we can conceive and believe we can draw to us. It’s a week for thinking about how we want our life to change and acting upon it. There is a magic that happens when we do this. All kinds of unseen forces gather to enact help and change for us, opening up synchronicities and helpful resources and relationships. Our universe is an ever-expanding one, and as we move out of stuckness or ‘untruth’ we unleash a power of good on our behalf.

Supportive crystals this week?

Iolite illuminates your depths and helps you to see what’s hiding, and what you’re not seeing – a beautiful stone for boosting self-belief. It’s an unusual stone, but my pick for this week. Green Aventurine opens you out into possibility, tapping you into the joy of living and that wonderful feeling of gratitude. Any double-terminated crystal or cluster of crystals from the quartz family (think clear quartz, smoky, amethyst or citrine) placed in your workspace or the room where you spend most of your time will amplify these inner rays of soul-energy, helping you to recognise them and helping yourself and others to transform easily and with grace and joy. 

 

Helpful essential oils?

I’m loving Young Living’s Envision this week. It’s an oil blend I often use in my workshops and retreats to help my students connect to inner wisdom and intuition. It helps us to see a greater possibility for ourselves. Use Envision for spiritual connection, inspiration and breakthroughs. Dab a drop on your Crown Chakra, back of neck, over your heart, wrists and the soles of your feet, inhale directly or add to your diffuser. 

Want to make your own blend? Each of the following oils will work beautifully on their own for you this week, but they’ll also make a delicious combination for diffusing. Vetiver will calm and ground us, promoting emotional balance, Lavender keeps us in flow and relaxed, Ylang Ylang opens our hearts and is supportive when we feel anxious or overwhelmed, and Bergamot brings joy, gratitude and optimism.  To diffuse add 2 or three drops of each oil to your room or personal diffuser. You can find the oils here.

Holding you, as always, in my thoughts, prayers and meditations, and intending for you a life of abundance and joy, where you are no longer limited by your doubts.

All my love,

Nicole ❤ xx

PS: Monday’s oracle card, ‘Self -Worth’, is from the Chakra Wisdom Oracle Deck by Tori Hartman. I use any cards shown as a prompt for channelled messages and my own intuitive wisdom, so my take is sometimes quite different to the meaning found in a book. 

Want to make the most of your year in 2018? Come to my Brisbane events on 15 and 16 December and join me for a night of channelling, or our weekend workshops. I’ll be teaching you how to connect into your inner truth to create and activate a vision board to bring your dreams into reality, and how to use tarot or oracle cards to gain clarity and insights for your life as you learn how to give a reading for yourself or others. We’ll also have a pop up shop filled with delicious crystals and other spiritual tools.  More details here.

 

The Crystal Farmer of Byron Bay

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant.” ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

 

We live on an organic farm, tucked in the hills behind Byron Bay. Our main focus is organic heritage citrus, beef cattle and bush tucker (Bunya nuts and herbs). But we have come to do a very good additional line of earthed and energetically charged crystals.

Our land holds an abundance of ancient trees and wildlife, and expanses of soft green grass and leaf litter where it is possible for me to lay stones out on the earth beneath these trees, or under open skies or where the various animals (eagles, koalas, platypus, wallabies, powerful owls etc) make their homes.

Neighbours have laughingly begun to call me a crystal farmer because I always seem to be planting or harvesting stones as I charge them up for my retreats and workshops.

In the giant shed where Ben houses his tractors I have row upon row of pallet racking, in which there are all of my boxes of stones. The boxes and crates are carefully marked. I have stones that have been in grids through such varied astrological events as the Mars, Saturn, Mercury Venus and Jupiter alignment of 2000 (this was on another farm, under wide open skies and nights crowded with stars) the 2012 Transit of Venus, the total solar eclipse of 2012, a partial solar eclipse in 2014, the transit of Mercury in 2016 and many supermoons and comet showers.

I also have crates for stones that have been in grids such as my 2016 Ancestors and Songlines grid, as well as stones that have been charged with the energies of plants, places and weather.

To do this energetic charging I lay out crystals on the earth (mostly – sometimes I place individual in trees or even in our creeks and waterholes) in various patterns that conform to the principles of sacred geometry, after which I leave them for a prescribed period of time.

Later I go back to harvest them, digging them out of the earth or from between the grass where it has grown long. All the crystals are then cleaned and placed into storage, ready for use.

I even charge up the stones we use in jewellery and mandala making.

Sometimes I play my Tibetan Singing Bowl over them, or I will tone and sing the songs my Aboriginal Aunties or other elders have taught me.

Eventually we harvest the stones. If the grid is very big I will often call upon Ben and our friends or neighbours to assist with bringing up the stones for me to clean and sort. It’s a lot of work, but once they are harvested and stored away they maintain that energy, ready for use at some future date.

Now we have our Crystal retreat, our mini-retreat and workshop, and our Christmas pop up shop and events coming up, as well as the Crystal Packs for our 2018 Year of ME Planner, we’ve been down in the shed for days, sorting and gathering and allocating stones. I’m bringing out some rare and precious ones for my students, and a few for sale.

And already I am planning a gigantic spiral grid of stones for the total lunar eclipse on January 31 in 2018.

So I guess it’s true – I’m a crystal farmer. I like to think of my harvested stones as the seeds that will help you to grow as you seek your own inner space, soul connection and intuitive path.

We’d love to see you at any of our events, or as part of our growing community of like-minded souls in 2018. You can click on the links to view our events for the remainder of this year. Information about our online community and 2018 courses will be available soon. As well as our community and year-long course and support we have an Awakening to Spirituality retreat for waking up your psychic and intuitive abilities in March 2018, and Advanced Channelling and Energy Techniques using Sacred Geometry in August 2018 – contact my wonderful PA Dana to put your name down on the list to receive more info about those on our pre-release list – she’s at nicolecodyinfo@gmail.com

I’m really excited to share this journey with you, and I hope that one day you get to hold one of these special stones.

Sending so much love your way, Nicole  xx

 

Eagles and Cups of Tea

“Farewell,” they cried, “Wherever you fare till your eyries receive you at the journey’s end!” That is the polite thing to say among eagles.
“May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks,” answered Gandalf, who knew the correct reply.” 
~  J.R.R. Tolkien

We are always up early, here at the farm. Right now we have weaners (calves that are being weaned from their mums) locked up in the yards being fed hay and taught yard manners while their mums’ milk dries up so we start our day down at the yards feeding out and checking water.

At the back of our farm we have a wedgetail eagle nest – a giant platform of sticks large enough for us all to sit in (if we could climb that high!). This year the eagles have hatched and reared three fledglings, and while we worked this morning they all took flight, riding the thermals about our farm.

It made my heart swell to watch them all; the majestic father with a feather missing in the leading edge of his right wing, the slightly smaller mother and then these three tentative and still clumsy juniors. When they landed in a Sydney Blue Gum at the back of our orchard it looked like 2 large men and their dogs sitting in the branches, so big are these birds.

They were still resting there when we finished our morning chores so we sat out in the backyard with our mugs of tea watching them. We only came in again when they took flight and soared off over the ridge and out of sight. (I added a photo below of the golden glow that surrounded us this morning!)

I hope you get a little outdoor time or time for a quiet cuppa today too.

Take care of yourself and each other, all my love, Nicole ❤ xx

Love is Love but it needs to be Law!

“At some point in our lifetime, gay marriage won’t be an issue, and everyone who stood against this civil right will look as outdated as George Wallace standing on the school steps keeping James Hood from entering the University of Alabama because he was black.”George Clooney

 

On the 27th of June 2015 I used a Facebook ‘Celebrate Pride’ filter on my profile pic to celebrate the legalisation of Gay Marriage in America. This filter imposed a rather gorgeous rainbow over my face.

At the time Facebook was awash with rainbow profiles as people showed their support for the LGBTQI community and to celebrate equality of marriage rights. The rainbows stayed up for a week or two and then everyone gradually moved on.

But I just couldn’t. It wasn’t fair that all of my LGBTQI friends and clients here in Australia weren’t afforded those same human rights. So I decided to keep up the rainbow profile as a personal protest and reminder until we achieved marriage equality in Australia too.

Yesterday, the 15th November 2017, the Federal Government announced the results of a recent plebiscite canvassing the people’s opinions on the legalisation of same-sex marriage. Australia voted YES. Hooray!

My rainbow profile pic is staying though (I have updated it slightly with a new rainbow heart flourish to celebrate our progress so far!). Right now all that’s happened is that the wishes of the voting public have been recorded. It’s too soon for me to change my picture. I need for this to be legislated, so that the rights of my LGBTQI friends are protected by law.

Let’s hope the Australian Government acts soon.

Love is love, in any language. And we can always use more love in the world.

Sending Equality-Spangled Love your way, Rainbow-Faced Nicole  xx

Image from www.heroarts.com