“She looked as if she were about to burst into tears, but she was wonderful at catching the ball of her own mood in mid-air.”
~ Rebecca West
Thanks for all of your positive thoughts and wishes.
Yesterday kinda sucked. But I’d known it would, so no surprises there.
I could have been up all night writing out my angst in some edgy post, but I was preoccupied and couldn’t sleep and wasn’t really in a space to write. I shook my fist at the heavens, I cried, I muttered, I was stupidly angry – at God, the Universe, my body, myself, my life, the census, all of my lost opportunities and broken dreams etc etc.
After which I got over myself. Because it starts to sound like self-pity after a while, and we can’t have that.
I still couldn’t sleep. I played so much Candy Crush Soda (in the dark on my iPad) so that I wouldn’t wake anyone up that I won heaps of bonus playing time which I then used up because I wasn’t sleeping anyway.
So this morning I am levelled up, I am the Candy Crush Soda Queen, I am sleep deprived and begrudgingly resigned to the fact that, thanks to lyme, my body still has major issues that can only be resolved by major surgery and more drugs. After which, I hope, I’ll eventually feel and function a whole lot better.
I’m okay, and I’ll be okay.
Although my current internal dialogue hasn’t quite caught up with that news yet.
Internal dialogue…
*insert big swears*
*insert happy face*
*a bit more swearing*
Okay. That’s better. I’ll go make a cup of tea and my day will proceed and life will go on and my bad mood will dissipate. My doctors have charted a path and I will walk that path.
There are still some things to be done before surgery, so it has been scheduled for the day before my birthday. Whoot!
How can you not laugh?
