When your Heart says No…

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“We need to find the courage to say ‘NO’ to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.”  ~ Barbara De Angelis

We’ve all been there.  The place that ticks all the boxes.  The partner our friends and parents love.  The dream job.  The thing we thought we really wanted.  The place we always figured we’d be happy to be…

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But what happens when you meet that dream lover, or find yourself in that perfect place, or finally achieve the big thing, only to find that something’s missing?

You scratch your head, and check the boxes.




It all looks good. It all adds up.

So why do you feel like you’re dead inside?

Life isn’t always about finding a partner/job/solution that ticks all your boxes.  After all, wasn’t it your HEAD that made the list up in the first place? Or, maybe even worse, it’s your Mother’s list, or your teacher’s, or something you found in a self-help book or some corner of the internet.

If it’s not feeling right, it’s because your HEART isn’t engaged.  And that’s where the magic happens!

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Think back over your life, and you’ll soon know what I mean.  Remember the outfit you loved so much because it transformed you somehow.  The one you never would have chosen for yourself, because you didn’t think that colour suited you. But once you tried it on, you knew…

What about your unlikely best friend, back at school?  The one so opposite to you, and when you got together all you did was laugh and laugh. You came from different backgrounds, you looked completely different to one another, but you both were crazy about that one thing that brought you together in the first place.

Remember the weird combination of flavours that had you totally hooked at that little Thai street cafe on the last night of your overseas holiday – your whole life up until that point had been about the plain sort of food your grandma cooked.  Since then you’ve sought out food like that back home. You even COOK food like that at home.

Life is a glorious adventure, and it was never meant to fit so neatly into a plan, or a list or a flow chart. Certainly not one that is safe, sensible and completely without risk.  All the best stuff in life is the stuff you never could have made up for yourself.

Hearts have a wisdom all their own.  And the wisdom they share with you might not make any sense at all to your brain.  Or to anyone else’s brain. (But whose life is this anyway?)

Heart wisdom isn’t logical and yet it usually shows you the best path to happiness in life.

When your heart says NO, pay attention. When all the boxes are ticked, and there’s no gleam in your eye, no enthusiasm in your step, your heart is trying very hard to tell you something.

Haven’t you ever heard the expression ‘my heart’s just not in it’? That’s your heart saying NO.

When your heart says no, it’s asking you to stretch, it’s encouraging you to grow. That might feel a little strange at first.  It might even feel a little wrong.  Don’t confuse fear with intuition… What we come to love often looks or feels different to what we had expected in our mind.

When your heart says NO it’s because it understands that there is a YES just round the next corner, and if you say wrongly say YES to a NO, you close yourself off to the magic and miracles that give us the best and most memorable parts of life.

Tune in today.  Ask your heart.  Is it a YES?  Is it a NO?

When your heart says NO, be brave.  Move on…

Listen with your eyes…

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If only we could pull out our brain and use only our eyes.
~ Pablo Picasso

When I was younger, and just becoming interested in love relationships, my Nana gave me an odd piece of advice. She told me I needed to learn to listen with my eyes.

Of course I had no idea what she was talking about.

But as I get older I am more and more grateful for her wisdom. It holds true for love, friendship, business… It has helped me get my head straight about things more than once in this lifetime.

My beautiful Nana, who is still going strong at 96

Don’t be seduced by your ears, she told me. People can tell you anything, and make it sound good. People can tell you anything, and you might believe it… But it might only be words.

Learn to listen with your eyes.

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That boy who tells you how great he is, and how successful – how does he speak to his mother? How does he treat his sister?

Do you see him studying hard, and bettering himself?

How does he speak to the waitress in the coffee shop? Is he patient with old people? Kind to animals?

Does he turn up when he says he will, call you like he promised, pay his fair share?

Don’t listen to what he tells you, let your eyes hear his truth.

Conversely, there will be people you meet who don’t talk themselves up at all. There might not be much to hear with your ears, but when you listen with your eyes you’ll learn plenty.

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When our feelings, hopes, desires, fears, needs and expectations get in the way they colour everything we hear.

Listening with our eyes helps us to see things as they are – and from that place of knowing we are far better placed to make wise and informed decisions that serve us well.

Evaluating people by their actions, rather than their self-promotion, is a powerful tool in your relationship toolkit. It’s also a great wisdom to live by in your own life – let your actions speak louder than your words and live life with integrity, in a way that showcases your values. That sort of authenticity attracts people and opportunities far better suited to your Highest Good.