Navigating Christmas Without A Loved One


“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” 
Anne Lamott

Christmas is not always an easy time. There are many of us for whom Christmas brings stark reminders of families broken, loved ones lost, and empty chairs at our tables.

If you are navigating Christmas this year while also grieving loss or going through great struggle I want to reach out to you. In the midst of the barrage of happy Christmas movies, fairytale endings and Hallmark Moments I want you to know that I am sorry for your pain, and the hardship this time of year can bring. Please also know you’re not alone. There are many of us whose hearts hurt at Christmas, even as we celebrate, because of loss. If your grief is raw and new it’s also okay to put things on hold, to do things differently, or to let the anniversary days like Christmas slide by unacknowledged until you are ready to face them again.

I’d like to share something I do at Christmas that may be useful for you too. I have found it helpful and healing to make a private little Christmas Altar each year. This way I remember the dead, the absent, the lost. An altar is simply a small dedicated spiritual space that is meaningful to you in some way.

On my altar I place fresh flowers, a candle and some favourite crystals. Things that bring me comfort, and a sense of sacred. Then I place photos or objects that represent a loved one who will not be at my table. That way I can still have them near me, and I can flow love to them and have them be part of my life over the festive season.

The beautiful big owl in the photo above was given to me one Christmas by my friend Angela. She passed away a few years ago. It will be central to my display.

I’ll place a tiny wooden boat for my brother, and a ceramic pelican for my dad. A sparkly stone for my sister and roses for my mum and all of the women in her family who have shaped and grown and loved me. My family all live far from me. But now they are here on my altar even if they cannot be here in person.

I’ll add a photo of Ben’s parents from when they were young, and pictures of my grandparents too. I have cupcake-shaped candles for my darling Kate, who passed away too soon in 2010 ( I went back to her facebook page last night and was lost in there for an hour reading her old posts and laughing at what a dag she was and crying cos sometimes I still miss her more than breathing), and Julie who passed away in 2014. My Grandparents, all now passed, are here in photographs too and I will place a glass of sherry, Christmas Cake and some gingernut biscuits out because these are all the things they would have loved to eat, and later I will eat some and think of them. On Christmas Day I will play The Twelve Days of Christmas by the Ray Conniff Singers, because my Pa used to play that for us every year, and shed a few happy-sad tears.

It’s not the same as having them at my table, but it’s the next best thing. People coming to my house will think that I have simply gathered flowers and candles and photographs and a few ornaments together, but for me it is something healing and emotionally significant that helps me to feel the reassuring weight of my loved ones around me.

Perhaps making your own Christmas Altar will help you this Christmas too.

Sending so much love your way, Nicole ❤ xx

Healing the Heart Chakra

 

“Tears are words the heart can’t express” ~ Anon

“The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears”
Native American Saying

Often we look outside ourselves to find comfort, and to release and heal emotional and energetic blockages and traumas.  While there are many loving and qualified people available to help us, sometimes the most simple and intense healings we can have are ones that we conduct on our own behalf.  Today’s blog explores some simple techniques you can use to heal your own heart.

Activity:  Ritual for Healing The Heart Chakra

The most important ingredient here is Right Intent.  The purpose of Ritual is to focus your energy and concentration, and to put your Ego, conscious and unconscious Self on notice that this is important!

Read the ritual thoroughly to be clear about what you need to do, and what tools you may require so that you begin in an organised and calm state.  If you find the ritual helpful, please write and let me know.  I love and appreciate your feedback!

Purpose:  This simple healing ritual is for people who are blocked by fear, loneliness, grief and pain, and who have low self-worth and self-love.  The ritual gradually peels away layers of trapped and negative vibration, and allows a flood of healing light to rebalance and cleanse this chakra.  The treatment is gentle, and can be used over time to allow deeper and deeper levels of trauma to be easily released.  It can also be used for linear (this lifetime) and past life issues clouding your present direction and happiness.

Tools:  An unused white candle, a rose quartz and an amethyst crystal, some carrier oil (such as sweet almond oil) in a china or glass bowl, and a few drops of bergamot oil.

Method:  Leave yourself at least half an hour, and some quiet time afterwards for integration.  Place your candle and the bowl of oil with the two crystals on either side.  Quieten yourself, then light the candle and say the following,  “I release all fear.  I release all pain.  I am Joy.  I am Love.  I now embrace my Sacred Self.”  Sit quietly in front of the candle and close your eyes.  Visualise white Light surrounding your body and streaming into your heart. Feel the presence of a Higher Energy, God, Guides or Angels around you.  You may also want to offer up a Prayer for healing at this time.

When you are ready, take the oil, and rub it into the skin around your heart chakra in a circular anti-clockwise motion.  As you do this, breathe slowly and calmly and recite the following “I invite Love into my Heart.  I invite Love into my Life.  I am worthy and deserving of this Love.  Love is my nature.”  Say this as many times as feels right for you.  Feel your heart chakra gently softening, opening, and releasing the trapped energy.  Visualise Golden Light pouring into your Heart.  When you are finished, say a simple prayer of Thanks.  Sit or lie quietly and allow your body to become accustomed to its new, clearer vibration.

Journalling:

Write a ‘goodbye’ letter to someone from your past, or to a younger you. Say all the things you never said.  Pour your heart out onto the page.  Sign off with love.  Mean it. Let it be a good ending.

Write a ‘welcome’ letter to the love you wish to invite into your life, or the you that you wish to become.  Pour your dreams and desires out onto the page.  Sign off with love and a sense of happy expectation.  Let it be a new beginning.

 

Meditation:

This is a short (3 minute) meditation using sound, colour and sacred geometry to open and balance your heart chakra, bringing much healing. For those of you who are energetically sensitive or interested in psychic development, pay attention to any energetic sensations around your heart.  You may feel tingling, pulsing, buzzing or opening.  It may also open you to dreams and messages.  Enjoy.  ♥

PS – Remember to leave a comment, so you can be in the running to win my beautiful Heart Chakra healing necklace.  Details and picture here