“After all, the true seeing is within.” 
~ George Eliot, Middlemarch

Did you know that the energies of November are great for all forms of metaphysical work, for clarifying our Life Path and for honouring a life-calling by owning our capacity to share knowledge? It’s also a month for honouring our connection to the natural world, and to the nature spirits of the Earth. And I had intended to do all of that, in my spare time, after doing all the other things on my very big and busy November To-Do List.

But the Universe had other plans.

It started with a scratchy throat at the end of October. I’d just come back from holidays, I was well rested and feeling fabulous, and I didn’t think anything of it.

The sore throat lasted a few days, my voice got a little raspy, and then a high fever kicked in. From there it was all dramatically downhill. I was in and out of doctors’ offices and hospital. A virus, a severe chest infection, a raft of drugs, and then a bucketload of extra complications. Such is the reality of being immuno-compromised and having Late Stage Lyme Disease.

I might have coped if it was just the infection. But it was the other things that happened which really threw me. My bladder became irritated and painful. Then neurological urinary incontinence kicked in. Inflammation and infection in my body meant that my bladder would suddenly empty with no warning and no ability on my part to control it. I went back to plastic backed bed-sheets and adult diapers. 🙁

My heart raced and thumped with arrhythmia bad enough to wake me up at night.

Feeling less than fab, and with almost no functional vision.

I lost vision in my ‘good’ eye. After suffering Bells Palsy some years ago the right side of my face has never been the same again and the muscle control has never quite come back. My right eye often experiences blurred vision or becomes lazy, especially when I am tired. My left eye is my strong eye but it is also the one that is affected by Lyme. When my optic nerve becomes inflamed I lose vision in that eye. After a few days of high-dose antibiotics for my chest infection, I woke up one morning to almost total loss of vision in my good eye and reduced vision in my weak one. Suddenly I couldn’t see well enough to read or watch television. I started tripping and bumping into things. So I couldn’t read your messages or answer them.

Then I lost my voice.

My fatigue was off the scale. All I could do was lie in bed. Right when I’d had a million things planned and so much work on my plate.

To top it all off just as I was beginning to improve I had an extreme reaction to one of my drugs which caused bloody urine and off-the-chart bladder pain.

This was not how I had expected to spend November!

I’ll admit it – when I lost my eyesight I came very close to sinking into deep despair. I had a few very messy days. (Yep, I howled like a baby.) But then I got home to the farm and as I lay in bed each day listening to the birds and the wind in the trees I realised that I could still see auras and that my eye with almost no functional vision could see energy in great detail. Ben picked flowers from the garden and put them beside my bed so I could smell roses and gardenias and heliotrope.

I made a decision earlier this month. I could sit in an ongoing pity-party or I could surrender to the moment and use my time to refocus on my inward journey. I couldn’t read or write or talk, but I could meditate. I could pray my mala. And the inner world and the Quantum Field had plenty of magic to keep me engaged.

There have been complications since then, and other problems. But it’s been okay. Because I just shifted out of my body and back into the Zero Pont Field and the All-That-Is for a while.

So, that’s where I’ve been these past few weeks. I’ve been interdimensional – a traveller through space and time. I haven’t had such an intense spiritual journey for many years.

And out of it has come clarity about my own direction, so much new material to share with you, new courses and many, many messages.

I’m finally on the mend. My eyesight is still limited. My bladder is still raw and agonisingly painful. My voice is still raspy. And my battery is still flat. My hair is full of knots and I can’t see to fix it. But my soul is shiny-bright, and I am optimistic and grateful and loved-up right down to my bones.

Life doesn’t always give you what you want, but sometimes it gives you what you need.

This week’s energies support thinking about your dreams and goals and giving yourself space to ask and seek answers for the big questions in life. I sincerely hope you make some time to get off life’s hamster wheel and feel into your heart and your own soul wisdom to help you see what the next move can be for you so that your life becomes more satisfying and meaningful.

Sending the biggest hugs and love your way, Nicole ❤ xx

PS: Looking for some extra help and support for your spiritual journey in the year ahead? These are the very last day to pre-order our gorgeous 2019 Planner, Meditation Mala and membership packages at the special rates. They’ll be officially launched and on sale after Thursday but the prices and packages will change, so get in quick if you’re looking for extra savings! You can find everything you need here.

Home treatment for dodgy airways – thank goodness for my awesome doctor who manages me so well!

Victory in the shape of an outing to the local shopping centre yesterday. My first in weeks! I didn’t walk far or do much, but it was thrilling.