5 Simple Ways To Love Yourself Better


“Have the courage to love yourself like you always wished someone would.” 
~  Vironika Tugaleva


Everyone knows that self-love is vital to building self-esteem and self-confidence, for setting healthy boundaries and feeling good about yourself. Problem is, if you don’t feel good about yourself to start with, if you don’t like yourself much and you’re feeling pretty depressed and miserable, then trying to love yourself is like holding onto a single helium-filled birthday balloon and expecting it can fly you to Mars.  Mission Impossible!

So what do you do when your sense of self is hanging by a thread, but you just can’t make that mental leap from loathing to loving?

When loving yourself and feeling good about yourself seems impossible, then what you need to do is parent yourself. That’s where you do the things you know you need to do, even when you don’t want to, can’t be bothered, or feel that you don’t deserve to treat yourself well.

Good parents create environments where we can grow, be safe, and learn to get to know ourselves and the world around us.  They support us, provide emotional connection and support, love us and guide us until we move to a place of maturity where we can do these things for ourselves.

Even when you find it hard to love yourself, there is a wise part of your soul that intuitively knows what you need to get back to a place of balance. Your job is to let that parent part of you – the Wise Soul – make the choices for the part of you that is struggling to get on your feet and feel good again.

Image from www.linkedin.com

Here are five simple things you can do to make a start towards healing your relationship with yourself. I’ve also added suggested crystals that are supportive for each step:

1.  Decide to accept yourself right now, as you are and where you are in life. Too often we tell ourselves that we’ll like ourselves better when we’ve lost weight, found a job, left a bad relationship, found a good relationship, stopped smoking, gotten fit, or won lotto. When we put conditions on loving ourselves, we never get to that mysterious just-around-the-corner place that is forever up ahead and out of our reach.  Be honest with yourself.  If life is painful, admit that. Don’t numb yourself with alcohol, drugs, food or overwork.  Reach out for help if you’re having trouble coping, or need some new skills and strategies to make tomorrow look different to today. Best crystals for self acceptance – Tiger Eye, Blue Calcite or Rhodonite

2.  Create a safe space.  Everyone needs a place to call home, where they can relax, be themselves, and surround themselves with things that reflect their sense of self. Music, plants, posters or paintings, colours and fragrances – all of these things can help ground you and give you a sense of belonging and security.  It’s not about the objects as much as the energy they create. Start by making sure your space is clean. Dirt, mess and clutter drain you and create stagnant energy.  Clear the clutter, and then begin to make your space somewhere that is inviting, uplifting and positive. Best crystals for a sense of safety and peace – Banded Agate, Smoky Quartz, Rose Quartz, Sodalite and Snowflake Obsidian

3.  Practice respect.  Respect yourself enough to avoid, minimise your exposure to or end toxic relationships and to stop toxic behavours. Respect your body by eating well, and by exercising daily – even when it’s hard.  Especially when it’s hard and you don’t want to. That’s what parents do.  They make sure we drink enough water, eat our greens, get enough sleep, and get out of bed in the morning.  In everything that you do, ask yourself “Does this action or choice honour me?”  When we suffer from a lack of self-love it’s easy to make choices that don’t do the best by us.  In some cases we even choose things that sabotage our well-being.  Once again, if you’re really struggling here, ask for help, whether it’s a counsellor, personal trainer, rehab facility or a good friend who has your back. Great crystals healing self-sabotage and supporting self respect – Black Tourmaline, Amazonite, Yellow Turquoise, Bloodstone

4.  Find something to look forward to and work towards it, or include it in your life.  Whether it’s an overseas holiday, salsa dancing lessons, art classes or writing your life story, everyone needs to have a sense of purpose, and that purpose doesn’t have to be career related. Don’t be afraid to dream big, even if you have to start small. Best crystals for joy and connection to the flow of life – Green Aventurine, Citrine, Rose Quartz, Fluorite

5.  Spend some time in nature each day. Fresh air and sunshine has been used as a remedy for depression and to heal all manner of ills for centuries. Watching animals in nature has been proven to lower blood pressure, increase endorphins and relax tension in our muscles. Having contact with pets also helps us heal and feel better about ourselves, and teaches us responsibility for others. Best crystals for connection to nature and the earth – Jasper, Carnelian, Hematite,  Septarian Nodules, Unakite

Treat yourself with kindness today and always. Holding you in my prayers and meditations,

Nicole ❤ xx

Healing the Heart Chakra


“Tears are words the heart can’t express” ~ Anon

“The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears”
Native American Saying

Often we look outside ourselves to find comfort, and to release and heal emotional and energetic blockages and traumas.  While there are many loving and qualified people available to help us, sometimes the most simple and intense healings we can have are ones that we conduct on our own behalf.  Today’s blog explores some simple techniques you can use to heal your own heart.

Activity:  Ritual for Healing The Heart Chakra

The most important ingredient here is Right Intent.  The purpose of Ritual is to focus your energy and concentration, and to put your Ego, conscious and unconscious Self on notice that this is important!

Read the ritual thoroughly to be clear about what you need to do, and what tools you may require so that you begin in an organised and calm state.  If you find the ritual helpful, please write and let me know.  I love and appreciate your feedback!

Purpose:  This simple healing ritual is for people who are blocked by fear, loneliness, grief and pain, and who have low self-worth and self-love.  The ritual gradually peels away layers of trapped and negative vibration, and allows a flood of healing light to rebalance and cleanse this chakra.  The treatment is gentle, and can be used over time to allow deeper and deeper levels of trauma to be easily released.  It can also be used for linear (this lifetime) and past life issues clouding your present direction and happiness.

Tools:  An unused white candle, a rose quartz and an amethyst crystal, some carrier oil (such as sweet almond oil) in a china or glass bowl, and a few drops of bergamot oil.

Method:  Leave yourself at least half an hour, and some quiet time afterwards for integration.  Place your candle and the bowl of oil with the two crystals on either side.  Quieten yourself, then light the candle and say the following,  “I release all fear.  I release all pain.  I am Joy.  I am Love.  I now embrace my Sacred Self.”  Sit quietly in front of the candle and close your eyes.  Visualise white Light surrounding your body and streaming into your heart. Feel the presence of a Higher Energy, God, Guides or Angels around you.  You may also want to offer up a Prayer for healing at this time.

When you are ready, take the oil, and rub it into the skin around your heart chakra in a circular anti-clockwise motion.  As you do this, breathe slowly and calmly and recite the following “I invite Love into my Heart.  I invite Love into my Life.  I am worthy and deserving of this Love.  Love is my nature.”  Say this as many times as feels right for you.  Feel your heart chakra gently softening, opening, and releasing the trapped energy.  Visualise Golden Light pouring into your Heart.  When you are finished, say a simple prayer of Thanks.  Sit or lie quietly and allow your body to become accustomed to its new, clearer vibration.


Write a ‘goodbye’ letter to someone from your past, or to a younger you. Say all the things you never said.  Pour your heart out onto the page.  Sign off with love.  Mean it. Let it be a good ending.

Write a ‘welcome’ letter to the love you wish to invite into your life, or the you that you wish to become.  Pour your dreams and desires out onto the page.  Sign off with love and a sense of happy expectation.  Let it be a new beginning.



This is a short (3 minute) meditation using sound, colour and sacred geometry to open and balance your heart chakra, bringing much healing. For those of you who are energetically sensitive or interested in psychic development, pay attention to any energetic sensations around your heart.  You may feel tingling, pulsing, buzzing or opening.  It may also open you to dreams and messages.  Enjoy.  ♥

PS – Remember to leave a comment, so you can be in the running to win my beautiful Heart Chakra healing necklace.  Details and picture here

How to Nurture your sense of Self-Love

When we feel good about ourselves, when we can view ourselves with kindness and treat ourselves well, this becomes the basis by which we attract relationships of a similar vibration into our lives.  Love begets love.  But what do you do when you don’t love yourself very much?  How can you change your relationship to yourself so that you DO feel good about who you are?

Here are some very practical steps towards nurturing more love for yourself.  Not all of them will be easy, but all of them are worthwhile:

  1. Set boundaries – treat yourself with respect, and make sure others do the same.  This is not always about stopping other people from exploiting you or treating you badly, sometimes it is about putting boundaries in place so that you don’t over-give, or neglect your own needs in order to please or placate others.
  2. If you’re heart’s not in it, look for something you can care about. It doesn’t matter if this is a job, a college course, a hobby or a relationship.  Life is too short to put energy into things that don’t fufill you or make you happy. Get your priorities clear. (Read about how I did that here – I’m not recommending my method, but I do recommend having some time to think about what really matters to you.)
  3. Get help with addictions and behaviours that don’t serve you. Sometimes we get into patterns, behaviours or addictions that are not only damaging to our physical and emotional well-being, but that put us further into self-loathing, and destroy those last shreds of confidence and esteem we once had.  There are many great organisations and counsellors out there, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Weight Watchers, and a raft of amazing people dedicated to helping you overcome obstacles. Or maybe you need a book-keeper, or someone to clean your house.  If it never gets done and you resent the doing of it, look to delegation. It’s not a dirty word.  Make 2012 the year where you put up your hand and ask for help.  
  4. Make time for yourself.  You’ll end up a simmering mass of resentment if you make time for everyone else’s needs and dreams and don’t leave any time for your own!  There is no surer recipe for emotional burnout or relationship breakdown.
  5. Make time for fun.  Life is meant to be enjoyed, and laughter is like oxygen – we need it to survive. Do things you enjoy, and that make you happy.  Spend time in the company of people who uplift you, support you and make you feel good.
  6. Spend time in spiritual reflection and connection. Prayer, meditation, journalling and time in our own company all help us to know ourselves better.
  7. Nourish your physical body with good food, sleep and exercise.
  8. Use positive self-talk – don’t berate yourself, or call yourself names like “I’m so stupid” or “I’m hopeless”. Speak positively, and don’t allow others to talk down to you either!  Be less critical and more supportive of yourself, especially when mistakes are made. Be your own cheer squad.
  9. Follow through on your promises and commitments – especially those you make to yourself. When you live with honesty and integrity, it is so much easier to feel good about yourself.  
  10. Listen to your intuition and honour it.  If it says rest, rest! If it says eat salad instead of cheesecake, do that. Intuition is like a muscle, the more we use it, the stronger it gets. How many times have you had a gut feeling about something or someone but you didn’t honour it, and it turned out badly.  Trust yourself!
  11. Practice kindness – to yourself and others.  Be well mannered, considerate and live from your heart.  Sometimes this might actually need to be tough love, but let your actions always come from love.
  12. Stand up for yourself and what you believe in. There is courage within you, and it colours everything you do in the brightest of lights, when you choose to value yourself.
  13. Forgive yourself. We are often the most critical and judgemental of our own thoughts and actions. Today, let it be okay. Give yourself permission to move on. Find a way to open your heart to loving yourself a little more. ♥
  14. Look for the beauty around you, and within you.  The more you seek it, the more you will find it in your life.
  15. Practice gratitude.  Even if it’s for a roof over your head, or that you made it through another day. Appreciate the small things. It helps build a path to greater miracles.
The following video has some great ideas for moving into a space of greater self love…