Tag Archives: burnout

Doing Nothing is Productive!

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Image from wallpapers-biz.co.cc

Are you one of those people who needs to be productive?

I certainly am. Not from any external pressure –  I just LIKE getting stuff done, and I always have several projects on the go, a big fat to-do list, as well as a schedule that stretches out towards the horizon.  Life, and its possibilities, lights my fire!

But there is nothing like a good dose of burn-out to help you realise that less is more, and a dose of near-death really does help you to clarify your priorities.

Where one upon a time I worked endlessly, I now work in bursts, and then have some time out that is totally unscheduled.

Before my big cycles of crash and burn, repair, go full tilt, crash and burn, repair, go full tilt, crash and burn – okay, you get my drift – my life looked like this:

Image from freeicons.eu

I was a busy little robot working harder and harder, doing more and more, and somehow expecting that I could just carry on that way forever.

I actually thought that if I worked harder and harder I would achieve more and more, ad infinitum.  But of course you end up working with the Law of Diminishing Returns.  More does not make more.  More becomes less.

More work means less sleep. Less fun.  Less clarity.  Less inspiration.  Less connection.  Less well-being. Less healing capacity.  Less opportunity to be spontaneous. Less flexibility.  Less ability to cope with the unexpected. Less true creativity. Less chance of seeing new possibilities, meeting new people and expanding in new directions.

When you keep trying to fit more and more in, something will inevitably break, and that something might be you.

I know this, because I’ve been there.  More than once.  And most of it has been self-inflicted.

I’ve had to ask myself the big questions in life.

I am okay with diminished output if it means better quality of life, and a longer life. I mean, realistically, how much can you get done here if you’re dead? And in the end, does any of that stuff on your to-do list really matter?

So now my life looks much more like this:

Image by Lecsmile – Photobucket.com

I have periods of deep rest, relaxation and doing totally NOTHING.  And then I have periods of doing things, being active, connecting, learning and being crazy-mad infatuated with taking up all life has to offer!

Truth is, I’m more productive than I ever was, in the areas that matter to me.

I hadn’t expected that.

Oh my goodness I wish I’d know this important little nugget of wisdom years ago.

Less is more.

Image from msugradwellness.wordpress.com

That’s right.

Doing nothing is good for you.

If you don’t know how to do nothing, here are some ideas to get you started:

  • Naps.  Napping is awesome!
  • Curl up on the couch with a magazine.
  • Go to bed early or sleep in.  Sleep all day if you feel like it.
  • When something frees up in your schedule, don’t fill that spot with another task or expectation.  Let yourself luxuriate in that new spare time.
  • Dawdle. Potter along on a nice slow walk, amble through a park or shopping mall.
  • Go to the movies.
  • Read a book.
  • Nap.  Did I say that already?  Oh well.  Have another one!
  • Lose yourself in a book.
  • Hang out at the library.
  • Go for a surf.
  • Get a massage.
  • Take a bath.
  • Quit something so you can free up your schedule!
  • Say no to things you don’t want to do.
  • Have an early night and bunk down with some tasty treats and a good DVD.
  • Go on holidays.
  • Have a phone free, computer-free day.
  • Stay home and do… nothing! No housework, no odd jobs. Do what makes you happy. Maybe some craft, or cooking, or just hang out.
  • Spend time with the ones you love.
  • Sit in a coffee shop and read the weekend papers while having a long breakfast or an extended brunch/lunch.
  • Go window shopping, just to pass the time and fill yourself up with images, ideas and dreams.
  • Sunbake.
  • Sit by the ocean or the river.
  • Perch on top of a mountain.
  • Fluff around, not getting anything much done, but not minding that either.  Some people call this procrastination – I call it exploring my desk or kitchen drawers to see what’s really in there…
  • Spend time with the family pet – these guys really have relaxation down to an art!

Magic happens when we give ourselves down-time. And a magical life is definitely one worth living. You never know what might happen if you just create a little space in your day…

Image from The Fox and The Child, Hopscotch films, 2009

 

Advice for strong people who aren’t coping…

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Image from vectorgraphic.com

Strong people are used to coping. They are used to leading.  They are used to taking charge.  Strong people are able to put their own hurt and exhaustion aside when others rely them, or the job needs to get done. They are not good at sharing their pain or asking for help.

You know who I mean. They front up to life each day, often with a smile on their face, and you’d never know how tough it is for them to keep doing that. The single parent juggling two jobs and an impossible ex. The husband living with a wife with severe depression. The mum whose child has an addiction issue; the oncologist who doles out bad news all day; the person with a mountain of debt and a health problem; the teacher motivating kids who come from homes where no-one cares; the manager running a department fraught with problems and no end in sight; the short-handed team trying to meet a crazy deadline; the calm poised person who turns up to work each day, but who goes home to loneliness or a horrid family or spouse.

When strong people keep coping (or appearing to cope) with life’s pain and hardships, it’s easy for others to make demands on you.  They see you standing strong, and they forget what you have been through, what you are going through, what lies ahead of you. They keep looking to you for leadership.

Image from kolorkube.com

And the truth is, most strong people can keep on functioning, even when they feel dead inside, completely broken, and in the deepest despair.

Strong people were built to cope, and when you aren’t coping (even though no-one may know that), it is vital that you get some time out, find some support, or make some decisions that help you move back to your natural state of strength.

When you are a strong and capable person, you shine brightly.  That’s why people turn to you, follow you, ask for your advice. And often when people are leaning on you for strength, they want and need you to be who you always portray yourself as, who you’ve always been for them.  Even if you are affected by the same issue, it’s likely they won’t see how exacting this toll has been on you.

Image from photostock.com

Sometimes, it’s because you hide it so well.

Sometimes it’s because people don’t even realise that you might hurt, that you might need help yourself.

Sometimes it’s because needy people, in their own world of hurt, have no idea that you might be suffering too.

So, my strong friend – look after you. Withdraw if you must, regroup, find your feet. Close the door to others if there is nothing left within you to give. Little birds must sometime fly, no matter how reluctant they may be to leave your nest.

Often some time for self-nurture or a break away from the stress is all you’ll need before you are refreshed and ready to carry on.

Image from freedigitalphotos.net

But you might need greater support, a counsellor, a change of scenery, an ending…

If you do, then seek that support or change. Life is too short and precious to live it on your knees.

Do what gives you relief. Value yourself as much as you value the wants and needs of others.
I hope you find strong arms to support you.  Sometimes that’s family – or friends can often be that support where family fail to measure up.

But I have found over time, as have many of my own dear friends, that there are times when we walk alone except for God.  And that is how we find that strength within that helps us understand that we really can deal with anything life throws at us, no matter how awful or frightening or abhorrent, and that no matter how we might not like it, we can and do deal with it the best we know how, which is always all we are ever asked to do.

As a strong person you’re a bright light in the world for so many gloomy and frightened souls, so many stuck or lonely or directionless beings.  It is your choice to be that bright light, but it is also your calling – you can’t help but be who you are.  When you are the teacher, when you are the Colonel, the Queen, the leader, when you are the one at the front of the class, everyone else looks to you.  They don’t see you as a person any more, they see you as Teacher, Healer, Captain, Wise Woman, Father, Madam Muse.  And you ARE all those things.

But you’re also the person they won’t or can’t acknowledge.  The person who is tired and frightened and battle weary.  They need to see you strong because seeing you strong gives them faith and hope that their own lives will be okay somehow.  When you are championing them, you are helping them to know that there is a light within themselves.  You give them hope to believe in themselves.  It is only after, when they have found their own light within that they will be able to acknowledge your darkness, and your humanity.

Image from freedigitalphotos.net

I know you have the strength to get through this too. It’s okay if you need to pull back for a while. Resting and healing will help you to keep shining one day when you’re ready to be that thing again.

It’s a tough act, being a responsible grown up amongst so many who are still finding their feet.  I’m sending all love your way, and including you in my prayers and meditations. ♥

Working with Crystal Grids – Day Four

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Crystals have their own energetic field, just as humans do, and one of the great things about crystals is that you can also use them to create geometric shapes within which you can create an energetic room or field big enough to exert energy and influence over a wider space.  This technique is known as gridding.

Today I’m going to show you the basics of creating simple grids at home.

 How a Crystal Grid Works

Crystals each have their own particular vibration, and an electromagnetic or auric field around them.  All living things also have a unique vibration, and auric as well as etheric fields (This is just the energy field emitted by a living thing).  When a crystal is introduced to a human’s auric field, there is a shift of vibrational energy.  The crystal may be able to accept and transmute the lower or negative vibrations within that person’s auric field, allowing that person to move to a clearer or higher vibration.

Crystal energy can be used to restore order to a chaotic vibrational field, or to increase vibrational level, which helps to move you to a more positive and lighter energy.  Crystals may impart a vibration particular to that type of stone which can help, heal or impart particular vibrational qualities and strengths. Gridding with crystals involves amplifying the vibration of a crystal by using it in conjunction with others.  This is a bit like turning up the volume on your radio, while adding additional radio towers to strengthen the frequency.

Gridding Basics

Gridding involves using a number of similar or complimentary crystals, placed in a configuration.  The most common shape is a square or oblong, but triangles and circles are also common.  Circles are fun to make, and I often make one during equinoxes or full moons. It recharges my stones and when I sit in it, it recharges me!

The grid below, which was made in my backyard for an eclipse, was big enough for several people to lie within.  It was a great place for a nap and I couldn’t keep my dogs out of it!

More intricate grid shapes involve using a larger number of crystals.  A generator crystal can be used in the center of the configuration to amplify the energy of the outer crystals, and to strengthen the vibration.

I have made grids to go in the foundations of houses, and one of my favourite configurations is a Fibonacci Spiral. But that is a fairly complex process, and today I promised I would keep things simple.

A grid of crystals can be placed near you in a room where you work or rest.  However, for maximum effect it is best if you can actually sit or lie within the grid itself.  Common ways to place a grid are to lay the stones out around a chair, bed, meditation space or desk.  You can also grid a room by placing crystals in the room corners, or grid your house by placing crystals at the extreme corners of that house.  (You may need more than four to cover every corner).

Another effective technique is to grid the perimeter of your house, placing the crystals along your fence line.  Larger, more robust crystals are often best for this, and they will be self cleansing and generating.  However, do not judge the energy level of the crystal by size alone!  Some of the most powerful stones can often be no bigger than a pebble.

Additional Gridding Uses

Grids can be used to aid sleep, healing and mental alertness.  They can be used to help with Meditation and for connecting with Higher Self, Guides, and Past Lives.  Grids can assist with creativity, abundance and manifesting and maximizing your natural talents.  They can provide protection and wisdom.

You can use grids to help your garden grow, to vitalize herbs, fruits and vegetables.  Pets often benefit from a grid placed in their sleeping area.  Grids can be discretely placed to encourage harmony, healing or honesty within a situation.  They can also be used to absorb the negativity of others without this energy being passed to you.  People who have experienced problems with psychic attack can often be greatly assisted in this way.  In fact, whatever the natural vibrational properties of the crystal, they will be passed to you.

A Rose Quartz Grid has greatly enhanced my strawberries and tomatoes!

To Build Your Own Crystal Grid:

We are going to work with the most basic shape – a square whose corners are anchored by a crystal. So you will need four crystals to build your grid, and you may like to select a fifth one to hold as you sit in the centre. Use this grid to raise your vibration, and enhance your own energy field. (This is also great done around your bed for helping heal you while you sleep!)

This exercise is based on the principles of sacred geometry.  It will facilitate health, healing, clarity and connection.Set your intent by offering up a prayer or energetic intention that this exercise be for your Highest Good.Set up your Crystal Grid, using the four  crystals, by laying them out in a square.Visualise a pyramid of White Light extending up from the crystals, and one extending down into the floor, creating an energetic three dimensional diamond shape. It should look like this:

Sit, lie or stand inside this Light Grid.

Bring Light in through your Crown Chakra.  Use your intuition as to what colour Light to use.

Flood your body with Light.  On every inhale, draw Light into your body. On every exhale, see wispy grey energy leaving your body via your lungs or Base Chakra, and being drained through the bottom of the Pyramid.

Continue until your body feels light and calm.

Enhance this meditation by holding crystals whose characteristics or properties you wish to assimilate into your energetic field.  Women hold the crystal with hands cupped left on the bottom and right on top, palm upwards.  Men reverse this position, so that the left hand is on top and right underneath.

You may also like to use one of my Guided Meditations from the past three days. Links here, here and here. Then simply rest and relax in this delicious energy, until you feel restored.

Image from fanpop.com

Recharging your Grid

Crystals need to be cleaned and re-energised from time to time, unless they are outside, planted in or on the earth, where they will be self charging.  With practice you will know when your crystals need attention because you will feel their energy decreasing.  There are many ways to cleanse and recharge your crystals.  If you are using your crystals regularly, take care of them and cleanse them often.

A Cup of Tea and Comfort…

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Living and working as a psychic can be quite draining, although I love what I do. It’s not dissimilar to any other ‘caring’ profession, where you are totally focused on the needs of others, in a way that leaves little time for yourself.

I’ve learned that the best way to avoid burnout for me is to work for a few intense days in a row and then have a complete break from clients for a time. And one of the ways I often celebrate finishing my work week is with a visit to Queenies Teahouse, at Nundah Village in Brisbane.

It’s the perfect place for nurture and soul food. From the moment you push open the door with its tinkling bell you can feel yourself begin to unwind. Smiling staff greet you and usher you to crisp linen’d tables, and soon you’ll find yourself cradling a small tasting cup of one of their delightful teas as you peruse the menu.

A visit to Queenies is like a step back in time, where the worries of the world stop at the front door.  In the background the gentle strains of music your grandmother might have listened to – all the old jazz and blues greats, and the sounds of yesteryear – soothe and unfrazzle your senses.  Gorgeous smells waft from the kitchen.

This is no coffee shop with its clatter and noise, laptops and mobile phones. Here you find friends chatting, generations of families catching up over a pot of tea, and individuals having a moment’s respite from their daily madness – a sort of ‘tea and tasties’ meditation for one.

The teas are sublime and there are so many to choose from. There are two full menu pages devoted to the tea selection, with the sorts of descriptions usually reserved for wine lists.

The herbal tea and green tea varieties are as extensive as the black teas, and they always arrive at your table perfectly brewed, or refreshingly iced.

And have I mentioned the food…

Everything is made fresh in the Queenies kitchen – examples include the daintiest of ribbon sandwiches, creamy risotto, savoury mince (that is right up there with my late grandmother’s), exquisite cakes, coconut ice, and of course cupcakes and scones to die for…

 

 

 

 

 

Yesterday a friend and I enjoyed ribbon sandwiches and a pot of Creme Brulee Tea, followed by something sweet.

For me, the most moist and delicious gluten-free orange and almond cake, with its own little shotglass of orange syrup and a perfect ball of chocolate ganache of swooning quality…

For my friend, the baked cheesecake with its spicy gingernut biscuit crust and heavenly berry topping…

The menu has all the traditional high tea favourites, and is also vegetarian and gluten-free friendly. And there are lovely treats to take home –  a sachet or two of your favourite tea, a pretty teapot or tea-towel, or perhaps a tiny tea set for the small people in your life.

My wonderful friend, the poet Carly-Jay Metcalfe was moved to poetry by yesterday’s outing.  You can read about it here.

In fact, I was so inspired that I am planning to book the place out and have a Sunday Function here one day soon, where we can combine Soul Food, Spirituality, Blessings and Poetry over a lovely lunch and a good cup of tea with like-minded souls. Stay tuned for details!

Emotions and their impact on your health

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When your mind can know peace, your body can know healing. ~ Nicole Cody

(image by Evgeni Dinev)

Many of my friends are healers. They come from widely different schools and philosophies of healing – general medical practitioners, environmental medicine specialists, acupuncturists, naturopaths, herbalists, body workers, nutritionalists and all manner of other modalities. Over the past twenty years all of them have observed one thing; the number of people suffering long-term chronic illness, digestive issues, stress-related health issues and fatigue has soared.  Not only that, many of the simple treatments that once worked so well for bringing people back into balance no longer are as effective.

Why?

There are many external factors – more exposure to pollutants and chemicals, little exercise, poorer diet, less sunshine.

But even when these things are addressed many people are slow to heal. I, and many of my learned practitioner friends, believe at least part of this is to do with the state of mind we are in.

There have been numerous studies done which show that when a person is relaxed the surface tension of their skin changes.  Their blood pressure lowers, their heart slows, the chemicals responsible for sleep, blood sugar and hormonal balance rise and stabilise. In a place of relaxation people become more creative, more connected, happier, more adept at innovative thinking and problem solving. In a place of relaxation our bodies find it far easier to heal.  It is impossible to think a negative thought when you are in a deeply relaxed state.

What does negative thinking have to do with my health?

Go ahead.  Think of something that really makes you mad.  Or powerless.  Feel the changes take place in your body.  You will feel heavier, there will be a sense of tension in your face and body. You may have a surge of adrenalin or a sudden draining away of energy. Your heart speeds up, you may feel clammy and hot, agitated or ill.  This is not your imagination – this is your body’s autonomic response to your thoughts.  This is a natural reaction to perceived stress within your body. Worry, stress, fear, panic, over-thinking; this is what is stopping you from healing.

Over time, this sort of thinking has a destructive impact on the body.  It exhausts our adrenals.  It puts pressure on our thyroid and other parts of our endocrine system.  Our liver becomes stressed and congested and can’t function as well as it used to as it deals with the flood of naturally occurring chemicals WE have created in our body through the stress response.

In this place of adrenal depletion we can become addicted to caffeine, energy drinks, sugar and carbs to keep us  functioning.

The blood is always in our extremities as we ready ourselves to fight or flee (the stress response once again) so our digestion slows and becomes impaired.  Even if we gain weight we may still be massively malnourished, and our body may struggle to absorb supplements, herbs and better food.

We may resort to anti-depressants or sleeping pills.  We may self-medicate with drugs or alcohol.  Or we may just go through life exhausted, sick and not coping but needing to get up and get on with it each day.

Our sleep becomes affected, and that avenue of healing becomes further reduced.  No matter who we see, or what we try nothing seems to work.  Or it doesn’t work for long.

Sound familiar?

If you are living with stress and anxiety, if there is something or someone in your life, or from your past, that causes you to feel unsafe, inadequate, fearful, anxious, angry,  resentful, or shamed… then it’s going to be an uphill battle to become well and stay well.

Positive emotions impact your health positively.  Negative emotions impact your life negatively.

The longer a negative emotion is the ugly background wallpaper in your life, the more you get accustomed to it, but don’t be fooled.  It will still be affecting you. And not in a good way.

Let me repeat an important point.  It is impossible to experience a negative emotion when you are in a relaxed state.  

What this means for your health is simple.  When you are relaxed, your body can know healing.  When you are relaxed your body can do what it needs to do to put itself back into balance, and to put you back into flow, connection and clarity.

So, by all means find yourself a skilled healer, a physician, or a team to put your body back together.  But remember you also need to do your part.  You need to take care of the housekeeping of your mind.

Do things that relax you.  Practice meditation, yoga or tai chi.  Listen to music.  Go for walks in nature.Take the dog!  Make time for YOU in your life. Do the things that give you peace. Find people, places and activities that nourish, validate and support you.

Let go of what no longer serves you in your life.

And if you need to, seek a counsellor, pyschologist, psychiatrist – someone trained in helping you undo what has bound you up in knots.

I know this to be true:  When your mind can know peace, your body can know healing.

This is a great meditation for relaxing that I recorded a few days ago.

Honour your body, work with your mind, and live from your heart.  Your body has an infinite wisdom, and that wisdom is free to reign when we are in a place of relaxation and ease. Do all you can to find or create that peaceful place within you. Healing can then be a natural flow-on effect of that energy.  Bless ♥ xx

The Broken Robot Repair Shop

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There is an alarming trend I’m seeing, of broken people wanting to be fixed so that they can keep doing the things that broke them.

I call it Broken Robot Syndrome – people so busy, so stretched, so weighed down by debt and responsibility and complexity that they are deep in fatigue, immersed in exhaustion, and no longer capable of recognising that they have become robots.

Does any of the following definition apply to you?

Definition of ROBOT (from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

  1. a : a machine that looks like a human being and performs various complex acts (as walking or talking) of a human being; also : a similar but fictional machine whose lack of capacity for human emotions is often emphasized    b : an efficient insensitive person who functions automatically
  2. : a device that automatically performs complicated often repetitive tasks
  3. : a mechanism guided by automatic controls

Lack of sleep exhausts us. Having a too-busy schedule with no down time, play time or rest time fatigues us. The combination of the two breaks us.

There are warning signs of being in that robotic place:

  • Lack of libido.  Libido is about joy of life, not just sexual drive. But the two go hand in hand.
  • Creative and original thought dries up. We struggle to be innovative and to come up with fresh ideas.  At worst we think through a fog.
  • Health decline. Vague symptoms of weariness, sleep issues, digestive issues, aches and pains that gradually build into definable illnesses and burnout.
  • Inability to make even simple decisions. Suddenly a menu with 50 choices and a need to pick something satisfying becomes an event capable of reducing you to tears because you no longer recognise what you want, let alone what you need.
  • Everything is scheduled. Everything.
  • Tired all the time, and doing the usual things – coffee, sugar, pick-me-ups, naturopath, gym, diet, counselling – make not a jot of difference.
  • Overwhelm, depression and negativity are regular companions.

So, what to do?

First of all, understand that fixing a broken robot so that they can keep functioning as a robot is really not a suitable solution for a human.

Here are some tools from the Robot Repair First Aid Kit that might work for you:

  1. Get more sleep.  Go to bed earlier.  Create days where you can have sleep-in catch ups, or lie in bed all day reading, resting and relaxing.
  2. Simplify. Cut back on your activities, responsibilities and involvements, and make sure that the kids don’t get caught up in the vicious cycle of over-achievement and over-commitment either.
  3. Get help for the things that are stressing you. When we go to bed worried and wake up worried, and are kept up nights by worry then something has to give. If your worries involve money see what you can do to cut down the debt mountain – speak to your lending organisations or the places you owe and get an easier ‘hardship’ repayment scheme. Sell something. Downsize. Simplify. Put your hand up and ask for help. Make sure that your household are all committed to the same plan.
  4. If your worries involve relationships, get some time on your own, even if this is just a cup of coffee at the local cafe. Use that time to think about where you are, how you got there, and what your next move is. Staying in a relationship that is unloving, unsupportive, or where there are serious issues can be enough to bring any sane person to their knees. Find a good counsellor to help you work through your options. If you’re a carer, find a support group.  If you already know what you need to do, then act.  Staying and not doing or saying anything, hoping for change, has seldom proved to be a winning strategy. Only action brings change.
  5. Ask yourself the big question, “Does this relationship/job/choice/decision honour me?” Maybe it’s time to change jobs, move house, stop studying, start studying, have the conversation…
  6. Know that wherever you’ve ended up, it can change.  There is a road ahead of you to lead you back to yourself and to a place of content and security.

Here are some things to help Robots turn back into humans:

  • Time with friends
  • Time alone
  • Time in nature – walking, surfing, cloud busting, playing with pets in the backyard, gardening
  • Time for yourself and your own interests
  • Sleep
  • Relaxation time with NO expectations, goals or objectives
  • Music
  • Making art
  • Good food and good company
  • Emotional connection
  • Hugs
  • Spiritual connection, meditation, prayer or other practices that help you connect to your inner wisdom and to a Higher power.
  • Movement – not going to the gym because you have to – walking in the rain because it’s fun, dancing in the lounge room in your pyjamas because you love the music, playing with the kids or the dogs in some silly run-around game that makes everybody laugh

Life is short.  Life is precious.  When you become a Robot you miss everything good. Don’t fix yourself up to keep doing the thing that broke you. Allow 2012 to be the year where you create real, lasting and positive change.  Bless xx

 

Thai Sticky Black Rice Recipe – a breakfast favourite

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I’m all for nourishing the soul with food, and this is one of my all-time favourite recipes.  This rice dish can be eaten for breakfast, or as a dessert.  In fact, it’s good anytime.

You’ll need:

1 cup of black glutinous rice, 2.5 cups of water, some palm sugar or soft brown sugar, salt, a can of coconut milk/cream

Soak the rice overnight (or at least 6 hours)  in the water in a ceramic or glass dish.  The water will go a nice shade of purple – try not to get it on you as it will stain some fabrics. Many people suggest you discard the soaking water, rinse and start over, but then you’d lose many of the minerals and anti-oxidants that have leached from the water overnight.

Transfer to a suitable saucepan and place on the heat.  Bring to the boil, stirring occasionally, and then reduce the heat to low, and cover.  Cook for a further half an hour to forty-five minutes, until the rice is soft and the mixture has thickened.  You need to play this by ear a bit, as you might need to add a little more water and cook longer. It all depends on the rice.

Add a pinch of salt and 1/4 to 1/2 cup of  coconut milk/cream, then sugar to taste.  I use about 2 heaped tablespoons of palm sugar, but if you prefer it sweeter, add more.  Stir occasionally over the next ten minutes until the rice is thick and pudding like. (I sometimes omit the coconut milk as a variation, which gives a nuttier flavour.)

Cool slightly and then serve in bowls with more coconut milk/cream drizzled over the top.  Sliced banana or tropical fruits such as papaya or mango are also good.  In winter I may use berries.  Right now I am also using a big dollop of coconut yoghurt (yoghurt made on coconut milk!) from a company called Co Yo, which is divine.

Nutritional Info: A great recipe – gluten free, full of fibre, anti-oxidants and a whole lot of nurture-y goodness.  Black rice is a source of amino acids, iron, zinc, copper and according to Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) is great for supporting and nurturing the liver and kidneys, two organs/energy centres that get very depleted during times of stress, illness or depression.  It’s great food for people with burnout or adrenal fatigue as it is warm and easy to digest.  Coconut is also good for low thyroid function and boosting slow metabolisms.

I usually make double this quantity and keep some in the fridge.  I reheat in a saucepan with a little extra water, but if you are a microwave user, I guess you could go there…

Enjoy ♥

Living authentically in 2012

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Most people I know who are ruled by ‘time’ (days governed by clocks, diaries, and heavy scheduling) are disconnected from themselves, each other, and the natural world.  Work, rush and worry occupy every space in their lives.  There is never enough time!  And that feeling of ‘running out of time’ always leads to pressure, stress, exhaustion and depression.  Does that sound like you?

In 2012, you can change how you relate to time by changing how you relate to the world around you.  In this place of flow and grace, you’ll find a natural rhythm and a calm wisdom that guides you towards making better choices, so that your life feels rich instead of fleeting.  When we honour our connection to the world around us, and to the people, places and activities that matter to us, our relationship to time changes – we get out of our heads and back into our bodies and our hearts.  We begin to live more authentically.  An authentic life is a life that is deliberate, aware and filled with meaning.

 

So how do you get started?  Find a spare few hours, and a quiet space, and then answer these simple questions.  Write your responses in a journal, where you can refer back to them, or expand on them at a later date.  What you are trying to discover is what matters most to you.

(Image by nuchylee – thank you!)

 

Cherished Dreams: Is there anything you’ve always wanted to do or become, or a place you want to visit, or an activity you want to try?  If it’s something you have already dabbled at, but there’s not enough space in your life for that thing right now, add some stars beside it!

Health and Lifestyle:  Health matters.  Without it, life becomes that much harder, our options fewer.  What do you know you need to do to have better health?  I’m not just talking good nutrition and exercise.  Maybe you need to get rid of credit card debt so you can sleep at night, maybe it’s time to move, or change jobs, or make other changes so that you have the time, the resources, the support and the inner happiness to embrace living healthily, and to have longevity to get done all the things that you love to do.

Place:  Where does your heart sing?  Inner city, wild coastlines, small towns, mountains?  Art galleries, op shops, concerts and cafes.  If you can’t live there, can you visit?  Can you find a way to include some of that energy in your life this year?

 

Nature:  Nature matters.  Spending time outdoors, sunshine, standing barefoot on sand and grass, walking in the rain, sitting under a tree, eating fresh food, gardening, caring for animals, listening to the birds – all of these things heal us and help us.  We are all interconnected, and part of the greater whole.  How much time do you spend in nature?

Heart Space:  Who matters to you?  Family, friends, lovers, people who share your interests?  Relationships and interaction enrich our lives, and help us to grow, to heal, and to be uplifted.  Life is nothing without love.  We all need support, and we all have wisdom to share with others.

Heart Purpose: Using our talents and gifts gives us emotional satisfaction.  It might be paid work, or the pay might be measured in satisfaction rather than money.  It might not even be your day job – you’ll know this work by how it makes you feel: you’d do it even if you weren’t getting paid.

Fun Stuff:  Surfing, eating mangoes, cryptic crosswords, travelling, music, garage sales, entertaining, reading, napping in hammocks.  This is the magic of life, and often these pleasures are quite ordinary, and easy to include in our day, or our year.

By making small windows of time for what really matters in our life – an hour for the gym, one night a week for art class, family dinner at the table instead of in front of tv, weekends camping or exploring the inner city – life’s texture begins to change and we begin living with integrity and authenticity.  These simple actions are a solid beginning. – and they can be world changing.  2012 – honour the energy of change, starting with yourself!

If you missed it yesterday, I also uploaded a simple guided meditation to help anchor you into the positive energies of 2012.  Wishing you every happiness, and an abundance of health, love, soul growth, creativity and good fortune for the coming year.  Love and Light, Nicole xx

(this image of Love and Light by moomsabuy)

What to do if you can’t love yourself… 5 steps towards healing

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Everyone knows that self-love is vital to building self-esteem and self-confidence, for setting healthy boundaries and feeling good about yourself. Problem is, if you don’t feel good about yourself to start with, if you don’t like yourself much and you’re feeling pretty depressed and miserable, then trying to love yourself is like holding onto a helium-filled birthday balloon and expecting it can fly you to Mars.  Mission Impossible!

So what do you do when your sense of self is hanging by a thread, but you just can’t make that mental leap from loathing to loving?

(Thanks to Idea go for this evocative image.)

When loving yourself and feeling good about yourself seems impossible, then what you need to do is parent yourself. That’s where you do the things you know you need to do, even when you don’t want to, can’t be bothered, or feel that you don’t deserve to treat yourself well.

Good parents create environments where we can grow, be safe, and learn to get to know ourselves and the world around us.  They support us, love us and guide us until we move to a place of maturity where we can do these things for ourselves.

Even when you find it hard to love yourself, there is a wise part of your soul that intuitively knows what you need to get back to a place of balance. Your job is to let that parent part of you – the Wise Soul – make the choices for the part of you that is struggling to get on your feet and feel good again.

Here are five simple things you can do to make a start towards healing your relationship with yourself:

1.  Decide to accept yourself right now, as you are and where you are in life. Too often we tell ourselves that we’ll like ourselves better when we’ve lost weight, found a job, left a bad relationship, found a good relationship, stopped smoking, gotten fit, or won lotto. When we put conditions on loving ourselves, we never get to that mysterious just-around-the-corner place that is forever up ahead and out of our reach.  Be honest with yourself.  If life is painful, admit that. Don’t numb yourself with alcohol, drugs, food or overwork.  Reach out for help if you’re having trouble coping, or need some new skills and strategies to make tomorrow look different to today.

2.  Create a safe space.  Everyone needs a place to call home, where they can relax, be themselves, and surround themselves with things that reflect their sense of self. Music, plants, posters or paintings, colours and fragrances – all of these things can help ground you and give you a sense of belonging and security.  It’s not about the objects as much as the energy they create. Start by making sure your space is clean. Dirt, mess and clutter drain you and create stagnant energy.  Clear the clutter, and then begin to make your space somewhere that is inviting, uplifting and positive.

3.  Practice respect.  Respect yourself enough to avoid, minimise your exposure to or end toxic relationships and to stop toxic behavours. Respect your body by eating well, and by exercising daily – even when it’s hard.  Especially when it’s hard and you don’t want to. That’s what parents do.  They make sure we drink enough water, eat our greens, get enough sleep, and get out of bed in the morning.  In everything that you do, ask yourself “Does this action or choice honour me?”  When we suffer from a lack of self-love it’s easy to make choices that don’t do the best by us.  In some cases we even choose things that sabotage our well-being.  Once again, if you’re really struggling here, ask for help, whether it’s a counsellor, personal trainer, rehab facility or a good friend who has your back.

4.  Find something to look forward to and work towards it, or include it in your life.  Whether it’s an overseas holiday, salsa dancing lessons, art classes or writing a best-seller, everyone needs to have a sense of purpose, and that purpose doesn’t have to be career related. Don’t be afraid to dream big, even if you have to start small. (image by Simon Howden)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5.  Spend some time in nature each day. Fresh air and sunshine has been used as a remedy for depression and to heal all manner of ills for centuries. Watching animals in nature has been proven to lower blood pressure, increase endorphins and relax tension in our muscles. Having contact with pets also helps us heal and feel better about ourselves, and teaches us responsibility for others.

Don’t give up. Be the parent you need for yourself. There is strength and wisdom within you.  Trust!

Love and Light, Nicole ♥ xx

Recognising burnout – 10 tips for a better 2012

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Are you one of the walking dead?  I’m not talking zombies here and some strange mutant virus.  I’m referring to burnout – that life sapping condition that affects us mentally, physically and emotionally.

How do you know if you’re burning out, or already there?

 

Take some time today, and ask yourself honestly – how are you feeling?  Is the way you are living sustainable, or killing you…  I trust that in your heart you already know the answer to that one, so tune in and see what your heart is telling you. If things are rosy, I wish you well.  Good for you!  If things aren’t quite the way you’d like them to be, read on. Maybe we can help turn this around for you.

Tip 1:  Get more sleep.  Sounds obvious doesn’t it, but many of us end up on that slippery slope to burnout because we are cramming too many things into the day. If we get  just one hour less sleep a night, we build up a sleep debt. Sleep deprivation means our bodies don’t have the time they need to repair and attend to physical and psychological housekeeping. Our immune systems weaken, we lose our creative edge and our ability to respond to stress, we become irritable and intolerant, eat more, have weaker digestion, difficulties with memory and cognitive function. Our coping ability rapidly deteriorates.

Protect your health by ensuring you get enough sleep. Turn off the TV or computer and go to bed an hour earlier. Avoid caffeine late in the day and drink herbal teas that relax and calm. More sleep tips here.

 

Tip 2:  Free up your dance card.  It’s so easy to overcommit – especially if you’re a pleaser or a fixer. Drop what you can, delegate whatever is practical, extend deadlines if possible and take measures to simplify things. Clearing some space in your life gives you room to breathe, it buys you time to play catch-up in the energy stakes.  You may want to do this as a temporary measure, but for many people, once they become accustomed to a simplified life, they can’t return to the craziness that got them to the place of burnout in the first place.  More ideas on freeing up your schedule here.

Tip 3:  Hobbies that are joyful and engaging – There is no point in a life that is all work and no play. Hobbies can be both an outlet for creativity and a form of moving meditation. They give you an interest outside of your work and personal relationships, and enrich your life in many ways.  Whether it is knitting, beer brewing, ballroom dancing, writing or gardening, hobbies reconnect you with yourself.  They can also help you connect to like-minded people, expanding your circles of friendship and support.  If you can carve out a small time each week for a regular date with your hobby, your stress levels will begin to drop. One of my favourite things is working on my novel over breakfast in a favourite cafe!

Tip 4:  Clear boundaries – Saying ‘no’ is a life-saving technique.  One of the biggest contributors to burnout is an inability to set clear boundaries with work and other people’s problems. Be firm about working hours, especially if you work for yourself. If you are constantly working long hours, you need to re-evaluate your situation. Charge fairly for your time (ie don’t undersell yourself!), and don’t allow people who don’t value your time or abilities to waste yours! If  you are constantly drained by certain relationships in your life, back away a little, and set some parameters around your ability to be available for them.  You may need to drop some relationships entirely.  If workplaces don’t respect your boundaries, look for somewhere new! If friends won’t respect your boundaries, or are constantly negative or unsupportive, move on.  A handy guide for being assertive.

Tip 5:  Emotional and energetic support.  Sometimes we get so busy that our support network – friends and family – become neglected and drop away. If we are stressed and tired we are often poor company, and are irritable and critical in ways that aren’t reflective of who we truly are, or how we really feel. Take some time to renew friendships and relationships, especially if you have a partner. Relationships that aren’t nurtured may die when they didn’t need to. If you love someone, value and nurture that relationship. If necessary, seek a counsellor.  Massage, reiki, pranic healing, acupuncture, reflexology – there are so many wonderful healing modalities on offer that support and re-energise us.  Go with what you are drawn to. Invest some time and energy in supporting yourself to get back to balance.

Tip 6: Eat for energy and health.  Sadly, one of the first things to go when people become stressed and too busy is good eating habits. Make sure you are including plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, proteins and good fats in your diet. Drink lots of water, and cut down on fried food, take-out, sugar and refined carbs. Caffeine and energy drinks will tax exhausted adrenals even further. It may be worth taking some dietary supplements or herbs to help you back to health. Naturopaths, nutritionalists, Traditional Chinese Medicine or Ayurvedic practitioners could help. Putting better fuel into your body leads to better energy!  Food matters. Great info here.

Tip 7: Be Wholistic – Exercise is important. Move your body. Where you can, get into nature and spend some time there. Meditation, Yoga, Tai Chi and Qi Gong are all practices that work on the mind and spirit as well as the body.They help create a raft of calm in your life, easing tension and encouraging flow of energy. Even five minutes a day will begin to make a difference. This is a great easy morning yoga routine.

Tip 8:  Eliminate energy drains – Energy drains can be relationships (See Tip 4), debt, or things that are creating pressure because they don’t get done.  Bite the bullet and sort them out. Get your tax squared away. Have the conversation about the difficult thing. Say sorry. Work out a repayment plan. Fix what needs fixing. End what needs ending. Sort out your house, your desk, your computer. Get help if you need it.  You’ll feel a whole lot better with the weight of these things off your back!  Tips on clearing clutter.

Tip Nine: Work that works for you.  Get your head right about work. If you know your job is killing you, work out why (it might be you – saying yes to everything, no clear boundaries, not enough support) and then reassess.  If necessary, find another job. If you are unhappy at work because it’s not what you want to do with your life, begin to see your job as what I call a Pizza Hut job – the job you do while you are becoming something else. Let the job you have pay the bills but not define you.  Instead, find some study, or begin work on your own thing outside of this job, and let that new energy define you, while your old job merely supports you.  Sometimes it’s just a matter of adjusting your thinking.  Life is too short not to use your gifts and follow your passion – but sometimes we need a job to support us while we become a writer, an actor, a rocket scientist, or a professional mountain climber. And sometimes our passion will only pay in personal satisfaction, so you may actually need that Pizza Hut job to fund the dream.

Tip 10: Down Time. We all need it. Chunks of unstructured time, where we have no plans, no expectations, no pressure.  It might be a Sunday afternoon nap, a wander through a bookshop or a park, a weekend away, a proper holiday.  If you are really broken, your down time might need to be filled with hammocks and pillows, and siestas.  Or sleep-the-day-away weekends.  That’s okay too.  If your body needs to sleep, honour that.  Stop pushing – rest first. Plan adventures; small ones, longer ones, crazy once-in-a-lifetime ones.  Half the fun of the trip is in the planning. Down time gives us the balance we need to enjoy life to the full, and to be revitalised for the rest of the journey.

I’ll be doing a series of meditations coming into 2012, focussing on healing the patterns that cause physical, emotional and spiritual burnout. I’ll include you in them. My intention is that in 2012 you return to balance, with healthy habits and attitudes, an abundance of energy and creativity, and a joyful outlook on life. Know that you are Loved ♥