How To Use Forgiveness To Get Yourself Back In Flow

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” 
~ Steve Maraboli


Negative emotions can disrupt the flow of your life force energy and your heart chakra just as easily as boulders in a stream. How many boulders have piled up in your heart over time? Each boulder represents a major hurt, a major resentment, a major betrayal or disappointment, a deep wounding, shame or grief.

When the flow is disturbed or slowed, stagnation happens. Stagnant heart flow breeds anger and resentment, depression and self-loathing. It muddies the clear waters of the heart, and that dirty water spills over into everything you do.

So how do we get those boulders out?


Forgiveness of others. Forgiveness of self.

Forgiveness is the gift that sets us free. It’s not about condoning or approving what has been done, it’s about releasing yourself from the pain and the hurt of the past, and allowing yourself to move from stuckness back into flow.

Journalling to Clear Your Heart Chakra:

To clear our hearts, we first need to feel our feelings. Give yourself permission to feel into one of those boulders in your heart. Allow yourself to feel the pain or anger or betrayal. In that space of reconnecting into misery start writing, beginning with the words, “If only that had never happened I would have been able to…” then keep going and pour all of that hurt onto the page.

Get it out. There’s no point keeping it all bottled up. All this stuff is doing you damage, all these half-truths and misconceptions and limiting beliefs. Clear your heart stream of these sticks and stones. When you’re done, take a breath. Give yourself a ‘mental’ hug. Good work. Feel the space you’ve just created in your life.

Coming Back Into Flow:

Now send love and light and forgiveness to the situation or relationship you just wrote about. This is not about them – this is about you releasing yourself and the energy that is tied up in this situation from your past. Write on the page and then say in your mind “I forgive you and myself. I wish you well. I send you love. I bless you and I set you free” If you truly can’t conjure forgiveness for the other person that’s okay. Use this affirmation instead:

“I disconnect from the past and release it back to the light. All is well in my world. I am love. Love is what I am attracting.”

You may also find this short guided meditation useful:

Here’s a simple guided meditation on forgiveness that can help open and clear your heart chakra:

My intention for you is that you come to a place of peace in your heart, where you can move past hurt and pain and to a place of open connection and sharing, ready to accept joy and love into your life again.

Much love to you,
Nicole ❤  xx

Stop Fighting Your Lack Of Flow

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.”
~ C. JoyBell C.


Yesterday I blogged about that wonderful experience of universal flow and synchronicity, and about being on fire with an idea that I’m working on.

But perhaps I need to give you more context.

I’d had this idea much earlier in the year, and I worried about doing it because I wasn’t sure where my health would be. I worried about doing it because I didn’t know if I was biting off more than I could chew. I worried about doing it because I’ve never done it before, and just because I thought it was a good idea didn’t mean that it was. At that stage the idea was dancing with me, but it hadn’t grabbed hold of me.

And then, I put the idea down.


Someone on my team sat in a business meeting, looked me in the eye and said, “I don’t like it. You already have a lot on your plate and it’s not the program we’d agreed to.” They weren’t saying it to be mean. They had my back, and they could also see how much work I was already signed up to. Besides that, we’d spent weeks already discussing and working on something else. The thing I was supposed to be running with in 2016.

Did you catch that last thing I said? It was this…

I put the idea down.

That idea had come out of nowhere, and I already had a good plan. One my team and I had invested plenty of energy in. I decided to work the plan.

You know what happens next. I couldn’t let go of that idea. Finally, and irrationally, I decided that I HAD to run with it. Whether it failed or succeeded. Right as the timing came down to the wire. I ditched my other plan.

And of course, now everything is flowing and fast and fine. 🙂


When people come to me for a Life Direction Reading, I always think of our session together as me opening and then summarising the big book of their life. I look at their talents and gifts, the broad purpose of their life, their major lesson and obstacles, health and then specific information based on their current needs.

People sometimes come back to me for a top up reading. When they do, I am no longer focusing on the whole book of their life, because that big book is divided into many smaller chapters. I look at the chapter that person is in right now, and sometimes the one that will follow.

We do and learn things in each of these life chapters, and each of these chapters will have different themes. Just like in a book, if you’re reading the chapter about the car chase, and all you want is to find out if the hero gets the girl, you’re going to have to wait until the next chapter.

If it’s not happening, it doesn’t mean that it won’t. It usually means that it’s not the right timing. You’re not in the chapter that supports the thing you are trying to push towards. That’s okay. It just means you need to bring your focus to something else just now. It’s not you. The Universe isn’t against you. You’re just not in flow with this thing right now, for whatever reason.

So, with all of that background I’d like to answer two questions that came up from yesterday’s blog post.


When You Get Roadblocks

Q: Genevieve asked:

Lovely post Nicole I do have a question though. What if you keep getting sent roadblocks when trying to achieve something that you long for so deeply? Is this the Universe telling you to quit while your ahead? I think I’ve answered my own question but it puzzles me as to why I would want something that seems totally out of my reach.

A: Genevieve, if you have an idea and you long for it deeply, then don’t give up. I always see those roadblocks as a timing thing. Maybe you’re being held up because you need to rest or to heal first. Maybe there is some other important task that needs to be done. Maybe you’re not ready, and there are things to learn. Maybe the world isn’t ready yet. Don’t ever see it as a bad thing to have some big idea that seems totally out of reach. If it’s truly meant to be yours you won’t let go of that idea. You’ll keep playing with it and coming at it from different angles and thinking about it even when you’re not doing it, and then suddenly everything will line up (although not always in the ways you had expected or imagined) and you’ll be on your way.

Conversely, if it’s not meant to be yours you’ll fall out of love with it. Or there will be something that never sits quite right with you. There is a project I’ve been trying to get off the ground for seven years. Yep. Seven. I’ve laboured towards it. Poured money and time into it. And it just never comes together. On top of that, of it NEVER being easy, something about it has niggled at me. So, when my friend Bek said something to me the other night, I realised that I needed to put that project down, and build another one on top of one that is already alive and dynamic, instead of constantly trying to resurrect dead old bones! Were those seven years wasted? Not at all. It just took me that long to figure out who I really was, and where I wanted to be. 🙂


I’ve Got Nothing! The Plight of Being Directionless

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Q: Jen asked:

I can’t work out what the universe is telling me Nicole ….lots of things I love I have had to put on hold ( study, exercise , pretty much life in general). I meditate, I blog, I have floated in the last couple of weeks – all things to help me to see where my path is going. I still have no idea ……

A: Usually, when we can’t get clear about a direction, but we’ve good with direction and decision-making previously, what we need to do is wait. But most of us aren’t good with waiting. We want to be productive and useful and efficient.

Jen, you’ve just been through a major life change. You’re not the person you were before. Things are different now. You are different now. Those old paradigms and ways of being don’t fit, which is why the answers aren’t coming easily.

Don’t force it. Instead, let it be an adventure. Get on with the day-to-day things, and with resting and healing. As your energy lifts, and your soul reorients itself, the way will start to open out in front of you. And I think it will surprise you and make total sense all at once. I know that there is a greater purpose unfolding in front of you. So, it’s a bit like being five months pregnant. No matter how much you want to hold that baby in your arms and know him or her, you have four months left to ‘cook’ before that can happen. Right now you’re in that gestation period too. Trust that it will come to an end, and you’ll find your clarity. To push for it to happen prematurely is no good for you, or for the ‘baby’.


Extra Bit: If you’re a person (this is not Jen!) who has never had clear answers or direction, then you need to work on knowing yourself and spending time with yourself. We are only ever lost when we don’t know who we are, and the only way we can know ourselves is to spend time thinking about what we like and don’t like, by finding supportive friends, family or teachers, and by going on a quest to find ourselves. Go type journal in the search bar of my blog and you’ll find lots and lots of free activities that can help you with this!

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Knowing When to Walk Away

Walking away… Last Deviation by Seryia Uchina

“Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realise our worth and value, but because we finally realise our own.” ~ Robert Tew

You know the old saying I am sure.  The definition of madness (some actually say stupidity) is to do the same thing over and over, and yet keep expecting a different result.

Walking away is not an admission of defeat.  Walking away is about recognising our own boundaries, our own limits, and our own needs.

So how do you know if it’s time to walk away?  (And I’m not just talking relationships – I’m talking jobs, business deals, addictions, habits, workloads, friendships, situations… )

Look for these signs, and ask yourself honestly if any of these describe you:

If it’s just not adding up, no matter which way you crunch the numbers…

Image by Pixomar

If the warning bells keep going off in your mind…

Image by cbenjasuwan

If you’re not being respected, honoured or valued…

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If they keep doing the thing they promised to stop doing…

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If it’s always your fault, even when it’s not…

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If it’s only ever about them…

Vanity by John William Waterhouse 1908

If the only thing you ever get is pain, pain and more pain..

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If you recognise that to continue with this situation/relationship is only going to drag you further and further down…

Image by Bert Blondeel

If your head is so full, or your body is so tired, or both, that you need to push back for a bit and go get some fresh air…

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If there’s no love left, if you’re not having fun any more…

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If your heart is being pulled in a new direction…

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Any of these things are serious cause for consideration.

Life is short. For you. For them. If it’s not working, and you’ve done all you can do, or all you’re willing to do, walk away. Do it in your own time – there’s no need to make life harder for yourself. But do it. Do it because if you don’t value yourself, no-one else will.


♥ You may find these posts useful too:

Knowing when to let go

Emotions and their impact on your health

The Broken Robot Repair Shop

How to Nurture your sense of Self Love

What to do when you don’t know where you’re going

Knowing When to Let Go

Be brave and let go. Let go of fear, and pain. Stop holding to the thing that is tearing you apart. While you hang on, grimly gripping and clutching this to you, you deny yourself freedom, new gifts, love. It is madness to presume that you are more wise than the Universe. Let go. Trust. – Nicole Cody

There are so many reasons why we struggle with letting go.

Some of us just don’t like to fail – if we say we’re going to deliver, if we take a marriage vow, sign up for a deadline, have ethics that are all about family or mateship, have strong religious or spiritual beliefs, made a public proclamation about a certain thing, have other people telling us that this is what we need, then we may hold onto a person or situation longer than we should.

Sometimes we are spending our lives thinking about everyone else; not wanting to let people down, wanting THEM to be happy even if we must sacrifice something or all of ourselves to do that. Perhaps we have been raised to see this as worthy behaviour, or the way to be lovable – earning love through good deeds and sacrifice.

Sometimes we have become so fixated on achieving the end goal that we’ve stopped asking ourselves the right questions “Does this still serve me?  Does this still honour me?”  Did it ever…

Sometimes we’ve let something define us for so long that we no longer know who we are without that thing in our life.  Even if it’s killing us or making us miserable.

Sometimes we let our heart rule our head.  Sometimes we let our head rule our heart. And it’s not making us feel good. In fact it’s quite the opposite.

Or maybe we are afraid.  Afraid that if we let go nothing will ever come to replace it.  Afraid that people will judge us or turn away from us, or leave us. Afraid that if we let go, the thing might suddenly come good, and all our struggle will have been worth it.

Sometimes we think we don’t deserve any better.

So how do we know when we need to let go? When duty is the only thing that drives us and all the joy has faded from our lives.  When we’ve forgotten the reason we signed up for this in the first place.  When we’ve become indifferent to life, our relationship, this thing…  When our health is in tatters, when the person in the mirror is a stranger, when our finances are in ruins, when we’re choking down anger and resentment on a daily basis, when we are no longer a person we like or believe in, when we’ve lost ourselves, it’s time to let go.

When we have gotten to a place where everything is hard, everything is dark, where we can see no place in our lives for hope, or joy or happiness, then it’s time to let go.  When we can no longer keep our eyes open and our hands on the wheel, and we’re popping pills to keep going, white knuckled from fear and exhaustion, it’s time to let go.

When it’s in the past, where we have no way to change it, we need to let go.

Why do we need to let go?

When we are in struggle, we are out of the flow of Universal Good. In that place where we are battling against the current of life we exhaust ourselves, and often have nothing to show for our efforts.  It is all hard, hard, and harder.

When we surrender and let go, we stop swimming against the current.  Life picks us up and supports us and begins to move us in a new direction.  There is a wisdom and grace in the Universe that far exceeds our own.  It we can only trust and let go, finally, we can begin moving towards a better future, to new opportunities, new relationships, new adventures.  We give ourselves a fresh start.  We give ourselves a chance to be happy, a chance to find ourselves and to open ourselves to bright new possibilities.

Even if that means for a time we must sit alone, hands empty…

How do we let go?

Sometimes we need to ask for help. It’s not important to have the answer, it’s only important to have recognised that we need to change. There are many skilled and caring people in the world who can help you make the shift once you’ve decided that it’s time.

Sometimes we will already know what to do.

All change requires effort, but change is possible. If you know you’re unhappy and you can longer work out why,  imagine the current choices and relationships in your life. Imagine the problems.  Now imagine removing them.  Is there a sense of loss or panic, or a sense of relief?  Sometimes it’s as simple as that.

Sometimes we only need to put our burdens down for a time.  When we’ve rested, or found someone to share the load, then we find we want to continue, that we can continue.

So many times we let go of the job, and we land on our feet.  We let go of the relationship, and we meet our soul mate.  We pack up and go, and an unexpected direction leads us to a happier and more fulfilled life unlike anything we could have imagined for ourselves.

When not to let go

You’ll know it. It’s as different a feeling as night is to day. This is an energy within you infused with light, hope, clarity, determination, strength, courage.

It’s the thing thing that helps you keep swimming, towing a drowning soul with their head above water, when you are both exhausted.  It’s the thing that helps mothers lift a car to release their trapped child. It’s the voice inside you that tells you to call someone, or turn up at their house, or dash into a burning building. It’s the conviction that helps you stand by someone when you believe in a better outcome for them but they are in a place where they can’t yet see it for themselves.

That’s the energy of Love.  That’s the feel of God as our wings.  That’s Divine Grace working through us. There is something within us that will not give up the fight, something within us that KNOWS we can do it, that we will do it. That we would rather do this and die trying than to walk away.  This is a feeling of being energised, vital, alive, burning with a seering focus.

Tune in.  How are you feeling? Answer yourself honestly.  Make a decision.  Trust..