“Be brave and let go. Let go of fear, and pain. Stop holding to the thing that is tearing you apart. While you hang on, grimly gripping and clutching this to you, you deny yourself freedom, new gifts, love. It is madness to presume that you are more wise than the Universe. Let go. Trust.” ~ Nicole Cody
There are so many reasons why we struggle with letting go.
Some of us don’t like to fail – if we say we’re going to deliver, if we take a marriage vow, sign up for a deadline, have ethics that are all about family or mateship, hold strong religious or spiritual beliefs, made a public proclamation about a certain thing, have other people telling us that this is what we need, then we may hold onto a person or situation longer than necessary.
Sometimes we spend our lives thinking about everyone else; not wanting to let people down, wanting THEM to be happy even if we must sacrifice something or all of ourselves to do that. Perhaps we have been raised to see this as worthy behaviour, or the way to be lovable – earning love through good deeds and sacrifice.
Sometimes we become so fixated on achieving the end goal that we stop asking ourselves the right questions: “Does this still serve me? Does this still honour me?” “Did it ever…”
Sometimes we’ve let something define us for so long that we no longer know who we are without that thing in our life. Even if it’s killing us or making us miserable.
Sometimes we let our heart rule our head. Sometimes we let our head rule our heart. And it’s not making us feel good. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
Or maybe we are afraid. Afraid that if we let go nothing will ever come to replace it. Afraid that people will judge us or turn away from us, or leave us. Afraid that if we let go, the thing might suddenly come good, and all our struggle will have been worth it.
Sometimes we think we don’t deserve any better.
So how do we know when we need to let go?
When duty is the only thing that drives us and all the joy has faded from our lives. When we’ve forgotten the reason we signed up for this in the first place. When we’ve become indifferent to life, our relationship, this thing… When our health is in tatters, when the person in the mirror is a stranger, when our finances are in ruins, when we’re choking down anger and resentment on a daily basis, when we are no longer a person we like or believe in, when we’ve lost ourselves, it’s time to let go.
When we have gotten to a place where everything is hard, everything is dark, where we can see no place in our lives for hope, or joy or happiness, then it’s time to let go. When we can no longer keep our eyes open and our hands on the wheel, and we’re popping pills to keep going, white-knuckled from fear and exhaustion, it’s time to let go.
When it’s in the past, where we have no way to change it, we need to let go.
Why do we need to let go?
When we are in struggle, we are out of the flow of Universal Good. In that place where we are battling against the current of life we exhaust ourselves, and often have nothing to show for our efforts. It is all hard, hard, and harder.
When we surrender and let go, we stop swimming against the current. Life picks us up and supports us and begins to move us in a new direction. There is a wisdom and grace in the Universe that far exceeds our own. It we can only trust and let go, finally, we can begin moving towards a better future, to new opportunities, new relationships, new adventures. We give ourselves a fresh start. We give ourselves a chance to be happy, a chance to find ourselves and to open ourselves to bright new possibilities.
Even if that means for a time we must sit alone, hands empty…
How do we let go?
Sometimes we need to ask for help. It’s not important to have the answer, it’s only important to have recognised that we need to change. There are many skilled and caring people in the world who can help you make the shift once you’ve decided that it’s time.
Sometimes we will already know what to do.
All change requires effort, but change is possible. If you know you’re unhappy and you can longer work out why, imagine the current choices and relationships in your life. Imagine the problems. Now imagine removing them. Is there a sense of loss or panic, or a sense of relief? Sometimes it’s as simple as that.
Sometimes we only need to put our burdens down for a time. When we’ve rested, or found someone to share the load, then we find we want to continue, that we can continue.
So many times we let go of the job, and we land on our feet. We let go of the relationship, and we meet our soul mate. We pack up and go, and an unexpected direction leads us to a happier and more fulfilled life, unlike anything we could have imagined for ourselves.
When not to let go
You’ll know it. It’s as different a feeling as night is to day. This is an energy within you infused with light, hope, clarity, determination, strength, courage.
It’s the thing that helps you keep swimming, towing a drowning soul with their head above water, when you are both exhausted. It’s the thing that helps mothers lift a car to release their trapped child. It’s the voice inside you that tells you to call someone, or turn up at their house, or dash into a burning building. It’s the conviction that helps you stand by someone when you believe in a better outcome for them but they are in a place where they can’t yet see it for themselves.
That’s the energy of Love. That’s the feel of God as our wings. That’s Divine Grace working through us. There is something within us that will not give up the fight, something within us that KNOWS we can do it, that we will do it. That we would rather do this and die trying than to walk away. This is a feeling of being energised, vital, alive, burning with a seering focus.
Tune in. How are you feeling? Answer yourself honestly. Make a decision. Trust…
I’m holding you in my daily prayers and meditations. You’re not alone in this. I’m with you, and I believe in you,
All my love, Nicole ❤ xx