“What does a lighthouse do? I ask myself. It never moves. It cannot hike up its rocky skirt and dash into the ocean to rescue the foundering ship. It cannot calm the waters or clear the shoals. It can only cast light into the darkness. It can only point the way. Yet, through one lighthouse, you guide many ships. Show this old lighthouse the way.”
~ Lisa Wingate, The Prayer Box
2016 is a year of shift and change and growth.
Right now some of us are shifting back into flow, our futures are looking brighter, we have a dream and passion and positivity and…
… our loved one is our polar opposite. It could be our husband, our wife, our lover, our child, our friend, our parent, our sibling. While we are moving, they are stuck. While we are in light, they are in shadow.
There are so many reasons for this. It could be illness, unemployment, depression. It might be family dramas, money problems, low self-esteem, addiction, anger, or a raft of other things.
It’s hard for them – that place where they are. It’s hard for us, when we see our beloved hurting. Sometimes it’s hard to even be in their space.
But we love them.
So, what do we do?
Most Lightworkers are helpers and healers. That’s our first impulse. First and foremost, don’t be your loved one’s therapist. Help them find one, if that’s what they need. It is not your job to ‘fix’ them. Loving and supporting is what we’ve signed up for. Listening. Caring. Carrying the load for a while if we must.
I know, you still want to do something! Even after I have told you not to rush in.
That’s okay. There is something you can do. A lot you can do, actually.
Here’s my advice. It’s tried and tested. It works.
Work on you
Work on you. Lift your own vibration. Work on your own shit. Do this without the need for validation or approval or praise. Do it because it’s what your soul needs. Find your own therapist, if that is what it takes. Get support. Get help. Spend time getting to know and understand yourself. Get happy in your own skin, as much as anyone can. Recognise that life is peaks and troughs and it will never be all happiness. It will never be everything going right for everyone all the time. That’s okay. Work on you. Do it because self-work is important, and we come to it in our own time. When we are ready. Some people aren’t interested in self work. Some people are not ready. That’s okay. Work on you.
When you work on you, and heal things in your own life, your vibration lifts. Healing and change ripple out in mysterious and wonderful ways, provoking healing and shift in others. As your vibration lifts it positively affects the people around you. That’s how vibration works. But don’t do it for them. Do it for you!
Get excited about your own life
Get excited about your own life. Find friends within the areas that interest you – spiritual stuff, business, writing, gardening, chainsaw ice-carving, whatever is your thing – and hang out with them. Talk with them about your amazing breakthroughs, your hopes and dreams for your interests.
Don’t limit your dreams or your life because your loved one is stuck and miserable. Don’t put your own happiness on hold. Talk about your life with your loved one when it’s appropriate but don’t be boastful, don’t hold yourself up as some shining example. Don’t make it worse for them. They are already in the hole. Treat them normally. Have the conversation if it’s right for both of you.
If your loved one is cynical, angry, defensive or caustic – if they put you or your dreams down, and leave you feeling worse for having shared – don’t share. Protect your own hopes and dreams. Leave a little space that is sacred and light-filled and that can be a refuge for you against the darkness, pain and negativity of other areas of your life. Doing what you love fills you up, and allows you to keep giving. Getting excited about your own life helps you cope better with the space your beloved finds themselves in.
Hold Space for Your Loved One
What does holding space even mean? Simply this – we choose to stop each day, in our prayers or meditations or quiet spaces, and we see our loved one’s life unfolding in positive ways. We dwell for a moment on their best qualities, on happy memories from the past, and on potential positive outcomes in the future. We think and see the best for them, and our intention helps pave the way.
Live From Kindness
Choose words and actions that are loving and kind. For yourself. For your loved ones. Treat yourself well. Look after your body. Get enough sleep. Drink water and eat nourishing foods. Clean your house. Do what you can to pay the bills. Set clear boundaries at home and work. Respect yourself. Fill yourself up with what makes you happy. Know that we each have our own journeys and our own lessons.
When we look after ourselves and live from a place of calm centre – when we work on ourselves and lift our own vibrations – we become like the lighthouse. We beam light, love and positive vibration out into the world, and others are affected. I have seen loved ones go through enormous shift after I have worked on my own life. I have seen all kinds of magic that has been invoked through the simple act of self-responsibility and self-love.
When we work on ourselves the whole world changes.
This may mean that your loved ones will shift to a better place. That they will find their way out of the space they are in and you will find a deepening and a healing within your own relationship with each other. When this happens it is a beautiful and precious thing. And it happens a lot when we do self-work!
This may mean that you shift so far that you find you can no longer be in the same circle, the same space, the same relationship as the one you love or loved. The relationship may fall away. That will be okay too. It will be what it needs to be.
My sister-in-law sent me this beautiful video, taken near my farm at Byron Bay on last year’s Blue Moon. I love how the moon rises. I love how the Lighthouse stays constant. Both shine their light. Both guide us.
This year, be the Lighthouse. Shine your light. Be the moon. Rise in your own way, and live from your own inner magic and beauty. Even in the darkness. Through every storm and tempest.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson