What if it didn’t matter?

“There’s a world of difference between truth and facts. Facts can obscure truth.” 
~ Maya Angelou

I need to give you an update about my memoir. For those of you who’ve been following my blog for a while you’ll know that you encouraged me to turn some of my posts about my time in the Kimberley with my Aboriginal Aunties into a book.

And I did.

A manuscript, anyway.

I shared the completed draft with members of my writing group. The feedback was good. I tweaked it and got it ready to send to an agent. I was feeling pretty positive about it. But my writing group aren’t intuitives or empaths or ‘that way inclined’. I love them but they’re not my tribe.

A friend from our Cauldrons and Cupcakes community also read the draft. She sent me an email that went something like this: ‘I stayed up all night reading it [great, I think, that’s a good sign] and every time you mentioned your psychic experiences you just touched on them briefly and then went on to the next thing. FOR THE ENTIRE BOOK! I want to know how you felt. I want to know how it changed you. I want to know what was really happening. That’s the book I need to read. You can do better.’

Ouch.

I knew she was right.

I rewrote it. And then rewrote it again. Each time I redrafted it I got a little braver, a little more vulnerable, a little more honest.

My writer friends told me I’d gone too far. I wasn’t sure if I’d gone far enough. It was still relatively safe content though, so I was pretty sure it was ready. Before I sent it to an agent I gave it to a couple of people who are mentioned in the book. ‘It’s good,’ they said, ‘but can you take me out? Also I don’t like this bit, even though it’s true. If you print this I’ll take legal action’.

By this time I was thoroughly bummed. It all seemed too hard. I put the project down and walked away from it.

Still, you kept asking me when it would be done. You kept sending encouraging notes and emails. And I knew I had to try again. I just didn’t know how.

Finally Ben asked me what was holding me up. ‘I don’t know,’ I told him.

‘Yes, you do,’ he said. ‘You’re worried about what other people will think. That’s dumb, Nic. Just tell your story. YOUR story. The one only you can tell. What does it matter anyway? You already have people who don’t believe in you and what you do, but you also have people who are waiting for this book. Write it anyway. The story that needs to be told, not the sanitised version.’

It makes me feel sick to my stomach, but I know that he is right. I don’t need all the bits about other people and interesting or funny stories to entertain the reader. They’re simply diversions from what was really happening.

But what will people think if I tell them what was really happening? If I don’t share it, I stay safe. I can keep pretending. I can avoid controversy, judgement, ridicule.

Yesterday Ben said to me, ‘What if it didn’t matter what other people thought? What if it didn’t matter? Then would you write your book?’

‘In a heartbeat,’ I responded, the words out of my mouth before I’d even thought about them.

So, today I’m starting on my ninth and final draft. Not the facts. That was my first draft, and my second, and my third…

This time I’m going to tell the truth, because that’s a whole other story.

Wish me courage.

I still feel sick about it, but it’s time.

All my love, Nicole ❤ xx

Being Okay With Where You Are

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” 
Lao Tzu

I’m still recovering from the flu, and gee, it’s taking muuuuuuch longer than I would have liked. On top of that I managed to pick up a vomiting bug because of my dodgy immune system, so that has meant a couple of useless days just as I was picking up again.

I have to be honest. Yesterday morning after a horrid night I was quite despairing. You know; tears of frustration, being totally over it, and yes – being down on myself too. I wanted to be writing. I wanted to be back at work. I wanted to be doing so many other things. I wanted hair free of knots!!! (Try lying in bed through fevers and misery for a month and see what that does to your hair – I know some of you completely get this because things like illness and depression are not friends to long locks…)

And oh the guilt I began to feel that here I was in bed. Again.

I didn’t stop myself feeling any of those things.

That never helps.

This is my truth. I’m getting better slowly. I’m frustrated. I had a less-than-great couple of days. It was okay to be in a bit of a hole.

It’s helpful to be able to be honest about where you are and how you feel. I had a cry on the phone to my sister. I had a cry with Ben. I had a cry with the dogs. After which I slept and slept and slept.

This morning I am doing better. In a week or so I’ll be back to doing all the things I had wanted to do. Meanwhile, I am where I am and it is what it is.

I realised a few years ago that I had bought into this crazy belief that I needed to be 100% on 100% of the time. Because of that belief I pushed myself relentlessly. No matter what my truth was. This perfection thing is all around us – on social media, in magazines and on television and in movies. It’s the expectation at schools and universities and in our workplaces. We’re not meant to have down days, sad days, sick days, ugly days.

Except that we all do.

We all do.

So my lovelies, the next time you have a down day or a sick day, the next day you feel like crawling back under the covers and not facing the day, extend yourself some compassion and know that it’s normal to not be 100% on your game every single day. Only robots and Stepford Wives do that. Everything else you see providing evidence to the contrary is a carefully curated lie. Please don’t buy into that!

A model’s self portrait in the style of the Stepford Wives by Christine McConnell

No matter what your current reality there is no point fighting it. It is what it is. Fighting against your truth is disempowering. You beat yourself up, lower your vibration and end up feeling even worse than you did before. It keeps you in the hole longer.

Accepting where you are at, honestly and without judgement, creates shift.

Don’t like where you are at? Accept that truth. Sometimes that’s all you need to do to create movement in a new direction and a lightening up of your mood and situation.

Don’t want to keep living this current version of yourself? Decide to change it. That’s not fighting it, that’s empowering yourself to move in a different direction. Wanting to change and then deciding to change still honours where you currently are and that’s so important for self-love and self-acceptance. Affirm to yourself I am where I am but I can change. 

No matter our current situation and how difficult things are we still have choices. We change emotionally, intellectually, spiritually or physically. That knowledge can be a life-raft, and it can open doors to new possibilities.

Self-acceptance is, in itself, a powerful force for change and for creating flow.

Sending you love and hugs, and holding you in my meditations, Nicole  xx

Just Tell One Person…

“The key is this: Meet today’s problems with today’s strength. Don’t start tackling tomorrow’s problems until tomorrow. You do not have tomorrow’s strength yet. You simply have enough for today.” 
Max Lucado

Did you read yesterday’s post about the energy of this week? It’s a week of help coming our way, and of hope being restored, but first… first it’s a week that may be quite hard for some. It’s an energy where many of us will feel regret, remorse, guilt, shame, pain or sorrow as we look back on the past and realise that we can’t change it, or that we may need to let go of cherished dreams and plans we’ve long held for our future, leaving us with uncertainty as we look forward in life.

It’s also a week where we can come face-to-face with habits, behaviours and attitudes that are harming us, and where we know we need to change or get help because now we see what we are doing or what we are ignoring and we know we can’t keep living like this.

So, for those of you in that hard place – with shames you are hiding, and fears you are nursing – take the first step and tell someone you trust, or a stranger of good repute whose calling is to help people with the kind of problem that you do.

When we tell someone our truth we shed light on this difficult thing and we crack open the place from where it can begin to transform.

When we hold a secret to our chest it weighs us down more and more with every year. When we hold a secret to our chest and tell no-one of our plans to change it is easy to back out on the promises we made to ourselves. You only need to tell one person, to take one step, to open your circle of one into a circle of two.Two is where change happens, and hope returns. When someone else knows, the problem that has become beyond your ability to fix on your own suddenly has a chance to be healed.

Who can you tell this week? My wise old Nana always used to tell me that a problem shared is a problem halved, and the older I become the more I know it to be true.

Sending so much love your way, Nicole   xx

 

Living from Self Awareness – Monday Oracle, 20 November 2017

We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.
~ Malcolm X

Hello, Lovelies!

November is a month for knowing ourselves deeply, for healing old hurts and for prioritising and redesigning our lives so that they better represent the person we are and the person we want to become.

Keep that in mind as we look at the gifts which the oracle card Self Worth brings us.

So, what awareness does Self-Worth bring us this week?

This week we are invited to step into self-sovereignty. When we are sovereign in our lives we live from the truth that is in our hearts. We care for ourselves and we make choices that are good for us and which are aligned to our values and interests.

If you’re out of alignment somewhere this week you’ll know it. Suddenly you’ll feel it as a deep truth within your body: you’ll know without a flicker or a doubt that you have to lose the weight, change jobs, end the marriage, start speaking up at work, make a debt-management plan, go travelling, get more down time, stop drinking Red Bull, offer your gifts to the world, write that book, stop going to family Christmas, or you’ll know you need to change your appearance, move to another city, go swimming with the dolphins, become an activitist… So many possibilities, and one of them will be true for you. Maybe more.

When we know something in our body as truth it’s a strong conviction. We don’t need to talk ourselves into it. It just is. This knowledge about ourselves sits within us burning bright. It demands to be acted upon. And we want to, even if it puts us outside our comfort zone. We won’t need to discuss it or canvas opinions or advice. We’ll just know. We’ll just decide. Self-sovereignty is a quiet power. But don’t underestimate its life-changing force.

Self-sovereignty can be uncomfortable at first if we have lived our lives putting other people’s needs, expectations and happiness ahead of our own. For many sensitive people who are highly attuned to the energies of others it can be hard to start feeling into who we really are and what is true for us because of the external influences that have always shaped our actions and decisions. You may feel a little (or a lot) lost before you find your way. Your strongest feelings this week may be ‘I can’t do this anymore’, without knowing what to do next. Don’t see feeling lost as a bad thing. Understand that it is a sign that you have moved away from the shore of your old way of being. You are in awareness now. You can’t keep living in denial of your truth. You can’t do that old thing anymore. Knowing this creates separation. It opens up possibilities. Soon the wind will catch your sails and send you in a new direction, one you may not have even contemplated before.

Self-Sovereignty is also a position that reminds that what we can conceive and believe we can draw to us. It’s a week for thinking about how we want our life to change and acting upon it. There is a magic that happens when we do this. All kinds of unseen forces gather to enact help and change for us, opening up synchronicities and helpful resources and relationships. Our universe is an ever-expanding one, and as we move out of stuckness or ‘untruth’ we unleash a power of good on our behalf.

Supportive crystals this week?

Iolite illuminates your depths and helps you to see what’s hiding, and what you’re not seeing – a beautiful stone for boosting self-belief. It’s an unusual stone, but my pick for this week. Green Aventurine opens you out into possibility, tapping you into the joy of living and that wonderful feeling of gratitude. Any double-terminated crystal or cluster of crystals from the quartz family (think clear quartz, smoky, amethyst or citrine) placed in your workspace or the room where you spend most of your time will amplify these inner rays of soul-energy, helping you to recognise them and helping yourself and others to transform easily and with grace and joy. 

 

Helpful essential oils?

I’m loving Young Living’s Envision this week. It’s an oil blend I often use in my workshops and retreats to help my students connect to inner wisdom and intuition. It helps us to see a greater possibility for ourselves. Use Envision for spiritual connection, inspiration and breakthroughs. Dab a drop on your Crown Chakra, back of neck, over your heart, wrists and the soles of your feet, inhale directly or add to your diffuser. 

Want to make your own blend? Each of the following oils will work beautifully on their own for you this week, but they’ll also make a delicious combination for diffusing. Vetiver will calm and ground us, promoting emotional balance, Lavender keeps us in flow and relaxed, Ylang Ylang opens our hearts and is supportive when we feel anxious or overwhelmed, and Bergamot brings joy, gratitude and optimism.  To diffuse add 2 or three drops of each oil to your room or personal diffuser. You can find the oils here.

Holding you, as always, in my thoughts, prayers and meditations, and intending for you a life of abundance and joy, where you are no longer limited by your doubts.

All my love,

Nicole ❤ xx

PS: Monday’s oracle card, ‘Self -Worth’, is from the Chakra Wisdom Oracle Deck by Tori Hartman. I use any cards shown as a prompt for channelled messages and my own intuitive wisdom, so my take is sometimes quite different to the meaning found in a book. 

Want to make the most of your year in 2018? Come to my Brisbane events on 15 and 16 December and join me for a night of channelling, or our weekend workshops. I’ll be teaching you how to connect into your inner truth to create and activate a vision board to bring your dreams into reality, and how to use tarot or oracle cards to gain clarity and insights for your life as you learn how to give a reading for yourself or others. We’ll also have a pop up shop filled with delicious crystals and other spiritual tools.  More details here.