You’re Gone And I Still Miss You

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever.” 
~ Alfred Tennyson

Yesterday was July 4. It’s our niece’s birthday. It was our first dog Charlie’s birthday, Charlie who is now Harry. And it was Kate’s birthday.

Kate was such a dear friend. I met her hanging over the fence at my Auntie Doff’s when I was a kid – both of us in primary school. I was a goody-two-shoes. Kate was a foster child, a tough kid and ‘bad girl’ who secretly had a heart of gold, a wicked sense of humour and a shared love of books. She became my penpal at a time when people used to write letters to stay in touch and we became entwined in each other’s lives, using each other like a ‘Dear Diary’ and witnessing each other’s trials, tribulations and wobbly successes.

She died in 2010 and yesterday, July 4, she would have been 49 years old.

Kate was a crap cook, and a lover of junk food, a killer musician, circus and aerial artist and street performer. She was famous for her cupcake kebabs and Horses Doovers Towers – her only two and best dishes!

It’s been nearly ten years since she passed. Still, sometimes I find myself thinking that I’ll call Kate or send her some stupid Facebook thing I know she’d love. Sometimes the grief I feel and the still-missing-her is ferocious. I never knew it could continue to take my breath away at unexpected moments after all this time.

My friend Carls (none other than THE Carly-Jay Metcalfe) was a mate of Kate’s too and we always remember Kate on her birthday, message each other and make sure to eat cake. Kate would have been all for that. She was a girl who loved life and lived it hard.

The older I get the more my heart is marked by those strange unhealable wounds that are created when a loved one has left this life. I’m glad for those wounds, and for my dinged-up battered heart. I feel these departed loved ones around me still and they live on inside me. I still talk to them. I still think about them. I still hold them close.

And sometimes, just sometimes, I miss them so much I can hardly breathe.

That’s okay. That’s just what love does to you.

Hugs and love, Nicole xx

Our Top Five Guided Meditations For You

the ocean
can calm itself,
so can you.
are both
salt water
mixed with
 – Nayyirah Waheed

Hi Everyone!

Yesterday, Nicole messaged me if I could relay a message to you. As of the moment she has no access to stable internet connection, not even a phone at the farm while it is being fixed. Still, she would like to send you all the love by giving you our Top 5 most listened to meditations here at Cauldrons and Cupcakes!

1. Body Awareness

“We are spiritual beings in physical bodies. This guided meditation will help you to be aware of both your energetic or ‘soul’ nature, and your physical vehicle. It will orient your chakras, and connect you into the earth and wider universe.

You’ll need to set aside about half an hour for this meditation. Sit or lie somewhere quietly, using pillows or blankets if needed to make yourself comfortable. Then simply close your eyes and follow the sound of my voice. It’s fine to let yourself fall asleep during the meditation, or immediately afterwards.”


2. Guided Meditation for Solar Chakra

“This short guided meditation for you to help balance and work with the energy of your Solar Plexus Chakra. All you need to do is sit or lie comfortably and follow along with the sound of my voice”


3. Spiritual Grounding

“This simple guided meditation specifically for helping you to ground into the earth. All you have to do is close your eyes, and follow my voice. Set aside fifteen minutes to relax, ground and heal. This is a very useful and powerful meditation, and I hope you enjoy it! ”


4. Connecting With Ancestors

“It’s not important for you to know who your Ancestors are, or how they are related to you. What is important is that you have an open mind, an open heart and a desire to create that connection.

You’ll need to set aside twenty-five minutes for this meditation. Sit or lie somewhere quietly, using pillows or blankets if needed to make yourself comfortable. Then simply close your eyes, hold your crystal or stone and follow the sound of my voice. It’s fine to let yourself fall asleep during the meditation, or immediately afterwards.”


5. Tibetan Singing Bowl -Healing

Nicole Cody Tibetan Singing Bowl

“The tones of the bowl help to shift blockages and lower energies from your body and auric field. It’s a little like being in a sound shower, where the vibration cleanses you all over, and through and through.”

We hope you enjoy our little offering today.  Chelsi (Nicole’s VA)  ❤ xx

Guided Meditation for Panic, Anxiety and Fear

Fear is static that prevents me from hearing myself.  ~Samuel Butler

There are times when all of us will know fear, when anxiety will slowly cripple us, when panic takes hold. I’m not talking about those moments in life that truly deserve such a heart-jolting response; a gun pointed at us, the moment before a car crash, watching our child move into danger, fleeing a flood or a fire… I’m talking about those days, weeks or months where, stretched to breaking point, (for some of you, well beyond that place) or confronted with being well outside our comfort zone, our normal coping mechanisms go haywire, and we find ourselves in the midst of a physical response that hinders rather than helps us.

Since I developed cardiomyopathy I’ve come to know this set of emotions rather well. Crazy really.  My enlarged heart needs to be calm and unruffled. But when it does something unexpected, some days I feel myself edge towards anxiety, fear or even worse, panic. It can be a scary thing when your body does things that cause sudden acute pain, or a feeling of impending death. And fear begets fear!

Just last night as I lay in bed it felt like my heart had turned to jelly and was wobbling all about on a plate in my chest – an awful flubby, slurpy, erractic heart-beat feeling. Oh, for a moment I was gripped with fear. For a moment I could feel myself slide towards panic. And of course that’s the last thing I need to be experiencing. How will I ever heal if I sit in that energy?

Fortunately I’ve been a life-long meditator, and I have tools at my disposal to help put me back into flow. So I said to myself, ‘I shall do a meditation.  If it’s not any better by the end I shall call an ambulance.  But if it’s better I’ll do more meditation and then I will go to sleep and wake up feeling better, stronger and clearer.’  And of course, that’s what happened.

So much of this wave of horrid fear, panic and anxiety is about us feeling dis-empowered, and unable to effect any control in our lives. It’s true that we may not be able to have control over things external to us, but we are always able to influence our thoughts, our emotions, even our physical reactions.

I’ve recorded a guided twelve minute meditation that takes you through the process I use for myself to find that calm centre within, to regain my strength and composure. The more your practise this meditation, the more you will come to find that you can get on top of these feelings, and return to a place of peace. Have a glass of water ready.  When you are finished, drink some of this water to help anchor the images and feelings created during your meditation.

Nicole Cody’s Guided Meditation for overcoming Panic, Fear and Anxiety

Sending much Love, Light and healing energy to you ♥ Nicole xx