“How much better is silence; the coffee cup, the table. How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. Let me sit here for ever with bare things, this coffee cup, this knife, this fork, things in themselves, myself being myself.”
~ Virginia Woolf
It was a big Retreat for me, this week that has just gone. Big pre-retreat prep. A big group. Big learnings. Big shifts. Big inner work.
All the while I held space. I worked hard twice a day before and after our coursework as I held the group in meditation, keeping their energy true as we moved deeper into shamanic practice. I was completely present for my students except when I was asleep or in the bathroom (the two times I asked for my privacy to be respected!).
I loved every minute of it, but it was intense and it demanded everything of me and then some. Still, what kind of teacher would I be if I didn’t give my all for my calling?
So, when Retreat ended I slept.
The first night I slept 12 hours straight through.
The next two days I moved between sleep, necessary duties and back to sleep again. I had no time for chatting. No energy for engagement.
All I longed for was solitude and nature. So that is what I gave myself, to the best of my ability.
Now I am feeling more myself, still tired but no longer exhausted. Still tired but ready to re-engage.
It is wonderful to have something in my life that I can give myself to completely. And the feeling of being fully used up at the end of my retreat was a good, good feeling. I had nothing left, and that was as it should be.
Today I am alert again. Ben and I are meeting a dear friend for coffee and an early breakfast and then I’ll ease myself back into life.
Wishing you all a wonderful weekend, and time for yourself and your own recharging,
Much love, Nicole ❤ xx
