Sneaking Back to Bed

“Laugh, even when you feel too sick or too worn out or tired.
Smile, even when you’re trying not to cry and the tears are blurring your vision.
Sing, even when people stare at you and tell you your voice is crappy.
Trust, even when your heart begs you not to.
Twirl, even when your mind makes no sense of what you see.
Frolic, even when you are made fun of. Kiss, even when others are watching. Sleep, even when you’re afraid of what the dreams might bring.
Run, even when it feels like you can’t run any more.
And, always, remember, even when the memories pinch your heart. Because the pain of all your experience is what makes you the person you are now. And without your experience—you are an empty page, a blank notebook, a missing lyric. What makes you brave is your willingness to live through your terrible life and hold your head up high the next day. So don’t live life in fear. Because you are stronger now, after all the crap has happened, than you ever were back before it started.”
~ Alysha Speer

 

I’ve had a big few days, lovelies.

A big month actually, between having intensive IV therapy to combat my superbug, and doing a load of readings and coaching for clients, and of hand-holding souls at the end of their lives, and of supporting people I care about through hard times.

This morning I woke up after a restless night, did my healing meditation for the world and all my loved ones (that includes you!) and then thought I would write my blog and get onto my avalanche of unanswered emails and messages that keeps growing while I have been busy attending to more urgent matters.

But I changed my mind.

My husband is sleeping in a dark, cool room. Harry dog has snuck up beside him.

And I am still tired.

So I am going back to bed for some more sleep and cuddles with my loved ones.

Because that’s what self-care looks like.

I hope you are looking after yourself too!

Hugs and love, Nicole ❤ xx

A Short But Important Message For You

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“One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.”
~ Shannon L. Alder

 

Every morning when I wake up I sit in meditation.

I say prayers for my family and friends, I send healing to those who need it, I send energy and love to my students, and then to the world.

After which I always think about you, dear readers, and I ask ‘What do my readers most need to know today?’ This usually helps me to write a blog post, or to prepare an activity or meditation.

Today when I asked, I got a very clear message. So clear that all I need do is record it here:

“Everyone on earth should believe that they have something to give the world which cannot otherwise be given.”

I know that this is true.

And I know that it’s a message some of you absolutely needed to be reminded of today.

So, go be you. Go be who you are and know that this is enough. To live as yourself. To act and think as yourself. To interact with others as yourself. To love as yourself. Your true self. You whole self.

Even if you have never been brave enough to be you until now.

Because it’s time.

I love you.

Go well today,

Nicole ❤ xx

 

Conversations About Dying – We Need To Have Them!

“When the time comes to die, make sure that all you have to do is die!”
~ Jim Elliot

“Everybody will die, but very few people want to be reminded of that fact.”
~ Lemony Snicket

 

This post is the next in my Wednesday series on Death and Dying…

 

Last year a good friend of mine died.

She died from breast cancer – a cancer she decided to treat naturally. A cancer that completely ravaged her body in less than two years while using those natural treatments. (And no, we are not going to discuss cancer and cancer treatments today.)

My friend avoided seeing me for months and months after she first detected the small lump in her breast. Why? She was frightened of what I might see psychically, and what I might tell her. She knew I would tell her to see a doctor, and to get additional information and ideas about possible treatment plans. So instead we kept never being able to make our calendars meet, even though we lived so close to each other.

But I knew there was something wrong. Very wrong.

Finally her husband rang one day and asked if we could come over.

I was so shocked when I walked through the front door. Here was my friend, suddenly an emaciated old woman. She smelt of death. I could see cancer throughout her body. I packed my shock away. My friend shuffled towards me for a hug and I saw it, a massive fungating tumor where her breast had been – so large that it was preventing her arm from moving naturally. Her arms and legs were swollen from lymphedema.

I hugged her gently, and she burst into tears.

Can you help me? my friend asked. I need some help.

As her husband made us a cup of tea I followed her to the lounge, where they had set up a bed for her.

You’ve defied the odds, my friend said. You’re still here and you should be dead. What else do I have to do to get better?

She then gave me the long list of everything they were doing. The infusions and diets and injections and colonics and green juices and superfoods and anti-cancer foods and no sugar and oxygen therapy and bicarb and turmeric and every other thing. Such a long list of things. Such a stressful thing, this list, with its military precision timing and increased severity as my friend’s condition worsened. They were having trouble coping with administering the regime. And now my friend couldn’t breathe if she lay down. What else could they do? There must be something else they could do? She couldn’t control her thoughts. She couldn’t stay positive. Could I help her meditate? Maybe that would sort her mind out?

I held my friend’s hand and our husbands brought tea for us and then disappeared out into the garden.

I found some lavender essential oil in my handbag and gently applied some to her swollen feet and hands, and showed her how to breathe it in. Then I talked her through a meditation as she sat in her chair, propped on soft pillows. Mercifully, somewhere in the middle of all of that my friend fell asleep.

I took my tea out into the garden, and told my friend’s husband that his wife was sleeping. He burst into tears.

Will she be okay? he asked me.

You already know the answer to that, I said. She’s dying. She needs medical care.

Can you tell her? he asked me.

Yes, I said. I’ll be back tomorrow.

Artwork by Daryl Zang

Artwork by Daryl Zang

The next day I sat on my friend’s bed and we talked about dying.

These are conversations I have had to have with my own husband many times during my illness. We’ve come to realise that they are conversations we all need to have, whether we are ill or not.

My friend and I talked about the possibility that she might die.

We talked about how to manage her care and her pain.

These were long, hard conversations with many tears.

We talked about wills. Did she have one? What did she want to happen if she could no longer make medical or other decisions for herself?

Our husbands joined us and we talked some more. We talked about all the things which were suddenly hard to talk about because they had become so real and so close.

We talked about her wishes, and the need for a plan.

Just a few days later my friend was admitted to a palliative care unit. She remained there until her death six weeks later. Until a few days before her death she had truly thought that she would get better enough to be able to go home and keep fighting.

In that whole time not one medical practitioner told my friend that she was dying. They told her only that she had stage four metastatic breast cancer.

I spent much of those last weeks with her, for short visits. For some of that time I was in hospital too and we would text madly, and talk when we could. We laughed a lot. We cried a lot.

The thing that broke me heart was an incident two weeks before she died.

I came to see her just after morning tea and she burst into tears. She felt so guilty, she said. The morning tea trolley had come around and she’d had the most delicious pumpkin scone with jam and cream. All that sugar. All that dairy. All that wheat. All the things she had been depriving herself of as she continued her green juices and superfoods that her husband brought up to the ward each day. She’d eaten cancer foods.

Darling, you’re dying, I said as I hugged her and wiped away her tears. One scone won’t make any difference. What matters was that it was delicious! Take pleasure from that. Then I went down to the canteen and fetched us both an excellent coffee and a chocolate brownie that was so good and we devoured them and laughed and for a moment we were two old friends who could have been anywhere.

Image from North End Coffee Roasters at Foursquare

Image from North End Coffee Roasters at Foursquare

Am I really dying, my friend asked me when our coffees were done.

Yes.

She burst into tears and sobbed into my arms all of the regrets she had. That she would never get to travel. That she wouldn’t go home. That she never tried the new Thai restaurant, and we never had our beach picnic with the dogs. So many regrets. So many thing she would have done differently if she’d realised that her time was so limited. If only someone had been honest with her. She thought there was still time.

And she confessed that she’d known the natural treatments weren’t working a year ago, but her husband had been so committed to them, and she was a naturopath and dietician so she felt it was her duty to keep going. Now she knew she’d made the wrong choice. She hadn’t honoured her intuition. And that choice had shortened her life and put her on a terrible path of suffering.

The little chemo she had been given palliatively had shrunk her masses and given her a better level of comfort. But it was too late.

I could barely talk that night for the pain of it all.

When my friend died she went downhill suddenly. She and her husband hadn’t talked with doctors about what might happen. There was no plan. Things were managed quite badly for her.

My husband and I got back to the hospital in time and I helped her to have a peaceful transition. Her death became a beautiful one.

But she died without a will. Without instructions. And it took her husband painful months to sort it all out after she was gone.

We don’t know when we will die. We don’t know if we will die unexpectedly and quickly, or if we will have time to prepare.

The only thing we know for sure is that one day we will.

Please talk with your friends and family. Do you want to be an organ donor? Are there situations where you would prefer that medical staff did not fight to save your life? What other instructions would you have if someone else was suddenly making the decisions for you?

Is there a point in trying where you might want to stop treatments?

Would you go into care? What would need to change if you ended up with a disability or chronic illness? Or a terminal one?

Funeral? Do you want one? Buried or cremated? Donated to science? Scattered at sea or the family plot?

Do you have a will in place, or at least have your wishes known to your family and friends? Is there a plan for your home, your children, your car, your possessions, your pets, your finances?

What matters to you in life? Are you living that life right now or are you putting all of these important things off to some mythical time in the future that may never come?

Death is a part of life. Let’s start having those conversations. One day you might be very glad that you did.

 

January 1, 2017 – Guidance for the Year Ahead

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“The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.”
~ Barack Obama

 

Happy New Year, and welcome to the energies of 2017!

New Year’s Day is always a special time for me. I like to welcome the day with meditation, and then spend some time over the course of the day contemplating my year ahead, asking for spiritual guidance, and writing in my journal and my Year of ME Planner.  For me it is a day of planning and dreaming, and spending time with people and activities that matter to me.

I have one tarot deck that I use only for the first day of the new year.  For over 25 years I have worked with this deck as a touchstone to set the themes of my year ahead so that I might live with greater awareness and understanding.  I don’t use the cards as a predictive tool – rather I use them for reflection, and to seek guidance about qualities, actions and perspectives that might benefit me over the next twelve months.

I also ask for one card for you – to give YOU guidance over the year ahead.  This is my personal interpretation of that card for you, and the energies of 2017 as they unfold in front of us.

Take what resonates as truth for you, and discard the rest.

 

 

THE PRINCE OF DISKS – Insights for 2017

thothpod

“Why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me.” ~ J. K. Rowling

 

“It’s not what we do once—it’s what we do once a day… day in and day out… every day that brings lasting change into our lives.”
~ Toni Sorenson

 

What a big, big year of endings and shift we experienced in 2016. It was also a year of closing out age-old energies, and preparing ourselves for the new energetic era and the first energetic cycle within this era that 2017 represents.

2016 was a year of clarification, endings, beginnings, decisions and breakthroughs. It was a year for dealing with big issues and neglected areas of our lives. For family dramas and ancestral healing. It was also a time for sowing the seeds of who we want to become as the energy of a new cycle unfolds.

2017 is the first year in this new cycle, and the Prince of Disks is showing us the way. The Prince of Disks reminds us of the importance of holding to our vision, even if we are only at the beginning of a long journey. It’s a card of great hope.

There are so many determined souls stepping forward now, and being born, who hold within their hearts the blueprint for positive change. This change may not come quickly. The way to change may at times be hard, but the Prince of Disks holds to the course and keeps making slow steady progress in the direction of his dreams.

Prince of Disks reassures us. Life might be difficult, and there may be many problems facing us, but there are souls among us who are striving for solutions to the problems in our world. Prince of Disks represents all the souls who are committed to creating a better world, one determined step at a time. We all have our part to play now.

2017 is our Ground Zero. Our new beginning. This is our year for tending to the gardens of our souls. First we must plant any seeds not yet in our gardens, so that we can create a life of our conscious choosing. Then we need to be the caretakers of that garden. We need to nurture and feed our dreams. We need to weed out self-doubt and any limiting behaviours or attitudes. This needs constant gentle attention. It can sometimes be monotonous work, tending to these young seedlings that represent our hopes and dreams. We might not see results straight away. We will realise that our vision may take years to come to fruition, but we also understand something as we toil away at this thing we believe in. It feels good to help things grow.

That’s what 2017 is all about – GROWTH. It is a year of rich potential and new beginnings. A year of coming unstuck and moving towards the light. It is a year of change and of hope. It’s a year where you can remake yourself, put
yourself back together, renew yourself, grow. You can do this for yourself. You can do this for the world.

Your feet are already on the path. Your heart knows which way it wants to go. The Prince of Disks calls you on. There is much power in starting. Starting creates movement. Movement creates momentum.

Prince of Disks advises us that we can overcome limiting beliefs and behaviours. We can have dominion and authority in our own lives. It’s a time to break free of addictions. It’s a time to step away from the old, and to embrace the new.

It is also a year that promotes strong intuitive and psychic development, and a strengthened ability to connect to our own inner voice and personal wisdom.

We’re reminded that routine gives us structure and strong foundations. We’re reminded that small steps can take us a very long way indeed if these same small steps become consistent.

2017 becomes a foundation year on which so many good and true things can be built.

What will you begin this year? What will you craft for yourself, your family, your community or the wider world?

 

I’m wishing you a year rich with meaning, and filled with love, support, kindness, well-being and flow. Go be the change. Go be yourself. We need you more than ever.

Bless ♥ Nicole xx

Image from riverlife.org.sg

Image from riverlife.org.sg

PS – Want a system and support to help you make 2017 a great year for you? In life or in business? Check out my Year of ME Planner – 2017 and community. It has everything you need! And you’ll be among friends. We’d love to welcome you in, and share this journey together.

The Week Ahead – Oracle Reading for Monday 19 December

oshoslowing

“Sometimes I think there are only two instructions we need to follow to develop and deepen our spiritual life: slow down and let go.”
~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer

“At the end of the day, it isn’t where I came from. Maybe home is somewhere I’m going and never have been before.”
~ Warsan Shire

 

 

Hello, Lovelies!

Here’s the oracle card I have chosen this Monday, and my take on the energetic outlook for the week ahead.

‘Slowing Down’ is from the Osho Zen Tarot deck. What a beautiful card for this week!

Slowing down signifies the need for us to be self-contained with our emotions this week.  It reminds us not to buy into the drama of others, nor to step back into old patterns of being or communicating. This is especially important for those of us who will be seeing family or other community members with whom communications can become tense or difficult. This week come from a place of quiet and calm. Place a thick energetic shell around you, just like the tortoise.

This week we need quiet time. December is a time for reflection, and for sitting in the Supermind. This month we’re encouraged to truly give thought to who we are, where we’ve been, and where we want to go next. Home is important this week. Slowing down is important, so that we can sit in awareness of all that is going on within us and around us.

Saying no to invitations and situations that don’t feel aligned with where you’re at? Go right ahead!

Too tired? Rest instead. Don’t want to go? Stay home!

Don’t make it all about duty and responsibility this week. Make this week about self-nurture and placing value and time with what truly matters to you.

Do all you can to make your home a safe and nurturing space. Let there be somewhere you can use as a sanctuary, and retreat there when the world gets too much. Nestle down with a book, or some music. Have a nap. Journal. Just be. It’s good for the soul, and so restorative on every level.

As we slow down (even just for a few minutes each day) we begin to connect into our own intuitive wisdom, our own heart centre, our inner compass.

Our psychic sensitivity will increase this week, but so will our coping abilities.

This short guided meditation might help with both (and is especially helpful for dealing with stressful social situations):

Nap, rest, chill out, withdraw. All of these are legitimate actions this week. Do what’s right for YOU!

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Remember that you carry your home with you wherever you go. Dance to your own tune this week, and avoid being caught up in the craziness and busy-ness of others. A calm Christmas? Why not!

Tune in to the love and blessings that are all around you.

Celebrate what matters.

Give thanks.

Keep taking small steps in directions that are important to you.

 

Supportive crystals this week? Labradorite, Smoky Quartz, Amethyst and Rose Quartz. Helpful essential oils? Young Living’s Joy essential oil blend, or  a combination (or singly!) of any of jasmine, lavender, lime and frankincense.

Be gentle with yourself this week.

Holding you, as always, in my thoughts, prayers and meditations.  All my love,

Nicole ❤ xx

Suicides and Sudden Deaths – Perspectives From My Experience as a Psychic

“Did you really want to die?”
“No one commits suicide because they want to die.”
“Then why do they do it?”
“Because they want to stop the pain.”
~ Tiffanie DeBartolo

 

The morning I am blogging about suicide comes directly after the night where I have been awake for most of it, messaging and then skyping with a suicidal client.

It comes directly after the news that another person in one of my Lyme support groups has taken their own life.

It comes two days after a very ill friend died, in a way that could technically be viewed as assisted suicide. She had been in great pain, and was in palliative care. The morphine given to her in increased doses relieved her pain but depressed her respiration and slowed her heart rate, speeding her death. All of us were relieved that there was no pain or suffering in her final hours.

Suicide, and thoughts of suicide, are common in our society. I’m grateful that we are starting to have more of an open dialogue around this. As a psychic I have been witness to perspectives on suicide that most people don’t have. I’d like to share these perspectives with you, in the hope that you will begin to see suicide differently.

 

Suicide is defined as the voluntary and intentional taking of one’s own life. I have seen four circumstances that I define as suicide (*note that this classification is my own):

  1. Being in a situation where help is (or is perceived to be) unavailable and the escalating pain, illness (mental or physical) and lack of control make ending a life seem to be the only viable option. This situation, arising out of desperation, exhaustion, disconnection or other intense negative emotional states is the most common form of suicide that I have encountered. It is also the one most regretted by those who take action to end their lives.
  2. The deliberate sacrificing of one’s life for a greater purpose or higher ideal. The primary motivation behind this type of rare act is love, and it is usually a spur-of-moment choice. I do not include martyrdoms for ideological causes (such as suicide bombings) in this category. Instead think of the parent who risks and loses their life to save their child. The spouse whose last act in a car accident is to position the car so that their partner is spared the worst of the impact.
  3. The assisted and hastened death of someone who is already dying and whose life has run its course.
  4. The deliberate ending of a life where that life’s parameters are non-negotiable, non-changeable and no longer acceptable to the person living that life. That person is not in the same situation as the first circumstance I discussed. The decisions made here come from a place of clarity and peace, rather than from heightened emotional distress or disturbed thinking.

Suicide is, in so many ways, a complex issue.

There is much to say about this topic, and it has raised so many questions from you, my dear readers, that I am going to break this subject down into more posts over the coming Wednesdays. I’ll examine each type of suicide, and I’ll also look at accidental and sudden deaths, and how these impact the soul, as well as those left behind.

Be aware that in the overwhelming majority of suicides there is a realisation of deep regret at their actions in the moments before and after death –  when they understand that it was truly not what they wanted to do, that they have made a terrible mistake but that it is now too late to change this sudden ending of their precious life.

And of course the fallout for loved ones left behind after suicide is often immense, life-altering and devastating.

No matter what the circumstance of the suicide I can render the truth of it down to this. After death, ultimately, a soul returns to love.

Wherever you are this week, and whatever head space you are in, know that you matter to me, and that you are in my thoughts, meditations and prayers.

Be kind to yourself. Reach out to others. Live from compassion. Life is messy and sometimes hard, but we’re all in it together.

All my love, Nicole xx

 

Need Help To Cope?

The following links provide support for those who are suicidal or bereaved by suicide:

Australia List of links and contact numbers here

 

International Support 

Wikipedia has a great list of international support services here

Suicide.org also lists support services for all corners of the globe here

 

Crazy Wild Weather!

“Suddenly all the sky is hid
As with the shutting of a lid,
One by one great drops are falling
Doubtful and slow,
Down the pane they are crookedly crawling,
And the wind breathes low;
Slowly the circles widen on the river,
Widen and mingle, one and all;
Here and there the slenderer flowers shiver,
Struck by an icy rain-drop’s fall.”
~James Russell Lowell, “Summer Storm,” 1839

 

It’s been so droughty-dry and unseasonably hot here at the farm. There have been storms but all of them have gone past us, leaving us with light shows in the sky, heavy winds and only the smell of rain.

The grass has turned dry and crunchy under our feet. Great cracks have opened in the ground. The dam has a few scant inches of water left amid the waterlilies struggling to stay viable.

Those dry storms have kept us busy – interrupting our power supply again and again, downing trees, stopping our landline phone and internet from working.

Last night we finally attracted a storm that had everything – wind, hail, lightning, thunder and most importantly rain.

Our internet’s down again. We’ve got broken branches littered everywhere. The ground is a carpet of leaves thrown down by the elements. The air is cool and smells sweetly of earth and moisture. There’s lots of mess to clean up.

Me? I’m blogging in the car, on the way to coffee with Ben and Cafe Dog.

The last of the rain is moving through now, and then it should fine up to a bright hot day before more storms again this afternoon. But we know that this kind of unstable and disruptive weather pattern is here to stay. So we’ve made some big decisions.

We’re just finishing the last of a massive solar installation that will see us self-sufficient for power and with a diesel generator for back up just in case.

We’ve got new internet providers coming to the farm to fit us out for a better system instead of relying on ancient phone lines that stop working with any hint of moisture.

All these storms have forced us to rethink and adapt.

What big changes are you making in your life right now?

It’s time.

Rethink. Adapt. Get ready to do it differently for 2017.