Knowing When to Walk Away

Walking away… Last Deviation by Seryia Uchina

“Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realise our worth and value, but because we finally realise our own.” ~ Robert Tew

You know the old saying I am sure.  The definition of madness (some actually say stupidity) is to do the same thing over and over, and yet keep expecting a different result.

Walking away is not an admission of defeat.  Walking away is about recognising our own boundaries, our own limits, and our own needs.

So how do you know if it’s time to walk away?  (And I’m not just talking relationships – I’m talking jobs, business deals, addictions, habits, workloads, friendships, situations… )

Look for these signs, and ask yourself honestly if any of these describe you:

If it’s just not adding up, no matter which way you crunch the numbers…

Image by Pixomar

If the warning bells keep going off in your mind…

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If you’re not being respected, honoured or valued…

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If they keep doing the thing they promised to stop doing…

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If it’s always your fault, even when it’s not…

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If it’s only ever about them…

Vanity by John William Waterhouse 1908

If the only thing you ever get is pain, pain and more pain..

Image from bemycareercoach.com

If you recognise that to continue with this situation/relationship is only going to drag you further and further down…

Image by Bert Blondeel

If your head is so full, or your body is so tired, or both, that you need to push back for a bit and go get some fresh air…

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If there’s no love left, if you’re not having fun any more…

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If your heart is being pulled in a new direction…

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Any of these things are serious cause for consideration.

Life is short. For you. For them. If it’s not working, and you’ve done all you can do, or all you’re willing to do, walk away. Do it in your own time – there’s no need to make life harder for yourself. But do it. Do it because if you don’t value yourself, no-one else will.

 

♥ You may find these posts useful too:

Knowing when to let go

Emotions and their impact on your health

The Broken Robot Repair Shop

How to Nurture your sense of Self Love

What to do when you don’t know where you’re going

People will be who they are…

People will be who they are.

Sounds like a bit of a crazy statement doesn’t it, but if you ignore this truth it is often you who becomes crazy…

I have a friend who was in great emotional pain over her relationship with her mother. Each time they meet she came away upset, or disappointed. Her mother was always so critical. This had been going on for over fifty years. My friend kept hoping that just once her mother would be supportive, or approving.

Image from chocolate-fish.net

I have a friend who was in great emotional pain over their relationship with their partner. They went through a pattern of honeymoon and then abuse, honeymoon and then abuse, honeymoon and then abuse. My friend kept hoping their partner would change.

image from dhcs.act.gov.au

People can change.  And they can also, at times, act out of character, but…  mostly people will be who they are.

Each person is driven by their own beliefs, values, education, experiences. They will have their own pattern of behaviours and responses. Once you begin to understand this, life becomes easier. Relationships become easier. Why? Because when you accept what is, you can make choices based around truth rather than desire.

People will be who they are.  They will not be the way we hope they will be. They will not be the way we fear they will be. They will not be the way we want them to be, or expect them to be, or need them to be.

People will be who they are. This, of course, goes for us too, and this is the important bit.  We cannot change others but we can change ourselves.  We can change our responses, our expectations, our level of tolerance. We can also choose to walk away.

Knowing that someone behaves or thinks in a certain way, but wanting that to be different, sets us up for disappointment every time. Or perhaps worse.

If you are honest with yourself about the true nature of your relationship with another, you begin to create new freedoms around those old expectations.

My friend with the critical mother? She has accepted that her mother will never change.  She still spends time with her, and since she no longer waits for the approval or support, her relationship with her mother has actually improved.

My friend in the abusive relationship? Had some counselling, ended the relationship, and is now with a loving partner who treats them with kindness and respect.

image from phil-islands.com

Needing someone to be different, expecting them to change, also prevents us from loving and accepting the other person as they are, which is all anyone ever wants.

(How many times have you wished someone would love and accept you as you are?)

People will be who they are.  If this works for you, embrace it.  If it doesn’t change your expectations, or move on.

 

♥ Life is too short, and too precious, not to give yourself every chance at happiness. ♥

image from shutterstock.com