I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway… let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.
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Hey, Lovelies!
It seems my Monday blog struck a chord with many of you who are single mums, or who grew up in single parent families or where the household budget was often stretched.
One thing is for sure, sometimes parents won’t be able to give their children everything they ask for. Everything that some other kids have. But you know what? If there is love, if there is communication, access to education, and a parent who cares enough to teach life skills and to help develop self-confidence and independence, that’s enough.
And if you are given everything you ever wanted? If you never had to wait for anything, or work for anything? How can you ever respect and appreciate the value of anything?
I’m certainly not down on anyone who is able to give their kids the world. But gee, I hope that somewhere in the mix you’re a role model for your own children to build similar success. Because life will be hard for them if the tap is suddenly turned off and the world doesn’t meet their expectations. If you’ve always been sheltered from life’s suffering and disappointments it can be hard to find happiness and meaning in the world when the band-aid is ripped off. There is something so empowering about learning that you can do something for yourself, look after yourself, provide for yourself, cope with life’s ups and downs.
I am grateful for my childhood, and the skills and lessons that shaped me. My siblings and I often comment on how resilient we are, how resourceful. We can all cook, do home maintenance, iron a short, sew on a button, darn or patch or mend something. We know the benefits of waiting for something, of having patience, and being able to be okay with not being the best, not coming first, or missing out on something that we may have wanted. We know the joy of a shared table, and shared experiences. Ours was always the home our friends wanted to come to, even if it wasn’t the fanciest or the biggest. We grew up to be considerate of others, problem solvers, and innovators. And to me, that’s so much more important than having the latest toy or gadget, or having everything done for us, or handed to us. We learned to fail and to try again. We learned to value people for more than just how much money they had. We learned to value ourselves too.
So, if you worry that somehow you are failing your kids by needing them to help around the house, or having to ration out the amazing experiences or gifts or treats (one of my mum’s favourite expressions was that money didn’t grow on trees – and all of us learned to make or create or innovate when we wanted something beyond what our parents could or would provide), think again.
If there are consequences for actions in your household, if you teach manners and respect, let me shake your hand. Let me give you a hug. Let me cheer you on. Let me thank you.
You’re raising kids who will be ready for the real world. Kids who can shop, and cook, and do laundry. Kids who know how to keep a house clean. Kids who know the value of money. Kids who will be able to entertain themselves when they are bored. Kids who will grow up to be good friends, good partners, good citizens.
Life can be hard. I’m glad that by the time I hit the rough stuff I’d already had a taste of how to square my shoulders and face it head on.
Sending love and gratitude to all of the parents and guardians reading this, and to all the kids who learned that they have something inside them to help them face and overcome life’s challenges. And a big thank you to my Mum, who worked two jobs to look after us, and who would sometimes stay up most of the night to sew us an outfit, to cover our books, or to bake cakes and coconut ice for the school fete. Love you!
Nicole xx
Thank you for your words. You always say the best things!!! I’m astounded by how two people, a couple years apart, and the same gender can have essentially the same childhood and wildly different memories of it. With my two boys, I recall two different comments that made me feel parenting wasn’t all horrible. One, my eldest was on the US East Coast and called to say thank you for helping him learn how to entertain himself without tech or electricity. The second was when I was lamenting to the youngest that we never went anywhere fun in his youth (a trip or two to visit my family in AK and trips to grandparents in EOR-relatives aren’t always ‘fun’). At the time we lived on a river out in the middle of nowhere with a creek on the property. He looked at me and said, ‘Mom, with all this, who needs Disneyland?’
Sounds like your kids got what they needed – a healthy dose of love, connection to nature, resilience and life skills. Good job, Mom!
I don’t remember much of my childhood, there are no real sad moments but many happy moments and my dad always saying he was a rich man because of his wife and children even though money was tight
That’s beautiful, Joanne!
Thank you Nicole. This is beautiful. Thank you to my Mum too. Who did it tough but always made life interesting and full of love.
I’m glad you have positive memories of childhood, Simone. Big hugs xx