Why You Need A Tribe

Image from wishstudio.com

A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.
~ Unknown

 

We all need a tribe. A tribe isn’t often the family we are born into. A tribe is a group where we find a spiritual home – a group of people who care passionately about something dear to our own hearts, and who give us a place to belong. A tribe is a place where we can grow, and learn. A tribe is also a place where we can share our knowledge and wisdoms with those walking the same path.

Tribes are built around common interests. I belong to more than one. I’m sure you’ll need at least a couple too.

Before I belonged to any kind of tribe I banged around uselessly on my own, reinventing wheels that never needed all of that effort. There was no-one with whom I could share my successes or failures, no-one to bounce ideas off, no-one to laugh or cry with. I’m all for self-development, but it’s a hard and lonely way to live.

This past long weekend I hung out in the mountains with my writing tribe – the wonderful Sisters of the Pen. We wrote, talked writing, ate and talked writing, wrote some more, laughed a lot, ate, wrote, slept and recharged our batteries with some self time and time in nature. We gave ourselves space and permission to put our passion for writing front and centre in our lives for a few precious days.

I surprised myself, and wrote heaps on a brand new project, as well as getting plenty of planning and project management done. Yep, that’s 17028 words. Yay! My beautiful sistahs helped me negotiate some plot twists and gave useful feedback on issues I’d struggled to nut out on my own.

Our little band of writers has also morphed into something so much more than just a group of women who dig words. We’ve shared tough times and great celebrations, we’ve been secret keepers, cheer squads and good medicine for each other. That’s the beauty of a tribe. You evolve and grow together.

2014-10-06 16.06.41

I also belong to a business mentoring group – we are all successful six-figure entrepreneurs who run our businesses in a heart-based way, and who value the support, guidance and friendship of like-minded people. (Yes, my spiritual friends – it is perfectly okay to enjoy prosperity!)  Each week we connect by skype, and then on an online forum, sharing our progress, goals and problems. We live vast distances from each other,  but we have managed to forge connections across oceans, and despite time differences. It’s actually hard to adequately express how valuable this group has been for my own business. It’s just so good to have friends who get where I am coming from, because they are in that same space too.

My business tribe don’t just support me, they hold a space for me, and they call me on my stuff. They are the ones who shout out to me to slow down when I’m being unrealistic, they are the ones who champion my good ideas and who aren’t afraid to tell me if they think my plan is lousy. 🙂  And of course, I do the same for them.

Image from biz-tutor.com

Image from biz-tutor.com

My other tribe is my spiritual community, including my students and clients, and my many friends and readers from around the world whom I’ve met through blogging and social media. I am happy to step up as a leader for my tribe, and I include them in my daily thoughts, prayers and meditations. If you’re reading this, know that you are included in that energy and intention.

My spiritual tribe is where I share my own spiritual and psychic journey, and the things my teachers passed down to me. It’s where we can feel included and normal together, where we can share the sorts of things that other people in our lives may never experience or understand.

Tribes sometimes exist already, and all you have to do is find them.

Sometimes the tribe is waiting to be formed.

They can be a group of people who meet for coffee and a chat, or people who connect over the internet. Or a bit of both.

When you find or create your tribe, the beautiful music inside you finds a way to be expressed in the wider world.

Image from macnichol.com

Are you having trouble identifying your tribe? Maybe you’ll find the following exercise useful. Writing in a journal is a great way to connect to your own deeper wisdom.

Journal Exercise:

Start by writing this passage at the top of your page.

Dear Universe, 

I trust that there is a part of me that already knows what makes my heart sing. I also trust that there is a Universal Wisdom which recognises my gifts and talents, and that understands what outcomes and adventures are best for my Highest Good.

I am ready to embrace the possibility of a better life for myself. I am ready to move from struggle into flow.  I am ready for friendship and belonging, and I’m keen to embrace abundance in all its forms. I want you to know that I’m ready for whatever wonderful experiences and opportunities you send my way. I am ready for my Soul to show me my heart’s true desire. I am ready to embrace the kinship of my Soul Tribe.

Now choose any of the following journal starters, and use it to begin writing.  Don’t judge what comes next, and don’t over-think it.  Just trust that what you write will begin to create a greater sense of personal and spiritual awareness in your life.

  • I’ve always loved to…
  • One thing that makes me completely lose track of time is…
  • If I could do anything well, the thing I would choose is _____ because…
  • You’ll never guess how it happened.  It all worked out perfectly in the end. One day…
  • When I look back, the themes in my life have been…
  • If I think about it, the happiest times in my life involve…
  • One thing I never get tired of is…
  • The thing that fires me up, and that makes me feel completely alive is…
  • The sort of people I most want to hang out with include…
  • Something people tell me I’m really good at helping them with is…

Once you are clearer about the things that light you up, seek out others who feel the same, or put your own group together! My writers group was formed after we all met at a series of weekend workshops. My business mentoring group was formed from within an online community, and my spiritual tribe has grown out of my own business and interests.

Tribes give you momentum and support, two things that are very valuable in a society where we are often disconnected from ourselves and each other.

So, what’s stopping you? Go find your tribe!

Image from myfairisle.blogspot.com

PS:If you’d like to spend time in the company of some wonderful people and are looking to connect with a tribe of your own perhaps my Soul Sanctuary Retreat is what you’re looking for. Come join us in beautiful Byron Bay from November 29 to December 5 for a soulful week of connection, rejuvenation and inspiration.We still have a few places left.

More details on the retreat can be found here

Lots of love, Nicole xx

Who’s your Support Crew in 2014?

Image of the Blue Angels Support Crew watching a flight formation - Wikimedia Commons

Image of the Blue Angels Support Crew watching a U.S. Navy diamond flight formation 1952 – Wikimedia Commons

“Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends”

~ John Lennon and Paul McCartney

Few of us get there on our own. The journey is always made easier when we have support, no matter what that journey is. So my big question to you is this:

Who is YOUR support crew in 2014?

No matter what kind of year you’re in for, we all need friends and helpful people. People who can cheer us on, offer helpful advice, pick us up when we fall, do the things we need doing but cannot do for ourselves, lend their own kind of magic to ours for that beautiful effect that multiplies our success to be greater than the sum of the parts.

I know that most of you are a lot like me…

Sensitive souls, empaths, carers, healers, kind-hearted people – we are stunningly good at putting everyone else first, and being that support which others need – being a support person is just what we’re wired to do. And if we’d had rough patches in life we’ve become good at being resilient and self-sufficient too.

All of this means that we may not be so flash at asking for favours or putting our hand up for help.

This year I’m putting up my own hand and asking for help. I’m drawing to me the best support crew I can to get me through 2014. I’m also minimising my contact with the crazy-makers and relationships that drain or sabotage me and my direction. (Want help with toxic relationships? Click here!)

Mots of us already have a support network. We may even be putting energy into supporting THEM right now. The biggest issue for many of us is that we don’t ask, or have found ourselves in the habit of having the barriers up as we steam along in that solo kind of self-sufficiency mode. Or we just plain forget that these people are here for us to draw on.

Not all of our support crew will work for love. And that’s okay too. Hiring people to support us is a great act of self-love and affirmation of self-worth. We can also access this support through books, courses and audio files.

We all need a cheer squad, and sometimes we need more tangible help. The point is – we can’t do it all alone!!!

Image of this awesome supportcrew from the South East London Ladies Swimming Club

Image of this awesome support crew from the South East London Ladies Swimming Club

Right now I have my husband and my wonderful PA, Dana, creating firewalls and boundaries in my work and personal life.

My fridge is full of nurturing soup from kind friends. Others have offered to clean my house while I’m too unwell to do this for myself.

I may not be able to get out much, but my sister and a few friends are on speed dial. I have great neighbours, and a fabulous bunch of Soul Sisters from my mentoring groups and retreats. I have all of you, dear readers, lending your support and kindness.

My Sisters of the Pen are always there for online and ‘for reals’ conversation and support for writing and life. The Queensland Writers Centre is my go-to place for continuing development of my craft.

And beyond my emotional needs I have doctors, herbalists, accountants, a good lawyer, a web designer (Hi Tim!), dentist, chiropractor, acupuncturist, an online business mentoring group, lyme boards and forums, music, libraries, bookshops and the internet. I have the Farmers Markets and some wonderful local cafes. There’s also the yellow pages for when I need a plumber, a termite expert or a tree lopper.

Of course, none of these people will be any good to me if I don’t reach out and ask!

Image by maryam

Image by maryam

2014 is shaping up to be a big year, and it’s time to start thinking about who you need on your support crew.

To help you get a better picture of what that may look like I’ve created a simple journal exercise for you!

Journalling my Web of Support

Image from akmhcweb

Image from akmhcweb

Here are some simple questions for you to think about and journal. Don’t feel that you have to answer them all today, but DO give them thought over the next few weeks.

1. Who in my family can I draw on for support, guidance, laughs or to help me lift that heavy bookcase? Remember that it’s okay to include loved ones who’ve passed over. I talk to my grandparents all the time!

2. Which friends in my life (online as well as people I’ve met in person) are supportive of me, my interests and my ambitions?

3. What do I really need to get done this year that I keep putting off?

4. Do I really need to do this myself? Who can help me with this thing? What kind of support do I need for each of those goals or tasks? Do I know someone? Can I pay someone?

5. Who can help me with my health this year?

6. Who can help me with my finances and/or business?

7. Who can help me with my spirituality and soul questing?

8. Who can I laugh with?

9. Who can I cry with?

10. Who’ll cheer me on up that mountain?

11. Music, movies and other motivators that keep me feeling good about myself and on track?

12. Habits and actions I KNOW do me good and support my journey?

I hope in some small way that I can support you too, through my blog and my facebook page. Let’s make this our best year yet – together!

Lots and lots of love,

Nicole xoxo

Image from sevenquotes

Image from sevenquotes