Knowing When to Walk Away

Walking away… Last Deviation by Seryia Uchina

“Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realise our worth and value, but because we finally realise our own.” ~ Robert Tew

You know the old saying I am sure.  The definition of madness (some actually say stupidity) is to do the same thing over and over, and yet keep expecting a different result.

Walking away is not an admission of defeat.  Walking away is about recognising our own boundaries, our own limits, and our own needs.

So how do you know if it’s time to walk away?  (And I’m not just talking relationships – I’m talking jobs, business deals, addictions, habits, workloads, friendships, situations… )

Look for these signs, and ask yourself honestly if any of these describe you:

If it’s just not adding up, no matter which way you crunch the numbers…

Image by Pixomar

If the warning bells keep going off in your mind…

Image by cbenjasuwan

If you’re not being respected, honoured or valued…

Image by kenfotos

If they keep doing the thing they promised to stop doing…

Image by chrisroll

If it’s always your fault, even when it’s not…

Image by nuttakit

If it’s only ever about them…

Vanity by John William Waterhouse 1908

If the only thing you ever get is pain, pain and more pain..

Image from bemycareercoach.com

If you recognise that to continue with this situation/relationship is only going to drag you further and further down…

Image by Bert Blondeel

If your head is so full, or your body is so tired, or both, that you need to push back for a bit and go get some fresh air…

Image from bbrblog.com

If there’s no love left, if you’re not having fun any more…

Image by winstonwolfe

If your heart is being pulled in a new direction…

Image from allwomenstalk.com

Any of these things are serious cause for consideration.

Life is short. For you. For them. If it’s not working, and you’ve done all you can do, or all you’re willing to do, walk away. Do it in your own time – there’s no need to make life harder for yourself. But do it. Do it because if you don’t value yourself, no-one else will.

 

♥ You may find these posts useful too:

Knowing when to let go

Emotions and their impact on your health

The Broken Robot Repair Shop

How to Nurture your sense of Self Love

What to do when you don’t know where you’re going

What to do when you’re forced to let go…

When you decide to let go, it empowers YOU. When we make the choice to let go, we change the dynamics of our lives, and by default, the lives of those around us.

So what happens if you are at the receiving end of letting go? We’ve all been there. Someone dies. We’re fired from our job. Our lover, partner, spouse ends our relationship.  A friend closes the door and says they don’t want us in their lives any more.  A family member stops speaking to us.

Our ability to respond, to change, to control, to continue, to hope…   it’s all taken away from us. We end up, we are sure, on the wrong side of the door. There’s no key. No one answers our knocks. Or worse, they shout for us to go away.

Whenever that happens we experience a kind of death. Whether it is a person who has passed over, or the end of something in our lives, there are phases we will go through.  Knowing that there are phases helps.  Then we can understand our emotions as a process.

The grief cycle looks like this:

In the aftermath of loss

Let yourself feel and honour what comes up for you. Be kind to yourself, and tolerant of your emotions.  Give yourself space to grieve and to heal.  Find support. Do what you can to nurture and uplift yourself. (abundant suggestions for self-nurture here) There is no denying that there will be pain. Loss is never fun. It’s not the season for that.

This sort of letting go, after the abrupt severance from the other end of the connection, is often harder at first than being the one who let go. At the point of consciously letting go, the other person has pulled back from you already.They knew what was coming.  It was their choice, and theirs alone, no matter how painful. You, at the receiving end, are gifted with  the frayed remains of something, the shock of the disconnect, the awful feeling of being DISEMPOWERED.

But wait.

We could get caught up in this sorry business here, but the longer we hold to it, the more we stay stuck in it.

Life changes.  Seasons come and go. Friendships, relationships, times in our lives – they all come to an end.  No one ever knows when a loved one will pass from our lives. The only thing we can know for certain is that change is inevitable, and that at some stage we will all die.

Allow yourself to grieve, and as you begin to emerge from grief, look for ways to continue living, ways to reconnect with family or community, ways to rediscover hope and gratitude. Know that when a loved one dies they are not lost to us, and that their love is enduring. I have seen so much of this in my work as a psychic, and it gives me incredible comfort.

And if your relationship has come to an end? If the job no longer wants you?

No matter how committed you were, no matter how much you gave, or loved, or tried…  it was no longer a good energetic fit.

Something had changed for the other person or party.  Maybe slowly, over a long time.  Maybe suddenly.  But with that knowledge, and that recognition of the lack of energetic fit, they drew back. One day they just woke up in bed with the wrong person and knew they couldn’t keep doing it  – and that person was you!

That’s so much of what the energies of 2012 are all about.  Change, dealing with change, creating change, growth. This year, especially, we will be compelled to change. The things that have no value, no integrity, no further use for us will be broken down.  Things that are unbalanced will need to come back into flow.

So if someone has closed the door on you? It means you are no longer an energetic match. One of you has changed enough that you no longer fit together. It leaves the ‘door-closer’ free to find a better match, or to stay unchanged if you are the one who is growing and evolving. Not everyone will embrace change and that’s okay.

More importantly, when a relationship ends, it leaves YOU free to connect to something that better honours you. Sometimes what feels terrible at the time turns out to be a Blessing in your life. The Universe has wisdom beyond anything we can ever understand.

So many times I have heard the story of a marriage ending, and then the person meets their life partner and soul mate. They continue to grow and evolve in ways that are healthy and positive.  They finally know contentment.

Publisher after publisher reject a novel.  Suddenly someone takes it up and it becomes a best seller. (This is reassuringly common!)

The job ends and the person takes a career change. Unexpected doors open, new directions unfold. Life opens out again. Life becomes more authentically matched to the talents and gifts of that person.

You get rejected from the University course you had your heart set on, go travelling and find a new love, a new direction, a new passion you didn’t know was in you.  You go from the misery of not ever being a Lawyer to the joy of being a Horticulturalist or a Pediatric Nurse where you KNOW it’s where you’re meant to be.

Life’s road has twists and turns.  Sometimes your companion on the road of life leaves. For a time you may need to walk solo.  But it’s a busy road.  Other walkers will be along.  Sometimes you will meet back up with the person you walked with before, and find your have both changed, both grown, and are able to come back together. Sometimes you’ll meet that person and they will be happily walking with a new companion, you’ll be walking with a new companion and you’ll breathe a sigh of relief that they are no longer in your lives. Often you’ll only discover and connect with your authentic self, and find your true direction, when you’ve walked a mile or two on your own.

We act as unknowing Angels in each other’s lives, helping each other find a path more suited to us. Sometimes we close the door.  Sometimes it is closed on us.  Life forks out in new directions.

The only thing you need to do is keep moving.  At some stage you need to pick yourself up from the floor, dust yourself off, and continue on the journey.  Who knows what adventure is around the corner?  Who knows what qualities you will find within yourself, what values you will come to hold dear? Who knows what companion might join you next?

There is a wisdom and a synchronicity within the Universe. We are loved and supported and guided at every turn. There is a season and a reason for everything, although this can be hard to see until we have walked further along the path and get to a place where we look back over our shoulder and finally understand.

Wishing you strength, courage and good cheer for the journey. Bless ♥ xx

Knowing When to Let Go

Be brave and let go. Let go of fear, and pain. Stop holding to the thing that is tearing you apart. While you hang on, grimly gripping and clutching this to you, you deny yourself freedom, new gifts, love. It is madness to presume that you are more wise than the Universe. Let go. Trust. – Nicole Cody

There are so many reasons why we struggle with letting go.

Some of us just don’t like to fail – if we say we’re going to deliver, if we take a marriage vow, sign up for a deadline, have ethics that are all about family or mateship, have strong religious or spiritual beliefs, made a public proclamation about a certain thing, have other people telling us that this is what we need, then we may hold onto a person or situation longer than we should.

Sometimes we are spending our lives thinking about everyone else; not wanting to let people down, wanting THEM to be happy even if we must sacrifice something or all of ourselves to do that. Perhaps we have been raised to see this as worthy behaviour, or the way to be lovable – earning love through good deeds and sacrifice.

Sometimes we have become so fixated on achieving the end goal that we’ve stopped asking ourselves the right questions “Does this still serve me?  Does this still honour me?”  Did it ever…

Sometimes we’ve let something define us for so long that we no longer know who we are without that thing in our life.  Even if it’s killing us or making us miserable.

Sometimes we let our heart rule our head.  Sometimes we let our head rule our heart. And it’s not making us feel good. In fact it’s quite the opposite.

Or maybe we are afraid.  Afraid that if we let go nothing will ever come to replace it.  Afraid that people will judge us or turn away from us, or leave us. Afraid that if we let go, the thing might suddenly come good, and all our struggle will have been worth it.

Sometimes we think we don’t deserve any better.

So how do we know when we need to let go? When duty is the only thing that drives us and all the joy has faded from our lives.  When we’ve forgotten the reason we signed up for this in the first place.  When we’ve become indifferent to life, our relationship, this thing…  When our health is in tatters, when the person in the mirror is a stranger, when our finances are in ruins, when we’re choking down anger and resentment on a daily basis, when we are no longer a person we like or believe in, when we’ve lost ourselves, it’s time to let go.

When we have gotten to a place where everything is hard, everything is dark, where we can see no place in our lives for hope, or joy or happiness, then it’s time to let go.  When we can no longer keep our eyes open and our hands on the wheel, and we’re popping pills to keep going, white knuckled from fear and exhaustion, it’s time to let go.

When it’s in the past, where we have no way to change it, we need to let go.

Why do we need to let go?

When we are in struggle, we are out of the flow of Universal Good. In that place where we are battling against the current of life we exhaust ourselves, and often have nothing to show for our efforts.  It is all hard, hard, and harder.

When we surrender and let go, we stop swimming against the current.  Life picks us up and supports us and begins to move us in a new direction.  There is a wisdom and grace in the Universe that far exceeds our own.  It we can only trust and let go, finally, we can begin moving towards a better future, to new opportunities, new relationships, new adventures.  We give ourselves a fresh start.  We give ourselves a chance to be happy, a chance to find ourselves and to open ourselves to bright new possibilities.

Even if that means for a time we must sit alone, hands empty…

How do we let go?

Sometimes we need to ask for help. It’s not important to have the answer, it’s only important to have recognised that we need to change. There are many skilled and caring people in the world who can help you make the shift once you’ve decided that it’s time.

Sometimes we will already know what to do.

All change requires effort, but change is possible. If you know you’re unhappy and you can longer work out why,  imagine the current choices and relationships in your life. Imagine the problems.  Now imagine removing them.  Is there a sense of loss or panic, or a sense of relief?  Sometimes it’s as simple as that.

Sometimes we only need to put our burdens down for a time.  When we’ve rested, or found someone to share the load, then we find we want to continue, that we can continue.

So many times we let go of the job, and we land on our feet.  We let go of the relationship, and we meet our soul mate.  We pack up and go, and an unexpected direction leads us to a happier and more fulfilled life unlike anything we could have imagined for ourselves.

When not to let go

You’ll know it. It’s as different a feeling as night is to day. This is an energy within you infused with light, hope, clarity, determination, strength, courage.

It’s the thing thing that helps you keep swimming, towing a drowning soul with their head above water, when you are both exhausted.  It’s the thing that helps mothers lift a car to release their trapped child. It’s the voice inside you that tells you to call someone, or turn up at their house, or dash into a burning building. It’s the conviction that helps you stand by someone when you believe in a better outcome for them but they are in a place where they can’t yet see it for themselves.

That’s the energy of Love.  That’s the feel of God as our wings.  That’s Divine Grace working through us. There is something within us that will not give up the fight, something within us that KNOWS we can do it, that we will do it. That we would rather do this and die trying than to walk away.  This is a feeling of being energised, vital, alive, burning with a seering focus.

Tune in.  How are you feeling? Answer yourself honestly.  Make a decision.  Trust..