Being Family Is No Excuse For Bad Behaviour!

“An apology can be a wonderful thing so long as it is infrequent and from the heart. However, beware of the person who justifies bad behavior with apologies. For them it is a means to an end, and quite often at your expense.” 
~ Gary Hopkins

Yesterday I wrote about how the energies right now are causing many sensitive and intuitive souls to back away from drama and poor behaviour in relationships. Instead, sensitive souls are seeking greater peace and harmony in their everyday lives.

I had lots of comments and messages from people who identified with that need for peace and who had been actively stepping out of or minimising difficult relationships, and I also had a few messages like the one below. Although this is a more extreme example the sentiments expressed were a common thread in my inbox:

Dear Nicole, I was wondering if you could help me. I am living in a difficult situation. I moved home from the city a few years ago when my father became ill, and I live in a flat under my parents’ house. I’m self-employed and I’m single with no kids, unlike my siblings, so it was decided I would be the best person to help out.

My dad is an alcoholic invalid who becomes physically violent at times, and my mother often takes out her frustration on me by verbally abusing me, hitting me or wrecking my stuff. On my birthday this year some friends came to our country town for the weekend to celebrate with me. My mum smeared faeces all over my car inside and out just before I was to drive into town to meet them for lunch. There is no taxi service in my town and I was so upset that I cancelled the lunch, and couldn’t get the car clean enough to meet them the next morning either and I was too ashamed to tell my friends what had happened.

My parents rely on me to drive them places, to manage their medications, do their shopping and the lion’s share of the housework. In the few years I have been home they have become increasingly frail and more and more dependent on me. Both of them drink and my mum is addicted to pain meds.

I am at the end of my rope. I’ve just turned forty and my parents may live for another twenty years or more. Respite Care won’t take them and the Blue Nurses will no longer come because both my parents have been violent towards them. Can you please tell me how to find some peace in my situation? It sometimes gets so bad that I consider self-harm.

Dear friend, I have some very simple advice for you. Call your siblings and have a family meeting. Don’t negotiate with them. You’ve done your time. It does not matter that you don’t have children or a partner. Your life is equally valuable! You are wasting your precious life on people who have no regard or respect for you. It’s time to leave.

Just because someone is a family member does not give them the right to abuse you and disrespect you. And just because you are a woman, and a single woman, does not mean you should get stuck with becoming a carer in such a difficult environment. Work with your family and health care providers or the appropriate departments to get a care solution for your family that doesn’t involve you. Or, just leave. Your parents are adults too. They are making their choices and you have the right to make your own.

To all of you dear readers who find yourself in a situation where a family member or loved one shames you, bullies you, intimidates you, hurts you, abuses you, disregards or disrespects you – please understand that being family is not an excuse for bad behaviour. Being family does not give anyone the right to treat you badly. And being family does not mean that you must remain loyal, subservient or tolerate abuse.

If you are a sensitive, intuitive or empathic soul and you are craving quiet over drama, peace over difficulty, safety over trauma, then do what is right by you and distance yourself from the relationship or situation. You can let someone stay in your heart but remove them from your life. This is your one precious life and you don’t get a do-over. Don’t waste it on people who can’t respect or care for you even as you care for and respect them.

I’m sending you so much love, and holding space for you to find the courage to choose a life that gives you back your freedom, Nicole xx

The Apology Fallout – Some Good News

“The best relationships in our lives are the best not because they have been the happiest ones, they are that way because they have stayed strong through the most tormentful of storms.” 
~ Pandora Poikilos

If you read my blog last week you’ll know that I received an apology from someone I’d known at College – ‘James’ (not his real name), a man whose behaviour with me had been less than stellar. You can catch up on that story here.

Yesterday I had a message in my inbox from James’ oldest daughter. We then caught up by phone.

She wanted to let me know that her Dad found my blog, and had read the post about him. He’d then left it open on his laptop while he’d gone out of the room for a moment. Meanwhile, his wife brought him a cup of coffee, saw the computer screen, read my blog and put two-and-two together. Her husband was the man who had assaulted me at College and then propositioned me a few days ago, even though both he and I are married.

The daughter found them arguing loudly, and as her parents fought her mother made her daughter read my blog too. The daughter told me she was appalled at what she’d read, but she was also angry at herself for never having said anything because her dad had done this kind of thing for years. So she yelled at both of them; her mum for putting up with her father’s poor behaviour and her dad for treating his wife so disrespectfully. She told her mum that unless her dad changed she should leave him. Then she stormed out and left them yelling at each other.

The result, now that things have calmed down? Her mum and dad are going to marriage counselling because James recognised that his attitude and behaviour were not who he wants to be or be remembered as, and he is not being the kind of man he would want his own daughters to marry. He loves his wife and he loves his daughters. He wants his marriage to work. He’s committed to change.

His daughter loves him very much and assures me that he has been a good dad and that her parents love each other although her dad’s behaviour has not always reflected that. She really hopes he changes. I do too. I’m holding space for a good outcome for them all.

Some of the most beautiful relationships I know have come through the hardest of times. I hope they find a way forward and rekindle that love, respect and connection. I wish them well.

Nicole xx

Monday Oracle – 15 January 2018

 “Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind. – Henry James


Hello, Lovelies!

January is a month for easing ourselves into the energies of 2018, for resting and recharging, for planning and dreaming and for tuning in to what can support us in the year ahead.

Keep that in mind as we look at the gifts of awareness which the oracle card Little Red Cap brings us.

This week (from January 17) the energies of 2018 finally kick in. Little Red Cap reminds us that we get to choose where we put our focus this year, and that this is a great week for all forms of planning and committing to your goals and dreams.

Did you start this new year full of hope and ready for change, and then it all started to come unstuck in the past few days? As 2017 comes to an end we are getting ripples of old patterns of thought and behaviour coming up for us to recognise so that we can choose differently as we step into 2018.

If you’ve started a new diet for 2018 and already sabotaged it, found yourself back in old patterns of distressing behaviour with family members, negative self-talk or limiting thinking stop and take a deep breath. Recognise old patterns and then choose differently! Forgive yourself and move on without dwelling on mistakes and failures. Think about what it is that you want this year. Think about what you want to create or manifest or share. Choose where to put your focus – choose what lights you up or feels good to you. Put your attention on what you want, rather than on what you don’t want. Deal with issues as they arise but don’t make problems your main priority. Face yourself into the sunshine, hold onto the vision for your journey and keep moving forward. Treat yourself kindly, and treat others with that same kindness too.

Let me give you an example. Imagine you want to make a road trip, but your car has a flat tyre (yes, this is a metaphor for life!).

The old way (pre 2012) was to dwell endlessly on the need to ‘fix yourself’, finding more and more to work on as the first ‘problem’ became healed. We wouldn’t just change the tyre, we’d think about why we created the flat tyre, and what else in our past or our thoughts could have contributed to the flat tyre. We’d also look at all of the flat tyres we’d ever had before. Then we’d look at everything else that was possibly wrong and might need fixing. It was an endless cycle of ‘self-improvement’, and the road trip may well have been entirely forgotten as we worked earnestly on our ‘broken self’.

The new way (this new post-2012 era) is to think about your journey, effect any repairs quickly or get help to do so, and then get on your way. The emphasis is on where you want to go! What do you want to experience, create, manifest or share on this road trip of yours? It’s about the journey, not about the flat tyres. Little Red Cap invites you to hold a spirit of adventure and possibility in your heart this week as you look to your year ahead.

Image from

Supportive crystals this week?

Selenite helps you to be kind to yourself. It will also connect you into your guides, angels and psychic ability. Fantastic for gently guiding you inwards. Red Jasper is a stone for mental, physical and emotional rejuvenation. Deeply grounding, it helps you connect to your heart and your truth and encourages clear boundaries. Lapis Lazuli is a super stone for boldly moving in new directions with insight and wisdom. If you are stressed or anxious about the past or about habits or thoughts that keep you stuck in the past Black Tourmaline is the best stone for you this week.


Helpful essential oils?

I’m still loving Young Living’s Envision this week. It’s an oil blend I often use in my workshops and retreats to help my students connect to inner wisdom and intuition. It helps us to see a greater possibility for ourselves. Use Envision for spiritual connection, inspiration and breakthroughs. Dab a drop on your Crown Chakra, back of neck, over your heart, wrists and the soles of your feet, inhale directly or add to your diffuser. 

Want to make your own blend? Each of the following oils will work beautifully on their own for you this week, but they’ll also make a delicious combination for diffusing. Vetiver will calm and ground us, promoting emotional balance, Lavender keeps us in flow and relaxed, Ylang Ylang opens our hearts and is supportive when we feel anxious or overwhelmed, and Bergamot brings joy, gratitude and optimism.  To diffuse add 2 or three drops of each oil to your room or personal diffuser. You can find the oils here.


Holding you, as always, in my thoughts, prayers and meditations, and intending for you a life of abundance and joy, where you are no longer limited by your doubts.

All my love,

Nicole ❤ xx

PS: Monday’s oracle card, ‘Little Red Cap’, is from the Inner Child Cards – A Fairy-Tale Tarot. I use any cards shown as a prompt for channeled messages and my own own intuitive wisdom, so my take is sometimes quite different to the meaning found in a book. 

Image from


Big Relationship Shifts Ahead!

“The real question is, can you love the real me? Not the perfect person you want me to be, not that image you had of me, but who I really am.”
~ Christine Feehan


There’s change in the air, and I thought you’d like to know!

Yesterday I wrote that, among other things, 2016 is a year of bringing what is hidden into the light. A year about owning our shadow, and the unclaimed and rejected parts of ourselves, our families, our societies. About honouring our deepest feelings and longings and intuitions. About needing things to heal or change or mend or end.

Which of course brings us to relationships.

There’s change in the air.

This year, expect that change to be evident in every area of your life, including relationships. Your relationship with yourself, and your relationships with others. Work, friendship, love, family, habits, choices – all of these relationships will be affected.

2016 is a fabulous year for bringing relationships that have developed discord or distance back into better connection and communication.

It’s a year for finding or rediscovering love. For reconnection and healing. For coming together. For finding your tribe.

It’s a year for exiting relationships that can’t meet your needs.

No matter what the year has in store for you, remember that this shift is about positioning you in greater authenticity. You need relationships that are honest and real. Relationships that work. Relationships where you can be loved and accepted for yourself. Relationships that allow growth and deepening and change.

2016 is a fabulous year for relationships. Which means some will need help and attention, and this year is the year for that. Understand that in 2016 some of your relationships might end, to allow better ones to take their place. Be okay with that.

Don’t hang on tight to what’s not working.

Remind yourself, this is a year for love. Love is possible. Love is probable. If it’s truly broken, or finished, let it go. Let go of the hurt too. Open your arms and your heart wide again. Embrace life. Embrace the year.

Image by Jessica Ames

Image by Jessica Ames

I know some of you are growing and shining and life is expanding for you and at the same time you are also struggling with partners who are in difficult places – illness, depression, unemployment, low self-esteem – I’ll blog tomorrow about what you can do in that situation.

Be kind to yourself today!

Much love, Nicole xx

Christmas Full Moon – 2015

“The songs of our ancestors are also the songs of our children”
~ Philip Carr-Gomm


Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

There is a full moon tonight – Christmas Night, 2015.  (I know, I know, some of you dear readers are only up to Christmas Eve, but I’m in Australia, where it’s tomorrow already!)

It seems quite fitting that we are having this particular full moon on Christmas night. It’s an Ancestors Moon. A pattern-breaking moon. Given that most of us will spend time at Christmas thinking about family, or spending time in their presence, I believe this to be a moon of great potential influence and healing.

This moon truly shines a light on ancestral and family patterns, allowing us opportunity for healing and for ending old patterns within our family line that no longer serve us, and which we do not wish to see repeated within the lives of our children and their children.

I’ve created a simple ritual that you can do at any time today, or tonight, that will help this process of healing and growth within your family.


Christmas Full Moon Ritual

Tools you will need:

A small stone or crystal that you are comfortable to discard. Ten minutes of your time.


Read through this first, and then perform the ritual. You can do this ritual at any time on Christmas Day or Christmas evening.

  1. Sit or stand somewhere on your own, where you won’t be disturbed. Take your stone in your hand and close your eyes.
  2. Offer up a prayer that all work be for your Highest Good and the Highest Good of your family line.
  3. Feel back in time, and begin to notice and become aware of all of your ancestors. You might have this as a feeling, an intention or idea, or you may get images. Whatever happens for you, know that the ritual is still working.
  4. Feel how all of those souls who came before you, including your own parents and grandparents have shaped you. Don’t judge the relationships. Simply be aware of them.
  5. Feel the love and support for you, and the encouragement from souls in your family line who have passed over. It doesn’t matter that you have not met them. Their history and blood flows in your veins. You are a part of them, and they are a part of you.
  6. Think of a situation, pattern of behaviour, or belief that needs healing or ending within your family right now. Understand that this situation, belief or pattern was needed for learning.
  7. Flow love and light into your stone, and visualise that situation, pattern or belief. Flow that into the stone as well.
  8. Say out loud “I offer myself as the pattern breaker. This energy will end with me.”
  9. Lock the energy into the stone.
  10. Now offer a prayer that this situation, pattern or belief be healed within your family.
  11. Say out loud the words, “I AM, and it is so. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
  12. Stand or sit in the energy as long as feels right for you. You may receive energy, insights or other gifts now.
  13. When you are ready open your eyes. Lay your stone out under the open sky and the moonlight for the night. If this isn’t possible leave it on a windowsill where it can be exposed to the energy of the Ancestors Moon.
  14. Tomorrow, after the moon has set, take your stone and bury it in the earth, or within the soil of a pot-plant. You could also cast your stone into the river or sea. Let it go. Let it all go now.

The Owl and the Moon by Christy Patino

The Owl and the Moon by Christy Patino

Parents are also People

Photo from Getty Images

Photo from Getty Images

“Mother is a verb. It’s something you do. Not just who you are.” 
― Cheryl Lacey Donovan, The Ministry of Motherhood


It’s a common theme right now – I see it over and over again on cheesy social media posts – how rewarding parenting is, how ‘special’ and ‘wise’ children are, how exceptional and precious the bonds are between parent and child.

And then there are all the posts people encourage you to share about having an awesome father or a wonderful mother.

These days, more than ever, it’s expected that parents will be engaged with their children, that they’ll actively parent them and give them access to every opportunity and possibility so that they can grow up to be exceptional, after having had the best possible start in life.

I hear all sorts of things in my job as a psychic.  But one of the most common confessions is from parents – admitting to me how hard they find their situation.  There are some who even regret ever having had a family of their own. And there is terrible guilt with that. There is shame at the feelings of resentment or fatigue, there is despair that the parenting journey is less ‘special’ and more ‘hard work’…

The other thing I hear, more than you might imagine, is the pain adults feel (especially around Mothers’ Day, Fathers’ Day and other family centered holidays) when they do not have a good relationship with their own parents, either now, or because their childhood was difficult.

The media holds up all these examples of happy families, and that perfect extended circle of love.

But that’s not what families and parenting is all about…

Parents are people.  The act of parenthood does not suddenly bestow upon you a saintly grace and the ability to park all your own hopes, dreams and needs so that you can put your children first in all things. Indefinitely.

Parenting is a role, a function, a work in progress, for some an act of love, for others an act of duty.  Parenting is a huge responsibility and a lot of hard work. There is sacrifice. And there is pain. But there is hopefully also reward, joy and connection.

It is not a given that the relationship between children and parents will be smooth, loving or fulfilling. And the dynamic changes from day to day.

For those of you who have experienced difficult relationships with your own parents, I can say this:

You chose them.  And for whatever reason, they have given you a lot of what you need to become the person that you are.  When there is a lack, we learn to fulfill that for ourselves.  We become stronger, or more independent. We learn to grow and overcome.

Let’s be clear – you are not responsible for the behaviour of your parents, and you did not cause them to treat you in a particular way.  It’s not your fault.  Parents are people, and people are flawed. As an adult you can choose to find other role models, support and mentors in your life to fill the place that’s left wanting from the lack in your own relationship with a parent.

Find a place of forgiveness in your heart, and let go of expectation. Sometimes, when we’ve cleared away the hurt and energetic debris, we find that we can begin again, in a new way of relating, and form a relationship that works better for us. And sometimes, we just need to let go and move on. Being born is not an automatic recipe for a sense of family, for love, nurture and ongoing supportive relationships. Not every story has a Disney ending.

For those of you who are parents:

It’s normal to get overwhelmed sometimes, with all that is expected of you as a parent.  It’s normal to have days where you want to run away, where you resent your children and momentarily wish they’d never been born. Because the truth is EVERYONE feels like that sometimes.  They just don’t admit it.  I mean, who could, when we are surrounded by images and expectations that parenting is this joyous, wonderful and endlessly fulfilling journey?

In becoming a parent you often forget that you are still a person. You are the same person you were before you had children, except that you’re stretched now in different ways.  You still have needs and wants.  There are still dreams.  This is normal and natural.  You are not a bad person for wanting to have some space in life for YOU.  You are here to walk your own path, and fulfill your own destiny, and (except for a handful of you) only part of that will involve the act of parenting.

It’s always going to be struggle to maintain your own relationships and interests when you have others who are dependent upon you.

And it’s going to be even harder when your children tell you that they don’t like you, or scream I HATE YOU.  Of course you’re ruining their life.

The stakes are so high these days.  So much is expected of parents. YOU expect so much of yourself…

So what can you do?

Love helps.  Love helps us to find that space of being able to give when we honestly feel that we can’t.  Love helps us to cope when no-one is grateful for our efforts or our sacrifice. Love – that honest love without conditions – grows us into better people; it matures us and helps us find those reserves deep within that let us achieve far more than we could have ever hoped.

You are a person, even when you are a parent. Make space for your own interests and relationships. Find a little time for yourself.  To not honour your own needs is to create a recipe for resentment, and nothing good grows in that space!

Know that love is a deep-seated emotion.  Even when kids are screaming at you, ignoring you or completely taking you for granted, there can be great love BENEATH what’s currently being acted out. Can’t you remember behaving like this when you were their age?

There are times in every family when a child does not like a parent or a parent does not like a child.  It doesn’t mean there is no love there – it just means that right now you’re not gelling. Families have friction. Frictions causes growth.  As a parent it is not your job to be liked – it is your job to parent!

Kids push our buttons.  It often brings up our own deep-seated childhood insecurities.  Funny, that!

Keep on loving, and do your best.  Try to find some room for fun, and for relaxing.

If you don’t have kids, or they’re not your own biological children?

There’s always a role to play in supporting and guiding and loving others. You can be involved and you can make a difference. Sometimes, it’s the people outside our immediate family who become the most important people in our lives.

We’re all just people.  And people need love, dreams of their own, and a sense of belonging.

Image from mashable

Image from mashable


Loving my dinged up life-battered Self – Part 1

We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us. ~ Joseph Campbell

Don’t you love how Life gives you those aha moments? I’m in the middle of one right now.  It’s going to be that kind of week, I think. For you too, maybe.

This is one of the most intense weeks, energetically speaking, for clearing old family stuff: family-inherited or programmed patterns and beliefs; healing or letting go of old family wounds and pains; clearing grief around family, fertility and children or your own childhood; resolving communication issues or misunderstandings; leaving relationships or distancing yourself from what no longer works; endings and beginnings in your own family or the one you’ve created for yourself; coming to grips with your inheritance – whatever that may be.

I’m helping support others on this journey, but of course it’s also affecting me!

If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ll know that life has been fairly full on around here the past few months.  (Examples here, here and here) Yesterday was no exception. It was a gazetted ‘rest day’ for me. Let me give you  a brief peak into exactly what I’m talking about…

2.50 am  Eyes fly open and I am awake. 10 minutes to 3? Why am I awake an hour early? That extra sleep would have been so good. Oh, daylight savings. Mentally I adjust to the weird fact that I have just woken myself up with enough time to get my usual healing work done with these new time zones. It’s 3.50am, (even though it still feels an hour earlier!). I sit up, get ready and meditate for my students. Some of them need a lot of tuning up, so I do what’s needed. Then I do a healing meditation for family, friends, and clients. Finally I tune in to my ‘Elders Group’ (real people – I’m the youngest by many years, but that’s a whole other blog post), and put a little more energy into a big project we’ve been working on.

5.10am  I write my blog. (In my mind it’s still four-ish, and it feels like the middle of the night still.) I sneak back to bed, hoping to get a little sleep.

5.44am  A dear friend from America sees from my facebook status that I am awake and calls me. I have barely put the phone down when a high-profile client calls, also from the States – she’s one of a handful of clients I’ve given my private number to. Her life is in turmoil. She is desperate, and I have time, so I end up giving her a reading, sitting in bed in my pyjamas.  My work day has begun in earnest and the sun’s barely over the horizon.

6.30am  I make a healing necklace for a friend I am meeting for breakfast. She’s been going through a lot of shift.  I know she needs a little extra support.

7.00am  I answer emails. The backlog is massive, and more keep showing up in all my various in-boxes.  I choose the ones that are most urgent.  The rest will have to wait. I field a few more calls from overseas. If no-one’s dying, thinking about dying, or dealing with a life-critical or life-path critical decision I bless you and put you in my ‘pending file’.

8.00am  I am in Bangalow, laughing with girlfriends and discussing the Shamanic Meditation Retreat they all recently came to.  We also talk about cake, rural living and other important affairs, spliced in with conversation about meditation, Tibetan Singing Bowls and crystals.

10.00am  I am sitting on my front veranda with a pot of tea, a bowl of coconut ice (I must post that recipe for you!), giving a reading to someone I’ve recently met. They need the guidance. And it’s a day off, so I have time.

12.00pm  I drive to Byron to drop off a girlfriend who is staying with me, so she can meet up with some friends. I can’t find a park.  Byron Bay is like that sometimes.  I drive around and around.

12.10pm  Suddenly I feel ill.  My forehead breaks out in a cold sweat. I realise I am about to vomit.  I drive to the bus station, park and race to the public toilets, where I am violently sick.  I have no idea why, but I know that it’s not a physical issue.  Sometimes psychic work or shift affects me like this. What’s going on, I think to myself.

12.20pm  Back in the car, head out to find a park so I can sit and do some work.

12.25pm My stomach is gripped with cramps, my body is sweaty and cold, and I know I need to get back to that toilet. Yep.  Vomiting and diarrhea.  I’m clearing something big, and it’s not food related. There is big shift going on in those I love.  When I’m done in the toilet I go sit in the park and energetically send healing and light to them. The shift for them is so massive that I am wrung out.

1.30pm  I am sitting in a bookshop cafe, about to start catching up on my work backlog. The books call to me.  I end up crying, and the lady beside me ends up crying. It’s all okay.  I get what I need to from the situation.  My heart connects into the story I have been neglecting so badly while life got in the way.

2.30pm  Big stuff going down.  A hail of phone calls from family and friends.  Big decisions, big big life-changing decisions, and so I go sit at the beach and talk to them and hold space for them as they shift.

3.45pm  I head home to the farm. I make a pot of tea and do a healing for a friend. I do a healing for the world.

4.30pm  I talk to plumbers, builders and other people who are helping me get my flood-wrecked house ready for market, early 2 years after the event…  Share some information with my writing Sisters that will later trigger my own aha moment.

5.00pm  Making healing necklaces and discussing business (my kind of business – crystals, spiritual workshops, retreats, my new website etc)

7.30pm  Watch Totoro, a sweet animae DVD, that helps me remember this is actually a day off.

9.30pm  Meditation for my students, healing meditation, meditation for the world.  Tumble into sleep.

2.00am  Wake up and do a healing on a friend.  Send healing to my family.

3.00am  Snatch a bit more sleep

4.00am Meditation

5.30am  Blog…

6.10am  Finally get that this IS my life.  My life is a full-on, crazy and demanding ride, interspersed with moments of peace and complete calm so that I can recharge before the next onslaught. Oh. My. Goodness. You have no idea what a lightbulb moment that was for me. It’s not changing.  This IS it…

What was I thinking when I signed up for this?

LOL  It’s okay.  I wouldn’t have it any other way. ♥ xx