“The best relationships in our lives are the best not because they have been the happiest ones, they are that way because they have stayed strong through the most tormentful of storms.”
~ Pandora Poikilos
If you read my blog last week you’ll know that I received an apology from someone I’d known at College – ‘James’ (not his real name), a man whose behaviour with me had been less than stellar. You can catch up on that story here.
Yesterday I had a message in my inbox from James’ oldest daughter. We then caught up by phone.
She wanted to let me know that her Dad found my blog, and had read the post about him. He’d then left it open on his laptop while he’d gone out of the room for a moment. Meanwhile, his wife brought him a cup of coffee, saw the computer screen, read my blog and put two-and-two together. Her husband was the man who had assaulted me at College and then propositioned me a few days ago, even though both he and I are married.
The daughter found them arguing loudly, and as her parents fought her mother made her daughter read my blog too. The daughter told me she was appalled at what she’d read, but she was also angry at herself for never having said anything because her dad had done this kind of thing for years. So she yelled at both of them; her mum for putting up with her father’s poor behaviour and her dad for treating his wife so disrespectfully. She told her mum that unless her dad changed she should leave him. Then she stormed out and left them yelling at each other.
The result, now that things have calmed down? Her mum and dad are going to marriage counselling because James recognised that his attitude and behaviour were not who he wants to be or be remembered as, and he is not being the kind of man he would want his own daughters to marry. He loves his wife and he loves his daughters. He wants his marriage to work. He’s committed to change.
His daughter loves him very much and assures me that he has been a good dad and that her parents love each other although her dad’s behaviour has not always reflected that. She really hopes he changes. I do too. I’m holding space for a good outcome for them all.
Some of the most beautiful relationships I know have come through the hardest of times. I hope they find a way forward and rekindle that love, respect and connection. I wish them well.