Song of the Sisterhood

Image from www.new.vk.com

Image from www.new.vk.com

“A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life.”
~ Isadora James

 

 

These past few days have been hard. It’s been one thing after another. Then there’s the pain. It’s unrelenting. Drugs have helped take the edge off but it’s ground me down. The pain, and the worry.

Sleep is eluding me. I’m so tired but I’m wired too. I can’t get comfortable. My body throbs and hums and stabs and aches. Late at night my head gets crowded with the wrong kinds of thoughts.

I’m trying to keep a positive outlook. After thirty years of poor health I’ve become an expert at downplaying everything. At diverting attention away from myself. At convincing others that it’s all good. Especially when it’s not.

If Ben asks me, I tell him I’m fine. Just a bit sore and tired. We smile at each other and hug a lot. Sometimes we catch each other’s eye and shake our heads because… fuck… we can’t seem to take a trick. So much stuff seems to have been going wrong all at once, after it had all been going so right. But that’s life sometimes, hey?

I’m okay, I tell my mum. I tell Dad the same.

I tell my sister I am a little worried, but okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

And I am. Honestly.

 

Yesterday I met a group of dear friends for a birthday lunch. We celebrated, and ate gorgeous food, and laughed and talked about all manner of interesting things.

I’d thought I’d gotten away with it. Not talking about myself.

But after our meal had been cleared away and all the presents opened, the birthday girl leaned across the table and fixed her steady eyes on me.

“So, Nic,” she said. “What’s going on with you? With your health? We’re your friends. We need to know.”

I couldn’t keep the stupid tears from overflowing my eyes. And I told them. I told them everything. Not just the facts, but the fears too.

My dear friends listened as I gave up all my pain and terror. They hugged me and patted my arms and held my hands and passed me tissues.

Then we traded stories. We held space for each other and the messiness and uncertainties of life. We worried for each other, and we cared.

 

Afterwards I felt so much better. So much lighter.

I hadn’t realised what a burden it was to be lugging all of that around on my own.

 

It’s true, you know. I’m okay and I’ll be okay. I really mean it.

Besides, something beautiful happened yesterday.

I was lifted up by angels.

 

Feeling blessed to have such wonderful friends in my life. <3 xoxo

The Perils of 2AM Thinking

Image from Star Medical

Image from Star Medical

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength – carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” 
~ Corrie ten Boom

 

Have you ever stayed up all night stewing about something?

Or woken up in the middle of the night, beset with worry?

Ah, sweetkins! I’m here to tell you that the thoughts and ideas you have at two o’clock in the morning – especially the ones where you decide radical action – are not among your finest cognitive moments.

Image from The EvoLLution

Image from The EvoLLution

Trust me on this. After a bout of 2am thinking don’t write that letter. Don’t send that email. Don’t stay up for the rest of the night and then madly wreak destruction in your life once morning breaks.

Instead I counsel you to keep a notebook by the bed. Get it all on paper. Or iPad or phone. Perhaps there is a nugget of truth here, embedded in the muck. Perhaps the genesis of something which will, later, become more.

But what you need most right now is rest and a clear head.

There’s a reason why they call it the cold hard light of day. You may need time to re-evaluate your nocturnal genius.

Image from Vgames

Image from Vgames

When you are rested, review those notes from your middle-of-the-night brainstorming session. Is it more storm than brain? Be totally honest about what you see.

Maybe you can let the whole thing go. Maybe it doesn’t even make sense to you anymore. But maybe it really is time to leave the job/relationship/sharehouse/country, or say what you feel. Give it another day, after a good night’s sleep has elapsed. Let yourself be sure. Then draft that email if you must. With some solid restful hours elapsed between you and that 2am place you now have a couple of things working in your favour.

A rational mind and timing.

Sometimes we realise that our 2am thoughts were the result of hormones, too much wine, fatigue, or a serious lack of holidays. No harm done. We festered, but we never popped.

Sometimes we see that nugget of truth, and know it for what it is. Now we have the luxury of planning and strategising. We will find a new job FIRST and then tell the boss what we really think of them before our glorious resignation. We will seek counselling or legal advice and work out the best way for us to exit our relationship in a way that minimises harm to us and others rather than storming out the door with just the shirt on our backs. We make timing work for us!

We will check our facts BEFORE we react to the gossip that kept us up all night, sick with worry or roiled with anger.

We will realise that someone else already invented that thing we dreamed up, AND did a better job, and anyway, why did we want to make that thing in the first place? Oh yeah: alcohol, too little sleep, I hate my job, sugar rush and too many Marvel comics.

Let there always be a decent amount of clear-headed time between 2am and any actions you take or decisions you make.

Most importantly, if you find yourself in a 2am frenzy, or down a deep dark 2am hole, remind yourself that this will pass. That what you need most right now is some sleep. Write down what’s bothering you, and promise yourself that you’ll devote some time to it tomorrow, or the day after, when you’re fresh.

Our most difficult situations require our best thinking, not our most limited.

And nine times out of ten, it will be brighter in the morning.

Image from Quote Frenzy

Image from Quote Frenzy

Don’t Confuse Fear with Intuition

Image from eventheartichoke.wordpress.com

So you’ve decided to do something new…

It always starts well, doesn’t it?  You feel good about it.  You get excited.  You know you’re ready to commit.  You’re hungry for change.

You say YES to that thing. You prepare to set sail for that new horizon.

But between the space of thinking about that thing, and actually getting there, we always hit a place where the waters flows more slowly, or where we might even find ourselves becalmed. Even when we do get into flow it can look mighty strange to new eyes.

What then?

Doubt.  That’s what.

We start to notice a little niggle. Maybe the niggle becomes a quiet voice.

“I don’t think this is for me.”

“I won’t be able to do it.”

“I’m going to let everyone down.”

“This feels all wrong.”

The more you pay attention, the more you begin to talk yourself out of it.

“I don’t feel good about this,” you say to yourself. “It’s a sign.  I must learn to listen to my intuition.  My intuition is telling me no.”

You begin to back away.

You end up back where you started, and the thing that set your soul on fire, the thing that called your name, drifts further and further out of reach.

Image by melancholichart

Let me share something with you.  That wasn’t your intuition calling to you.  That was fear.  It was your intuition that first lit you up with excitement about that new idea. It was your intuition that led you to that thing you thought you wanted.

Because you did want it!

But our ego is designed to keep us safe.  And every time we extend our limits, it gets uncomfortable.  Our ego freaks out a little and then it freaks us out!

Image from byronevents.com

The bigger the gap between where we are and where we want to be, the louder our ego will protest.  It’s only doing its job. Your ego is going to get uncomfortable any time you try and grow. It creates big clouds of doubt and fear, and it hopes you pay attention. It wants to keep you safe, and stuck, and right where you are.

So don’t confuse fear with intuition. Anytime we try something that’s going to grow us, we move into the unknown, and it feels unfamiliar and strange.  Even a little scary. But if we sit with it a while, we find that we’re okay. And before we know it we’ll feel good about this new place. Down the track we’ll become so familiar with the new place that we’ll get the urge to grow, and this process will start all over again.

Image from wallpapers-free.co.uk

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative and creation. There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen events, meetings and material assistance which no one could have dreamed would have come their way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now!”

~ W.H. Murray

Failure to Connect…

Image from sacramentocarstereoinstaller.com

“I made a nap this afternoon. I made it out of two pillows, a bed, a sheet, a blanket, and exhaustion.”
~ Jarod Kintz

If you’re psychic, or intuitive, or creative, or a writer, or an artist, or a meditator, or a musician – if you have a passion or a skill or a hobby, or if you’re just in pain – then you need to read this!

Have you ever been in love?  You know, that walking-on-air and the-whole-world-is-beautiful kind of feeling…  In that space everything comes together for us, we see the world through rose-coloured glasses, we’re totally inspired and life just magically flows.

Well, today I’m not talking about that sort of energy.  I’m going to talk about being at the other end of the spectrum – that place where our battery is flat, our enthusiasm is zip, and no matter how hard we try we can’t think straight, we can’t feel or function the way we normally do, ideas and abilities desert us, everything is hard and nothing goes our way.

Image from longevitystrategist.com

Sometimes, we end up in a place where we experience failure to connect. As a psychic or intuitive you may be unable to sense things. A meditator may be unable to get into that space.  Creative types may find that NOTHING comes to them, and anything they create is rubbish, or worse.  Others may find that their skills desert them and they can’t execute the simplest task.

We can’t connect, we’re out of synch, stuck in a miserable eddy or backwater instead of in the middle of that glorious energy of flow.

So what do you do when you find yourself in that space? (and if you’re human, it’s inevitable at some stage in your life…)

Firstly, understand that you’re not actually DISCONNECTED, although it may feel that way.  What’s actually happened is that your battery is flat, and you can’t hold enough of a charge to FEEL that connection right now.

Failure to connect can be brought about by stress, illness, shock, depression, fatigue, malnutrition, or excess. (Do I have to explain excess?  Really? Okay – think too much of anything – like too much sugar, caffeine, alcohol, mind altering substances, negative and unsupportive people, work, pressure, exercise… the list is long but I’ll stop here.)

Secondly, don’t panic. This will pass.  Honestly, it will.

Thirdly, you can be proactive, and give your body the conditions that will help it come back to balance quicker.

  • Rest.  Lots of rest.  (But if your issue is an excess of rest, give yourself some tasks and deadlines, and then get to it!)
  • Magnesium.  Find a good supplement and take some!  I favour the powdered forms that have other micronutrients, vitamins and minerals in them too.  Magnesium is such an important mineral, and it runs our entire nervous system, as well as about a thousand other important cellular and support activities within our bodies. We use it up fast when we’re stressed, sick or exhausted. I’ve blogged about magnesium previously, including the joy of epsom salts baths here.
  • If you’re warding off illness, or you’re sick, or in that place of slow recovery, add some Vitamin C and Zinc to support your immune system.  Perhaps you can find a good natural therapist to assist your recovery.  I am a big fan of acupuncture and herbs. But find what’s right for you!
  • Get a massage or a healing of some kind.  Allow your body and mind the time to be quiet and still.  Don’t have expectations of yourself.  Relax, let go and just be for a while.
  • Find some sunshine and sit yourself in it.  It’s a magical pill in the form of full-spectrum light and it has a miraculous effect on our bodies.
  • Let go of fear. Fear holds us in adrenal exhaustion, and ruins our kidney and liver energy. Sometimes therapy helps, sometimes we might need to do something more drastic like end a relationship, leave a job, or change our living arrangements.
  • Fill yourself up. If you’re running on empty, it makes sense. You might need to fill up on cuddles and love, fill up on peace and serenity, fill up on nature, fill up on art and music and movies and ideas, or just plain old fill up on life by heading out the front door and into the world and all its possibilities.  Do something different, go someplace different, fill the well! Ideas on how to do that here.

Blessings at The Sacred Well by Gilbert Williams

It gets so hard to connect when our body is in a space of physical, emotional or spiritual exhaustion. Be kind to yourself when this happens.  Don’t put pressure on yourself to achieve.  If you have known connection before, then you’ll find your way back to that flow again. No need to try.  Just relax into it.  All is well.  Know that you are deeply Loved. ♥ Bless xx

The gifts of childhood often come wrapped in ugly paper…

Justin Bieber wrapping paper – image from hellogiggles.com

I know, I know. Everyone blames everything on childhood. It’s a therapist’s favourite playground.

I’m revisiting childhood with you today. Why? 2012 is a fantastic year for personal growth and for letting go of what no longer serves us.  These pains from our past can be really old wounds,  but they are still worth healing. So much energy gets bound up in this sort of pain and it can prevent us from thriving. (In case you missed it, I blogged about letting go and how emotions impact your health recently.  Click on the blue links to go visit!)

Firstly, let’s get one thing clear –  I believe that we choose our parents. (want some proof?  check out my blog about it here) I can hear some of you suck in your breath at that. But think about it for a minute. Our parents are our first teachers in life. Their influence will profoundly impact our development. We are all souls, who had consciousness before we came into this lifetime. And we’ve made choices in our parents that we believe will give us our best opportunity for growth in a particular area. So instead of getting stuck in blame, or repeating old patterns, I’m asking you to step into a new place of understanding about your childhood, and to claim the gifts that were left for you there.  Not to condone bad parenting.  Not to approve of things done to you.  But to set you free from the energy of the past. That’s what forgiveness is all about.

As a psychic I have come to recognise three major groups of parents.  One is not better than another.  (Okay, the first category pretty much sucks.  Fortunately this is the proportionately the smallest group) They each offer different learning experiences. You may end up with two types of parents in the one house. Often, if we’ve been parented in one way, we will actively chose to raise our own family in a different way.  The three broad groups are:

1. Parents who teach us through neglect, abandonment, cruelty or absence.

Bad Parenting image by Chris Jordan

This can be the hardest group for us to resign ourselves to. The downside of this is that we might need to deal with those acts of neglect, cruelty and abandonment.  We might get caught up in a spiral of fear and self-doubt; needing to please others at all costs, endlessly putting others before ourselves, always worrying about breaking rules or getting into trouble. We may turn to substances or behaviours to numb our pain.

But there are great gifts here. We might become perfectionists or high achievers, driven to gain the love or approval or attention of our parents. It can set us up for patterns of excellence and striving throughout life. We may end up with great maturity and ability to handle responsibility from a young age. It can shape great leaders, make you entrepreneurial, a survivor, deeply self-reliant. It can encourage empathy and compassion, that in time can allow us to be the healer or counsellor for others. Needing to retreat into our imagination may shape you as a brilliant writer, artist, poet, musician. Pain breaks the bubble and lets us see life through a different lense.

This is harsh soil for a young one, but it can grow great strong souls, souls with resilience and courage and hope.

2. Playdough and Poo Parents

These parents often wanted children of their own from a very young age, and love having children.  They are deeply engaged with the whole process of pregnancy and early childhood. They will make a safe nest, and you may well be the centre of their universe. For a time.

But within their house is an expectation that you will take flight early. They’ll be there for you with sport and school functions and all those things that mark the progression through childhood, and they’ll start to step away as you move through adolescence, or as another child comes along.  It will be up to you to make decisions about your future.  By sixteen they’ll usually be backing away if they haven’t started to already, although your basic needs (food, shelter, love) will still be met.  They’ll have taken your training wheels off.  They’ll keep loving you, you’ll still be welcome at Christmas or Easter, and especially if you create grandchildren, but from now on it will be up to you. Their job is done.  They raised you, and then kicked you out of the nest, often when you had very few feathers!

This type of parenting gives you early security and an ability to find your feet, although it can be a confusing time when you leave the nest. Your parents won’t exert much influence over your education or adult life, and this enables you to make up your own mind about who you are and what direction you wish to seek in life. (yes, some of this is called learning by making mistakes!)  When you’re out on your own early in life you must learn to trust yourself and your own judgement. It can create great opportunities for early maturity, and for following a very individual path, or for getting on and creating your own path, family and stability early in life.

3.  Elders and Shapers

Working Mother © Jake Wyman, All Rights Reserved

These parents often find it hard to adjust to young children, because they have lives and careers of their own. They love their kids, don’t get me wrong. They will worry incessantly about whether they are doing parenting ‘right’.  They may not be tuckshop mums or fathers group dads, and that can make children feel neglected when other parents (playdough and poo parents usually) have higher visibility and involvement in those early years.

These parents see their job as lifelong.  They will continue to love and worry about their children, and to be there to shape and advise their kids through adolescence; with career directions, marriage, buying assets, going into business, problems, or having children of your own. They will still be an influence in their children’s lives to the end of their own.

Their greatest gift is in giving their children long term stability, and showing their children that it is important to have your own individual path and interests. They will encourage their  children to seek a path for themselves and to find lives that utilise their talents, gifts and passions.  There will be an emphasis for their own children on career or life path, and on making sound choices in life. They may be strict as parents, but less so as grandparents.

We may not appreciate this type of parent until we get older. They won’t be the ‘fun’ parents’.  They will be the ones with rules and boundaries and expectations about school and how we conduct ourselves in life.  But we will also choose these parents if we have strong desires around education, values and being supported and directed for the longer term. And we will maintain relationships with them throughout our lives, using their wise counsel and loving support to guide our own decisions.

Elders and Shapers often parent others as well, by being a supportive influence in the community, workplace, or with the friends of their own family.

Where to from here?

Take some time and reflect on the sort of parenting you have known.  Not to cast blame, but to better understand who you are, and why you are the way you are.  Look past the ugly wrapping paper and see what gifts you’ve been given to work with.  You are stronger than you know. There is no need to react to today in the same way you did when you were a child. Forgive the past, and step into the fullness of who you are.  It’s been no accident.  No co-incidence. The wounds of the past can run deep, but they can also be healed. Get help to heal the past if you need to, so that all you take into the future are the lessons and not the pain.

You are worthy and beautiful, with something unique to offer this world.  You are who you are BECAUSE of where you’ve been. Because of what you know, and where you’ve been, you are empowered to make better choices – ones that reflect YOUR values and ethics, ones that support all the things YOU believe in.  Wishing you peace <3