How To Use Forgiveness To Get Yourself Back In Flow

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” 
~ Steve Maraboli

 

Negative emotions can disrupt the flow of your life force energy and your heart chakra just as easily as boulders in a stream. How many boulders have piled up in your heart over time? Each boulder represents a major hurt, a major resentment, a major betrayal or disappointment, a deep wounding, shame or grief.

When the flow is disturbed or slowed, stagnation happens. Stagnant heart flow breeds anger and resentment, depression and self-loathing. It muddies the clear waters of the heart, and that dirty water spills over into everything you do.

So how do we get those boulders out?

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness of others. Forgiveness of self.

Forgiveness is the gift that sets us free. It’s not about condoning or approving what has been done, it’s about releasing yourself from the pain and the hurt of the past, and allowing yourself to move from stuckness back into flow.

Journalling to Clear Your Heart Chakra:

To clear our hearts, we first need to feel our feelings. Give yourself permission to feel into one of those boulders in your heart. Allow yourself to feel the pain or anger or betrayal. In that space of reconnecting into misery start writing, beginning with the words, “If only that had never happened I would have been able to…” then keep going and pour all of that hurt onto the page.

Get it out. There’s no point keeping it all bottled up. All this stuff is doing you damage, all these half-truths and misconceptions and limiting beliefs. Clear your heart stream of these sticks and stones. When you’re done, take a breath. Give yourself a ‘mental’ hug. Good work. Feel the space you’ve just created in your life.

Coming Back Into Flow:

Now send love and light and forgiveness to the situation or relationship you just wrote about. This is not about them – this is about you releasing yourself and the energy that is tied up in this situation from your past. Write on the page and then say in your mind “I forgive you and myself. I wish you well. I send you love. I bless you and I set you free” If you truly can’t conjure forgiveness for the other person that’s okay. Use this affirmation instead:

“I disconnect from the past and release it back to the light. All is well in my world. I am love. Love is what I am attracting.”

You may also find this short guided meditation useful:

Here’s a simple guided meditation on forgiveness that can help open and clear your heart chakra:

My intention for you is that you come to a place of peace in your heart, where you can move past hurt and pain and to a place of open connection and sharing, ready to accept joy and love into your life again.

Much love to you,
Nicole ❤  xx

5 Simple Ways To Love Yourself Better

 

“Have the courage to love yourself like you always wished someone would.” 
~  Vironika Tugaleva

 

Everyone knows that self-love is vital to building self-esteem and self-confidence, for setting healthy boundaries and feeling good about yourself. Problem is, if you don’t feel good about yourself to start with, if you don’t like yourself much and you’re feeling pretty depressed and miserable, then trying to love yourself is like holding onto a single helium-filled birthday balloon and expecting it can fly you to Mars.  Mission Impossible!

So what do you do when your sense of self is hanging by a thread, but you just can’t make that mental leap from loathing to loving?

When loving yourself and feeling good about yourself seems impossible, then what you need to do is parent yourself. That’s where you do the things you know you need to do, even when you don’t want to, can’t be bothered, or feel that you don’t deserve to treat yourself well.

Good parents create environments where we can grow, be safe, and learn to get to know ourselves and the world around us.  They support us, provide emotional connection and support, love us and guide us until we move to a place of maturity where we can do these things for ourselves.

Even when you find it hard to love yourself, there is a wise part of your soul that intuitively knows what you need to get back to a place of balance. Your job is to let that parent part of you – the Wise Soul – make the choices for the part of you that is struggling to get on your feet and feel good again.

Image from www.linkedin.com


Here are five simple things you can do to make a start towards healing your relationship with yourself. I’ve also added suggested crystals that are supportive for each step:

1.  Decide to accept yourself right now, as you are and where you are in life. Too often we tell ourselves that we’ll like ourselves better when we’ve lost weight, found a job, left a bad relationship, found a good relationship, stopped smoking, gotten fit, or won lotto. When we put conditions on loving ourselves, we never get to that mysterious just-around-the-corner place that is forever up ahead and out of our reach.  Be honest with yourself.  If life is painful, admit that. Don’t numb yourself with alcohol, drugs, food or overwork.  Reach out for help if you’re having trouble coping, or need some new skills and strategies to make tomorrow look different to today. Best crystals for self acceptance – Tiger Eye, Blue Calcite or Rhodonite

2.  Create a safe space.  Everyone needs a place to call home, where they can relax, be themselves, and surround themselves with things that reflect their sense of self. Music, plants, posters or paintings, colours and fragrances – all of these things can help ground you and give you a sense of belonging and security.  It’s not about the objects as much as the energy they create. Start by making sure your space is clean. Dirt, mess and clutter drain you and create stagnant energy.  Clear the clutter, and then begin to make your space somewhere that is inviting, uplifting and positive. Best crystals for a sense of safety and peace – Banded Agate, Smoky Quartz, Rose Quartz, Sodalite and Snowflake Obsidian

3.  Practice respect.  Respect yourself enough to avoid, minimise your exposure to or end toxic relationships and to stop toxic behavours. Respect your body by eating well, and by exercising daily – even when it’s hard.  Especially when it’s hard and you don’t want to. That’s what parents do.  They make sure we drink enough water, eat our greens, get enough sleep, and get out of bed in the morning.  In everything that you do, ask yourself “Does this action or choice honour me?”  When we suffer from a lack of self-love it’s easy to make choices that don’t do the best by us.  In some cases we even choose things that sabotage our well-being.  Once again, if you’re really struggling here, ask for help, whether it’s a counsellor, personal trainer, rehab facility or a good friend who has your back. Great crystals healing self-sabotage and supporting self respect – Black Tourmaline, Amazonite, Yellow Turquoise, Bloodstone

4.  Find something to look forward to and work towards it, or include it in your life.  Whether it’s an overseas holiday, salsa dancing lessons, art classes or writing your life story, everyone needs to have a sense of purpose, and that purpose doesn’t have to be career related. Don’t be afraid to dream big, even if you have to start small. Best crystals for joy and connection to the flow of life – Green Aventurine, Citrine, Rose Quartz, Fluorite

5.  Spend some time in nature each day. Fresh air and sunshine has been used as a remedy for depression and to heal all manner of ills for centuries. Watching animals in nature has been proven to lower blood pressure, increase endorphins and relax tension in our muscles. Having contact with pets also helps us heal and feel better about ourselves, and teaches us responsibility for others. Best crystals for connection to nature and the earth – Jasper, Carnelian, Hematite,  Septarian Nodules, Unakite

Treat yourself with kindness today and always. Holding you in my prayers and meditations,

Nicole ❤ xx

Those Misleading Rainbow Flags

Image from raiweb.net

Image from raiweb.net

“We can either emphasize those aspects of our traditions, religious or secular, that speak of hatred, exclusion, and suspicion or work with those that stress the interdependence and equality of all human beings. The choice is yours.”
~ Karen Armstrong, Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life

“When I was 13 years old, my beautiful mother and my father moved me from a conservative Mormon home in San Antonio, Texas, to California, and I heard the story of Harvey Milk. And it gave me hope. It gave me the hope to live my life; it gave me the hope that one day I could live my life openly as who I am and that maybe even I could fall in love and one day get married. Most of all, if Harvey had not been taken from us 30 years ago, I think he’d want me to say to all of the gay and lesbian kids out there tonight who have been told they are less than by their churches, or by the government, or by their families, that you are beautiful, wonderful creatures of value. And that no matter what everyone tells you, God does love you, and that very soon, I promise you, you will have equal rights federally across this great nation of ours.”
~ Dustin Lance Black

 

I have been staying in a stately old area of Brisbane this past few weeks. These suburbs have grand old trees, some beautiful old houses, and many churches. It’s an established area. A conservative area.

Recently, a church that I frequently pass decked itself out in rainbow-striped flags and bunting. It coincided with the day of the Sydney Mardi Gras.

Oh, I thought to myself, that’s wonderful. How welcoming! You see, I expected that those rainbow flags meant something.

After all, the Sydney Mardi Gras is one of the world’s most iconic, inclusive and joyful celebrations of the Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Queer, Transgender and Intersex community.

And to be truthful I was also grateful for those flags after a friend’s young teenager had attempted suicide in that same week as a result of being bullied at school for being gay.

Image from mardigras.org

Image from mardigras.org

Image by Hamid Mousa

Image by Hamid Mousa

A few days later, walking past the rainbow-bunting festooned church, I said hello to an older lady there.

We spoke of the weather, she admired my dog, and she asked where I lived. Had I been to the church before? Would I like to come along and join them?

I thanked her for her kindness and then told her of my surprise and pleasure that the committee had decked out the church with all those rainbow flags.

‘Why?’ she said. ‘Do you like rainbows?’

‘Of course,’ I answered, ‘who doesn’t?’

She smiled at me.

‘You did realise that those flags are also a symbol used by the LGBT community?’ I said.

She looked at me, her face suddenly furrowed into a look of confusion.

‘The lesbian gay, bi and transgender community,’ I added for clarification.

‘Oh,’ she said sharply.

The look on her face said it all. No, she hadn’t known.

She stared at me for a minute, and then she said angrily,’They are rainbows. We thought the children would like them.’

‘So the flags aren’t welcoming the LGBT community?’ I asked.

She didn’t say no. ‘They’re rainbows,’ she said. ‘Anybody’s free to use them.’

‘I see,’ I answered. ‘Well, thanks for talking with me.’ I turned to walk away.

A second or two later I heard her hiss ‘Hippy do-gooder’ under her breath, but loud enough for me to hear. To a friend who had just joined her she muttered, ‘One of those people…’

If only she knew.

I’m not actually LGBTI. I’m psychic. Different closet, but often similar reactions and discrimination on coming out. I’ve had Christians denounce me for being an abomination in the eyes of God, and an instrument of the Devil. I’ve had Jehovah’s Witnesses stand on the footpath outside my home every Tuesday for three solid years praying for my soul.

As insults go the ones from the church woman weren’t so nasty. But it certainly didn’t make me feel like I wanted to rush and join her congregation. If they don’t happily accept the LGBTI community, I’m sure they won’t be all that welcoming towards a practicing psychic with strong leanings towards buddhism, druidism and aboriginal mysticism. A psychic whose friends and family include those people, as well as a rainbow tribe of faiths, beliefs, traditions and viewpoints.

Image from buzzle.com

Image from buzzle.com

The rainbow flags and bunting are pulled down now. Like all of the churches around here their congregation numbers are dwindling as our lives and lifestyles change. These churches are doing what they can to draw people back to the fold, and that bunting did look pretty!  I hope they found the kind of people that they want to attract to their own branch of the community.

I don’t think that dwindling church numbers means we are less godless as a society. So many of us have found our own ways to connect with an energy and space of divinity within us and around us that better reflects our values and beliefs.

I’ve drunk from the well of many faiths, and found something at each place that has nourished me. But I’ve often wondered if my welcome would have been as warm had they known who I was or what I did. You can’t tell what’s inside a person by the way they look. I look quite average and respectable from the outside. My mother raised me to have nice manners. I know how to fit in.

I respect the right for anyone to have at your table those people with whom you feel comfortable. But if you invite me to make your table my own, I would like to think that all of my friends and loved ones are welcome; those of different faiths and beliefs, those of different cultural heritages, those of differing sexual orientations, those who believe in God, and those who don’t. So many of my friends don’t believe in the God that was taught to them at school. They see themselves as atheists or agnostics. Ant yet some of these people demonstrate the most Christian values and character I know. Just because you do not believe in God does not mean you are godless or lacking goodness. Isn’t the Divine an energy that dwells in us all?

I’m not sure there is a faith or religion encompassing enough for myself and all of those I love and hold dear. Right now, I think the best chance of creating the inclusion I desire is if I go place a table under a tree, festoon it with lights, lay out some food and invite you all to come join me as friends – in the spirit of kindness and compassion. In the spirit simply of love.

I hold out hope that love and kindness towards all people is possible. I pray for a quiet revolution of inclusive hippy do-gooders across the world, creating tables where all are welcome to sit, share and be nourished and supported.

That’s the kind of world I want to live in. How about you?

Image from pinterest.com

Image from pinterest.com

Sometimes We Just Need A Hug

Image from A Purple Puffin

Image from A Purple Puffin

“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it.” 
~ Anonymous, Holy Bible: King James Version

 

Yesterday morning, very early, my husband took me out to an inner-city cafe for a good coffee. We took a sidewalk table, and Ben went inside to place our order.

While I waited for him a young man came around the corner, his eyes red rimmed, his distress obvious for all to see although he was doing his best to hold things together.

He walked across to a post office box and checked for mail, and then walked past me again. Just a few feet further on he stopped in front of a shop window, his shoulders heaving with silent sobs. A moment later he crammed his fist in his mouth to stop from wailing.

“God, honestly…” a patron at another table complained loudly. “Gay men are just so dramatic. Go home, sweetheart!”

Before I knew what I was doing I was up and on my feet, rummaging for a clean tissue in my pocket. I put my hand on the young man’s arm.

“Are you alright?” I asked.

He shook his head. No. No, he wasn’t. The absolute agony on his face was heart-rending.

I pulled him in and held in my arms, and let him cry on my shoulder until there were no more tears to cry. I gave him the tissue.

“Will you be okay?” I whispered.

He nodded. “Yeah. Thanks,” he whispered back, squeezing my hand and trying his best to smile. “My dad just died. I hadn’t spoken to him since… well, you know. I loved him anyway. He was my dad.”

We hugged again, and he went on his way. Ben came out and we sat back down.

“Who was that?” my husband asked. “Was he okay?”

“He’ll be fine,” I said, sipping my coffee.

“Did you know him?” my husband pressed.

“Not personally, but my heart I did,” I answered.

 

When we are brave enough to be open and vulnerable – when we meet heart to heart, soul to soul – we are never strangers, we are only love.

You being here makes the world a better place. Be love today.

Image from Lalumuk

Image from Lalumuk

Real Friendship

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” 
~ Anaïs Nin

My husband Ben, the dogs and one of Ben’s good mates went back down to our farm at the crack of dawn yesterday to check on the cattle and do some heavy farm work. They’ll work hard all weekend, eat like bachelors, leave the house in disarray and arrive back in Brisbane on Sunday night filthy, exhausted and in good spirits.

On Monday, after a final doctor’s appointment, Ben will take me home to the farm again, but for this weekend I am alone in the city.

Alone? No, that’s not quite right.

I’ve talked with my sister each day on the phone, I’ve sent and received texts and emails from friends near and far, I’ve reached out in meditation and connected to the people I care about. I’ve seen a handful of clients and given and received plenty of hugs.

Last night was spent in the company of friends. I’m not driving right now due to health problems, which makes me feel just that little bit more isolated. No matter! A friend picked me up on the dot of five o’clock and we travelled a few suburbs over to the house of another friend.

We sat in the lounge, sipped tea and trawled through the best (?) bits of B grade movies, talked Star Trek philosophy with my friend’s husband, chatted to kids and dogs, ate pizza, laughed, talked books and writing, demolished bowls of apple pie and ice-cream, laughed and talked some more, and then I was delivered safely back home to my front door (my friend waited until I’d let myself in and waved to show I was okay) and I was tucked up in bed by 8.30pm.  Another late night! 🙂

Image by 1darthvader

Image by 1darthvader

I don’t have adequate words to express what’s in my heart about real friendship. It fills the empty spaces, and leaves you satisfied and content.

Real friendship? Yes, real. Real friends understand when you’re not up to disco dancing, bright lights and mad crowds. Real friends care. When you’re with real friends you don’t have to worry about how you look, if you get parsley stuck in your teeth, spill food on your clothes, or make an embarrassing social gaffe. Real friends don’t mind if you act like a Nana, eat early dinner and are home in bed before their young children are even in their pyjamas…

Ben’s home at our farm with a real friend. The kind of friend who rang us during the floods and storms that devastated our farm earlier in the year, and drove down to lend a hand chainsawing fallen trees, carting debris and mending fences. They help each other out. They share. They laugh. They tell bad jokes. It’s a mutual exchange.

I’m home in the city with real friends looking out for me, taking me for outings, calling me to see how I am and sending messages of support and encouragement.

My real friends just let me be me. And they remind me of the best bits of myself – the bits that sometimes get overshadowed by illness, fatigue or despair.

I’d rather have a handful of real friends than an army of casual acquaintances, party friends and ‘friends’ who only call you when they want something.

Today, I’m giving thanks for the gift that is friendship, and wishing that same gift for you. Bless  ♥ xx

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