Dear Haters, I Love You and I Forgive You

“The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.” 
~ Stephen Kendrick

I had a laugh with my sister yesterday. ‘Oooh,’ she said, ‘you blogged a recipe!’ We both knew what that meant. It meant that I was in overload and needed to sit in my humanity for a while. (I wrote a whole blog post about it here.)

Why was I in overload? A few days ago I wrote about a 12-year-old boy, Matt, who attempted suicide in the fallout from Israel Folau’s (the boy’s football idol) Instagram post about homosexuals going to Hell. Matt has known since his earliest memories that he was gay, and under immense pressure he nearly succeeded in taking his own life this week because he was worried that God had made a mistake in making him a homosexual and he felt ashamed, worthless and a burden to his family.

I wrote that post about Matt because words can kill just as easily as a coward’s punch. One punch can kill but so can words – too often we forget about mental health. As Jason Masters wrote in a recent article about repetitive and cumulative trauma, ‘We all know the saying ‘The straw that broke the camel’s back’. Cumulative trauma is a real issue within the LGBTIQ community.’ Israel Folau’s post, his stance on homosexuals and the huge public support for Folau was that straw for Matt.

I wrote that post because I wanted to stand with the LGBTQIA community and let them know that I support them. I wanted kids like Matt to know that being gay is normal, nothing to be ashamed of and that they won’t be going to Hell. I also want psychics and people who identify as empaths and intuitives to know that they are normal too. These are not ‘lifestyle choices’. Being gay or non-binary in your sexual orientation, being psychic or an empath or intuitive is the way you are born. It’s normal and natural and I stand for a society that is inclusive and accepting of the diversity that has always been part of our humanity.

In response to that post and its re-posting and sharing on other social media platforms, my inboxes filled up with hate mail – none of it from anyone I know.

Here are a few examples:

You are a tule (sic) of Satan, Wych. If you come to my country you wud be stoned to death and I wud help.

Rot in Hell, witch-bitch gay-lover. If I ever meet you I’ll slit your throat. (I reported that one to the Police.)

Israel Folau spoked with GODS POWER and his love for people wuz trying to save them from SIN and HELLFIRE. You are a stoopid slut and you will burn in HELL. Fags will burn 2 unless they REPENT.

You have condemned yourself, your family and and their families to eternal Hell. Their only hope is to be Born Again under merciful Christ. There is no hope for you and I pity and abhor you. You disgust me.

‘get on your knees in front of GOD you witch bitch and suck my dick. how dare you disrespect da man IZZY and GODS WORD. You and all the dick suckers can go to HELL. REPENT SINNERs!’

That last one actually made me laugh. It reminded me of schoolboys making taunts at girls from the safety of the back seat of the bus.

Curious, I checked that man’s Facebook page. He supports the Silver Ferns Netball Team and the New Zealand Rugby Team. He likes fishing and The Voice on TV. There are photos of his little girls jumping on a trampoline, his wife and his mum serving up a big Christmas lunch to a huge group of people at their Church, his young son playing Auskick football with a bunch of other tiny little boys in huge jerseys. He looks like a decent, kind family man. A man I’d be happy to have as a next-door-neighbour. A kind Christian family man who wants me to suck his dick and go to Hell.

Days later I’m still receiving messages just like those.

The volume of hate mail shows me how many people feel like this. It’s not an isolated thing. It makes me sad. Sad that these men (they are all men!) are so angry, so righteous, so full of venom and hate, so duplicitous that they can live a normal happy life with their family and then shoot off a quick bile-filled message to me, a person they’ve never met. Would they say those things to me in front of their children, their wives, their mothers, their Ministers or congregations? Would they say them in public, or in front of my husband? Probably not.

I’ve included all of them in my daily prayers and meditations. I just want to surround them with Love until that’s what they feel, until Love replaces all the hate and judgement and insecurity and fear and anger and pain inside them.

Dear Haters, I don’t hate you back. I love you. I forgive you. I wish only good for you and your families. May you know peace and love for all your days.

All my love, Nicole xx

Hi! I'm Nicole Cody. I am a writer, psychic, metaphysical teacher and organic farmer. I love to read, cook, walk on the beach, dance in the rain and grow things. Sometimes, to entertain my cows, I dance in my gumboots. Gumboot dancing is very under-rated.
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34 thoughts on “Dear Haters, I Love You and I Forgive You

  1. Thank you for sharing this with the world…..I am a part of the LGBTQIA community and know how important it is to shed a light on what is going on everyday by ignorant people. Most of the time, these “men” making these comments are hiding secrets, very dark ones, from everyone they know. Examples being – paying for hookers, looking at porn, (videos, internet, and etc.), having extramarital affairs, abusing their wives & children, are into S&M with young boys, child pornography, and other things that you can not even wrap your head around. I have seen the worst of the worst. Every time one of these nobody’s try to hurt you, know that you are 100% greater than they are! They just want to try to hurt you because they know that they are scum. Thank you for being our Voice! Sending love your way, Always!

  2. Sorry for the trauma your have sufferred for writing a real live story. Thanks for the reference, I hope it helps some.

    1. I know it has already helped some, Jason. Thanks so much for having shared that important link with our community. Nx

  3. We continue to pray for these men who have sent you this hate mail. Many times, when someone seems to have such hate for something, it’s because they hate it in themselves. They may be denying their real selves. Blessings on you.

  4. Hi Nicole, big hug for speaking up and sharing how you’re dealing with these haters. But most importantly: thank you for speaking up for all the Matts in the world.

  5. I really don´t understand why some people feel so threatened by LGBTs. They do nobody any harm. But you are doing it right, Nicole: be kind to mean people because they need it most.

  6. Poor little brain-washed babies who were told what to believe – who never had the wit or the courage to think for themselves and make their own choices.
    So very sad – we were all born innocent, but they have been shaped into intolerance and hatred.
    But there’s always hope for a change of perspective and heart – which is why hatred is never the answer to countering hatred – love is.
    Thanks Nicole for helping to light the way!

  7. Thank you Nicole for all that you do and particularly for the love you give and send out to the world.
    I don’t like to say I am a Christian when a lot of the men who are having these hateful disgusting thoughts and sending you these shocking messages are saying that they are Christians! To me Jesus’s teachings were all about love, compassion and tolerance………I don’t know what he would make of the hate that is spread and supposedly in his name?
    You are a lovely courageous lady Nicole and the world could do with more like you.
    Love from Scotland x x

  8. Hearing this breaks my heart and shocks me. It’s tragic that so many people would take the time to send messages of hate. I know these hateful feelings are bubbling to the surface to be cleared, but it hurts to hear them anyway. God Bless you Nicole, many times over, for so many reasons! And God forgive them. The seeds of anger and hatred they sow will reap a bitter karmic harvest.

  9. Ehm…… sigh…… shock …….. horror……… really😱 What are these people thinking? How is such a hateful attitude going to make a positive change to the world? It makes me shudder and my heart weeps.
    I admire you for your strength and your love that you show to even the people with the vilest thoughts. You are so loved by your tribe. Sending you love, light and rainbows. 😘♥️🌈💫

  10. I over estimate people all the time. I feel let down all the time because I always stupidly expect people to ne decent and understanding..I make the bar lower everyday lately it seems. I have had to seriously adjust my beleifs that people are intelligent emotionally and interlectually. Why do people in this day and age still act sexist/homophobic/racist.

    1. I think they behave this way because some part of them is hurt, wounded, traumatised or fearful. Someone who lives from love would not behave in this way. My thoughts, anyway. Nx

  11. Dear Nicole ~ I applaud your post on that young boy … the world needs to learn what effect this kind of thing has on vulnerable members of society. You are a brave, dear & lovely soul and I’m so sorry that you’ve had to endure such horrible hate mail. But it’s not really you that they’re hating but some part of themselves … it’s just manifesting as hatred against you. However, that doesn’t make it hurt less. Please know that many people love & admire you and get such joy, inspiration & upliftment from your posts. I hope that knowing this, it goes a long way towards smudging out the upset caused by those misguided souls. Keep shining your beautiful light where it’s needed. You have such courage & I admire that so much about you, as well as your innate wisdom. Sending hugs across the miles and bundles of bright blessings and loads of love xx

  12. These haters cannot be Christians.
    They are violating everything Jesus Christ spoke of and did.
    I was steeped in Christianity as a child and got 99% in a scripture exam, would you believe! I didn’t read a single word of hate about homosexuality in any of Christ’s teachings- not one word. Quite the opposite in fact.
    He preached only love and forgiveness for all.
    “God is love”, not hate.
    It’s so wrong these people are being taught to hate by their supposedly Christian preachers. It’s a complete distortion of Christianity.

    1. And yet I am sure that many of these men are good men, good fathers, good husbands, good citizens. They might be hating on me, but it’s no good us hating on them back.

      I think this issue is much wider than Christianity or supporting ‘religious freedom’. Perhaps this is about deeply ingrained patriarchy and toxic masculinity and feelings of powerlessness as well. I can hear so much anger, and beneath that anger, fear. What can we do to open up those wounds and let the light in? We have to find a better way, together.

  13. OMG, I am so sorry this happened to you. I am truly shocked. I knew some people would be angry but to this degree breaks my heart. Thank you for supporting and sticking up for the LGBTQIA (which I am proud to say you have really opened my mind and heart to in the last couple of years). Sending you so much love Nicole. You are such a light in the world! Keep shining!!

    1. I know, right? The intensity of their anger just blew me away. I’m so grateful to all of you who drop messages of kindness and love to me and for Matt and his family. It means the world! xoxo

  14. So so sad that a little 12 year old boy who could be any of ours child, nephew or neighbour has been left in the wake of a Sport stars “religious “ beliefs feeling he was a mistake and wanting to end his own life . 🕸

    It scares me that the mentality of some is to take what was written ( by men often seeking power arnd control of the masses) a very long time ago and try to project only what suits them onto today’s way of living ….. and in the next breath the above “haters” are threatening to kill and speaking of Woman in such negative ways 🦋 my focus remains 🌈 on loving 🥰✨ it’s a powerful tool against the young souls who are easily manipulated ⚡️ Love 💕 you Nicole thank you for speaking your truth and ours 🌟

    1. Yep, let’s wrap the vulnerable in Love and teach them the power of love for self and love for others. Love you Beka xoxo

  15. Love your work Nicole. You have made an enormous difference to me over many years, in all of my differences, that I am still recovering and claiming as my own. Blessings to you.

    1. Oooh, no. I was shaken. But I have good people around me and I have also had a lifetime of being knocked down, so I have learned to get up again. Love becomes a better shield than hatred and anger, and it continues to serve me well. Thanks for your love and care xx

  16. Nicole I am really pleased to finally find out there is such a thing as Cumulative Trauma.
    I always figured there must be with the problems with my ‘parents’ (in name only).
    It is the old adage ‘if you are told you are stupid often enough you will believe it’.
    I will read Jason Masters article and thank you for that.
    Now you have obviously have had more than your share of ‘hate mail’ over the years but you deal with the haters and the chastisers with your courage and your grace.
    Thank you for allowing us to read a fraction of your ‘hate mail’.
    Something my paternal grandmother told me (I doted on my paternal grandparents
    and they doted on me) ‘If you cannot say anything nice, then do not say anything at all’.

    1. I’m so grateful Jason dropped by my blog the other day and shared a link to that article. Doesn’t it make so much sense?

      I see patterns of Cumulative Trauma in the LGBTQIA community, and Indigenous communities. I see it in the chronic fatigue and Lyme communities where people have to fight to be believed and cared for.

      Your wise grandmother was so right, and it’s something my grandparents all said too. ‘If you cannot say anything nice, then do not say anything at all’.

      I was feeling quite vulnerable after sharing this post this morning and then my sister messaged me to say as she was reading it Pa’s favourite song came on the radio and she felt that it was him letting us know he was supporting us. At the same time more than 50 black cockatoos flew over our farm and landed in our trees. My husband said it was all my Aunties and Aboriginal Elders coming to give their support.

      Let’s keep living from kindness and inclusion and change the world with love.

      Biggest hugs to you xx

    2. Nicole one of my first paternal cousins Ivan actually was given an Aboriginal name so he is known as Ivan-Tiwu. Tiwu refers to the black cockatoo. When the name was given to him he was also given Smoking Ceremony items with black cockatoo feathers glued on by the ‘glue’ from the fire spears which rarely appear in the middle of grass trees. They are called fire spears because that was how the Ancestors took fire to their next camp ground.
      Yes the Ancestors are with us always.

  17. Your courage is inspiring Nicole. Thank you for being the voice for those who cannot speak out. This world needs so many more like you. What I have read here is so incredulous but oh so very sad. Let’s hope that even one of those ‘haters’ reads your words and can find love in their hearts for all (which is what it really means to be ‘Christian’).

    1. I often think about that quote ‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.’ I can’t sit by and be silent. How could anyone? Thanks for your kind words, they mean the world. xx

  18. Oh Nic I’m so sorry. When I saw your recipe I thought the same thing – it’s your safe space. I just cannot fathom, when there are so many things in the world to enjoy and use our time productively with, that people want to spend precious hours of their lives – that they’ll never get back – drowning in and regurgitating hate. I just don’t get it. 😘

    1. You know me so well. Thank goodness for cooking! It’s okay, Kimmie, and so am I. Thank you. My life is Blessed with love and friendship and kindness and community. Who would I be if I could not stand up for those who need our voices, friendship and love? Big hugs to you xoxo

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