Two Steps Back

Image from tumblr

Image from tumblr

Don’t ever give up.
Don’t ever give in.
Don’t ever stop trying.
Don’t ever sell out.
And if you find yourself succumbing to one of the above for a brief moment,
pick yourself up, brush yourself off, whisper a prayer, and start where you left off.
But never, ever, ever give up.
~ Richelle E. Goodrich

 

It had to happen.

I’m on new treatment. We’re working on my detox pathways, and some brain rewiring and rehab before I hit the lyme drugs again for another round. Both my doc and I are new at some of this – both the treatment modes, and the regimes. They’ve been tried and tested by other doctors, with other patients, and their positive results have spurred us to try the same. (In my 30 plus years as a Lymie I’ve been a guinea pig for lots of stuff – desperation and a sense of the curious will do that to you.)

On the plus side for this new regime? We know it works. I’m getting noticeable results.

On the not-so-plus side?

Too strong. Too fast. Because of that I’ve gone backwards a little. A temporary thing. My poor old brain has been overstimulated, and my detox pathways are not coping with the load. So there have been some unpleasant side effects.  Headaches. Ramped up pain. Small seizures. Temporary loss of vision in my troublesome left eye (neurological rather than an actual eye issue). Disrupted sleep patterns. Mega brain fog and exhaustion. Slurry speech.

Thinking is hard. Problem solving stresses me out. Or else I look inside my brain for an answer and there is nothing…

Image from cheezburger.com

Image from cheezburger.com

I got properly checked out, and I’m fine. I just need to rest. Rest some more. Cut back my program. Drink lots of water. Did I mention rest and avoiding stimulation?

Soon as I’m feeling better we’ll try again, more gently this time.

So I’m going to step away from blogging for a few days so I can have a proper no-pressure break.

At least I got to enjoy a semi-normal weekend just a few days ago. Moments like those are gold. They show me that everything I’m doing is worth it, even the less-than-fun spaces like the one I’m in right now. I’m miles ahead of where I was this time last year. It feels like a different life, that me of a few years ago where I was dying and every day was a miserable struggle.

A setback is just that. A setback. It’s only a failure if I stop trying. Anyway, if I’d quit when the going got tough I’d have died years ago. 🙂

This round of treatment has been a valuable learning experience about what not to do. Next round, I’ll do better!

That Lovely Land Of Rest and Dreams

Wonders of Dreamland by Swarnendu Ghosh

Wonders of Dreamland by Swarnendu Ghosh

“Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.”
~ Edgar Allan Poe, Eleonora

 

Daydreaming.

That’s what I’m doing today.

Daydreaming has a special magic. It allows you to try on different ideas and realities. It helps you to explore the future in a way that enables you to then co-create that new reality. It’s a kind of self-directed meditation on self-growth possibilities.

It’s also a powerful tool for positive shift and change, and a wonderful space for inspiration.

How long has it been since you’ve allowed yourself some space to daydream?

Maybe it’s time…

A Day Just For Me

Painting by Laura Sotka

Painting by Laura Sotka

“Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”
~Eleanor Brownn

 

I’ve designated a day of rest. Today I have no agenda, no chores to do, and nowhere to be. I’ll leave the answering machine to take my messages. My emails will wait. And so will everyone else’s problems.

Today I shall sit in the sunshine with my feet in the soft grass. I’ll hang out with my husband. I shall nap whenever I want. I’ll cuddle my dogs, read a book, listen to music, or embrace silence.

I’ll fill the well back up.

Filling that well is so important.

I’ll be back tomorrow, refreshed and more ready for the flow of life again.

Much love to you, and thank you – from my heart to yours – for your love, kind words and support these past weeks. It means the world to me. ♥ xoxo

2014-07-23 16.20.12

A Quick Update On Me!

Image from Modern Kiddo

Image from Modern Kiddo

“To conquer frustration, one must remain intensely focused on the outcome, not the obstacles.” 
― T.F. Hodge

“A bruise is a lesson… and each lesson makes us better.” 
― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

“The lotus is the most beautiful flower, whose petals open one by one. But it will only grow in the mud. In order to grow and gain wisdom, first you must have the mud — the obstacles of life and its suffering. … The mud speaks of the common ground that humans share, no matter what our stations in life. … Whether we have it all or we have nothing, we are all faced with the same obstacles: sadness, loss, illness, dying and death. If we are to strive as human beings to gain more wisdom, more kindness and more compassion, we must have the intention to grow as a lotus and open each petal one by one. ” 
― Goldie Hawn

 

Hi Lovelies, I thought I’d better update you on why I’ve been so quiet…

One of the drugs I’ve been on for my Lyme treatment has an unfortunate side effect in some people of shortening and stiffening ligaments and tendons. As they lose their elasticity they become prone to tears and rupture.

A few weeks ago I tore ligaments in my right knee as I was getting into bed. It’s healing, slowly, but it has certainly slowed me down. Then on Monday night after I came home from my Lyme Doctor I had a tear and a bleed in my left Achilles tendon caused by Harry the dog bumping into me.

Rolling over in bed a few nights later I ripped ligaments in my right shoulder and injured tendons in my right thumb.

I would not be lying to say that right now I’m feeling a little over it. 🙁 If I were really truthful, I might even admit to having indulged in a full-on howly little emotional breakdown for a minute or two.

So for now I am on bed rest, being well looked after, and trying not to injure myself further until these drugs get out of my system.

I’m also not having such a fun time on the new ligament-friendly lyme meds I’m on either (think vomiting, pain, blurred vision and misery) although that’s a whole other story…

But on an up note I AM getting better. It’s just a lesson in patience right now, like typing this blog with my left hand so at least it’s done, even if it is a very slow process.

This morning my mum rang, and gently suggested I should try and blog something, anything, just to let you all know that I am okay.

I am mostly okay. 🙂 Really.

Forgive me if my blogging remains a bit erratic until I get my body under control. We’re working on it, but like most things, it shall take time. Still, I’m already feeling a bit brighter. Fingers crossed this uphill trend shall continue. I’ll post as I can, so stay tuned.

Thinking of you and sending love, Nicole xx

PS – here’s a useful little quote for times like these:

o-INSPIRATIONAL-QUOTES-facebook

Nurse Bert Reports

2014-01-09 05.14.51

“Nursing is a kind of mania; a fever in the blood; an incurable disease which, once contracted, cannot be got out of the system. If it was not like that, there would be no hospital nurses,  for compared dispassionately with other professions, the hours are long, the work hard, and the pay inadequate to the amount of concentrated energy required.
A nurse, however, does not view her profession dispassionately. It is too much a part of her.” 
~ Monica Dickens

 

Dear Peoples,

Today I am reporting on the progress of my patient. Nicole slept very well last night for the first time in three weeks.

She woke up feeling a bit better.

Thank you for sending all the good energies. It really helped.

It is a nice cool day after all that hot weather, and the sky is pretty outside right now. We can hear birds and morning noises. I can smell toast.

2014-01-09 05.14.19

I will ensure that Nicole stays in bed. I shall bite her if she tries to get up. Rest is best.

She starts nasty new drugs today. It might be a bit blerk around here. But we are ready for anything.

That is all for now.

Nurse Bert

PS – Here’s my ‘don’t you disobey me’ face that Nicole woke up to this morning. I have an expression for every situation!

2014-01-09 05.05.07

A Sleepy Kind of Christmas

Image from Coffee Curls

Image from Coffee Curls

“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?”  ~ Ernest Hemingway

 

Hello Lovelies!

I’ll keep this short. I have spent most of the past forty-eight hours asleep, after dealing with a serious Lyme-related health incident.

I’m recovering now, but I expect to be doing not much else except sleeping the next few days.

I may even sleep through Christmas.

Just in case I do would you be so kind as to eat something tasty for me, and drink something equally good? I’d love that! Thank you ♥ xoxo

Do you need an Enforced Rest?

Image from The Daily Mail

Image from The Daily Mail

“Every person needs to take one day away.  A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future.  Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence.  Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.  Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.” 
― Maya Angelou, Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now

I’m having an enforced rest day today. 🙂 It’s part of my Lyme Disease Recovery Program, and it was prescribed by my Doctor.

So I’ll keep this blog short!

Enforced Rest is about days or chunks of time where you are required to rest. I mean, properly REST. No working is involved. And you can’t go shopping, meet friends for coffee, clean the house, write your memoir or catch up on chores. Instead you are required to lie on your bed and nap, sit in a chair and sunbathe, loll about, read a book and then rest some more.

The world won’t fall apart if you take some time out for yourself, and if it does (or would if you took time off), then it’s time for a re-think on how you’re living your life or the lack of support and realistic expectations. No-one can live like a machine!

For more on burnout and the exhaustion epidemic read this post:

The Broken Robot Repair Shop

In my life enforced rest means short work days, and days each week that have zero activity or commitments.

Enforced rest gives your body permission to heal fully. It allows you to become accustomed to slowing down rather than constantly drawing on your adrenals to keep push, push, pushing through being unwell or exhausted.

How tired are you?

Maybe you would benefit from a prescription of some Enforced Rest Days too!

Thinking of you, and sending you love. Be gentle with you today. Live kindly, most especially towards yourself ♥ Nicole xx

That's going to be me too - lying around at the farm!

That’s going to be me too – lying around at the farm!